Codependency and Beyond Part 5
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
Thanks ((Grateful)). I don't know that I got it from my mom. She was a strong woman, but it was because of her faith. She was full of love, joy and laughter, so I don't know where I picked up my codie skills. I sure would like to give them back, though
Funny how I can accept that I'm an addict better than I can accept being depressed? Guess that's because I've had years to work on accepting the addict part. At least I'm doing what I need to do to work on it, whether I accept it or not.
((Anna)) - I, too, would be going crazy if my dad was throwing away all that money, but like Grateful, it would be my issue. I think you are doing an awesome job at detaching.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
Funny how I can accept that I'm an addict better than I can accept being depressed? Guess that's because I've had years to work on accepting the addict part. At least I'm doing what I need to do to work on it, whether I accept it or not.
((Anna)) - I, too, would be going crazy if my dad was throwing away all that money, but like Grateful, it would be my issue. I think you are doing an awesome job at detaching.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
Leap of Faith Survivor
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 4,555
Amy, that post was really all about me...lol..and something I am working on as we speak..but I also felt you might be able to get something from my part of it, not my mom's, for yourself...I really appreciate your frustration..
everything is already ok
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Melbourne Victoria Australia
Posts: 19,789
Thanks Anna, I got a look at how life must have looked to my daughter when I was using. It also brings up such sadness and remorse, which I will jand over s it only cripples me.
Can anyone recommend a simply book on codependency as I am struggling wih this.
Can anyone recommend a simply book on codependency as I am struggling wih this.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,476
Amy,
It's not so bad to accept the word depression.
You know what is worse - it's worse to spend years and years going to doctors and psychologists and having them look at you and say - well, you look fine (because I put on makeup and fixed my hair), so you can't be depressed. And, I would leave feeling worse than ever, because if I wasn't depressed, then clearly I wasn't trying hard enough.
I was SO, SO glad to find out I was depressed and to take medication that began to work fairly quickly. It was life-altering to me.
Don't let the word get you down. It's not a weakness Amy.
It's not so bad to accept the word depression.
You know what is worse - it's worse to spend years and years going to doctors and psychologists and having them look at you and say - well, you look fine (because I put on makeup and fixed my hair), so you can't be depressed. And, I would leave feeling worse than ever, because if I wasn't depressed, then clearly I wasn't trying hard enough.
I was SO, SO glad to find out I was depressed and to take medication that began to work fairly quickly. It was life-altering to me.
Don't let the word get you down. It's not a weakness Amy.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
Honestly, I almost felt like a big dummy..she's going through symptoms and if anyone else had read them off to me, I would have said "you're depressed", but I couldn't see it in myself. Of course there is also anxiety and stress...all components of PTSD, though she never actually said that. She actually never gave me a diagnosis, I just focused on the depression because now I can see it.
I told her I also have a lot of anger..both at my bosses and at the robbers. All these feelings have to be dealt with, and she's the one to help me do it. I told her I already know resentments aren't a good thing, because of my recovery program, but I hadn't been able to get past these.
It will all work out. I also realized, today, that it hasn't been enough time for the anti-d's to really start working. I'll be glad when they do, because my get-up-and-go just really doesn't want to
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
I told her I also have a lot of anger..both at my bosses and at the robbers. All these feelings have to be dealt with, and she's the one to help me do it. I told her I already know resentments aren't a good thing, because of my recovery program, but I hadn't been able to get past these.
It will all work out. I also realized, today, that it hasn't been enough time for the anti-d's to really start working. I'll be glad when they do, because my get-up-and-go just really doesn't want to
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
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Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 10,944
Wow Anna, sounds like a lot to have to hear about and try to detach from....may I someday be able to do it just as well!
Amy, I'm so glad you liked your counseling session. I hope it continues as well!!!!
Lisa, your daughter sounds like she's got a good head on her shoulders, but I know it must be hard to "let her fly".
(((SG)))
Stormy, you crack me up, and I'm glad you keep sharing your experiences.....I'm glad you are all sharing your experiences...it is helping me so much!
You will be pleased to know that I have discovered two weekly CoDA meetings in my town, and I intend to make it to one of them during the next week!
Hugs and prayers to you all. HG
Amy, I'm so glad you liked your counseling session. I hope it continues as well!!!!
Lisa, your daughter sounds like she's got a good head on her shoulders, but I know it must be hard to "let her fly".
(((SG)))
Stormy, you crack me up, and I'm glad you keep sharing your experiences.....I'm glad you are all sharing your experiences...it is helping me so much!
You will be pleased to know that I have discovered two weekly CoDA meetings in my town, and I intend to make it to one of them during the next week!
Hugs and prayers to you all. HG
Member
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: BC Canada
Posts: 1,221
What great posts from everyone!!!! So inspiring...
(((Amy))) so glad things went well with your counselling.
My son just got on the internet a few days ago, and emailed me. I was pretty excited that we could keep in touch better now. Well guess what, he emailed me today to ask to borrow some money so he could move and get a new start.. He apologized for worrying me because he knows I have always been a worrier.
So I emailed him back and told him that I was sorry but I could not lend him any money. I mentioned that maybe he should get back to going to meetings. I wished him the best and told him I love him very much. Also to let me know how he's doing. I told him that I have been learning not to worry so much, and turning things over to God. I feel bad for him, but I DON'T FEEL GUILTY. that's huge for me. The last time I sent him money was when he was suppose to go in for treatment, but he never went. All I can do is prayer for him...
(((Amy))) so glad things went well with your counselling.
My son just got on the internet a few days ago, and emailed me. I was pretty excited that we could keep in touch better now. Well guess what, he emailed me today to ask to borrow some money so he could move and get a new start.. He apologized for worrying me because he knows I have always been a worrier.
So I emailed him back and told him that I was sorry but I could not lend him any money. I mentioned that maybe he should get back to going to meetings. I wished him the best and told him I love him very much. Also to let me know how he's doing. I told him that I have been learning not to worry so much, and turning things over to God. I feel bad for him, but I DON'T FEEL GUILTY. that's huge for me. The last time I sent him money was when he was suppose to go in for treatment, but he never went. All I can do is prayer for him...
Leap of Faith Survivor
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 4,555
Originally Posted by SerenityGirl 
So I emailed him back and told him that I was sorry but I could not lend him any money. I mentioned that maybe he should get back to going to meetings. I wished him the best and told him I love him very much. Also to let me know how he's doing. I told him that I have been learning not to worry so much, and turning things over to God. I feel bad for him, but I DON'T FEEL GUILTY. that's huge for me. The last time I sent him money was when he was suppose to go in for treatment, but he never went. All I can do is prayer for him...
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
((SG)) - Good for you!! I'm glad you heard from him, and I'm so proud of you for saying "no" to the lending money and even MORE proud that you don't feel guilty!!
((HG)) - I'm glad you found some meetings to go to!
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
((HG)) - I'm glad you found some meetings to go to!
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
Leap of Faith Survivor
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 4,555
You are reading from The Language Of Letting Go by Melody Beattie
June 4
Trusting God
A married couple, friends of mine, decided to make some changes in their living situation. They had always lived in the city, and now they decided they wanted to live in the country, on a lake.
They found a small, lake home. It wasn't the house of their dreams, but when they sold their city home, they would have money to remodel it. They had saved some money, so they moved into their lake home before selling their city home.
One year passed, and the city home didn't sell. My friends went through many changes during this time. They had times of patience and impatience. Some days they trusted God; other days they couldn't figure out why God was making them wait so long, why God wouldn't let them move forward with their plan. The doors just wouldn't swing wide open.
One day, a neighbor came to visit my friends. His home on the lake was my friends dream home - everything they wanted plus more. The first time my friends saw this house, they admired it, wishing they could have a home just like it, but then they forgot about the idea. They didn't believe it could ever be possible.
The reason the neighbor came to visit my friends was that he and his wife had decided to move. He offered my friends the first option on purchasing his home.
My friends accepted his offer, and signed a purchase agreement. Within two months, they sold their city home and their small but adequate lake home. A short time later, they moved into the home of their dreams.
Sometimes, we experience times of frustration in our life. We believe we're on track, trusting God and ourselves, yet things don't work out. We have false starts and stops. The door refuses to swing wide open.
We may wonder if God has abandoned us, or doesn't care. We may not understand where we're going, or what our direction is.
Then one day we see: the reason we didn't get what we wanted was because God had something much better planned for us.
Today, I will practice patience. I will ask, and trust, my Higher Power to send me His best.
June 4
Trusting God
A married couple, friends of mine, decided to make some changes in their living situation. They had always lived in the city, and now they decided they wanted to live in the country, on a lake.
They found a small, lake home. It wasn't the house of their dreams, but when they sold their city home, they would have money to remodel it. They had saved some money, so they moved into their lake home before selling their city home.
One year passed, and the city home didn't sell. My friends went through many changes during this time. They had times of patience and impatience. Some days they trusted God; other days they couldn't figure out why God was making them wait so long, why God wouldn't let them move forward with their plan. The doors just wouldn't swing wide open.
One day, a neighbor came to visit my friends. His home on the lake was my friends dream home - everything they wanted plus more. The first time my friends saw this house, they admired it, wishing they could have a home just like it, but then they forgot about the idea. They didn't believe it could ever be possible.
The reason the neighbor came to visit my friends was that he and his wife had decided to move. He offered my friends the first option on purchasing his home.
My friends accepted his offer, and signed a purchase agreement. Within two months, they sold their city home and their small but adequate lake home. A short time later, they moved into the home of their dreams.
Sometimes, we experience times of frustration in our life. We believe we're on track, trusting God and ourselves, yet things don't work out. We have false starts and stops. The door refuses to swing wide open.
We may wonder if God has abandoned us, or doesn't care. We may not understand where we're going, or what our direction is.
Then one day we see: the reason we didn't get what we wanted was because God had something much better planned for us.
Today, I will practice patience. I will ask, and trust, my Higher Power to send me His best.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
Okay, guys, hold me back so I don't KILL my insurance company. They don't cover me seeing the counselor. Their office just called me to let me know. Their standard fee is $120, they are giving me a reduced fee of $96 and told me to talk to the counselor and see if I can get it reduced any more...sometimes they can. They will also take payments. Needless to say, I cancelled half of the weekly appts.
I just got off the phone with workman's comp. My caseworker has always been very nice and still is, and luckily she could calm me down as I was in tears. She is sending a medical release form for me to take to my dr. and then will see about getting me an appt. with someone, it just won't be my choice. Of course, this may take forever. It took 2 months to get me into a neurologist for my headaches.
I will continue to see my counselor as often as I can afford, for now. It's been this way, since right after the robbery...no dr. would acknowledge anything about my stress/anxiety, etc. because "workman's comp won't allow us to" so I had to do it on my own. Just talked to dad, and he says "get a lawyer". I've already looked them up, in fact that's how I accidentally found HIM a bankruptcy lawyer.
Dammit, why does this have to be so hard?
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
I just got off the phone with workman's comp. My caseworker has always been very nice and still is, and luckily she could calm me down as I was in tears. She is sending a medical release form for me to take to my dr. and then will see about getting me an appt. with someone, it just won't be my choice. Of course, this may take forever. It took 2 months to get me into a neurologist for my headaches.
I will continue to see my counselor as often as I can afford, for now. It's been this way, since right after the robbery...no dr. would acknowledge anything about my stress/anxiety, etc. because "workman's comp won't allow us to" so I had to do it on my own. Just talked to dad, and he says "get a lawyer". I've already looked them up, in fact that's how I accidentally found HIM a bankruptcy lawyer.
Dammit, why does this have to be so hard?
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,476
Oh Amy, that's so frustrating!
Don't give up. You may have to change the way you planned to deal with this, but keep moving forward as much as you can.
I hope the lawyer helps!
I wonder if they have any victims advocacy organizations in your area. Your issues stem from the robbery so maybe that would be a way to get the help you need.
Don't give up. You may have to change the way you planned to deal with this, but keep moving forward as much as you can.
I hope the lawyer helps!
I wonder if they have any victims advocacy organizations in your area. Your issues stem from the robbery so maybe that would be a way to get the help you need.
Leap of Faith Survivor
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 4,555
HG
glad to hear about your CoDA meetings!
I met my mother's mom once and she completely intimidated me...she was one, tough cast-iron lady, from the old country(Hungary)....my mom was a pussycat next to her...
glad to hear about your CoDA meetings!I met my mother's mom once and she completely intimidated me...she was one, tough cast-iron lady, from the old country(Hungary)....my mom was a pussycat next to her...
Leap of Faith Survivor
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 4,555
(((Amy)))...oh no!
yes, don't give up...you might have to rethink the path..
Up here we have counselling services provided by some church organizations and also several community health centres here in the city...is that an option for you down there?.... Catholic Family Services here has an amazing counselling program and I did some of my best therapy at a Community Health Centre...I like Anna's idea about Victim Advocacy organizations...Amy, keep the faith, this will work out somehow..you are so in my prayers
yes, don't give up...you might have to rethink the path..
Up here we have counselling services provided by some church organizations and also several community health centres here in the city...is that an option for you down there?.... Catholic Family Services here has an amazing counselling program and I did some of my best therapy at a Community Health Centre...I like Anna's idea about Victim Advocacy organizations...Amy, keep the faith, this will work out somehow..you are so in my prayers
IO Storm
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Southern California
Posts: 18,436
HG)))
Thanks..if any post of mine..my experience helps even one person, it is worth it.
Amy)))
Oh, shoot! I am so sorry this has happened. When it rains, it does pour sometimes!
In my area..free counseling is offered via Behavioral Health and Victim Witness
programs. Also..Domestic Violence (Center for Family Solutions) might help you.
Hugs and prayers to you as you go through this problem.
There is a solution..
Thanks..if any post of mine..my experience helps even one person, it is worth it.
Amy)))
Oh, shoot! I am so sorry this has happened. When it rains, it does pour sometimes!
In my area..free counseling is offered via Behavioral Health and Victim Witness
programs. Also..Domestic Violence (Center for Family Solutions) might help you.
Hugs and prayers to you as you go through this problem.
There is a solution..
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