IO Storm

Grateful))))

Thank you for asking about my mother. Things are better..her meds are regulated.

She has missed her afternoon dosing twice and I caught her (by her high

glucose readings in the a.m.) ..She knows I won't stand for it now, though..lol.

I started monitoring the afternoon dosing...so be it. This (is) the easier, softer way.


The reading for today is perfect! Personal power does belong to me. No one can

"take it away"...but how often do I "give it away"..in self defeating thought,

listening to "critical voices" current and from the past..allowing others to judge

me and manipulate..even well intentioned people who do not intend malice but

want to "love me to death" or know what is good for me..better than "me!"

Can you you tell I have been going through something here? lol

So I loved this today..and what Melody said here.

It reminds me that I do not have to overreact to these situations...

I don't have to strike back, or defend myself..or pull in and isolate..because, for me

this is deadly. I must keep reaching out, and up..to grow.


Today, I will own my power with people. I will let myself know what I know, feel what I feel, believe what I believe, and see what I see. I will be open to changing and learning from others and experience, but I will trust and validate myself too. I will stand in my own truth.
__________________

:ghug2:

grateful2b

Sher, I am glad to hear things are going better for 'you' with your mom and that she is doing well...

I had always tended to isolate in response to stressors in my world...for me, it is because of the bp.....and you are right, it is deadly...so it is no longer an option....

SerenityGirl

((Grateful)) I love this!!!!!

So nice to see you here with us Kev!!!

CoDieNOmore

Hi All.. Sorry for being out of touch.. I have been lurking and putting my hand in the fire and wondering why I still get burned... It's really crazy stuff....
The good news is I went to my first f2f CoDA meeting tonight...... WOW a RL room full off people who truly know what I'm going through and what I'm doing to myself......

Impurrfect

((HG)) and ((CodieNoMore)) - I'm really glad to see both of you again!!

I really did post here, just a few minutes ago, but I guess it went into cyberspace.

I got my new blackberry, and boy do I have a lot to figure out. Also got Brit her a new PINK camera, and she's thrilled. Talked to her for a while and she likes her counselor and thanked me for encouraging her to go all these years. My first appt. is tomorrow.

I am feeling a bit better, but still just feel worn out. A friend from here, sent me some info on PTSD and I have quite a few of the symptoms, which is no surprise. It mentioned taking it easy for a while after the trauma, not taking on extra activities. Instead, I have been working as much as possible.

Now that I've promised Brit a few days at the beach, which I desperately want and need, I have to work to get the money. She told me today, though, that dad told her he was going to "help with our expenses"

I just know I feel a bit better...if I squint my eyes, just right, I think I see a light at the end of the tunnel. My phone is actually costing a lot less per month than I thought, and I told the guy it was a gift to myself for quitting smoking. My bills have been paid and I still haven't touched the little bit I have in savings. This is a huge accomplishment for me.

I'm hoping I am coming back out of the funk I've been in. You all have helped me tremendously, and I am truly grateful for each of you!!!

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

Gypsy Feet

In the nick of time=)

I believe things happen for a reason, and that you meet certain people along your path that are able to teach you things. You all saved me tonight.

Grateful2b, a special thanks to you.

My 21 year old baby and I just sat down and had a very grown up talk. She has decided to follow a band out to Arkansas, where she will be working as their promoter. She had websites all lined up with cost of living comparisons, unemployment rates here and there, and pretty pictures of fayetteville. She has applied online to some department stores there already, and will be packed and ready to go after her final exam next week.

I can't imagine what my reaction would have been if I had not decided to quit drinking, found SR, and stumbled upon this thread.

I don't know how well I will sleep tonight, and I imagine I will have to work rather hard at quelling my fear and crazy thoughts for the next two weeks, but at least I have an idea that this is o.k., and I have an idea how to be right about it.

(((all of you))))

SerenityGirl

((Codie)) so happy to see you back here, thats great that you have a Coda meeting to go to.

((Storm)) ((HG))

((Lisa)) so glad you have lots of support while you go through this challenging time!!!

Impurrfect

(((Lisa))) - My favorite aunt and uncle live right outside Fayetteville, Arkansas...if your baby needs anything, just let me know, and I can make a phone call...seriously. This is the aunt I'm always talking about...small world, huh?

I've had to reconstruct some of my paperwork for job #2, and am just hanging out until my counseling appt. The workman's comp pharmacy has messed up on my meds, and now I need special permission for a "rush" on them but my caseworker is not answering the phone. I called my dr's office, yesterday, to see if they have samples to get me through. Life was so much easier when I didn't have to take any meds.

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

grateful2b

You are reading from The Language Of Letting Go by Melody Beattie

June 3

Charity

We need healthy boundaries about receiving money, and we need healthy boundaries about giving money.

Some of us give money for appropriate reasons.

We may be ashamed because we have money and don't believe we deserve it. We may belong to an organization that uses shame as a form of control to coerce us out of our money that the organization wants.

We can get hooked into giving money to our children, family members, or friends because we have earned or unearned guilt. We allow ourselves to be financially blackmailed, sometimes by the people we love.

This is not money freely given, or given in health.

Some of us give money out of a sense of caretaking. We may have exaggerated feelings of responsibility for others, including financial responsibility.

We may be giving simply because we have not learned to own our power to say no when the answer is no.

Some of us give because we hope or believe people will love us if we take care of them financially.

We do not have to give money to anyone. Giving money is our choice. We do not have to allow ourselves to be victimized, manipulated, or coerced out of our money. We are financially responsible for ourselves. Part of being healthy is allowing those around us to be financially responsible for themselves.

We do not have to be ashamed about having the money that we earn; we deserve to have the money we have been given - whatever the amount, without feeling obligated to give it all away, or guilty because others want what we have.

Charity is a blessing. Giving is a part of healthy living. We can learn to develop healthy boundaries around giving.

Today, I will strive to begin developing healthy boundaries about giving money. I understand that giving is my choice.

SerenityGirl

Something that Storm wrote really hit home with me, she wrote "well intentioned people who do not intend to be malice but want to LOVE ME TO DEATH or know what is good for me...better than me"
Yesterday I had emailed my daughter my thoughts on something she has decided to do. I was worried about the consequences of her choices and fear was controlling me. Then I read Gratefuls post mentioning about detaching from the outcome of the consequences of her choices.
I am thankful for this thread to keep me on track with my recovery from codependence.

I want so much to live in peace and not live in fear. When I do let go and Let God then I do have peace. I have been thinking alot about my friend Marilyn, the fact that she was always worried about her children, It is such a shame that she didn't find peace, but seemed to be unable to let go of her fears for her kids. I don't want to live the rest of my life worrying.

grateful2b

((Kendra)) so glad to see you back here.

(((LIsa))) oh my, this parenting stuff isn't for weenies, eh...

SG

((Amy))...I will be thinking about you today...hope it goes well...

Well, after a week of cold and rain ...it is sunny to day!
If anyone is looking for me, I'll be out on the balcony, baking my bones in the sun...aaah....

CoDieNOmore

I can see where this would really make one use there recovery tools from CoDA stuff... But it also sounded so kewl to be 21 and following a band.. What I would not give to just worry about getting a mindless job so I can support myself while I'm doing something I really wanted to do... The heart of a 21 year old. When I was 21 I think I would just have found someone's couch to live on and not even thought about how I was going to support myself... Sounds like you did a Great job with her....

CoDieNOmore

I enjoyed todays reading... I no longer have money to give but when I'm working I always lavish gifts on people. Especially to ppl that are important to me. I will often go shopping for myself only to buy something for someone else. Once I bought a beautiful ring... I really loved it. I never wore it and I had it sized for a friend of mine and gave it to her. I love to give.... But it goes much deeper then that.....
Then I don't understand why people are not as giving as I....

Anna

Storm,

I'm glad to hear things are going more smoothly with your mother.

Eyes,

Your daughter is ready to fly! She sounds like she has given this a lot of thought. Isn't it ironic, that as mothers, from day one, we teach our children to become independent. And, then when they leave, it's so bittersweet.

SG,

I lived in fear, in the dark all my life, until I began to recover. When I first came here, almost 6 years ago, I met an amazing woman named ladyofdreams. She encouraged me to hold her hand to come into the light and to dance. And, I did. She did from cancer a few years ago, in her early forties, but I will never, ever forget her.

Hugs to Everyone!

IO Storm

Anna)))) Thank you.

SG))) Thank you too...and for reminding me to read my own post! You helped me.

I, too love my son to death! I need to back off, and allow him to be a man.

If I must rehearse it in my head..until it gets into my heart..I will drop the phrase

"I've been worried about you" from my memory banks!

Good grief..he is 23. lol No wonder he doesn't call much..poor babe probably dreads

it...I would too! "Let Go and Let God" is hard to apply to the ones we love the most

though it seems, eh? But I will..I have to remember..if God is doing for me what I

cannot do for myself as far as my addictions are concerned, then I have a constant

source of help with my codependent issues as well. And how neat is that?

Grateful)))

Yes. When I am hit with an out of blue stressor..it knocks my bp into a tizzy.

I recall sitting in my sponsor's living room awhile back, my hands clenched..

and I asked her "Why do I act like this?..Why did I do that?..Why did I react that way?"

She leaned forward and gently said.."Sherry, you must remember..you have a mental

illness!" I cracked up..then she did..then we almost rolled on the floor laughing.

I felt better..it wasn't so much a spiritual problem..sheeesh. Being dually addicted

and having a dual diagnosis..I am just darn grateful to be alive, and clean and sober today!!!

Kendra))))

Great to see you back here..and glad you started Coda.

Have a great day everyone.

:ghug2:

Anna

Isn't it interesting how life brings us the lessons that we need to learn?

I definitely have a lot to learn from my Dad, though I'm not quite sure at this point what! LOL!

In the past twelve months he has:

- bought a condo, yet to be built (he will lose 25,000.00) on that because he doesn't want it now
- rented an apartment but never moved in
- rented a second apartment but never moved in
- put his house up for sale
- agreed to move into the second apartment he rented
- sold his house
- pulled out of the rental of the second apartment

At this point he has sold his house and now he doesn't want to move. I can only shake my head.

He changes his mind and his mood so often, my head spins. I am convinced he is bipolar and the stress of selling his house has put the disease into high gear. He has been trying to manipulate me a lot during the past year, and most recently regarding my brother. He has told me things that I have found out are simply not true. He would never accept medication for a mental illness (maybe a generational thing). The lawyer who is handling the house deal told him he should get counselling!!

My brother called me because my dad has been verbally abusing him, yelling and shouting at him and hanging up the phone. My brother was very upset and seems to want us to get Power of Attorney for my Dad. The very thought of that exhausts me. He is capable of making decisions, doing math for paying his bills and so on. I know it wouldn't work and anyways I'm thousands of miles away.

Maybe by recently recognizing my codependent issues, I am against the idea of being more involved in my dad's issues. He is not hurting anyone, except maybe himself. I no longer expect there to be any money left when he dies. That's fine with me. I do care that he is physically taken care of, but beyond that, my feeling is to step away and allow him to do what he wants to do.

Impurrfect

I like my counselor. Today was pretty much about her getting to know me and what's going on. She kept mentioning the word depression, and I guess I have to admit I am, even though every bone in my body wants to fight it. I don't know why..I know it's not a weakness, or something I've brought on myself, but still.....

Anyway, I will be seeing her weekly for a while. I'm just hoping the insurance holds up.

I'm glad I went, I know I need it. I'm just hung up on the depression thing and that makes me mad because I KNOW better!!

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

grateful2b

...I so appreciate the humour of this..lol...and grateful...yes, and don't we have so much to be grateful for....God is good
...........thanks Sher,

grateful2b

Anna, that is a good plan...
right or wrong, if it was me, it would drive me crazy to see all that money go to waste...completely 'my' issue, but good lord...hard to watch someone I care about, literally throwing their money away like that...detach, detach...
I love that you are so clear in your spot, Anna...

grateful2b

You know Amy, it wasn't until my mom was elderly and we had developed a friendship, did I get to really know and understand her...I knew she was a codie, but she also was a martyr...I don't think she knew...and her martyr complex had rubbed off on me.
I have found myself placing expectations on myself that I would never ask of another, and with no understanding of why I would do that....
I just always expected myself to suck it up, no complaining....so ingrained..
When I started doing the codie work, what revelations..
I always knew my mom was a martyr in a resentful sort of way, but in the last year of her life, I got to see how robbed of joy, her life was, how her sense of duty was so over-blown. I can only imagine what her mother was like. In turn, I came to understand how and why I would be so hard and demanding of myself.
But even to this day, I catch myself not willing to cut myself slack on certain things or having unrealistic expectations, and for no earthly good reason, just the way its done...well, this was my mom's reasoning, that I had picked up: her steel clad joy-deprived sense of duty...
Not allowing myself to be sick, not acknowledging when life has piled up at the door and needing to say: I need to take care of me....heck, I am supposed to go on and on and be strong, not okay to be weak or need help..
I am learning that it is okay to not be everything..
Even though an urge to deny myself what I need can pop up out of nowhere and make no sense at all...I am now recognizing it for what it is .... the martyr nudge

Amy, I am glad today went well..