The Quit Team Part 2
Nothing Left to do but Smile.
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Upstate NY
Posts: 808
I hit a month!
Today was hard when I got home. The beginning of a long holiday weekend at the beginning of summer. It just felt like a time where in the past I would have rewarded myself with a nice smoke the second I got home from work to bask in the sun and collect my rewards for a long work week, but I kept coming back to how I had such a successful day at work. I completed assignments I would have postponed in the past. I participated and lead many of the discussions in my meetings where in the past my mind was too scrambled to understand half of what was going on. The tasks presented seemed uncomplicated and I enjoyed helping my fellow workers in discovery of how to get them done where in the past I sulked angrily that the world was coming down around me due to someone asking me to do something that was my job. It is really a miraculous 180 and I don’t want to go back to being the dumb one in the meeting when I knew I could be better.
I talk and laugh with my coworkers instead of being a hermit and avoiding conversations. It is really amazing how negatively marijuana was affecting my life.
At home I had the challenge of arriving home in a bad mood as my addictive voice was working on me. My wife confronted my bad mood by saying that I was often in a better mood when I smoked. I tried to explain, but she doesn’t understand that it’s the addiction that is doing this and that in the long run I will be better for staying sober. Funny how a few years ago she detested that I smoked, but relented after my assurances to her that it kept me away from drinking.
I think technically at this point marijuana is out of my system. I still need to work on some things. I know how fast it can all cave in if I slip.
Hope you all weathered the storm today and are experiencing the true reward of sobriety.
Today was hard when I got home. The beginning of a long holiday weekend at the beginning of summer. It just felt like a time where in the past I would have rewarded myself with a nice smoke the second I got home from work to bask in the sun and collect my rewards for a long work week, but I kept coming back to how I had such a successful day at work. I completed assignments I would have postponed in the past. I participated and lead many of the discussions in my meetings where in the past my mind was too scrambled to understand half of what was going on. The tasks presented seemed uncomplicated and I enjoyed helping my fellow workers in discovery of how to get them done where in the past I sulked angrily that the world was coming down around me due to someone asking me to do something that was my job. It is really a miraculous 180 and I don’t want to go back to being the dumb one in the meeting when I knew I could be better.
I talk and laugh with my coworkers instead of being a hermit and avoiding conversations. It is really amazing how negatively marijuana was affecting my life.
At home I had the challenge of arriving home in a bad mood as my addictive voice was working on me. My wife confronted my bad mood by saying that I was often in a better mood when I smoked. I tried to explain, but she doesn’t understand that it’s the addiction that is doing this and that in the long run I will be better for staying sober. Funny how a few years ago she detested that I smoked, but relented after my assurances to her that it kept me away from drinking.
I think technically at this point marijuana is out of my system. I still need to work on some things. I know how fast it can all cave in if I slip.
Hope you all weathered the storm today and are experiencing the true reward of sobriety.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 314
I relate so much with your post Duane!
The anger with being asked to do anything, my significant other saying I’m more pleasant when I’m high, the avoiding conversations with people.. you brought me back down memory lane!
Congrats on one month, I enjoyed reading.
The anger with being asked to do anything, my significant other saying I’m more pleasant when I’m high, the avoiding conversations with people.. you brought me back down memory lane!
Congrats on one month, I enjoyed reading.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2016
Location: Washington state
Posts: 571
I'm doing fine, Dee. Staying the course. I check in here often but have been quiet.
Missed my 5-year sober anniversary. Yeah, you stop counting days, months and even years. You just get that removed from using. And it's so darn nice!
Hope you are doing well, Dee and thanks for asking and being such a constant presence here.
Missed my 5-year sober anniversary. Yeah, you stop counting days, months and even years. You just get that removed from using. And it's so darn nice!
Hope you are doing well, Dee and thanks for asking and being such a constant presence here.
- and thanks for the kind words Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
Originally Posted by lynnmarie123 
I'm doing fine, Dee. Staying the course. I check in here often but have been quiet.
Missed my 5-year sober anniversary. Yeah, you stop counting days, months and even years. You just get that removed from using. And it's so darn nice!
Hope you are doing well, Dee and thanks for asking and being such a constant presence here.
Missed my 5-year sober anniversary. Yeah, you stop counting days, months and even years. You just get that removed from using. And it's so darn nice!
Hope you are doing well, Dee and thanks for asking and being such a constant presence here.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 754
I am exactly where I have been for the last couple of months: in a cycle of false promises. I know what I should be doing tonight and I know what I will be doing (unfortunately). Tomorrow morning I will have regrets, they will last until about noon and when the evening comes I am in "party mode" again. At that moment, the thought of a sober evening is outright scary.
Rationally I can draw out exactly what's needed and where I should be heading. It's all so clear in my mind. Yet I manage to ignore every step in the right direction and dig an ever deeper addiction hole to sit it. It strikes me as a sad thing, writing it down like this. The seeming unability to take control of my own actions and man the f**k up.
I hope you're all doing a little better than I am doing. Sorry for all the negativity. I'm glad to have vented here. Maybe it will kickstart something worthwhile
Rationally I can draw out exactly what's needed and where I should be heading. It's all so clear in my mind. Yet I manage to ignore every step in the right direction and dig an ever deeper addiction hole to sit it. It strikes me as a sad thing, writing it down like this. The seeming unability to take control of my own actions and man the f**k up.
I hope you're all doing a little better than I am doing. Sorry for all the negativity. I'm glad to have vented here. Maybe it will kickstart something worthwhile
Nothing Left to do but Smile.
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Upstate NY
Posts: 808
Permanent
Congratulations FDM! I’m at 23 days. Last I was here I was doing well then bam, I got right back into smoking, but am really happy I was able to pull myself back out fairly quickly this time. Also happy i pulled myself out at the beginning of 4 days off. What I find great right now is that my mood is really starting to stabilize. I feel like I’m becoming who I was before all the drinking and then weed started happening 37 years ago! I’m getting a lot of positive reinforcements in my life from not smoking that I hope can launch me into permanent sobriety.
Nothing Left to do but Smile.
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Upstate NY
Posts: 808
At 40 days now. This weekend was tough in that my addiction was trying to find a way back in. I was low energy and feeling sorry for myself after a promotion I thought I might be getting looks like it might not materialize. A big part of me quitting was to get my mind back so that I can perform the job I thought I was getting if it came up, so my addiction saw an opportunity. Well, I sat there in a low mood all weekend, but started thinking of all the things I would be losing if I started smoking again and got through it. I feel much better now and realize my best opportunities are still in front of me and most likely it was the last 12 years of smoking and 30 years of smoking and drinking that made me unmotivated to be deserving of the job I wanted and that I can’t just turn it on at the last minute and everything will fall into place. So I am not sure what the future holds for me, but I don’t want it to include smoking.
Happy Holidays to everyone!
Happy Holidays to everyone!
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