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Old 04-29-2014, 05:35 PM
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It Never Ends

< sigh >

As some of you may know, my darling AXGF has sent unwanted text messages and pictures several times over the past year or so. And I believed I had solved that problem by using the "Block" feature on my iPhone.

That worked for 3 months.

Starting back in early March, I started receiving phone calls from someone who came up as "No Caller ID" on my iPhone. I would do either one of two things: hit the ignore button, or let it go to voicemail on its own. The person in question never left a message, even if they were calling twice a day. Naturally, I had suspicions as to who the mystery caller was, but I was content to keep doing what I was doing.

That changed this past weekend. I received two late night phone calls this past weekend while I was in bed. Telemarketers do not call at these hours. The people in my life do not call at these hours unless it's an emergency. No, something was up. I learned Apple, with iOS 7, changed the message from "Blocked" to "No Caller ID" when a someone who didn't want you to know who they were was calling.

Through the wonders of modern technology, I've been able to determine the identity of the mystery caller. Care to take a guess?

< banging head on desk >

Yes, she's an addict. Yes, she has a character disorder. I can view any of her behavior, past and present, through those filters and walk away with an intelllectual understanding of what her deal is. There's no mystery. She's as sick as sick can get.

But the intellectual part can only take you so far. So allow me to vent.

I have earned the right to live my life the way I want to live it. I have made several accomplishments that I take tremendous personal pride in. And it is no coincidence that those accomplishments happened after my AXGF was out of the picture. Yes, there is a causal relationship between her leaving and me prospering. She was the one that left me for someone in The Fellowship. She was the one that was ugly on her way out the door. Which, truth be told, was fine with me because she allowed her true self to be shown once and for all. Her sadism and belated honesty was a gift, one I readily and thankfully accepted.

I wish no ill will on her. She is one of God's children. One of the most f**ked up and wretched of those children, yes, but one of God's children nonetheless. And if she just simply went away, that would be best for both of us.

The problem is...she's not going to go away. Not willingly.

At this moment in time, I believe I have forced into taking the appropriate legal actions that are available to me in my state. My conduct and my behavior will, naturally, stay inside the lines. But when a mosquito needs to be swatted, one should swat hard.

ZoSo
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Old 04-29-2014, 06:39 PM
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dang...definite stalker now. how annoying AND concerning. not that you need my vote but I agree it's time to take legal precautions.

rant: what is her trip? what goes on in a mind like that? why can't she just leave you alone? for pete's sake! ACK!

you deserve peace. you've EARNED peace. may peace be with you.
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Old 04-29-2014, 06:50 PM
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rant: what is her trip? what goes on in a mind like that? why can't she just leave you alone? for pete's sake! ACK!
Because she's Borderline.

Sounds simple, doesn't it? Well, it is. At least for me. If I allowed myself to ruminate about the hows and whys of what makes her tick, I'd go crackers, Anvil.

BUT...if I were to take a guess, it probably burns her on some level that I've separated myself from her to this extent. Think about it. I didn't beg her to come back. I didn't whine about how could she do this to me. I simply took that punch on the chin, got knocked down, got back up, and simply walked away from the madness. It really was that simple. And it must bruise her ego that I didn't want her back.

I'd rather play with a rattlesnake in a 4'x4'x4' room than set my eyes on that crackpot again.

ZoSo
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Old 04-29-2014, 06:55 PM
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OH, man. I had a stalker ex for a while. It is terrifying.

Do not watch those shows on Netflix, "Stalked." Holy crap. Some of them keep it up for decades.

*shiver*
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Old 04-29-2014, 07:27 PM
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Could changing your phone number be a solution?
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Old 04-29-2014, 07:32 PM
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Originally Posted by haennie View Post
Could changing your phone number be a solution?
Short term, yes. Long term, no. If there's one thing people with BPD do well, it's escalate.

Enough is enough.

:uzi2:
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Old 04-29-2014, 08:01 PM
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Changing your number can definitely cause an escalation. Escalation you don’t need. Do we really ever know how those who aren’t in their right mind will react?

I am curious … your voice mail message is it your voice or one of the prerecorded messages? Either way you could continue to ignore as best as possible she may eventually go away an become fixated on someone or something else. You can also choose to change your number but switch the current one over to some pay by minute phone, or one of the older flip phones that you add on for like 10 bucks a month … toss it out of sight somewhere and charge it every once and while. That will give you peace and also placate whatever it is in her that keeps her calling at this moment.

Court action can been taken as waging a war. You really will have to decide if the war is worth it? If it will really solve the issue. Or if that will just be a way to feed the insanity in her, if that will cause her to escalate. I would ask right from the get go if you do decide on some court action if will have to face her at all, she may enjoy that...
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Old 04-29-2014, 08:15 PM
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Changing your number can definitely cause an escalation. Escalation you don’t need. Do we really ever know how those who aren’t in their right mind will react?
We can only predict. And in the case of my AXGF, predicting the worst is the smart play.

I am curious … your voice mail message is it your voice or one of the prerecorded messages? Either way you could continue to ignore as best as possible she may eventually go away an become fixated on someone or something else. You can also choose to change your number but switch the current one over to some pay by minute phone, or one of the older flip phones that you add on for like 10 bucks a month … toss it out of sight somewhere and charge it every once and while. That will give you peace and also placate whatever it is in her that keeps her calling at this moment.
My voicemail announcement is in my voice, intentifying both who am I and my profession within my company. I've been in "ignore" mode since December 2012. It is no coincidence that as soon as she wasn't able to text me anymore, she started calling me.

I'm not changing my number.

Court action can been taken as waging a war. You really will have to decide if the war is worth it? If it will really solve the issue. Or if that will just be a way to feed the insanity in her, if that will cause her to escalate. I would ask right from the get go if you do decide on some court action if will have to face her at all, she may enjoy that...
I have thought of that. If I were to guess what her motivation is, she wants to provoke me into doing something stupid so she can turn it around on me. And yes, her makeup lends itself to drama, dysfunction, and insanity. She may just get off on such a "war". My hope is it doesn't come to that, and that the threat of legal action expressed through local law enforcement will make her stop. A "war" isn't in anyone's best interest.

That being said, I am prepared to do what is necessary to make her stop.
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Old 04-29-2014, 08:23 PM
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Zoso if you have Verizon you have to go in every 90 days and 're-block the number. It automatically expires. You can block up to 5 for free. What a nightmare!
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Old 04-29-2014, 08:28 PM
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I once dated a guy who I found out was using methamphetamine. He wouldn't leave me alone to the extent of parking outside of my apartment and waiting for me to get home. I finally told him "If I ever see or hear from you again, I will put a restraining order on you. I don't even want to know you exist". When he left me several colorful voicemails the next day I promptly had the restraining order placed on him. He even went so far as to contest it in court. He tried to call me once to tell me he wasn't going to contest it in court anymore.... so I called the police and had the sheriff visit his home to give him a reminder Hey, he put it on himself.
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Old 04-29-2014, 08:33 PM
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Lizwig, iOS 7 should block the calls independent of the carrier. I have gone that route in the past. Obviously it didn't work.
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Old 04-30-2014, 04:19 AM
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Sorry you are going through this zoso

Some egos just can't take that they aren't the center of your, and everyone's, world. . .
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Old 04-30-2014, 04:59 AM
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Zoso, I think you are wise to take this stalking seriously and taking legal action is the right thing to do. If she lives anywhere near you, I would also make sure I had a secure alarm system in my place and perhaps even security cameras.

The only way to stop a serious stalker is to protect yourself and do what you can to prove what they are doing and then have them arrested.

I am sorry you are going through this. It is no longer about your "relationship" that has been over for a long time now. It's about a sick mind stalking you and you must protect yourself against a dangerous person.

And...I hate to sound like a bad movie here...if you have a new lady in your life, or even if you date, she may need to use caution as well to ensure her own safety.

Stay safe, Zoso, I hope she stops on her own but if she doesn't I hope they can arrest her and make her stop.

Hugs
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Old 05-01-2014, 07:07 PM
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Zoso...

Maybe I missed something....but I don't see where a few phone calls
constitute "Stalker Eradication Mode"

I get blocked number calls all of the time. I ignore them.
I could....possibly go into "Detective Mode" and find out who they are....
and in doing so....find out it's someone I don't want to hear from....

Or I can hit IGNORE and proceed with my life....like you were doing.

I turn my phone off at night...so maybe that is what jolted you about this and I
just don't have that to draw from to understand.

I have read past posts and I fully understand and appreciate the complexities of dealing with a BPD (Ex husband) but always remember.....they are just waiting for you to respond or acknowledge.
And any response/acknowledgement is response/acknowledgement.

My vote....
Turn your phone off at night...you said nobody you know would call at that time of night
Hit Ignore feature on all of the other blocked calls

shrug your shoulders and say "hey...looky there...a blocked call....Tough turnips...I don't answer blocked calls"

And go back to your wonderful life.

With all you have going on in your life, as your posts describe....
and this knocks you off center???
..............just consider that maybe you have a little unfinished internal work left to do.

Maybe just a smidge....

Said with love and respect.
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Old 05-01-2014, 07:58 PM
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Originally Posted by YearForMe View Post
Zoso...

Maybe I missed something....but I don't see where a few phone calls
constitute "Stalker Eradication Mode"

I get blocked number calls all of the time. I ignore them.
I could....possibly go into "Detective Mode" and find out who they are....
and in doing so....find out it's someone I don't want to hear from....

Or I can hit IGNORE and proceed with my life....like you were doing.

I turn my phone off at night...so maybe that is what jolted you about this and I
just don't have that to draw from to understand.

I have read past posts and I fully understand and appreciate the complexities of dealing with a BPD (Ex husband) but always remember.....they are just waiting for you to respond or acknowledge.
And any response/acknowledgement is response/acknowledgement.

My vote....
Turn your phone off at night...you said nobody you know would call at that time of night
Hit Ignore feature on all of the other blocked calls

shrug your shoulders and say "hey...looky there...a blocked call....Tough turnips...I don't answer blocked calls"

And go back to your wonderful life.

With all you have going on in your life, as your posts describe....
and this knocks you off center???
..............just consider that maybe you have a little unfinished internal work left to do.

Maybe just a smidge....

Said with love and respect.
Thank you for the thoughtful response, YFM.

There is quite a bit about my AXGF that I haven't shared on these pages, and quite a bit about the fallout of the breakup I haven't shared, too. It is enough to say that what I do for a living is considered "sensitive", and it is also enough to say she pulled some stuff that put my career in jeopardy two years ago. And that's why I am automatically concerned. If you really want to know, you can PM me.

For what it's worth, I leave my phone downstairs at night, ringer off.

If your AXH is Borderline, then you appreciate and understand the level of sadism just a person is capable of. The target is off my back, and I intend to keep it that way. Maybe you're right: maybe this is throwing me off too much. Maybe in a few months time, this won't resonate as much.

But right now, at this moment, she's scares the sh*t out of me. I know what she's capable of. And based on that, I'm going to do what I feel is appropriate to protect myself.

ZoSo
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Old 05-02-2014, 05:04 AM
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I agree, Zoso, protect yourself from someone you know would hurt you if given the chance.

I was stalked once, years ago, by someone from my meeting no less. He gave me the creeps and was quite clever about it, using the meeting "connection" to hang close to me long after the meeting was over. To police or anyone else, it would look innocent enough, but I knew it wasn't. I asked him to stop and he escalated, as happens with stalkers sometimes, so my son, who was on a clean spell at the time, confronted him face to face and and told him if he ever saw this stalker anywhere near me again, including at meetings, he would do him serious harm. That was a drastic measure, but it did the trick. I still get the creeps just thinking about that guy, so I know how this affects you and it has nothing to do with what your relationship used to be.

Stay vigilant Zoso, and do what you need to do to stop her...report her, ignore her, record her, and let the proof be enough to arrest her.

Hugs
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Old 05-03-2014, 12:25 PM
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Zoso,

I will PM you this weekend. My situation is similar to yours. I too blocked my number. But - if the caller dials *67 prior to dialing yours, it cancels the block and shows as unknown or whatever the carrier displays, because the *67 is used to block the caller's number. Make sense?

I learned this in dealing with my hideous and dangerous xbf - crack addict.
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Old 05-04-2014, 05:57 AM
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Originally Posted by zoso77 View Post
Thank you for the thoughtful response, YFM.

There is quite a bit about my AXGF that I haven't shared on these pages, and quite a bit about the fallout of the breakup I haven't shared, too. It is enough to say that what I do for a living is considered "sensitive", and it is also enough to say she pulled some stuff that put my career in jeopardy two years ago. And that's why I am automatically concerned. If you really want to know, you can PM me.

For what it's worth, I leave my phone downstairs at night, ringer off.

If your AXH is Borderline, then you appreciate and understand the level of sadism just a person is capable of. The target is off my back, and I intend to keep it that way. Maybe you're right: maybe this is throwing me off too much. Maybe in a few months time, this won't resonate as much.

But right now, at this moment, she's scares the sh*t out of me. I know what she's capable of. And based on that, I'm going to do what I feel is appropriate to protect myself.

ZoSo
In my encounter with BPD I experienced a person that took pleasure from projecting and making me feel their pain by trying to destroy me. As long as they hurt and don't find another "object" the insanity would not stop.
I used to believe that by not-reacting I would speed up the transition to another object. Unfortunately NO reaction was interpreted as A reaction, and efforts increased.
The anxiety and trauma that come from dealing with untreated bpd might be hard to understand for those who haven't experienced it first hand, but there are good lawyers and other sources of support out there. I'm sorry to see that this doesn't seem to be over yet, but I'm glad you're taking measures to protect yourself.
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Old 05-04-2014, 08:59 AM
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Zoso....

I know that you have read extensively about BPD.

Is axgf diagnosed as BPD or are you saying that's what you believe she is based on what you have read?

If she has been officially diagnosed as BPD that could work for you or against you
when it comes to legal issues.
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Old 05-04-2014, 02:13 PM
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Y4M...she's been diagnosed by several mental health professionals as Borderline.
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