FindingErica

I knew what I had to do deep down, I just needed level heads to help me find my way out of the FOG. I needed people to tell me I wasn't crazy, because for years I have been told I am crazy, overreacting, unappreciative, not trying hard enough..etc. those lies were blinding me to the reality of abuse, addiction and manipulation. That is why I flat out posted his own words. Even now I feel he is trying to manipulate me with his congenial emails about the house sale, where he slips in compliments about me and comments about his recovery and new job. it's like when it comes to him I am in the matrix, reality is not real.

LoveMeNow

:rotfxko

Yeah, he thought suspending your phone would "fix" you! Tic Toc... :rotfxko

He underestimated you!! He over estimated his abusive ways. You found your inner strength which was his worse fear.

Oh and I bet the dog is happier now too!

FindingErica

Tick rock indeed! The only count down now is to when he will get served with divorce papers.

Unfortunately the dog died shortly before AH left.

Learn2Live

I'm no mindreader but I've heard this so many times before from alcoholics and addicts. This is AH manipulating HIS OWN MOTHER. He is pulling on her heartstrings to get her to focus on "what a good boy he is, see how he loves his family and only has good intentions?" Can you see it? THAT is why it scares you. Because it is SICK. This is what I mean when I say Trust Your Instincts. When your body tells you to RUN, run. When your body tells you something is wrong (like with the pet names thing-YES!!! WAY TO GO FINDING ERICA SETTING THIS BOUNDARY!!) LISTEN to it. When you feel like throwing up, when you are flushed with anxiety over a single sentence from his mouth, know that this is Fight or Flight. And I've never found fighting with an alcoholic or addict to get me ANYWHERE, no matter how rational, sane, or "right" I am. You're doing GREAT!! Keep up the good work. So relieved for you girl.

Learn2Live

Same thing here with AXBF. He kept slipping this crap into the emails. I told him to stop. I told him I do not want to hear ANYthing about your personal life, keep it to yourself and don't ask me about mine. When he told me not to worry about something, I told him to stop talking to me like that, that how I feel is NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS and to keep everything at a business level. You have got to take control and you don't need to do it angrily. Dig deep down past your emotions, past your feelings, past your fear, and if you have to do it shaking like a leaf so be it, but take control of yourself, figure out what exactly he does that is making you sick, develop the boundary you need to PROTECT YOURSELF from the poison that comes from their mouths, and communicate those boundaries as assertively as possible. You can do this. You MUST do this in order to climb out of the cesspool you call life with AH, and in order to find your sanity again. The quicker you snuff out his poison, the quicker you become well again.

outtolunch

Is he making meaningful and consistent child support payments?

Learn2Live

Oh, and please start thinking about how to set boundaries for your children, BEFORE the toxicity and poison from AH starts to harm them. I'm not trying to rush you or make you panic, just if you can get a book or if there is a counselor available you can talk to about how alcoholics affect children, that would be good. I think researching it will also help you figure out your own boundaries.

FindingErica

Nope, apparently he starts the job today. I've heard this story a few times before. He wrote me yesterday that he wants to see our middle daughter taking horseback riding lessons again. I told him to pay for them then.

FindingErica

Grrrr.... AH wrote that he in fact did not start that job today. He claims he has a different one that he starts on thurs. good thing I'm not reliant on him paying support though he really should. He doesn't sound like he has any intention of coming back here. Perhaps for the best but I better get some counseling for the kids. Then he asked me to put money in my ipass account which is in his name. No way am I dumb enough to attach my financial info to anything in his name. Time to start ignoring his emails, even the ones pertaining o home and kids, at least for a few. He wears me out

LoveMeNow

What explanation did he give you about the job??

tjp613

Shocking.

FindingErica

He said he found another closer to home. I am guessing the "home" he is referring to is the rental house he can not afford and has been squatting in since July 1, and will have to be out of end of July.

LoveMeNow

Wow, he must have some serious credentials to have so many job opportunities.

P.S. I love your sense of humor. Sometimes, if don't laugh, we would go crazy!!

FindingErica

Yes, he has the kind of skill set that gets him called weekly with 6 figure offers all over the country. Not that we ever really enjoyed the lifestyle that would come with that because he is horrible with money and wastes it on nonsense and now apparently drugs. he has an addictive personality and ADHD, so when he is interested in something he throws his entire being into it and then eventually loses interest... Religion, porn, work, lottery tickets, video gaming, movies, prescription meds, fishing, alcohol, drugs, music, computers, working out etc. our life together has always felt somewhat unstable, erratic, impulsive, frenzied...etc even without the drugs. I actually think I am codependent to his instability as I mistake it for excitement.

Humor and sarcasm are the only vices I have left since I have no appetite for chocolate right now.