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made another major change today

Old 05-15-2010, 08:32 AM
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made another major change today

i met someone two years ago who has a little fitness place not far from me, who is very into nutrition and physical fitness of course, but my work schedule did not permit me to join. i have never forgotten her spunk, zest for life and passion for wholeness for women.

i have been thinking for a few months about what i should be doing for me - there are a number of ways i can positively impact my life - and i know that i can't make a lot of huge changes at once (they don't stick that way) and i don't like people who make a commitment then bail out of it; i see that as unhealthy and not being genuine.

yesterday i got in my car and went over to this place.
she welcomed me with open arms, invited me to "spa day" in june, and also to the saturday morning class. when i got there she promised me she would guide me; she said "trust me". i did.

you guys, i felt like i was walking on air when i left. i am so out of shape, my leg muscles are actually having a hard time walking down stairs, the burned a little while working out.

it felt so good

i am on a course. i listened to happy music yesterday in the car, sat at a coffee shop with a book the other day, and to add to it i said "no" to xabf earlier in the week. i just feel empowered.

peace, guys. life is good.
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Old 05-15-2010, 08:47 AM
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I was thinking about starting a new thread this weekend about what those of who are detaching can do to more on, be fulfilled, get our bearings again. I am starting couch 2 5k running program next week. One of my good friends and I are going to sign up for a 5k! I am so not a runner, but I think a goal will help motivate me again!

On top of that, my garbage disposer (insinkerator) quit working. I took it off AND installed a new one BY MYSELF! I'm so not a plumber, but thanks to google I did it and didn't have to rely on anyone else to do it!

Coffee, congrats on the workout and joining. For me, my hope is that exercise will help with this depression. Working out with a friend and signing up for a 5k will get me out of the house again. I am normally a socially butterfly and love to be around people. I've allowed the shame and humiliation of everything to overtake me and I don't go out anymore at all.

Thank you for starting this thread! What else can we do to make our life's after addiction better? Let's throw some ideas out there!
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Old 05-15-2010, 09:37 AM
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Thank you for this post...it's so nice to see success in the lives of others who've walked my path...and come out on the other side shining!!! I hope I will get there one day.

I typically do my elliptical trainer or Pilates everyday...but I've been slacking off a lot the last couple of weeks...and it shows. I've felt more depressed than I have in a long time. I've excused my lack of exercise because of working on the house, kids, etc... But really, there is NO excuse...so starting today, I'm climbing back on the exercise wagon... I always feel better when I'm done...and I need to do something for me!!!

Callie, I too have pretty much isolated myself due to embarrassment and shame...my mom wants to get me a free membership to a small workout facility at her school that she wants me to use...she knows I NEED to get out of the house and start interacting with the world again. I've spent so much time in my small little addict world at home, I don't have many friends left. Anyway, I rejected my mom's offer at first because I didn't feel like working-out outside of her house...but now I'm rethinking it...it's probably just what I need...so I'll tell her to get me that pass after all...

Thanks for the wonderful thread...it has really gotten me going in the right direction this morning!
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Old 05-15-2010, 09:56 AM
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We should start a 'daily detaching' thread. Those of us detaching/detached/working on just us. We could be eachothers cheerleader and sounding board. My workout routine starts Monday. I'm spending the weekend with the kids. Ball games all day today, housework tonight and yard work all day tomorrow. Do you hear me sofacat? Can't do anything until the house is in order, right??
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Old 05-15-2010, 10:27 AM
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Great thread!

I'm going to pack my bag for the gym, put it in my trunk, and start going again on my lunch hour. No more excuses. I always feel SO GOOD when I work out.

And today...I went and had my hair done. Covered up all the grays, lightened it, and got a sassy new hair-do.

I'm looking good on the outside...and feeling prettier on the inside too.
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Old 05-15-2010, 11:08 AM
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good going coffeedrinker and everyone!! great thread too..I just came inside for water after mowing the lawn!!! had trouble starting it but friend helped me over the phone..then no gas..but went to gas station all by myself and mowed!! I must admit I pooped my pants a little cause the mower goes so fast,but I did it, even put a new spool on weedwhacker and did that too
Im going for a run later too..keep the thread going and be proud of yourself
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Old 05-15-2010, 07:30 PM
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To empower: give or delegate power or authority to....

To empower ourselves...to esteem ourselves...seems like such a simple thing to do... but kinda like integrity... takes a lifetime to earn it... but how easy it is for us to lose it (give it away)...

We build our power...our esteem... back... each... and every... single time... we do something for ourselves.

Great thread!
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Old 05-15-2010, 08:03 PM
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I have noticed a lot of difference in me lately. I think I am learning this detachment thing. I have made notice of how often I smile lately. As I am driving I am actually listening, singing along with music instead of just letting my mind keep turning the latest piece of evidence or incident over & over in my mind with the radio as background music. I dont feel let down, angry, guilty, anxious or whatever over ah not being involved with the fun times I am trying to make sure the kids & I have. I just let myself enjoy it and I rarely catch myself thinking about what he is missing.
I still get the gut wrenching, something is going on anxiety filled feelings but I recognize them for what they are and then I move on... I dont wallow in the pit trying to figure out what it is that he is doing that is giving me these anxious feelings.
My situation is still the same, I am still here and ah is still doing what he does all in stealth mode. I still look for evidence but I am not sure that I will ever quit doing that... at least as long as he is high functioning I just gotta prove to myself that I am not imagining this.
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Old 05-15-2010, 08:37 PM
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YEA !!!
Be all that you can be...physically + spiritually

Oh yea, life is good.
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Old 05-15-2010, 10:58 PM
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"I am Woman, hear me Roar"

Originally Posted by Callie View Post
On top of that, my garbage disposer (insinkerator) quit working. I took it off AND installed a new one BY MYSELF!
a couple months ago there was a leak under my kitchen sink. kept looking but couldn't quite find it. then, with a young woman friend of mine over, we got under that sink, found a slice in the tubing that's attached to the sprayer. got a new tube, contorted underneath the sink to get the old one off and new one on. yippee! it reminded me of the time, several years ago, when i needed a new disposer and my 17-year-old daughter alex and i took that old one out and installed the new one. it took a couple of HOURS, but we did it! we felt so strong and proud of ourselves.

i think we all know about isolating and being stuck in the disease of addiction and codependency (I'm a social person, too Callie!)

even when i KNOW to get out there, and do something good for myself, all too often i just don't. just wallow in the muck, like a pig in sh*t.
i need to build on the good feelings of doing the good things.
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Old 05-16-2010, 01:44 AM
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yay! thanks for this thread!

just so happens i went on a run this morning for the first time in....a year?


it felt so good!

this evening i went out with friends, got the giggles, and have never been happier to come home to my small tiny cozy little apt.

i don't know why i'm so afraid of taking care of me and letting go of him, but every time i take good quality care of myself, i smile more and enjoy this short life even more than i expected.
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Old 05-16-2010, 05:39 AM
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Great thread

Coffeedrinker:

I'm happy to see your thread, as well as all the posts of those adding what they've done that feels empowering to you all. Congrats on joining and on the workout!

It's nice to see the ideas of the kinds of things others are doing for themselves, so I can get some ideas, too. I think joining is also an excellant way of making new contacts for yourself that may lead you to new friendships!

Good luck in all you do! Have Fun!
Kim
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Old 05-16-2010, 06:43 AM
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Thanks Coffee for this thread....and yes Callie.."I hear ya'!"

I started reading a book (Eat Pray Love) last night that I have been putting off for months! Glad I started it though, and I thought of US while I was reading it. She and I have so much in common! (the author) This book is EXACTLY what I need right now...many of us need it right now!!

I've also been going out in the sun more, ditched all of my "frumpy" clothes for new "sexy smart" ones!!! hahaa! I've never been a girly girl...EVER....but it's nice to know that at 42....I can learn how to finally be one. Feels much much better!!!!

Bought my first pair of pink shoes, learned to FINALLY braid my hair (yes, I'm a hairdresser who can't braid) but I'm doing it now!....I'm going to buy Rosetta Stone and learn to speak Italian...FINALLY....and I am planning a trip to the Bahamas in July...all by my lonesome. I am going to do a shark cage dive. GULP! But seeing the planet and all it's magical creatures reminds me that there are things out there that are MUCH MUCH BIGGER than me and the chaos I've become accustomed to. Keeps things in perspective.

I just survived a bathroom renovation and black mold remediation (yuck)...fixed the electrical in the kitchen...and am on to staining my deck. All without Mr.Sofa!
We Ladies are VERY resourceful when we need to be!!!!!!!

I DO need to buy a bicycle...I have been thinking about it for years...I love riding bikes...it used to be my favorite thing as a child. Would just disappear, wind in my hair, listening to music and riding for hours. I admire you 5K'ers out there! I wish I could be one of you that way....but I'm a flat footed hairdresser with calluses the size of TEXAS on the bottom of my feet! hahaaa....running is just not made for me.

OCEAN "....every time i take good quality care of myself, i smile more and enjoy this short life even more than i expected."

I love that. Thank you.

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