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What is your Bottom.....

Old 03-13-2009, 02:14 PM
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What is your Bottom.....

Well everyone after my last few posts I just want to say I think I hit my bottom or maybe I'm just tired from working all week. My husband has only been home maybe 5 hours total this week. BUT HE GOES TO WORK EVERY SINGLE DAY. HAS ANYONE ELSE EXPERIENCED THIS.... I am fed up! Is this addiction, being an a**, or BOTH. He doesn't call or anything. The other morning my 2 year old son woke up in the middle of him running in changing for work and my husband handed him 2 one dollar bills. I told my son to give it back ...My husband said why???? I said because he wants to buy some time. Of course then I became the badd guy. Then he promised he would be home to take him to the park...another lie I KNOW.. I told him don't make the kids promises.

Before you all gang up on me BY NO MEANS IS THIS ACCEPTABLE.......NONE OF IT...ESPECIALLY WHEN IT AFFECTS MY CHILDREN...I told him to get out on Monday, said it again with force on Tuesday, and Yesterday he knew I meant it....So today I am at work and he is off. So I'm hoping he got the hint and just left on his own. I really don't want to sit in a court office right now ....BUT FOR SANITY SAKE I MOST DEFINATELY WILL......

My bottom is the binges. He seems fine for weeks...Sucks us back in and BAM!!! He's MIA again. UGGGH.I know there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Even if now I'm sitting at the bottom. I will rise and reclaim the life I planned for us. Even if us is only ME!

WHEN DID YOU HIT YOUR BOTTOM!!!! WHAT GAVE YOU THE PUSH OVER THE EDGE!!!
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Old 03-13-2009, 02:29 PM
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so sorry your going thru this................
and I understand all to well the process of getting sucked back in and it hurts and disappoints everytime.

My bottom? sad thing is I still dont know where my bottom is, when I finally throw my hands up and walk away

but I can say I'm learning alot and making progress with ME each day...........maybe thats the most I can expect from myslef right now.

My AH used AGAIN....on the 3rd of this month and hes been out of the house since.......and will be for a really LONG time so I tell myself that I dont have to make any choice about that now.............he made that choice for us both.

I still talk to him and I'm supportive of him continuing to try to find and KEEP recovery for himself.

Right now, I work on me and figure either he'll get better and STAY in recovery or he won't but until I work on me, my issues and the things IN ME that allowed me to get into the marriage and stay in it..........well the way I see it is history will repeat itself with him or one more like him.............so here I am looking at me for a change...........is that a bottom?
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Old 03-13-2009, 02:45 PM
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The cycle is crazy. Sometimes I just think am I the addict.... How can they go to work and function. I'm now having a difficult time focusing at work and I'm not addicted...... He doesn't call not even to check on the kids.. He was already a really selfish person. The conclusion I came up with is.........

Selfishness+Addiction=DISASTER
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Old 03-13-2009, 02:55 PM
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unhappy in a way you are an addict.........addicted to him and what hes doing..........it gets us all tied up unable to function, stressed beyond limits and frozen with fear

thats part of what keeps US stuck so long.
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Old 03-13-2009, 02:56 PM
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I don't know what it was that did it for me, but I first noticed it the last time my son overdosed..
I gave him CPR until the paramedics came, remained ever so calm, and when the paramedics left i simply remained calm with a remark like "I hope he can get clean now"
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Old 03-13-2009, 03:00 PM
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Rahsue...Is your son clean now? I pray that he is... I don't know if I could have been as strong as you to perform CPR on my own child.

Thanks for sharing
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Old 03-13-2009, 03:21 PM
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I'm so sorry you are living this rollercoaster ride to hell. I have been on it for a looonnnggg time as well.

I knew I had hit my bottom on December 31, 2008 at 6pm -- lol. This had followed months of MIA and sucking me back in and doing it again (years really but it had become unbearable in the last part of 08).

We were having a New Years party -- been planned for months or I wouldn't have gone through with it -- didn't want to let all my friends down -- things had been really bad for the month of December. Well he was definitely using cocaine that night -- I knew he had a problem for years but had never witnessed him using. He simply wouldn't come home usually. It was soooooo obvious and not only to me. It was devestating and embarrassing to me. My kids, thank god, weren't home. But they came home New Years day and he was either still using or still high (I don't know enough about it). My 16 year old asked what was wrong with him -- she said he looked like he was on coke. That was my bottom. He brought it in our home and exposed our children. I asked him to leave. I basically said that you have a major problem -- choose to get help with it or leave. He chose to leave instead of seeking help. It was hell until he moved out -- house full of tension, walking on egg shells, I couldn't function although he could. When I finally let go was when he agreed to leave. Nothing he did was my problem any more -- nothing he spent, nothing he said, NOTHING.

I must say that it has been way more peaceful (although I still have a lot of anxiety). We are in kind of a "stalemate". He is paying my mortgage for the time being but we have no plans at the moment of how to go forward so that is making me nervous. Even though we are separated, I still feel tied down.

This will not be quick so I try to deal one day at a time. It takes time to dissolve a 27 year old relationship. But I know it will get better every day now that I have the time I wasted trying to control him and his addiction, to focus on myself and my "codie sickness". Recovery takes time -- I have it now to spend on my one and only life.

take care
Laurie
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Old 03-13-2009, 03:22 PM
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My bottom with exAH was when I was going to fix supper, my three daughters were right next to me and all we had was a can of government pork, a quarter cup of ketchup and about 2 cups of government dry pinto beans. He was passed out in a chair in the basement watching some western channel on TV with a little of a fifth of Old Crow between his legs. I found the car keys, scrounged all the change I could find, threw some clothes together and headed for town. Miracles started happening that afternoon.

I don't know if I have hit bottom with AD yet, but I have identified "bottom-line" behaviors that I will not be party to, participate in, or tolerate.
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Old 03-13-2009, 03:31 PM
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Time to go.....I am so sorry that you have gone through this. I still don't know how they function at work. I hope he will eventually get the help that he needs.

longview....I give you soo much credit. 2 addicts in one house how do you deal with this??? My AH is driving me up the wall I couldn't imagine having a addict child too. My prayers are with you.
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Old 03-13-2009, 04:46 PM
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I only get 1/2 credit. lol The AH is an exAH.
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Old 03-13-2009, 04:50 PM
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Originally Posted by UNHAPPY777 View Post
Rahsue...Is your son clean now? I pray that he is... I don't know if I could have been as strong as you to perform CPR on my own child.

Thanks for sharing
he sure is, 16 months!!! yipee.
you do what you have to do and I'm sure you could have done it too.

thanks
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Old 03-13-2009, 07:17 PM
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rahsue that is wondedful...I am sending continued prayers..


longview...LOL you went through it twice so you still get FULL CREDIT!!!!!!
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Old 03-13-2009, 07:31 PM
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Mine was when we had made plans to have friends over. Had a fight and I told him that I didn't want to have them over. Maybe another time. He told me he was going to see them himself. So the weekend rolled around and he left on a Saturday afternoon. Came home Sunday night, and told me that someone had taken his wallet and all his paycheck but he really had a good time. Danced and partied all night with two women, as I sat home alone.

I found the empty wallet about a month later under the bed. He lied one time to often. I was done. A year of fighting for the paycheck, watching him shower, shave, buy new clothes just to be gone for three to six days at a time. I knew he was cheating on me. A sociopath to the max. It was always about him. In the year we lived together we never went out except to but groceries. He only allowed that because he knew I would pay for them.

Enough just became enough. I felt like an embarrassment to him, as he glared at anything that walked down the street like some love sick puppy. I wasn't his fiance I was his maid and his mother. Not good enough!
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Old 03-13-2009, 07:52 PM
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Jan123 oh my goodness I think you have the same story with thre exception of the paycheck. I often feel like I am an embarrassment to my husband but, other men compliment me and try to date me all the time. GO Figure now I know he is doing this so that I will feel insecure and he can continue using...
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Old 03-14-2009, 05:46 AM
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i guess mine was the last time my son came home from prison & was doing so good. it lasted 2 months before he was arrested again. i started really working on detachment. in & out of prison for 15 yrs. was just too much. i knew i could not live that life any more. he is now serving a 7-9yr. sentence.
you will do fine in life without your addict husband. you & your son deserve so much more. do not stay withour a.h. because you think your son needs his dad. he may need him but not the way he is. good luck to you & prayers are going up.
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