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Old 12-05-2008, 05:01 PM
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rozied
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Update

Well I still haven't heard from my son after sending him that letter, but my mom did. In the letter he wrote her he seems to have accepted that he is not going to get any help and he doesn't seem angry with me. Not that it would matter to me if he was. So today I bought him a very nice Christmas card and boy is it impossible to find a card to son that doesn't say how happy you are to have him for a son or how proud you are of them. I had to settle for a card that was about caring & concern & that sometimes you cannot be truly joyful cuz of circumstances etc. It said how much I would be thinking of him at Christmas, & I certainly will be doing that. I mailed him a money order for $130, $100 from me for Christmas ( for the tv ) and $30 from my mom for commissary. I wrote inside it and mailed it. according to my mom's letter he has accepted that he must stay there till Dec 25th, 2009.
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Old 12-05-2008, 05:07 PM
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((Rozied))

I know what you mean about the cards..I tried to send one to my friend for his birthday in prison, and took me forever to find one that didn't say "go out and have a blast".

As long as you're comfortable with what's going on, that's all that counts. I'm hoping he has accepted his role in all of this.

Hugs and prayers!

Amy
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Old 12-05-2008, 05:11 PM
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Me too Amy, me too.
Thanks for the support.
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Old 12-05-2008, 06:01 PM
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I'm glad he has accepted whats happeneing in his life. It'll be easier for you to send cards and have a little contact. The holidays will be hard but he's safe and hopefully doing alot of thinking...Smiles, Bonnie
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Old 12-05-2008, 06:18 PM
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Good for you.....You cant be mad at your mom forever especially when she wasnt the one that was wrong.....
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Old 12-05-2008, 08:31 PM
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It was nice when my daughter finally accepted that the Bank Of Mom was closed and she stopped asking. May you and your son find peace this holiday season. Hugs, Marle
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Old 12-06-2008, 05:40 AM
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rozied
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Thanks everyone,
Cass, I don't understand what you meant about beng angry with my mom forever, and that she wasn't wrong???? My son asking me to sell the car and hire a lawyer yet again had nothing to do with my mom. Up until the last yr or so I was upset with my parents for continuing to enable him, cuz he was a drug addict and any help they gave him was always wasted.
Bonnie & Marle, I wish you both the same with your children. Peace, harmony, and love but no enabling!!! The holidays each & everyone of them have been hard for many yrs now. I haven't seen or talked to my 2 grandsons in about 4 yrs & haven't been abel to spend holidays with my son 7 out of 8 yrs cuz he has been in jail.
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Old 12-06-2008, 07:59 AM
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Enablers are wrong, and their kind of "nice" shields our loved ones from consequences which is dangerous. Some enablers will stop if they are presented with education about the disease, but the enablers who continue on despite the education are co-conspirators in addiction. Being a mother, i am a she-bear when it comes to people/situations that put my children in danger (even my adult children). So i find a way to communicate to enablers, co-conspirators or not, my stance about their behavior. The trick is to do it in a way that does not create drama which will thereby give them an excuse to continue the enabling (because i'm so mean, etc.). One of the best ways i've found so far is to have the same no-contact with them that I do with my addicted loved one.
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Old 12-06-2008, 08:53 AM
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Well my parents will be 89 this month and breaking off contact was never an option. They are no longer helping him so it is no longer a problem, but I do agree with you that addiction is a deadly disease and you do whatever you have to in order to save the ones you love.
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Old 12-06-2008, 09:03 AM
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good point rozied - every situation is different, and 89 YO parents need you...
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Old 12-06-2008, 09:08 AM
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Originally Posted by rozied View Post
Thanks everyone,
Cass, I don't understand what you meant about beng angry with my mom forever, and that she wasn't wrong???? My son asking me to sell the car and hire a lawyer yet again had nothing to do with my mom. Up until the last yr or so I was upset with my parents for continuing to enable him, cuz he was a drug addict and any help they gave him was always wasted.
Bonnie & Marle, I wish you both the same with your children. Peace, harmony, and love but no enabling!!! The holidays each & everyone of them have been hard for many yrs now. I haven't seen or talked to my 2 grandsons in about 4 yrs & haven't been abel to spend holidays with my son 7 out of 8 yrs cuz he has been in jail.
I was talking about him being mad at you. You said before that he was angry at you. He cant stay angry with you (being his mother) because you werent the one who was wrong......These are consequences of his behavior and once he recognizes that he got himself there the anger will turn onto himself and hopefully he can get some help.

I just meant he cant be angry with you forever.....
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Old 12-06-2008, 09:39 AM
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I needed to send a card to my son for his birthday and just couldnt send him the regular happy birthday card because we all know he's not happy right now - almost seemed cruel. I found a site online that has greeting cards for those in jail. Its Three Squares Greetings Ė Greeting cards For Those Who Canít Come Home..incarcerated they have some that seem appropriate for those in rehab as well. I received them quickly and they were good quality.
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Old 12-06-2008, 04:55 PM
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rozied
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Dear Cass, It is just the wording, forget about it. I think he will be angry with me cuz I refused to sell his car & hire him a lawyer BUT I don't care, he will get over it.
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