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Here we go again!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Old 05-22-2008, 09:45 AM
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Here we go again!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

On Tuesday afternoon I was got a call on my cell phone from Lauren, she was home, I asked where her car was because the last call I had got from her was asking for money, said her car was torn up, starter..she said!! She said the car was in a wrecking yard in Alabama that she had totaled it, I was crazy!!! I told her to get her **** and not to be there when I got home, she replied for me to shut up or she would leave again, I told her that was what I wanted her to do. I got home and she was here, had her clothes packed. I did not say anything to her, so I was changing clothes to leave and she came in the room asked if I wanted her to call, text or come back. I looked at her and calmly said when you decide to get your life in order the best thing to do was to leave me alone. And I left, I never told her I loved her or hugged her, I just left. She was gone when I got home later. I went yesterday to look at the car, the car flipped 3 times, the whole roof is caved in. It scared me to death!!! I am thinking you have lost half a finger and now you have no car...WHAT ELSE IS SHE WILLING TO GIVE UP?????? and I don't even know what actually happened!!! She says somebody else was driving, and somebody was chasing them and ran them off the road then somebody else said she was driving. I would just like to know the truth which is impossible to find out. A drug dealer called me last night wanting $100.00 that she owes them for meth. I am at my wits end NOW!!!!!!
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Old 05-22-2008, 09:55 AM
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(((Obsessed)))

I'm sorry about all this, but until Lauren quits the meth, it is only going to get worse. The farther we get into our addiction, things like cars don't matter. I lost my car when I was using, and didn't really care.

Honestly, does it really matter what really happened with the car? It's totalled and she's still doing meth.

I know it goes against everything a mom feels, to walk away from this and let her keep destroying her life, but it's the only thing you can do. She's in the grips of meth, and until she wants to stop it, there is nothing you can do.

I really hope you can tell her you love her, but keep your distance. The longer you're involved with her drama/chaos, the more YOU are going to spiral down with her.

I'm sending you LOTS of hugs and prayers, because I know this hurts.

Amy
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Old 05-22-2008, 10:21 AM
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Oh Obsessed, I am so sorry, hon..:ghug3
Got to echo Amy here...your front row seat isn't helping her, the craziness will continue to take place in her life whether you are there or not, and I am concerned about your health and welfare.....you are so deep in it.....you need to step away, let her know somehow that you love her and step away....until she reaches that point where she is ready to stop, nothing is gonna change, its only going to get worse.
I KNOW how hard it is to let go, I appreciate your anger and frustration , but you aren't helping her or you by being in the madness with her.
You need to take care of yourself.
hugs and prayers for you and Lauren
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Old 05-22-2008, 10:33 AM
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Wow, I am glad she did not get hurt in the accident.

I'm sorry for all of this, I know it sucks..

And thanks for all your pms... Your a doll..


:ghug3
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Old 05-22-2008, 10:34 AM
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Hi, how much more can they take. I wonder that myself. From my experience, alot more than we can!

You did the right thing, and I know how it hurts. Lauren is so, so sick but you can't help get her well. it has to come from deep within, just like my Kasey. The things that have happened to our girls would kill us, but yet they survive, and keep on their chosen path. Someone is looking out for them, just waiting for them to reach up and want to come back! He is walking beside them, always there...when they are ready!

Many prayers my friend,
susan
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Old 05-22-2008, 10:37 AM
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(((obsessed)))
oh man, it's heartbreaking this sh*t!!
But you did the right thing getting her out of your house.
I wish you strength and send prayers for your serenity.
It wasn't until I accepted the UNACCEPTABLE, that yes, one of my brothers may die today from drinking, one of them may kill someone else while driving wasted in a car, and there is nothing, absolutely NOTHING, I can do to stop that. Nothing short of killing them right now myself!

Lauren has her own destiny. As do YOU! I am praying for you today - that you may gather your courage and find the strength to move forward for your own mental health, one day at a time....
Peace,
B.
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Old 05-22-2008, 10:39 AM
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I have a friend whose almost 30 year old son was exchanging intimate sexual details of his gay lifestyle on his Myspace with his friends. His profile is private but she was one of his friends so she could read it. It was way too much information for any mom, regardless of sexual orientation, but she kept reading it. Eventually, after her skin crawled one too many times, she removed him from her friends list so she couldn't read it any more.

Your situation is different because you can't just click a button and make it go away so easily, but hopefully you find your way soon to the same place. I'm really sorry you're hurting

What did you say to the drug dealer?
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Old 05-22-2008, 10:40 AM
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(((hugs)))

I wish it could be different for you, but for what it's worth, I too think you did the right thing. You know you're doing the right thing and that's what counts, but the crazy making is definitely getting a hold of you.

Deep breaths!

You're a good Mom, never ever forget that!
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Old 05-22-2008, 11:42 AM
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Thank you all so much for the kind words!! Everyone of you make such a difference with each word. Thank you!!!! I still don't know how she did not get hurt very very bad, it scares me so bad for her but I realize this is her choice not mine.
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Old 05-22-2008, 12:07 PM
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Obsessed, I was on my way out the door when I replied earlier..but I wanted to add that I believe Lauren knows you love her...I think the thing really deep down for me was accepting that there was nothing I could fix or change....... it wasn't my job to fix this one and that I needed to believe that she will eventually figure it out.

Do you have someone you can talk to face to face....I spent a year when I was deep in my mourning process with my AD, and it really helped me to work through the pain I was experiencing about who she used to be and who she had become, and all those emotions a parent feels seeing their child become lost and in danger. ( and then my codie recovery was the magic (ongoing and forever, apparently)

Your love for your daughter is so beautiful, and you did the hard but right thing, sending her away.
I believe her HP has her and will watch over as she learns to find her way...I mean, she WALKED away from that car accident, Thank You God
I just hate to see you suffering so much...hugs , grateful

Last edited by grateful2b; 05-22-2008 at 12:33 PM.
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Old 05-22-2008, 12:10 PM
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My heart aches for you obsessed. I can't believ all that we as moms have to know about~~and feel in such pain. Hopefully Lauren finds her way soon cause I know that I have almost reached my end with everything. A few weeks ago I had to go get my son in Buffalo and it wasn't a fun trip. He had run out of gas after doing cocaine all night and couldn't get home. Stupid me~~~~but I think that was my last straw. I love him and will pray from afar now until he makes contact......I'm so glad that your daughter walked out of that car all together. It's a miraacle. Smiles, Bonnie
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Old 05-22-2008, 12:13 PM
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My friend that I've told you about, her daughter had a house, car, etc, high paying job by the time she was around 23, etc.... she lost it all..
Her Mom was devastated when she lost it all.. It's been a hell of a few years for them both, some jail, etc.. but now there is a clean time, and the girl just got a promotion, has saved money, and is in the process of rebuilding her credit, and trying to buy the items she lost....

But like I've said over and over to you, she had to get out of her daughters way, stop cleaning up her messes, stop saving her daughter, so that her daughter knew that she could save herself....

I know how many tears this Mom cried, because I talked to almost every day when she had to do it..... But today she can cry tears of happiness again watching the baby steps she makes rebuilding her life...
I know each path is different, but I know, 99% of the stories of recovery I see start with the person being able to believe they can do it on their own.

I'm so sorry you have to go through this.... You are stronger than you have any idea... You CAN do this Obsessed.. You've grown miles and miles since the first day you came here...... Hang Tough!!
Much Love, Light, and Strength going out to both you and Lauren!

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Old 05-22-2008, 01:25 PM
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Just wanted to bring this back up to the top...it is not showing up in F&F of SA....actually I have noticed this afternoon that some of the threads show a new post but when you go in it isn't there....?
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Old 05-22-2008, 04:10 PM
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(((Obsessed)))
Okay, big deep breath....


Remember, nothing changes, if nothing changes.

She's okay, you know she is okay after that "Little" accident, and now you've done all you possibly can.

This time, maybe take the detachment approach, and do not phone her, do not contact her, detach, and go on about YOUR life. Attend meetings, as many as you can every week. Get support.

This is the hardest part of all...giving her the responsibility of living HER life. Maybe, I pray, she will hit her bottom and accept help.


Hugs, and prayers,
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Old 05-22-2008, 04:36 PM
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((((Obsessed))))

I feel like it was just yesterday and I was living your life. I remember one day when my daughter came home and I said where is your car. She said, it's a long story, I don't know. I said, what do you mean you don't know. She said, I lost it, I don't know where it is. I never did see that car after that. I never did find out what happened to it. It's not important anymore, but how do you just lose a car. This is pure madness to me.

Do you pay her car insurance? The first thing I would do is to stop the insurance on it.
She is probably better off without a car. If other people are driving her car and the car is in your name that could really be bad for you if someone is seriously injured. You are better off without her having a car. Too much to lose. Total the car and stop the insurance.

I really do feel your pain......been there. You did the right thing to ask her to leave.
As long as she is using and you are in her life there will always be drama. How much more can you take? Take care of yourself. She will get it. Hopefully sooner than later.
I was never able to make my daughter stop no matter what I did. She did it on her own, when she had enough.

"Every flower will bloom in it's own time, it cannot be forced"

Luv.............Lo
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Old 05-23-2008, 02:06 PM
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Obsessed .... so hard to separate the drug from the person - but for me, it was the only way to maintain my loving feelings toward my meth-addicted daughter.

Meth is an awful, terrible, crappy drug. Addicts with YEARS clean tell me they can still get triggered by memories of using it. Those without much time have told me that they were using without EVER having a concious thought of intending to use.

Her addiction is a fierce enemy, and she sounds like a head strong gal. My prayers that she can find the strength to overcome... and to get her butt into a chair at a meeting or a bed in a rehab.

I have lists of places my kid can go - when she is ready. But I only have them for when SHE is ready to want them. But getting the information together helps me feel like I am doing something.

And I keep going to my Alanon meetings - the more I attend, the better I feel.... and the less I hate my daughter.


(((Hugs))))

Prayers going up - for you and for your beautiful daughter, Lauren.
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