inconsistency...
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2008
Posts: 3
inconsistency...
I posted my first post just yesterday and honestly I wish I would have found this site months ago.
So my friend that, like I said just recently moved out, really has the most inconsistent behavior. This was a big issue when we were living together and I confronted him with it several times. This ranged from issues such as needing to go to meetings, not needing to go, needing a therapist, not needing one. And a range of others as well. Well most recently, he finds it okay to contact me at all hours of the night and day when he "needs" something or it is convienant for him but when I do it's too much. It's such a one sided deal.
So does anyone else see this behavior as well? It really is so frustrating. I want to be there for him as I would any other friend but it doesn't seem reciprocal. Is this normal with addicts? in the recovery process? I also confronted him on using again and he got really angry.
So my friend that, like I said just recently moved out, really has the most inconsistent behavior. This was a big issue when we were living together and I confronted him with it several times. This ranged from issues such as needing to go to meetings, not needing to go, needing a therapist, not needing one. And a range of others as well. Well most recently, he finds it okay to contact me at all hours of the night and day when he "needs" something or it is convienant for him but when I do it's too much. It's such a one sided deal.
So does anyone else see this behavior as well? It really is so frustrating. I want to be there for him as I would any other friend but it doesn't seem reciprocal. Is this normal with addicts? in the recovery process? I also confronted him on using again and he got really angry.
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Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 1,322
Hi JoJo,
Have you begun reading the "stickies" that are at the top of this page? It's a really good idea to read and read until you see things that sound familiar, then follow the path where things lead from there. And notice how the stories are all so similar. This helps you to realize how NOT alone you are, and also how far you are willing to go with this friendship. It will also help you to approach things in a healthy, detached manner which is very important for YOU. This addiction thing is just crazy, and somehow you get all caught up in the craziness of it, at first out of love for the other person, but then because you can't seem to escape it. You were very wise to have him move out. Continue to set more boundaries that you can live with, such as not answering your phone after X hour, period. So glad you found SR. I love it here
Have you begun reading the "stickies" that are at the top of this page? It's a really good idea to read and read until you see things that sound familiar, then follow the path where things lead from there. And notice how the stories are all so similar. This helps you to realize how NOT alone you are, and also how far you are willing to go with this friendship. It will also help you to approach things in a healthy, detached manner which is very important for YOU. This addiction thing is just crazy, and somehow you get all caught up in the craziness of it, at first out of love for the other person, but then because you can't seem to escape it. You were very wise to have him move out. Continue to set more boundaries that you can live with, such as not answering your phone after X hour, period. So glad you found SR. I love it here
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Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: a better place
Posts: 4,047
Peaceteach is so right. I poured over posts here when I first came. It helped so much to find out I wasn't alone and to see what happened in situations similar to what I was experiencing. The more I knew, the better I knew how to take care of me.
Yes his behavior sounds familiar. You can't change that but you can do what you need to for you. Asking him to move out really does help to keep you from being pulled down with him. I agree that a good boundary to establish is when it is acceptable to call you. You are doing great and we are here for you. Hugs
Yes his behavior sounds familiar. You can't change that but you can do what you need to for you. Asking him to move out really does help to keep you from being pulled down with him. I agree that a good boundary to establish is when it is acceptable to call you. You are doing great and we are here for you. Hugs
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