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Old 06-21-2007, 10:32 PM
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update

hi friends--
well we went to court today to see if my ah would agree to the FM restraints...they were very leanient.

he could see the kids regularly..he could call them whenever on their cell phones, we could communicate through email, only related to the kids, he would go get a psychiatric evaluation and follow with recommended treatment/testing, etc. and if we both agreed to marraige counseling at a later date....and a few other things.

he agreed to everything except that he wanted to have visitation with the kids in our house...he said the kids are not comfortable at his parents house and i could leave the house while he spent time with them...my lawyer strongly advised against that, knowing what his motivations really were--to get back into the house....and he could snoop around, i wouldnt be able to get him to leave, etc.....so we ended up adjourning again and we are now scheduled to go before another judge on july 2 where we are supposed to go to trial....everything can come out at this trial, and my ah could face jail time, and could loose his liscence to practice law..due to the drug abuse accusations and contempt of court (breaking restraining order) and also the domestic violence alligations. so he is willing to risk everything just so he can have visitations in our house with the girls....

he left messages on my cell after court saying he doesnt care if he looses his job or goes to jail..he doesnt care because he is willing to fight for his kids??? it doesnt make sense...he says he hasnt used in 7 weeks--he is not an addict and he will get evaluated and when they say he is okay then what will be the purpose of all this... and continued to add that i am a miserable person and i have tortured him for the past few months,,,blah, blah, blah.....then he calls later and says that he was thinking about his relationship with his secretary and how that must have really hurt me and he is sorry, and blah, blah , blah...he doesnt understand where he went wrong so he is thinking that maybe this is it....does he still not get that it is because of the drug abuse and domestic violence that he is out of the house and that this is all happening now?? does he need to get hit with a brick to understand that??
this secretary thing--i beleive he had an affair last year,,,but that is not on the forefront of my mind.....that is not on the agenda as far as what the real problems are ..maybe that still might have to be explored and dealt with because i was never able to have any closure to that....i can only assume by emails, textmessages, cell phones calls, and a few other things that this was much more than the friendship he claims it to be.....
anyway, my lawyer called later today to say that his lawyer called him and my ah is now ready to sign the agreement...so i am praying (and please pray with me) that this happens and we dont have to go to court..if we go to court i will have to pull cell phone records, proof of his drug use, testify to domestic violence, etc..and it aint going to be pretty...plus it will cost a fortune.....so if you could just say a little prayer that he will agree and sign the FM restraints.....
also, now this is really strange,, i had a voicemail message on my cell which was actually my friends husband's message he left on my ah's cell a few days ago...he has gone through an addiction of his own (not drugs) and was just offering him someone to talk to...now why would my ah call me and leave that message on my cell phone for me to hear?? the only thing i can think of is that he thinks I violated the RO by him contacting my ah at my request...but he was just callling out of concern, not because i told him too...and even if i did, nothing was said about him calling because i asked him too.
my lawyer just cant believe my ah did not sign and even my ah's lawyer doesnt believe it...i heard his lawyer yelling at him, that he cant talk to him when he is like this....so he must have been a little out of control....
so thats the deal for now....again, i have to keep praying that it will be signed before july 2nd so we dont have to go through a trial.

Last edited by drainedwife; 06-21-2007 at 10:36 PM. Reason: spelling
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Old 06-21-2007, 10:42 PM
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Thank you! I hope you read my last post to you. I forgot the name of the post. It was yesterday...probably late.
You have been on my mind all day. Because I care. I care about you and your daughter and what happens to you.
Congratulations on your strength and courage today!
I will wish with you with all my heart he does indeed sign the agreement.
He really does sound like he is spinning more and more out of control.
Please take extra precautions to protect yourself and your daughter.
This is the most dangerous time.
And he is sounding more volatile by the minute. Anything could happen.

hugs,
live
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Old 06-21-2007, 10:54 PM
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thanks for your ongoing support. my lawyer i have to say is really helping me be strong. he knows his stuff and understands addiction..his own brother is a recovered addict....
my therapist senses also there may be some mental health issues going on with him as well.
ill keep you posted.............
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Old 06-21-2007, 11:22 PM
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Anyway last night, I told you I felt I had been stern and explained in part my own story and how much I admire you.

I'll admit I have been waiting to hear from you....usually I just trust that people are okay and are doing whatever it is they need to do but in this case, I don't trust him.
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Old 06-21-2007, 11:48 PM
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Originally Posted by drainedwife View Post
thanks for your ongoing support. my lawyer i have to say is really helping me be strong. he knows his stuff and understands addiction..his own brother is a recovered addict....
my therapist senses also there may be some mental health issues going on with him as well.
ill keep you posted.............

Hang in there, DW... sounds like your lawyer really is on your side in this. His thinking will remain far more clear than yours. (((hugs)))
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Old 06-22-2007, 01:17 AM
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Originally Posted by liveweyerd View Post

Because I care. I care about you and your daughter and what happens to you.
Congratulations on your strength and courage today!
I will wish with you with all my heart he does indeed sign the agreement.
He really does sound like he is spinning more and more out of control.
Please take extra precautions to protect yourself and your daughter.
This is the most dangerous time.
And he is sounding more volatile by the minute. Anything could happen.

hugs,
live
Hi Drained, I just want to second what Liveweyered said...I hope to GOD YOUR HANGIN IN THERE GIRL!!! Stay strong...We are here for you beleive it...I'm sending my best to you and your kids!!!

Hugs. Lisarae
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Old 06-22-2007, 05:14 AM
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I want to third what the other two have said. You have come such a long way. Its not easy but your doing it. I pray he signs the agreement & you don't have to go back to court,
Stay strong for you & your girls.
Love,
Diane
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Old 06-22-2007, 06:00 AM
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Hang in there ((DW)). You're doing great and I just wanted to let you know that you will continue to be in my thoughts and prayers.
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Old 06-22-2007, 06:02 AM
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Hi DW and (((Hugs))) to you!

sounds like Husband is quacking again.. and addicts do a lot of that.

One thing in your post that stood out to me.. "..it doesn't make sense.."

Addicts can ratinalize ANYTHING and often their rationalizations do NOT make sense.

BTW if he wanted to be there for the kids like he says, he would be working recovery.
Hang in and, yes, we do care.
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Old 06-22-2007, 06:21 AM
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Way to go glad you stood your ground.
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Old 06-22-2007, 07:13 AM
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Stay strong and do what you know to be the right thing. It will all come out all right in the end....things have a way of working themselves out one way or the other.
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Old 06-22-2007, 07:19 AM
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I pray you dont have to continue through any more pain, but
and my ah could face jail time, and could loose his liscence to practice law..due to the drug abuse accusations and contempt of court (breaking restraining order) and also the domestic violence alligations.
Ive never heard of that actually happening...possible yes, but off allegations....very far fetched.

I do agree however that he should not be able to visit girls in your home, he wants that for him not them.

The big question is, how are you? Please do something for yourself, even if its justa bubble bath and pedicure
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Old 06-22-2007, 08:07 AM
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I know it was a hard day for you. It sounds like you handled it perfectly. Let's hope he follows through with what he said he will do and can give you some space, peace and quiet. Do something for YOU this weekend without giving him a second thought, you deserve it.
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Old 06-22-2007, 08:39 AM
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Thanks for the update. I have been thinking about you and wondering how it went. I, too, pray that he will go ahead and sign the order.

The best thing to do in this case, IMHO, is not only let go and let God, but to let go and let lawyer! *grin*

Hang in there, you are doing great. I hear a new strength and determination in your post, and it is admirable.

(((HUGS)))
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Old 06-22-2007, 08:43 AM
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to cinderella---

if we go to TRIAL and the allegations are proven, then what i said can happen to him can actually happen. He keeps contacting me, and breaking the RO..for a lawyer to do that when they are an officer of the court will be looked at very sternly by any judge. And this would be his second offence--so he would most likely go to jail..also, a lawyer cannot have an RO against him, so he would most likely have his iscense at the very least suspended....

He STILL does not think he is an addict, and STILL does not know why I am preceding with this...he left a message on my cell last night that said he is so sorry about having a "friendly relationship" last year with his secretary...and so he thinks that is what is going on here.....

He thinks he is not an addict because maybe...MAYBE..he can stop using for a period of time....

I just dont want my girls to get hurt..he has said he is not lieing to them and saying that i am the one causing him them not to see him on a regular basis. Im worried about their well-being.
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Old 06-22-2007, 08:46 AM
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also--

I havent heard from my lawyer about him signing and im getting scared....i think he may have changed his mind..i dont know how i am going to make it through a trial...i dont know if i am strong enough and i am really feeling like a may have a nervous breakdown...... please say prayers for me....

I am feeling so sad for my kids also.....they did not deserve this.
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Old 06-22-2007, 09:23 AM
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Hey.. Prayers going up. Now.. TAKE A DEEP BREATH because here is the deal as I see it. HE KNOWS that if he takes you to trial HE MAY WIN because he perceives you as WEAK. He figures you will break down rather than face him in court.. his area of comfort. That is manipulating you.

If it were me, (and it is not, it is you), that alone would make me so angry.. that manipulation would make me so angry.. that I would stand up to him come h*!! or High Water!

If you are having anxiety, go see a doctor and do NOT contact AH. Do NOT respond to his calls. Document and print and save.. which means you don't have to read, listen or respond.

He is manipulating you to get back in the house, get his old way of life back (with drugs) and all the rest. Now it also seems he was CHEATING on you with his SECRETARY? Hoo Boy!

This guy is really making me feel aggravated!
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Old 06-22-2007, 09:41 AM
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He's not gonna go to trial sweetie, he's being a typical lawyer, waiting till the last minute. (i wouldnt doubt settling in the courtroom at trial, attempting to call your bluff)
The allegations for removing him from the bar is completely separate and handled by a bar committee, so many get out of it under those circumstances.
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Old 06-22-2007, 09:55 AM
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If he goes to jail...that is HIS problem, not yours. If he gets disbarred....that is HIS problem, not yours. These would be the consequences of his actions, not yours. If he tries to blame you for these potential consequences, he is just quacking & quacking.
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Old 06-22-2007, 10:00 AM
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Originally Posted by drainedwife View Post
I havent heard from my lawyer about him signing and im getting scared....i think he may have changed his mind..i dont know how i am going to make it through a trial...i dont know if i am strong enough and i am really feeling like a may have a nervous breakdown...... please say prayers for me....

I am feeling so sad for my kids also.....they did not deserve this.

That is what he's counting on sweetie.
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