gasolinegirl

I just need to vent. GRRRRRRRRRR I'm so pissed right now that I can't even see straight. My AH has been clean and sober for almost a 1 1/2 now, and has the same sponsor for almost all of that time. Well, I'm not to fond of his sponsor, but I keep my mouth shut because it's btwn them and nothing to do with me. Anyway, when it started out his sponsor was awesome, they got together and worked steps, talked everyday, etc.... Well, then he got busy (sponsor) and had up to 9 sponsees, and rarely spoke to any of them. It was more like a look at me, I'm MR NA, I have all these sponcees, I have this, I have that. Totally self absorbed. My AH's business started slowing down and his sponsor gave his some work, yes, I know they shouldn't be working together, but we needed the money. Well, he would talk to my ah like he was scum on the bottom of his shoe. My ah would call me and be so upset because of the way he was being treated by his so called sponsor. Of course I'm livid but I still keep my mouth shut. On the weekends my ah would call his sponsor and he would either not answer the phone or answer "saying what do you want"??? Making him feel like crap. The only time his sponsor would be nice is if he wanted him to do something for him at his house, or he wanted him to chair his meeting for him. He treats all his sponsees like they are his personal slaves, if he recommends work for anyone they have to pay him a fee, but if it's the other way around he doesn't have to pay anyone. I call him a dry addict. Doesn't use, but the world revolves around him and he wants what he wants when he wants it, screw everyone else. Well, the last straw was when he recommended my ah for a job, my ah accepted and let him know that he was leaving for down south in 3 days and he would do the best he could to get it finished, and he even let the owners know the same thing. They all said no prob, and his sponsor asked him to bid low for the job because the people have already paid someone to do it first and totally screwed it up. So, of course my ah bid almost nothing to make them happy. Well, come the day he has to leave, everything is done except half of the baseboards. He lets the owners know and told them that they didn't have to pay him for the baseboards ($200) and asked them if they could please give me a check on Monday for the work because he wouldn't be in town and we really needed the money. They promised. Well, he calls on Monday, and they let him know that his sponsor would finish the baseboards and they would pay him the difference when he was done. My ah then called his sponsor to see what was going on, cuz we really needed the money. Well, he answers his phone "I'm never recommending you for another job, you screwed me over, how could you do this to me, etc..." Treating him like crap and before he hung up said "find yourself another sponsor" WTF????????????????????????? It takes 2 weeks to get a check and his sponsor charged $300 for doing half of the baseboards knowing full well that my ah only charged 200 for doing ALL the baseboards. I'm so ticked off, I feel like going over to his sponsor's house and beating his head in!!! Who the hell does he think he is??? God? My ah has been down south almost 3 weeks and he has people calling him and telling him that the sponsor is talking crap about him, telling everyone that he screwed him over, etc.... And here my ah is trying to stay clean, support his family and now has a 2 faced, lying, back stabbing, arrogant, SOB that is supposed to give him support spreading lies about him. Man, I need anger management classes, lol I feel like I'm gonna explode. Thanks for letting me vent, and so help me God when my ah gets back tomorrow and we go to a Sat meeting, that *&^&&^%%$$##%$^%&^*&!!!!!!!$#@&^*&^%$#@!!! better not be there.

Elana

Wow.
I cannot imagine this happening. Assuming you have the true story (your husband is clean and all he is telling you is the truth), your husband needs to find a different sponsor or a different group.

That is my thought on this.

Ann

Your story begs the question: "Why does he allow this man to remain his sponsor?"

HE gets to choose his sponsor, and people change sponsors all the time for many different reasons, it's perfectly acceptable.

Just because someone is a sponsor doesn't mean they're not a jerk, and if you choose a jerk you are bound to get jerked around.

The thing is, it's not your husband asking here and all my suggestions are for him...so, what about YOU? What are you doing to help yourself and let go of your resentments?

I know that I used to get so wrapped up in my son's problems that I rarely had time for my own, and if that's your situation then I hope you'll be wiser than I was and find yourself some meetings to help you.

Hugs

BigSis

My thought was ... well, if he isn't strong enough to fire the abusive barstad, then the universe is taking care of it for him!

The work deal is wrong - probably everyone can see that. But more importantly, the sponsorship was wrong. And your AH was unwilling, or too fearful, or something to move out of it.

Now he can.

In the long run, your AH will work... lots of it. And he will prove, over and over, that his character and his craftmanship is well worth the price anyone pays. But getting an excellent sponsor - one with time in the program, who really is WORKING the steps and traditions... that is the kind of thing that will be worth more than all the work in the world.

What an opportunity. My prayers are that your AH can find the sponsor who is already out there, waiting to taking him in.

Sometimes, we have to struggle through terrible relationships in order to have a "frame of reference" for how good we really DO have it when we find the right person. Perhaps having a sponsor from hell is what your AH will need in order to appreciate the quiet strength and love of a great sponsor.

While I totally understand your anger at the former sponsor, he is likely treating everyone the same as he treated your AH. You are not alone in your feelings. The higher above him you can stay, the cleaner you will remain.... walking away from such a person is better for both you and your AH.

(((hugs)))

gasolinegirl

[QUOTE=Ann;1382276]Your story begs the question: "Why does he allow this man to remain his sponsor?"
/QUOTE]


Well, in the beginning the guy was awesome. It wasn't till maybe 3-4 months ago he started showing his true colors. He would be a SOB to my AH and then call him later that evening to apologize, kiss his butt etc.... So, then my AH would give it to his higher power and move on. My AH has always been an optimistic guy even when he was using, so I guess in a way he's just been accepting the guys behavior because the good was more than the bad. (That is of course till recently) he's been looking for another sponser, he gets through the days saying to himself that things happen for a reason and that he's not gonna let anyone screw up his recovery. He's sure taking it a whole lot better than me, and I'm not an addict. lol I feel like ripping the guy's heart out and showing it to him. Guess that's just me. =)

gasolinegirl

Well, I can say that in the past I would of probably said "yeah, right sure he screwed you over". But, I do know that my AH is clean and sober and working his recovery for today. He has come such a long way in these past 18 months, a whole diffent Husband and Father than when were first married. So, I do have to give him that much, and he has earned trust from me. I guess more than anything I'm just afraid that he might be tempted to use because of what happened. He is looking for a diffrent sponsor, but not a diffrent group.

gasolinegirl

[QUOTE=BigSis;1382396] the world.

What an opportunity. My prayers are that your AH can find the sponsor who is already out there, waiting to taking him in.

[QUOTE]


Thanks BigSis!