alyssiav

The above have pretty much said it = DETACH, DETACH, DETACH. I am fairly new to this forum but have been dealing with my addict husband for well over the 3 years we've been married and it took me years before I figured out that you will make yourself crazy searching for the evidence and being suspicious and yelling and preaching.. it will do you no good. For your own sanity read the stickys and keep on coming here bcs we are all linked bcs of this disease and you will be able to relate and get the support you need. I wish I had come here years ago. GOOD LUCK

doctor'swife

Ever since I found the boxes of Sudafed I haven't looked anymore. I am trying to do the detach thing but am finding it hard to detach from his problem without detaching from him entirely. How do you love someone but try and not care or obsess over what they are doing to themselves? How is detaching different from indifference? I always thought that hate was not the opposite of love that indifference was. I know he senses some distance from me but he has not asked me about it. So if he asks me why I am acting strangely do I tell him I was digging around in his bag and found the sudafed? If it won't do any good what do I say?

Mavis

That's a good question. If you figure it out let me know. I couldn't do it. I was getting physically sick so I had to move out..
In the past when I would not be intimate with AH, because of his drug use, he would keep me up until 6am blabbing my ear off.
If I would wanted to go for a walk by myself, he would get mopy and question me a thousand times.
I couldn't pee without the Man at the other side of the door. So heads up...

doctor'swife

Ugh. What a road I have ahead of me! This weekend we all go to the beach to celebrate his parent's 50th wedding anniversary. His mother lived through his father's alcoholic problems and they are great today. Of course now look at the wreckage of their children. Every one of them has had problems or married someone with problems. My husband and his brother are the last ones still in trouble. At least I'll have lots of other folks to talk to for a week. My sister in law has been where I am and we can take long walks on the beach. I might even sneak away to attend a meeting or two with her and her husband. It will definitely be impossible to be sad with all those beautiful happy children running around.

Jwife22

Hi doctorswife! I just wanted to add to make sure that you are keeping yourself financially secure just in case you need to leave. I saw that you are no longer going to keep a check on ATM receipts and wanted to make sure that you had some control over your finances and that you have enough money to leave if you choose to.

Believe me when I say that addiction can progress and that addicts will blow through whatever cash they can find without regards to whether or not it was for the house payment, car payment, etc. and then leave you to pick up the pieces.

Just be aware. (((((doctorswife))))

oh yeah! Do make sure that you get a copy of Codependent No More....its really an eye opener.

parentrecovers

nice to meet you, dw - keep posting! k

Nitelite

Welcome!
I was at an al-anon meeting the other day and a woman confided that her husband — a doctor — thought she was "betraying" him just by being at the meeting. He obviously believed no one else had noticed he was getting high on rx meds ~ LOL! This disease twists a users' perceptions inside out.

The things that help keep us sane I am sure you will hear many times in many different ways--detachment with love (soooo... much easier said than done); setting boundaries(soooo... much easier said than done); to which I would just add,

You know how the airline attendants emphasize you get your own oxygen mask up and running before you collapse trying to make sure your family is taken care of? always, always, always, always take care of yourself FIRST~
& keep coming back, (((((doctorswife))))...~nitelite

doctor'swife

Yes, we have just one joint checking account so I guess I am kind of stuck. Although I do have great relatives and a teaching degree so I figure if he really ruins us financially I have a place to stay until I can get back on my feet. Our house is paid for so that really helps. It is in my name too so he couldn't do anything without my signature, at least I think.... He has spent some huge sums of money on e-bay for dumb stuff when he was high but I am not really sure how much he has spent on prescriptions. It hasn't made a difference at this point because he makes a really good salary. Now if he lost his job that would be another story.

Spiritual Seeker

It sounds like you have leverage to get him to agree to go to a treatment program. Dr. organizations have a program specific to doctors because addiction among them is not uncommon. Investigare doing an intervention. I dated a Dr. 15 yrs. ago who acted much like your husband using family names to write prescriptions. When I found out I broke it off, but it was easy for me because we weren't married