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Hello, I'm doctor's wife and I'm new here

Old 06-15-2007, 06:39 PM
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Unhappy Hello, I'm doctor's wife and I'm new here

I just recently discovered my husband's addiction. He has been self-prescribing for himself using the kid's names, my name and who knows who else's names for the past two years. He was downing a bottle or two everyday of tamicoff or betatuss. My recovered aa brother in-law and his sister confronted him last Monday. He openly admitted it without us asking him specifically. He said he was relieved it was out in the open. However, he has now taken to buying boxes of Sudafed. He has just substituted one thing for another. He has read the alcoholic's anonymous cover to cover. I know that I can't control this or cure this I'm just wondering how I interact with him when I know he is lying to me all the time. I have been told it is pointless to tell him I know what he is doing. He will just put his stash somewhere else. At least he doesn't act crazy in front of the kids. They haven't really noticed. I didn't notice for so long myself. I just thought, man you are really manic today. Then he would sleep for days. I was beginning to think he was bipolar. We have three kids and have been married 14 years. Feeling alone in this marriage.
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Old 06-15-2007, 06:49 PM
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Welcome to SR!!! There seem to be more and more of us every day, as each of us discover this devastating disease. Read the sticky's at the top of the page, you need to get educated, so you at least won't unknowingly stand in the way of recovery.

My daughter is my addict. She is 30, was a registered nurse, with a son, a job, a car...etc., etc. Today she is homeless, I am raising her son, and she hooks to get money for her next fix. She is my only child, and was the light of my life.

I did nothing but cry for months, but thanks to this site, remain somewhat sane (smile). There are angels here, you are not alone.


Just remember the 3 C's

YOU didn't cause it
YOU can't control it
and sadly You can't cure it...

that's totally up to them, and if we had any power....none of us would be here.

Sorry you find yourself here...but welcome
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Old 06-15-2007, 07:02 PM
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I'm sorry for your pain, but glad you found us.

A book that has helped many of us here is called "Codependent No More" by Melody Beattie, if you get a chance pick up a copy and see if you don't agree.

When the insanity of living in my son's addiction began to make me sick, I found a live meeting and those meetings literally saved my life. If there are any near you, Alanon, Naranon and CoDA are all very similar, do yourself a favour and try a few.

We may not be able to do anything to save our addicts, but we don't have to go down with their ship. Working our own recovery program helps us keep our balance and learn to live well, no matter how our addicts are doing,

Welcome to SR.

Hugs
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Old 06-15-2007, 07:11 PM
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HI Doctor's wife.
Welcome to SR. The addict in my life is my exhusband (exah). We have an 8 yr old son together. My exah managed to hide his heroin addiction from me for about a year. I KNEW something was wrong...I thought it was depression...I would have never imagined that the problem was drugs. I understand how it feels to be blindsided by this in your marriage.

This site has been a true blessing to me. Its so nice to have a place to go where people really 'get it'. I remember feeling very, very alone...not just in my marriage..but in life. I didn't think anyone could possibly understand what I was going thru. I hope you find the same sense of comfort and strength here that I have.

Keep coming back. I'm looking forward to getting to know you better...
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Old 06-15-2007, 07:20 PM
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Hi, I'm fairly new here too. There is great wisdom and"friendship" here. Welcome!
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Old 06-15-2007, 07:51 PM
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Hi there, welcome! I'm so sorry for the reasons you are here, but very glad you found the wonderful supportive people at SR. It sounds like you have been given some excellent advice. Learning how to live a better way once addiction has stricken our lives takes some effort, but it is so worth it. I found coming here, reading and posting and going to Naranon meetings really helped me to take care of myself and to find ways to deal with addiction in my life. Hugs
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Old 06-15-2007, 08:06 PM
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welcome to S.R. my addict is my son.this site & my recovery is due to all the loving caring people here.there are lots of people that are right where you are.read around, read all the stickys at the top of the forum.you can not save your husband but you can save yourself.keep coming back.prayers for you, your husband,& children.
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Old 06-15-2007, 08:40 PM
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thanks for the warm welcome

I feel like I am among friends. It is a relief to not feel so alone. I will have to travel to Jackson to attend a meeting because my husband doesn't want this to get around. Sounds so stupid doesn't it? He didn't seem worried about it when he was all over town at different drug stores risking getting caught. Anyway, if he gets caught it will be by his own stupidity but not by me "outing" him. Maybe after my first meeting I will feel a little steadier. Thanks for mentioning the topics at the top. They were quite helpful. I will try to detach from him. It seems you have two choices here. You either detach from him and his addiction troubles or you leave. If you stay and detach than you are in a lonely marriage. I already don't trust a thing he says anymore. If you detach from the man you love but stay in the marriage does that mean he becomes a sad sort of wallet. I am being brutally honest here. If you stay because of the kids, because he is a good Dad but he has wrecked your intimacy, and the closeness you share by his lies and addiction are you selling out? All questions I pose to you who have travelled this road ahead of me. For now I am taking the detachment advice. I will try from this day forward to NOT check the caller id for phone calls to pharmacies. I will NOT check his bags for bottles and pills. I will not check the check register for the frequency of ATM withdrawals. This is my beginning. I already know my Lord and Savior and I will keep on walking in faith. Thanks for listening- dr'swife
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Old 06-15-2007, 10:24 PM
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doctors wife - Welcome! I did not know about detachment when I was with my xagf. I found SR and after reading a TON and her final screw you to me situation...I ended the relationship which as you will find can be a whole diffrent issue in itself. So I cannot offer detachment advice but I can say its worth a try until you want to try something more. Make yourself at home and remember every case of addiction is unique but they are all pretty much the same thing. I hope you keep coming back and continue to find things to help you along. It will all be ok with some time and some work on his part and yours...if he does not want to work at it, then it takes you working on you. Again, welcome aboard.
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Old 06-16-2007, 03:48 AM
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Just Hi and Welcome. All b4 me have said it.

The main thing for you to know is you are not alone and we are here to listen and offer help if you ask.

Sorry you are going thru this.
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Old 06-16-2007, 07:16 AM
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warm welcome to you. If you can be understood anywhere it is here. These people have helped me maintain my sanity in a time of chaos. I lost my fiancee march 9 to an overdose and currently have guardianship of my 1 1/2 year old grandson, yet I can tell you today, my life is good. Really good. I feel strong and I am well. keep coming back, if you need a friend or shoulder just IM anyone here....We do care...Marian
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Old 06-16-2007, 07:47 AM
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Good morning,

I welcome you even though I am relatively new to the site, although not new to addiction....my son is a long term addict and detachment is all you can do when it is your child....there are a couple of things in your post I would like to talk about, please understand that these are just my observations and in no way a judgement.....your name "doctors wife" is not who you are, he in no way defines you as a person...you are a person that deserves a life without secrets and one that does not feel alone in your marriage......the sudafed and the sleeping for days concerns me, as sudafed is the main ingredient in the making of "meth" and that is a whole other ballgame.....so if your choice is to stay (and only you can make that decision) educate yourself in this area of drugs, because knowledge is power.....

I am sorry if I sound blunt, but many years of dealing with addiction has shown that for me the only way I can deal is to be as truthful and as up front as possible......know and understand that this is his addiction...it is no reflection on you and the only person you can control is yourself.....gain as much knowledge as possible, be gentle with yourself and keep posting....the wonderful people on this site will walk this walk with you.....

Peace
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Old 06-16-2007, 07:51 AM
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Welcome Doctor's Wife!!!

Yes, you have found a wonderful site! (a little late coming in sorry) The Addict is my Husband of 7 year's. He is simular to your Husband in quitting one addiction and then moving on to another. For a while in our relationship, I truly thought he was clean because there was no evidence. But the signs were alway's there, and he denied it and called me crazy constantly. It wasn't until I found SR when I realized how broken down I had truly become, and I learned that I cannot fix my AH. It only takes him to fix himself when he is ready.
So I packed my belongings and my Son's and we have been seperated 4 month's. It was a decision I had to make for myself and my Son. I had to stop waiting for my Husband to realize what he was doing was sick. I had to let go of "wishing" and the most part is giving up my home that I had built from bottom up. Now I am back in school and not listening to AH quack. I have a life that is calm now and yes... there are moment's of laughter.

I am glad you posted... hope to hear from you soon..
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Old 06-16-2007, 08:55 AM
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welcome! So glad you found us.
I'm sorry you have to go through this. Have you been to an alanon meeting, or a naranon meeting?
They're very helpful and you learn tools to help you cope.
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Old 06-16-2007, 05:34 PM
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meth

Originally Posted by just for today View Post
Good morning,

I welcome you even though I am relatively new to the site, although not new to addiction....my son is a long term addict and detachment is all you can do when it is your child....there are a couple of things in your post I would like to talk about, please understand that these are just my observations and in no way a judgement.....your name "doctors wife" is not who you are, he in no way defines you as a person...you are a person that deserves a life without secrets and one that does not feel alone in your marriage......the sudafed and the sleeping for days concerns me, as sudafed is the main ingredient in the making of "meth" and that is a whole other ballgame.....so if your choice is to stay (and only you can make that decision) educate yourself in this area of drugs, because knowledge is power.....

I am sorry if I sound blunt, but many years of dealing with addiction has shown that for me the only way I can deal is to be as truthful and as up front as possible......know and understand that this is his addiction...it is no reflection on you and the only person you can control is yourself.....gain as much knowledge as possible, be gentle with yourself and keep posting....the wonderful people on this site will walk this walk with you.....

Peace

yes, I did know about the sudafed being the main ingredient in meth. His chugging the prescription cough medicine was his desire for the speed like effect it had in it. When he got caught doing this he just bought it in the sudafed form. Of course one can easily advance into meth I am sure. It has already crossed my mind. I am pretty sure he could not function at work as an emergency physician if he were taking that. But at this point I would believe anything!! I was gone most of the day getting Vacation Bible School supplies ready. I rode for 5 hours with a girl whose husband almost burned down her house while he was high on meth. We had an interesting "therapy" session during the car ride to say the very least. We even laughed a little. Of course then I had to go home which was depressing. I'm sure he can tell I am distant. Well maybe not, he is very self absorbed. He has gone to work and I can breathe a little easier. I am going to take the very good advice I saw here and not spend any more time obsessing about his problem. Time to go snuggle on my couch and watch Spiderman with the three best kids in the world.
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Old 06-17-2007, 05:47 AM
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Drs wife,

If you detach with love from your hisbands problem, but not detache from the rest of him it can keep the marriage from being empty. The biggest and hardest part though is figuring out how to fill your own emotional needs and always ahving plan B for the days he doesnt join you on whatever family outing.
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Old 06-17-2007, 11:35 AM
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hi doctors wife, just wanted to welcome you too. i'm sorry for your pain. the addict in my life is my husband too. everyone above has great advice, don't think theres much i can add just wanted to welcome you. keep posting here, you'll find great support.
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Old 06-17-2007, 12:00 PM
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Hi...
I'm a nurse. I was a meth addict for many years. My hubby and I were active together until it damn near cost me my job. Getting busted at work was the only thing that saved me...
I've been clean from meth since 8/15/01...
wish I could say that my spouse had decided to join me on my journey, but alas, he did not.
Welcome to the board, it offers much in support as well as in learning tools.
Keep coming back.
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Old 06-17-2007, 03:03 PM
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cinder..............I was wondering about detachment and what you said about detaching but not from the rest of him..................

how would you do that? I dont really understand..........
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Old 06-17-2007, 03:29 PM
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lies I responded to your pm, but wanted to add you ahve to remember there problem is bigger than you are, and keep telling yourself to let it go

It takes lots and lots of practice
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