Lovestoomuch

Well........my little Roxy girl likes to sit on my lap with her paws on the steering wheel. I think she thinks she's actually driving. I've gotta feeling this is gonna be a long butt trip!!

kj0975

Hi ladies and gents I just stopped in to say hello and I have ALOT of catching up to do. I am feeling better today made it through work. I did convince myself today at work that hell doesnt have fire like in the pics it has FLOURECENT lights. Yep pretty positive of that seeing that I visited there for 8hrs today. Hell by the end of my shift a big ball of fire would look like heaven compared to flourecent lights. Well stopped to get the piece of shyte beast inspected thinking it will pass. Well there I go thinking again. It has a f-ing gas leak WTF the guy was scared to let me drive the ticking time bomb out of there. made me promise not to smoke. I like to live on the edge though....... So I went out and got my sisters car which is inspected I'm sure she dont need where she is. So all in all not a bad day not a great day. Well off and running again. Good thing I got running shoes. Speaking of running shoes anvil did u get a pair yet? I will catch up later and address everything that I think I can add too. Have a great night......

cinderellawkids

Hello Everyone, wow life really does continue when Im not here. LOL
The game was fun. Left in 8th inning though, its tough being there alone with 3 rambunxious boys.
Oldest was picked to race mascot in third inning. Was really funny. Son had almost caught up with cubby, passed him and cubby picked him up and carried him almost to home plate and son reached out his foot and touched home. We all have free meals at Chickfila for that.

The kids were jumping up and down for home runs, even littleman was clapping and screaming"ubby" when cubby walked by.
Then all kids got up on astage for the chicken dance. Really cute.

Strange cell number on caller id when I got home, so I feel certain AH is alive, thats all I needed to know

Loves, Id use a crate for Roxy, especially when in the store. I moves from North Carolina to here with a crazy kitten, she was loose in the car and crated for me to get out.

My dog would like to sit in my lap, but air bags scare me, so I ahve a special thing in the back of SUV that makes the back section double as a cage

cinderellawkids

teke

hey louise, hows it going for you? i have a mental pic of the lady with the poodle shawl, i'll bet that was funny to actually see.

teke

cinder, those boys are adorable, you are a blessed woman, 3 men in the house. thats so cute. looks like they had a lot of fun. glad that you all were able to get away for a night out.

looks like now, i'm gonna have to race for the comp. i still have dial up and one phone line, so my daughter is beginning to have a sudden love for the phone and my son is developing a love for the madden cheat site, i guess thats what you call it. anyway i thought that since dad is not here, i try to allow them some time with the phone line and comp, so that they too can have a little time to help take their minds off things too. so now i guess its only fair that i share the phone line. today, i gave my daughter a time line and my son will get his too, but i forgot so far and he's already gone to bed. i guess i'll have to do most of my net time during the day and maybe later at night if i choose to. they do understand though that i am talking to my friends and every now and again, they know that i'm gonna ask them to let me have the comp for a min to check on my friends, gotta see whats going on.

well, its my bedtime, i guess

kj0975

Alright a tad bit of a biotch session here please feel free to skip this one.....

So I met fiance f-it u all know his name is scott. So I met scott out this evening with his brother and his wife and her brother and his nephew. I wasnt really drinking cause I had to drive and as the drunker is sil got the more she told me about what the whole family thinks of me. I know your thinking real nice. Yet everytime they call thier bank (us) I agree to give them money. I I I agree to give them money. What do they think that scott just decides what to loan them NO...

Well a couple of months back we were not getting along at all. To the point where it was I was looking at other places adn hoping I could move in with my old roomate. I dont know it was a huge ordeal and I confided in his sister cause she was just APPAULD and the way her brother acted towards me. Well didnt think anything of it a couple weeks later DUH when she pulled Scott aside and asked if I found a place to live. Well she was AT our house look around u biotch does it look like I'm moving. I dont know maybe not having her 2 front teeth that santa forgot to give her instead he took her brain. Same sister by the way I paid for her heat all f-ing winter. So she went and told the whole family I was leaving Scott and who was I to think I would make it without him.............................. I just found this out tonight so after she told the whole family about my confidential conversation with her she says this. I know it was only to start a fight. Well it did. I was honest though I told him I went and looked at 3 apartments and my old roomates. My point was that she didnt say this to protect her brother from me packing up and leaving she told him to start shyte. Oh how niave I am. So it all came out tonight. What does she think I cant live without her brother cause last I know when I met him I had my own place a new car and totally survived. Yes he does make over 20/hr who give a f. He still doesnt have a pot to pee in. If I left he would be left with a stereo thats it oh wait and some speakers. Everything in our house I brought with me...

So now my sister is selling her house not the greatest but a fixer upper and scotts nephew is looking for a place (I guess u cant live on moms porch forever) his gf is pregnant so since its Scotts nephew I convinced my sister to rent to own. Oh course its not good enough for him. I just informed him go look at apartments and maybe a trailor and let me know if u can get that for 500/mo. A WHOLE house. So now I am so pi$Ed off and I want to buy my sisters house and just start all over. F- him and f-his family. Wait no f-him. I just dont think I want to marry into a family that hates me for the way I was brought up. Sorry yours was different. WACKOs they make my sister look sane. Infact they havent caught on yet but everytime they have a family function going on I sign on to work just so I dont have to go. Why hang out with backstabbing 2faced a$$holes.

So I have decided I want my sisters house who cares what village it is in. Its a house and it will be mine. I'm not there to make friends I grew up there I know everyone. So the saga continues. This is why we arent married either I wont allow his sisters to be in my wedding CUT the cord that wasnt yours. so there is alot of pennies for my thoughts teke shake that piggy bank!!

cinderellawkids

Its so sad but true when you marry into a family you get them all and everything that comes with it.

Ever notice the guys closest to their families have the craziest ones?

Im up but very tired. Like clockwork I woke at 2 am. Thank goodness I got back to sleep. Well atleast its Friday you all.

ANyone have great plans?
Tonite Im going to see a girlfriend and get tables for my junk sale. MAybe Ill make somethiong, just realized I am out of coffee. creamer, milk and diapers. OOOPs I knew I figured something wrong.
With help of getting people to take some things off my hands Im going to organize around here. YEAH

teke

sorry you had to go through all of that kj. go ahead a get it out, let it be a lessoned learned, even though its the right thing to do, sometimes its best to choose who to tell what. i found that my in laws sometimes can be supportive as long as its benefitting them. you and god knows your heart, that your intentions were good, and that you were only thinking about your life and your own sanity, so try not to let what others do and say get you down, you know what the truth is.

i had to detach from my in laws too, as long as we're together, they are all cheering me on, but let it be me who needs to take care of me and my own life, then there totally hate me. some families are like that. i'll bet it felt like his whole family had just ganged up on you, huh? been there so many times and i know how angry and hurt that makes you feel, especially when they allow you to think that they are being supportive and understanding. my mil is so like that so i just leave her alone and out of any major decisions that i have to make outside of him.

i think that you now have a good plan, i wished that i had held of on the wedding when i had the chance, i know that maybe my life with him would have had a possible different ending, but that was then and this is now. take care of you, anger is sometimes what is needed to get the push that we need but try not to stay there too long, you could get stuck there and anger can eventually began to hurt you. try to turn it all over to your hp and move on. praying for all of you.

teke

well i'm here, today is friday, i guess payday feels a little different when i'm not expecting to recieve anything from ah. i won't be calling him about anything either. daughter is going on a field trip to stone mountain today. i've had my first cup of coffee, took the grands to school and now i'm waiting on my son, to take him to school. then it back home for what? no plans yet.

finallyout

Good morning all. Its FRIDAY!! Yipeee! So far work is quiet, thankfully. Had a great night with the kids and my awesome birthday cake. Looking for a really great weekend with my best friend and my in laws ( and NO AH!!!) I just wanted to thank everyone here, just reading all the posts has really gotten me over quite a slump. I am feeling so much better these days. I can finally start to see my life moving a really positive direction and I can't wait to see how it all plays out, especially without AH to mess it all up!

cinderellawkids

Feels peaceful doesnt it. I had the same thought this morning Teke.

Jewelz

Good morning all, well I basically havent seen abf all week. He works at night and by the time he gets in I am sleeping. We are basically living two seperate lives now...

yestedya when I got home I had the radio on and they were talking about woman who suffer from domestic violence. So much of what they were saying about it seemed to apply to us as well. They said the longer we a person stays in a abusive relationship the harder it is to leave. And that the woman who did leave usually did leave after the first incident. And when a woman allows the man to hit her thefirst time and does nothing the man sees it as it is ok to hit her. Kinda the same with addiction if we dont set our boundaries right from the begining they begin to think that its ok to use. Now I am not saying that the A's abuse us but its kind of the same emotionally with leaving. If I would have left after the first relapse it would have been in the begining of the relationship... I could have gotten over it easier. Now three years later I am still dealing with the ups and downs of addiction.

Lovestoomuch

Abuse is more than physical. I went through it all with my ex. He physically, mentally and emotionally abused me. From experience I have to tell you Jewelz, the mental and emotional abuse were so much worse. Bruises heal, but the other things they do never quite seem to go away........and can affect us long term. Here I have recently found myself almost purposly sabatoging my relationship with Noah.......why?? I have no clue, but normal isn't normal and having someone who cares about me is unusual...........and that's sad. I've realized I have so much work still left to do on me because of my past. A well person would just accept a loving relationship and be happy, embrase it and move on. Someone who has been abused for many years............she's never quite the same.

teke

good for you finallyout, glad to hear that you have a new attitude. one day at a time, one day at a time dear, it gets better.

Lovestoomuch

Abuse no matter what kind is a vicious cycle. I've seen women who always felt "less than" after being emotionally and mentally abused. They are always trying to draw attention to themselves. "hey look at me.......I'm here.......Someone notice me". It's so sad. I was never like that myself, but I sure am having a hard time with this whole healthy thing. lol

cinderellawkids

Now Im posting responses to find there not there. Great.
Blues, I never looked at it that way, but i do the same thing. I even get defensive about things that dont pertain to me

cinderellawkids

Is that completely bad? Im sorta that way, but not as a victim at all. But a big "notice me." and its a switch because I spent my whole life trying to disappear and not be noticed.

Lovestoomuch

Until I did some volunteer work at a womans shelter I used to look at women who seemingly begged for attention and thought ......WTF is the matter with her? and found it amusing sort of. But the reality almost always seems to be something is wrong on the inside. There was something missing........or is missing that you feel the need to be noticed. Maybe it's because we're not being heard or loved the way we wished we were. Maybe it's because we feel we've failed in some aspects of our lives and feel that need for some sort of validation from someone.

Either way, that need for someone to notice us is sort of a cry for help in my humble opinion only. Unfortunately when we put ourselves out there like that we are subject to people asking themselves "wtf is wrong with her?"

Funny........I want to be heard, but still un-noticed. I'm as messed up as they come, but I'm finally starting to realize there's something in me that's just not complete and no one can complete me but me. Now...........to just find out what the hell it is.

teke

boy is this true, i've been abused emotionally, mentally and physically and i don't think that i'll ever be the same. just the thought of me being a victim, sends me off into such a rage. i too have a lot of work to do on me if i'm ever to get past all of what i've suffered in the past. don't know if i'll ever want to be in another relationship, don't have a clue what it would be like to be in a healthy relationship, don't have a clue what a healthy relationship might look like. i think unless a miracle happened for me and my ah, then i'd rather be alone. not making this a law though, i sometimes wonder and to me that leave a crack in that door of finding out.

i think today, if i had to meet someone else, healthy or not, this i would imediately move into flashback city and would damage some other healthy person with my messed up sense of thinking. yea its sad but not as sad as it would be if i decided to do it anyway, without my own personal healing. well, i know i'm just thinking out loud and i won't re read this to see if this makes sense.