teke

whats up with these men, they do good until they are not around then its "can't live without you comforting me, or i need someone to talk to, or no body understands me like you do or i miss you so much, baby" got any more?

teke

i don't believe i was like that, i don't think, well i dont' know, maybe my family thought so, but rah wouldn't give to the time of day much. i don't know if they even remember half the stuff they do and say, until after awhile, like amneasia or something, like it may all of a sudden come back to them when least expected. then they remember.

how could he forget that he should be sorry that he took the car, and how is it that you are not suppose to be a little ticked off about it.

teke

i think you did good, no need to stay on the phone when you know eventually hes gonna say something to make you feel guilty. i guess they don't get it right away, maybe that'll take some time.

cinderellawkids

I started feeling myself getting angry. I dont want to be angry. Im not mad at him for doing what addicts do. I just dont want to deal with it he needs to grow up or move on.
I love him, I want our marriage to work but Ive been listening to the garbage to long. WWhen he was in jail he'd always say "You should be in here then youd know how I feel and what I need from you."
You know what I dont break laws so I should never be in that situation. Im tired of him wanting comfort. Its like I love you but stay away from me.

cinderellawkids

Last time I used to get so upset Id yell and scream on the phone then Id be mentally drained. Im not going there this time, I ahve to control me and my reactions. I ahve to and I will. Im supposed to go to an alanon meeting tomorrow F2F, Im scared

teke

thats the same thing i told my rah when he was in prison, always talking about i don't understand how bad it is for him, i told him thats why i do my best to stay out of those places and those situations. and also told him that i do love him dearly but i love me more.

cinderellawkids

Whys my AH talking about jail, hes been out for 6 months. Supposedly now he feels like he's in prison. HMMM since when could he walk outside when he wanted in jail

teke

don't be too scared, every body there is probably there for the same reason as you. i was scared too, turned out the best decision i could have made. you'll be ok, may sure you go more than once before you decide its not for you, who knows you might even find some new friends that you can have f2f folgers with.

cinderellawkids

bUt ANvil I dont know these people at alanon

cinderellawkids

I dont need new friends I need you guys.

Now do I sound like my husband. LOL

Guys hes really irritating. The whole I should be there with you guys snuggling you part. I want to barf. He should have thought of that, its not like I ahvent left before and flip out when he takes the car, not like he didnt know. I really think he thinks its okay to sdo what eh wants and okay to poison his body.

cinderellawkids

This world is so unjust towards him its so unfair. blah blah blah
Part of me thinks this is for good, my marriage is done, hopes fading.

Atleast the doctor upped my meds a few weeks ago with double antidepressants, Im not sad. NOPE

teke

btw, this sounds like growth to me, you are right about getting all drained, i kind of think they might try to wear you down by causing you to jump to the defense or argue at them, sorta of like some kind of punishment to them. i remember, i used to rather hear somebody argue at me, than for them to be calm and let me wallow in my own misery. at least if they were argueing i could try to apologize and hopefully get it out and over with

cinderellawkids

I always feel like he says things to intentionally get me upset so ill yell and then Im the crazy one.

cinderellawkids

Girls Im beat Im gonna get some sleep. Look forward to chatting tomorrow
HAve great nights

teke

i kind of understand now, why they suggest that you don't argue or try to guilt them into feeling bad, its like feeding into their misery, taking away some of their guilt that they already feels, or something like that.

btw, did you read that snow thread, we are all heading to your house where the temp is warmer, i invited them, hope you're not upset..LOL

teke

this is just whats addicts do, and if its over, that probably will have to be a decision that you make, addicts don't usually make those kind of decisions especially while active.

liesagain

Cinder, I know how you feel about the f2f
When I went everyone there was older than my mother and dealing with adult children so 1st I felt out of place, but they were nice and empathetic and encouraged me to speak and boy when I got started................how sad I cried my eyes out .............I doubt they could even understand me.
And I didn't go back.............I know I should but I havent been able to just yet.
And my AH sponsor and friends from group always ask or advise me to go........even telling me to try AA if I want to try other places...............but I tell them that right now, I have you guys and that I'm really doing better...............
It's scary going somewhere new with people you don't know, but you may just find it to be EXACTLY what you need..........
GOOD LUCK I really hope you LOVE IT!!! and that you keep going back

Jewelz

I'm getting tired of him, I love him but I am tired of him. He didn't do anything differently today than other days but still I know there is so much more out there for me. I should be sleeping like a baby right now but instead I am angry with him.

He cleaned up today, went to work, and got high. I believe that he thinks I should be grateful that he cleaned up some, grateful that he went to work all week, and grateful that he doesn't spend his whole payckeck on crack.

I am stuck rigth now for words... I have so many emotions playing within side of me that I seem unable to let them out. Maybe I am just extremely tired and should have been sleeping. Maybe if I didnt get woken up at 2 am for some nonsense or turn around trying to sleep and smell alcohol breathe... just maybe I would be sleeping instead of thinking of ways of trying to hurt him.

I need sleep... see you guys tomorrow morning.

Jewel

cinderellawkids

Sorry Jewelz. I know exactly how your feeling. You gett to point where you dont even care

cinderellawkids

I feel like ANvil did yesterday. I dont wanna go to work. DRagging to even get a shower. I have to, I will soon enough but I dont want to. Its hot here, time to turn the air on.

News show highlights: A guy was busted trying to sell endangered gopher tortoises. He is in jail. and 2 guys robbed a phaarmacy at gunpoint for Oxy. I think they got them too