cinderellawkids

Well I took Ahs call this morning. He went on and on about being sorry and missing me ect. I kept saying ahhuh and listening. In the end I said, this is miserable to me too, biut I know your strong enough to beat your problems and come back to us where I feel safe. Then I said just remember your promises mean nothing right now.
I feel pretty good about how I responded. Apparently the alarm didnt go off, he missed another day of work and has no money. Boo Hoo Hoo. He said I guess thats not your problem is it. I said no dear its not.

Guess Ive gotta suck it up and get in the shower now

cinderellawkids

I was rereading through this thread and theres good recovery stuff here.
SO for me Im gonna print it out as well as old threads going abck a year ago and put them in a 3 ring binder, along with paper to journal my feelings. Thats my gift to me.

teke

good morning yall, been up awhile just thinking, he's gotta go. somehow and at some point i think really soon, he's gotta go. so what, i asked him about this phone number, and he began ranting and raving verbal and i feel emotional abusive. i can't take it, who do he think he is, jumps up and calls his mommie to tell on me and to say that he needs a place to stay. said i was childish and need to grow up, that i have welfare mentality, and a few other mean and childish things that the kids don't even say to each other.

i mean this is my home, my car, my funiture, my everything, i got everything i own here while he was either on the street doing crack living with his mommie, or in jail. all he has here is a gym bag enough to fit a few clothes and shoes, and i'm the one who's not doing anything for myself. only helped paid the bill for the last 3 months since rehab and before that, we still weren't together.

i don't know why he's here, he says it to raise the kids, i've already done that they are 14,16, what is he talking about raise the kids. they only remember being with him for 2 christmases, hows that for raising kids. i don't need him here and if thats all he's here for, i don't want him here.

i just gave him his first house key, sat, and i got it back last nite. don't know what his plans are, but i intend to do something, don't know what yet, but something. i mean why do i allow him to come here anyway. he's never own his own room, let alone apartment, never own a car, never had a bank account for more than a few wks, 6 mos, is probably the long he's been at the same job, so what am i thinking. just venting and i'm probably not finished. just need to take a breath.



i was so hurt alnight, but this morning i'm thinking what on earth and i all hurt for?

Jewelz

I'm sorry teke he treated you that way but you wanna know something you sound very strong right now. Hold on to that and remember everything you have done for your children. You will be okay and dont need to stand for someone putting you down.

hugs,
Jewel

Jewelz

So far I have gone into work yet. I slept horrible and Michael woke up sounding really bad. He has a cough for a while but I thought it would have passed or it was allergies. I also know the doc dont prescribe anything for a cold so thats why I havent took him in yet. But today he woke up really bad but his attitude is still the same playing and everything. But I felt really guilty not getting him checked. I called out of work at first but felt really bad because of the interview tomorrow. Than called the docs got a appointment for 10am. Then a supervisor called I told her if everything went well and fast at the docs then I will go in for the afternoon. She told me to just take care of my son and not to worry about coverage cause they could handle it but then I said well I willc all you to let you know whats going on, she said ok.

Then my daughter gets upset because I might go into work, tries to play a guilt trip on me and I am getting tired of it. She always did this and in the begining it work cause I felt bad because her dad isnt around but now its getting old and I am tired of it. She's ten years old she knows what shes doing.

I'll update you guys a little later

Jewel

teke

jewelz, sorry that your lil guy is still feeling bad, and that your daughter wants to act out, but you sound like it have it all figured out. the littles ones know how to pull the strings to get you to do what they want you to do, anyway, so don't feel too bad. you are a good mom, and its not your fault that dad is not around, even though seems like sometimes they think that it is. you have no reason to feel guilty. i pray that it all works out for you and your kids, your job too.

cinderellawkids

Sorry Teke.
Your post read like daja vu to when myAH was clean the longest after first rehab. Those arguments and mommy calls started three weeks before he went off the deep end. You desire more respect than that and you know it. Your kids are probably like mine, happier when mom is at peace.

Sorry Jewelz about Michael being sick. My lil guy was vomiting all morning. MIL has him but not sure how long till I get a call.

Blues, we miss your posts.

Anvil, I love cut flowers.

teke

okay cinder, that makes sense, about the 3wk prior to using. i mean why would he go off like a mad man if the phone number wasn't important. said that i could call the number but i'd make myself look like a fool. so what thats suppose to mean.

cinderellawkids

If nothing else he's picking up old dangerous habits. You are full aware time will tell

teke

ok, i'm sorta having a hard time pushing out the anger. i can't do anything at the moment, cause he's at work, and i don't know how i want to handle this even if he wasn't. i think i'm mad at myself, for allowing him to come here in the first place. trying to decide if i can take it long enough to save a little more money, or do i want him to go now. if he's pre relapsing , then my decision will eventually be a little easier. all i can think about is how happy i was when he was in jail or him living with his mommie this last time around.

i don't even like this kind of man, how did i hook up with him? i like life without him better than i do with him.

he says that i can't find no body else to care about me, and i wonder what makes him think that. lord i need a little help here. still venting in my head.

teke

anvil, i remember mcfaden and whitehead, that maybe be the only era that i do remember,LOL i'm so happy that you guys are doing so good. makes me wonder.

teke

thanks blues,

god i need to change my thoughts, he's a liar too. it may have been wrong of me, but i called the number, i guess its somebody he works with, but he still lied and i don't trust him and i should have to doubt somebody that i allow back into my home clean or no, just because. so why would he want to call me now, i will not answer his calls, i think our conversation in over about that, i'd rather talk to you all about this and thats that. i think he really thinks i'm something to play with. ok, breath teke breath

katwomankc

wooohooo part 3

well cinder you need to worry about you and your little ones now. i think your doing great keep up the great work...

i have a day and half a day tomorrow and i am gone to vegas *****oo. at the casino we are staying at they have the titanic things there i am looking forward to seeing that. being titantic was my favorite movie of all time. it still is my favorite movie

everyone have a great thrilling thursday...

teke

what anvil? why did i allow him to be in my life all these yrs, anyway. i think it was a codependant relationship from the start. i honestly haven't really cared about what he did for about 18yrs, as long as he did it somewhere else. i've always thought he was too young and immature for me, i always thought that he had a slite mental problem that his mom wouldn't admit to. i mean the man is 46 and i met him at 25, and my son is more mature, to the point where i don't agree with his parenting skills at all. i've questioned myself all these yrs and i was still the more responsible parent even when i was using crack. i ain't getting nothing and i'm not losing anything with this one, can't thing of when i ever did and its been 21 yrs of my life, i guess i was thinking that it may be different if he ever got sober.

they say in the program that sometimes when they get sober you find out that what you thought you wanted might not be what you really wanted after all. i think i'm there, don't know yet, but i think they were talking about me.

teke

kat, what titantic thing are you going to see in vagas

kj0975

I wish I was going to vegas too. Then again I get a little bit carried away with the slots. I have learned to leave the ATM card home though. I feel like today is friday I keep thinking it is too. I am really enjoying not working 2 jobs its nice to have a couple days off a week. Between the 2 my only day off was tues and now I get mon tues and some weeks weds. I love it. I am on to work the next 8 days in a row though YUCK! Oh well guess the bills gotta get paid somehow. Still out looking at cars that saturn was a piece of crap! At least we did have 3 cars so I can wait a little bit its not like I am without a car. Well I am bringing fiance lunch today. We sit out in the car and eat lunch together on his break. Its nice.

Teke dont let that anger ruin your day let it go for now he is out of the house. I think u were really trying to make it work if its not there its not there.

Cinder stay strong hes not used to u holding out this long so he will learn this is not acceptable and u dont need him to go on with your life. Someday he will learn but not until he is ready. Hes used to being rescued with no consequences so this is a good stepping stone for him to learn from.

cinderellawkids

KJ, he should be used to it, I went 3 weeks in December and again January, guess maybe this is the first time he did it sober and without mommy, if he really is sober

cinderellawkids

I ahve to admit, I am jealous of anyone going on a vacation but I still hope you have fun Kat

teke

i agree with you kj, i guess i was willing to allow him to make it work, though i have not really been very receptive and maybe what you said is why.

i also agree with kj, cinder, hang in their, stick to your guns, he probably won't know what to think about you and your decisions in a few days, likd kj said, he's probably so use to somebody running to his rescue, that it may not have hit him yet, just keep being prepared. its coming, i'll bet it is.

cinderellawkids

Guys Im fighting the urge to bring hima care package with coffee and his favorite creamer, and an alarm clock. Tell me NO!!!