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Two things...

Old 08-26-2002, 04:12 PM
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JT
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Two things...

Now good news or bad news first???

Okay I will start with good! Ward and I celebrated a wedding anniversary this week...now we are not all that sentimental about these sorts of things. we have had bad years and we have had good. I had made no plans to buy anything but at the last minute on my way home from work I bought him a microwave for his basement "clubhouse"...he has been wanting one for popcorn but he doesn't buy alot for himself and I knew he would like it. And it has been a rough summer for both of us and he has been very good to me.

When I got home with my prize there was a huge package with a card on it....obviously some sort of artwork. We were laughing later that I kept walking by it giving it furtive glances. HIM buy artwork??? Well it was a picture of a beach that I had been coveting for several years....and he remembered it! And he knew exactly where I would put it....over my tub! It is huge!

The amazing thing about this is that neither one of us expected anything...we just knew that the other one had had a really tough summer.

And about 10 years ago I was going to leave this man! And he was ready to leave me! What was I thinking?

So much for the good.

Somebody has got to take the skillet and whack me!!!! All summer I have been laying around watching TV. That is not me...I normally get outside and take care of my yard and I take care of my house. It seems as tho since the GS's mother died in May I am not myself and I am fed up with it! I went on an anti-depressant (when that is not me either) for just this reason and I do feel better...not crying...but what the heck! I walked...I rode my bike...I was always outside...I would come home and vacume everyday (dog hair...not obsession) and water my plants and pull some weeds and dinner and laundry and on and on. Now I take a nap! I am up to my ankles in dog hair and my garden is shameful! Not normal behavior for me! I want normal again!! I am doing what I can and letting the rest go regarding the GS...really! Ward is doing more than me at home and not givning me a hard time, bless his pickled heart.

How do I shake it off??? I have tried everythng that I know...so what now? Take off the helmit and a giant BONG to the head???

Thanks in advance guys! I love you!

JT
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Old 08-26-2002, 05:05 PM
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You're already starting to shake it off... it's bugging you. Give yourself a break. You really did have a hard summer and if you have felt like lounging about a bit... so what? You are just having a little vacation from you-dom, and you'll come home when you're ready. Sounds like you're getting homesick, eh?

Love and hugs!
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Old 08-26-2002, 05:05 PM
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Sorry - no whacks from me. Not even a bunny slipper kick.

I see myself in several things you posted. First, it has been extremely hot and humid this summer...my guess is that Chicago has been the same. I also have not spent as much time in my yard as I usually do in the summer, and that bugs me too. But is is just too hot. Likewise for biking and walking like I used to enjoy.

Second, my housework leaves a little to be desired. There is just me here right now, and I keep up appearances, so to speak, but I have some serious closet cleaning, drawer disposal, and dust busting to do.

My excuse...don't really have one, but I know that since the first of the year my husband and I both sold our businesses, he went out west to work, my son moved in and created chaos and left, and I changed jobs twice. And last year I worked 12 hours a day at both businesses and struggled financially and was deep in my codependency. My guess is that my mind and body needed a rest and some time to heal.

And you have been through 1000 times worse than I have, with the tragic death of your daughter in law, your son's addiction and caring for your grandson. My guess is that your body and mind just need some healing time to.

When we are ready, the answer will come. Personally I am looking into something fun this fall. Not a college course or anything career related. Maybe tuba lessons or tap dancing, or anything that is just plain fun.

Big deal - our chores didn't get done. But our recovery did. YEAH US!!!!

Now....CONGRATULATIONS on your wedding anniversary to Ward the Wonderful!!. The gifts sound great and the love behind each choice is something out of a movie, but even better because it is real life. give that man a great big hug from me ****{WARD}}}.

You are a terrific lady JT, and you deserve to be pampered, and also to pamper yourself.
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Old 08-26-2002, 05:07 PM
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Oh yeh!

And that 's a great story about Ward.!
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Old 08-26-2002, 05:48 PM
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Hi JT - I would be the last one to swing a skillet, but I'll send you a big hug (((((JT))))) Congrats on your anniversary. It sounds like you and Ward do it right - for better or worse. Hopefully things will get better and better. And I agree with Smoke and Anns - big deal if you take it easy for a while. You'll get back to it when the time is right. Take care of you both, for now.

Love and hugs.

Last edited by margo; 08-26-2002 at 05:53 PM.
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Old 08-26-2002, 06:00 PM
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Hey JT

No whacks from me either. You deserve to take it easy and you will get back on track with the things you normally do. Maybe your body is just telling you that you needed a rest and when its rested the vacuuming and the weeding and whatever else will get done

I want to wish you and Ward a Happy Anniversary also!!

You take care.
Many hugs.
Love,
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Old 08-26-2002, 06:33 PM
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Thank you so much guys!

Tonite I had this great conversation with the other gramma and we are going to meet to watch Beavette get on the school bus on his first day! And there is a Grandparents Day first thing in Sept at school...the great thing is my job is such that I can do both and make it up. I was swinging my hips in the kitchen tonite...Ward was happy that I was feeling better.

I am "Just Tired" of being tired...I feel like I should be able to get through this before now. I have the tool belt....I got my welcome packet (heh heh).... I know the drill....what is the hold up?

I guess I am expecting too much from me...turn it over right? This truely is the biggest crisis of my life. I am powerless? Not really...I do have some power over his future....after all he is 5. I am typing and thinking out loud now...

What I need to do is get my butt off the couch...and get moving again....what is it they say? Do at least 2 things every day that you don't want to do? Well I have about 10!

Just thinkin'

JT

PS. Smoke...you are so right! I have been having a vacation from me-dom...and do you know what? Ward picked up the ball....amazing!

Oh and Ann....I am looking at a Faux Finishing class...I do love my house and and all the decorating!

Last edited by JT; 08-26-2002 at 06:43 PM.
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Old 08-26-2002, 06:56 PM
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Hi JT

You gotta watch those swinging hips when Ward's around

I'd say you're doing very well. You're not hiding out or in denial, you're just tired...and we are allowed to be tired. And you are doing things, maybe not as much as before, but you are still moving.

Faux finishing sounds nice, but I have no talent for decorating or painting and also I am probably moving out west late fall...yeah so why haven't I started getting rid of the junk in this house?

I have been playing with some basic geneology and making up albums for my nieces and nephews for Christmas. I want to pass down the stories and history (skeletons and all) to the next generation. And that has been fun, but I need to do something away from my computer LOL. I'm looking at one night a week of pure foolishness. I just haven't found anything quite fun enough yet, but will keep you posted.

You have motivated me with the 2 things a day quote. I am going to spend at least one hour every day cleaning a closet or getting rid of stuff. That makes it less overwhelming. I will take a bunch of garbage bags and just keep filling them up.

Thanks JT - you got me off my butt.
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Old 08-26-2002, 07:06 PM
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Ok Ann!

So I will come to Canada and help you! I am no good around here! How codependent is that?

I can weed!

JT
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Old 08-26-2002, 07:10 PM
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LOL - If you came to Canada JT, we would never get anything done...just have fun. You could faux finish my living room and I could tap dance and tuba at the same time.

What do you think of a yodelling class?
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Old 08-26-2002, 07:13 PM
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JT,

It hasn't been that long. It takes a good year to work through grief. If it goes beyond a year and is still this bad then you should start worrying. Shoot, you described me and I'm not grieving. I think stress sucks the life out of us. You've been through a really stressful time.

I do think you would feel better if you would just try to force yourself to work in the garden or something like that. I was thinking of buying myself a bike. Do you think I would break a hip???

Hugs,
MG

lol, it took me so long to write this there are 10 new posts before this one. I'll have to catch up again.
 
Old 08-26-2002, 08:47 PM
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Hey JT : )
I am not sure if I read all that right, but are you still on the anti-depresant? Cause if you are................that is why you are feeling so laid back. Laid back...a nice term for I don't want to do a ^&** thing! : ) It takes months to get them in your system and to the point where you just don't feel like a rag! When I started on my regime( I don't take anti d anymore,just klonopin for my panic) I was a zombie...all I did was sleep and get fatter. They are tough like that. Sooner...maybe later your body will come to terms with them. I have many friends on them and they have regained energy.
Right now I could use them..but I am fighting it all the way. I am feeling the stress of the divorce. If I work out( aerobic etc) I feel so enrgized and less depressed.
I am sorry about you Mom and all..I guess I signed on after all that sadness to ok place.
But how about that WARD! How cute...you guys are really tuned in to each other. I tried to tell the A when we got married about that kind of thing,,,,I already had one 20 year marriage under my belt..he was A#2...he finally was getting a bit of it ...but alas I had to throw his #$%^&* out.
Congrats to both of you! You must be close to me.........I could dust a bit, for a big price. : )
Love Kitty
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Old 08-27-2002, 01:32 AM
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J.T.
I think you are one amazing, strong,
lady. Grieving takes on all sorts
on strange maladys, and stages you go
through. You are "normal"--wow, did
I just call you "normal?"
Thanks for being here, you have helped
me out alot and I appreciate you.
I'm glad Ward is helping out, I know
you didn't "expect" this-and what a
gift!!
(I keep picturing Ann on the tuba.)

Hugs,
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Old 08-27-2002, 06:02 AM
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We can be the Anon Band!!! And Ann can be the star! She can play the tuba and yodel and tap dance...I will clank the skillet with a spoon (I have no talent!) and I will smell good from all my birthday bath products! I have a feeling Barbiedeb can sing!!! And Josie, Kitty, Margo, Pauline and anyone who wants to can sing backup! (DoooWop) MG....how about drums???

Oh and Smoke....what do you think we need for costumes!?

We could be like the Supremes and have the smooth moves! ( STOP in the name of love....think it oh-oh-ver) Any thoughts??? This could be so much fun!!

JT
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Old 08-27-2002, 06:12 AM
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Oh thats a good story about your husband and you. Congrats on the Anniversary, I wish you many more good years to come.

Everyone needs some downtime~if a nap feels better than firing up the washing machine....so be it!

You will get back in the swing of things before you know it!!!

Love you!
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Old 08-27-2002, 10:16 AM
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I played drums in my high school marching band so I'm in.
 
Old 08-27-2002, 10:17 AM
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JT -

You are an awsome woman, I admire your strenght and your honesty and your sense of humor, and and and so very much.

I was alittle preoccupied last night (I will post that on another thread) so i just got to reading this today.

As everyone said, you don't need any whacks. You did what you needed to do and now you are done with that, it may take a while to get back into the routine, but you will do it.

You and Ward seem to have a wonderful two way relationship. Sounds like your anniversay was wonderful. And you keep swinging those hips lady!!!!

Okay I am all up for the band, but if you want me to sing backup, there better be some others to drown out my voice. After I finish my speach class, I shouldn't have that much stage fright LOL.

You have been through alot Ann and our bodies handle things they way they do, you dealt with your grief the best way you could.

Keep swinging and keep smiling!!!
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Old 08-27-2002, 12:07 PM
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Hey JT

We ARE Supreme!!! We can all do the special Anon version of "I Will Survive" and our own favourite "R.E.S.P.E.C.T."...Icandigit, Icandigit,Icandigit...baaaby.

We can all boogy in our bunny slippers and helmets, and I'll just bet MG can twirl a baton. Smoke should definitely be our leader...that way if she is out front, she can't see us all screwing up behind her . She really is "The Wise One' here.

"Oh you can't hurry love, no you just have to wait
Love don't come easy - it's a game of give and take...."

I love this idea.
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Old 08-27-2002, 03:03 PM
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I don't know about the wisdom thing, but I had a lot of years of tap, jazz and ballet. However, I learned a long time ago working in regional theatre companies that one never admits they can play a musical instrument. Never.

I think the costumes should have a sort of village people assorted quality to them. Instead of a plumber, a cop, and indian and a cowboy we'll have our bunny slippered beauty, a duck hunter, a winged angel, a big Kitty with sharp claws, a hospital gowned patient with an icepack strapped to her head, a copy of the Bob Macke butterfly Barbie dress, a Sherlock Holmes and a rotisserie chef.
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Old 08-27-2002, 05:24 PM
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Phewww. I think we have got ourselves a parade, Smoke.

This should get JT on her feet again. Cans you do the costumes just right to fit us all? I like your version of the Village People look (at least we're not the Village Idiots ).
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