I want the pain and loneliness to go away

Old 08-28-2002, 08:14 AM
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I want the pain and loneliness to go away

It feels like I'm going to be stuck in this same spot forever. I can never really relax. My mind goes at warp speed 24 - 7 in a thousand different directions. I feel so lost and overwhelmed.
Why are all these feelings resurfacing again? I thought I had gotten past all of this.

I haven't gone to a meeting in a long time. I know I need to go but I just don't ever have time. I can't go tonight because I have my son's open house at his school. He starts pre-school next week. I'm so excited.

Sometimes being a single parent and I mean I do it all without any help from their Father - I get overwhelmed and feel like I wasn't cut out to be a mom. I feel guilty that I don't spend more time with them and don't really have time to sit down on the floor and play. I guess I could but I can't ever stop thinking about stuff long enough to enjoy playing with them. I know it's awful to say but sometimes I can't be bothered because I'm too wrapped up in obsessing over things. I feel horrible for feeling like that.
I don't want to be a single parent.

Thanks for listening.

Love,
Galnva
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Old 08-28-2002, 08:58 AM
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Hey Hey Hey!!!!
Next time you think about saying how much you dislike being a single parent , just remember, when were you ever accompianed with your A, as your husband to help you at parenting? I answer my own question every time I get down about being a single parent. Her dad was never there any darn way, Emoitionally or physically.

So, what I am saying is that you have raised 3 beautiful kids, and you get all the credit for that. Your doing a wonderful job, they know you love them. Take a small step towards quality time with them, do the best you can do. Take a small step in just trying to change the way you are thinking and obsessing. You can do it, I know you can!!

So, starting today~ What little thing could you do to take your mind off of things?

What little thing could you do with your kids to spend a little time with them, even if you weren't totally into it?

Key is - little things

My little things I did turned into big ones....I am a lover of the baby steps!!

Hang in there~your worth it!!!

Love you!
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Old 08-28-2002, 09:22 AM
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Galnva,

You've just described my life. I struggled through with terrible pain and anxiety. It was really hard to take care of my children through all of that. I made sure they were fed and made sure they had a lot of affection, but I couldn't play with them either. When they got a little older I took them to play video games and things where they could play and I could just watch.

My pain was connected to childhood events. At the time I didn't know that. The pain just seemed to be freefloating with no rhyme or reason. There was a reason though.

My advice right now would be to keep a jounal of all the good things you do for your children. I always give that advice to all mothers. When the kids are older you are only going to remember the mistakes you made. You won't remember what you did right. Write the good things down so you can remember. I really wish I had done that.

Awareness is the key to free you from your pain. It takes time. Don't beat yourself up for being where you are. Try very hard to find things to enjoy in each day. You can't get that day back again. Don't let your pain rob you of today. Soon you will find that you missed the best years of your life.

Write all the good things down so you can remember more than just the pain. Remember that nothing outside of yourself will fix this problem. It's all about you and your HP. That's where the answer is.

Hugs,
MG
 
Old 08-28-2002, 09:39 AM
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thanks Bonbon, I needed to hear that today. My new email address at work is [email protected]. Email me sometime. I miss talking to you.

I know you're right. I'm the type of person that needs companionship. I feel empty without it. Shaking this feeling is the so hard for me.

I will make more time to spend quality time with my children. Their Father really did do more than I thought even now the little time he does spend with them he makes that time all about them. He plays with them, takes them to McDonald's play land, plays soccer with them. I feel like they love him more than me and I'm the one who does everything for them.

One day at a time!!

Love ya,
Galnva Smile
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Old 08-28-2002, 09:50 AM
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Thanks MG,

I was posting at the same time you were. That's a good idea about the journal. I will start doing that today. I do do things with them like take them to a movie, out to eat, camping, Busch Gardens but I don't play with them when we're home. I feel terrible about that.

Sometimes I feel like a horrible person even though I know I'm not. I don't know if you guys believe in spiritual stuff like psychics but I went and saw one last night for a aura reading. It was pretty incredible. The things she knew were amazing.

Love,
Galnva
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Old 08-28-2002, 10:40 AM
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Galnva-
The hard part is the custodial parent v the fun parent. You have to be the artist who molds and shapes these little ones into the fine art and he is the one who buys it and admires it. Not fair sometimes but without you and your most important part, the kids would be lumps of clay. Sometimes at the end of a hard day at work and then rushing home to cook dinner and cleaning it up I too feeling guilty cause I just want to sit in the peace and quiet of my room for a little dreaming that I was the one that had no responsibilities and could be the one to stop at the bar for drinks and socialization. Anyway, just my opinion. Hang in there.
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Old 08-28-2002, 12:26 PM
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Galnva,
I struggled a lot with the concept of being the serious and committed parent while he got to be the Disneyland Dad, too. Eventually we got to a place where my sons were able to tell me that they came to look to their support, consistency, help etc. Now that they are older, they have told me that they felt they had balance in their life that way. And they told me that they had fun with me too, just in a different way!

Be gentle and loving to yourself. It sounds like you are a great parent doing a great job!

O59
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Old 08-28-2002, 04:25 PM
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Hi Galnva

My mom was a single parent too...my dad died when I was 6. She worked, when it wasn't fashionable for woment to work, and she kept house (my brothers and I chipped in too), abd she didn't have a lot of time for one on one with us after work.

But she gave us lots of love, and just having her there was reassuring. Something she did, that I will always remember is take ordinary things and make them special. Instead of a normal dinner at the table, she would make sandwiches and nibblies like pickles and celery and carrot sticks, and we would have a picnic in the back yard. It was convenient, didn't take any extra time, and it was fun.

Or, if she was walking to the store, she would take us all along and we would chat and pick wildflowers on the way back. Again, no extra time, but fun.

And she would have one night a week, where there was no TV, and we would play cards with her, or bake wonderful cookies that we could decorate with ugly faces or make pretty.

My guess is that this helped her take her mind off her lonliness without my father, and it took a negative situation and made it positive.

Keeping busy, doing fun things can distract you form your obsessional thinking and give your life new meaning.

Try it.
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