AnvilheadII

kinda makes ya wonder what you ever saw in this guy, right?

Ituvia

He completes 5 years at work in June and if one does complete five years, they get paid a certain amount so he said he wants to complete and check himself into rehab. Although I said I don't want to get back, I am feeling so weird. I don't know when it's ok to give another chance. Until I see some results this is not an option, I know that.

LexieCat

PLEASE don't let your mind even wander in that direction. First, it's unlikely he will actually follow through. Second, if you are looking for the least sign of progress, you're likely to see it--whether it's real or not.

I think you'd be MUCH better off just letting this relationship stay IN THE PAST, and move on to someone who's not a fixer-upper.

Ituvia

Lexicat, thank you. I understand.

Ariesagain

Okay, I'm a cynic, but I'd bet my car something will come up in June so he can't go then either...if he's not on a waiting list somewhere, it's pretty hard to imagine it happening, regardless.

This is a crappy way to spend your life...it's like being with a married man except he's married to his addiction. You'll spend your days and weeks waiting for the next crumb he tosses your way and every crumb will addict you further.

Wishing you strength and clarity.

Bekindalways

Ituvia, so glad to hear that you disconnected your landline.

Keep working on you so when he comes back (or another guy like him shows up) you don't fall for it.

You will get there!

AnvilheadII

GIVE him a chance to do WHAT exactly?

he is DRINKING......still. maybe go back and read some of your early posts.....how the relationship ended, what HE did , how YOU felt. he cheerfully cast you aside when it suited him. his drinking has always been an issue. you two fought all the time, you went so far as to strike HIM in anger.

why would you sign up for that again? when he hasn't changed ONE bit.

atalose

Sometimes giving someone a second chance is like giving them an extra bullet for their gun because they missed you the first time.

Have you not had enough hurt, pain and disappointment from this guy? Why would you even think about opening that door again? Have you not learned anything here at SR or about alcoholism?

You seem to always be setting the stage so that you are constantly on the receiving end of hurt and pain and at your own hands.........not his or anyone else's but yourself.

aliciagr

I hope your feeling better Ituvia. I think you did the right thing in realizing the emotional drama he brings isnt helping you. Like you said, you have been making progress with your therapy, and some of those heightened emotions can take your goals off track. I had to be apart from my husband while I worked on some issues myself. In fact we are apart for a second time right now as I do a little soul searching.

hopeful4

Wow. Truth.

Ituvia

I know I know and I remember whatever happened and the pain I was in. It's like I want that familiar face around me without all the issues, I guess. I am so incredibly lonely sometimes. I am just craving for someone to physically comfort me. Even a hug. I met with few friends over the weekend and everything but still don't know what's missing.

Ariesagain

It just hasn't been that long and you had the incident which set you back to square one, healing-wise. Of course there's still a ton of pain involved.

Be gentle with yourself and don't expect yourself to snap out of it quickly. It really is like the invasion of the body snatchers...the familiar face is still there but the person is gone.

Sending you a hug.

Ituvia

In all of these crappy feelings, I had a saucy dream about a friend(married) who has been helping me with stuff :/ I was like wtf is this when I woke up :/

Ariesagain

Hey, dreams don't count on your record...as long as you don't try to turn them into reality!

Maybe your brain needed a vacation. Maybe it was random neural firings. Regardless, you were distracted for a while and that's just fine!

atalose

Maybe the dream is your sub-conscious opening up to the idea that there can be life after your ex. Certainly not with the married man who has been helping you. The idea of someone in your future can be very real, if you let go of whom you have yourself anchored to.

Sasha1972

Maybe in some ways having these dreams about a married friend is "safe" - you know he's married, so you're not actually going to follow through on anything from the dream. Dreaming about people you're not actually going to do anything with can be a kind of first step into the world of dating/being single etc. It's like having a crush on a celebrity.

LexieCat

You mean my fantasies about Billie Joe Armstrong aren't gonna come true? ONOES!!

FallenAngelina

What's missing is your recovery. Just locking your ABF out of your life won't make a good life and a good boyfriend suddenly materialize. If you don't do a whole lotta work on yourself, including finding spiritual/meaningful practices for yourself, you will end up feeling again and again that something is missing. Now is a perfect time for you to begin your recovery journey.

mylifeismine

" Now is a perfect time for you to begin your recovery journey."

Yes this Ituvia.
Give yourself the big hug you are craving.
Love yourself, be good to yourself.
Make choices that are good for you & will keep your heart & body safe.
Learn from this life lesson and let it go, so that better things have
room to move into your life.
It starts with loving and valuing yourself and believing you are
worthy and loveable. You are.

atalose

Ituvia I was thinking about you and hope you are doing ok.