Incredible amount of pain
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Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 16,246
Ituvia....that would be true for a lot of people, I think. We operate from what we know....from what we have learned...what we believe is normal and to be expected....
How can you want for yourself what you have never seen?
How can you want for yourself what you have never seen?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2017
Posts: 432
I just have this incredible fear of living alone now or perhaps, always. I don't know why. I spoke to my therapist about my anger issues and he mentioned that I am angry at myself that I am projecting it on others. I feel like no one cares about me. So many issues now with eviction and all that and I just feel like I need a hug. Also spoke to T about wanting to end it all.Although not intense, the feelings are there. I feel like I don't matter to anyone. I see everyone going to parties and get togethers and I have no one. I don't know why. I just want to end it all.
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Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 5,103
I am very sad you feel that way BUT so glad you shared that feeling with your T. I know I could share a bunch of words with you telling you that changing our outlook on life from one of lack to one of abundance can make all the difference in the world to us. But much like recovery for the alcoholic/addict one would have to WANT that change first and then allow it to happen. I do think you want your life to change otherwise you wouldn’t be seeking out therapy and you wouldn’t be posting here.
I think all of these emotions have a way of breaking through like a dam giving way after we’ve stuffed them for so long. And when that dam breaks it sure feels so darn over whelming.
There are some things you can only learn in a storm and once that storm is over you won’t remember how you made it through. You will not be the same person who walked in. That is what the storm is all about!
((hugs))
I think all of these emotions have a way of breaking through like a dam giving way after we’ve stuffed them for so long. And when that dam breaks it sure feels so darn over whelming.
There are some things you can only learn in a storm and once that storm is over you won’t remember how you made it through. You will not be the same person who walked in. That is what the storm is all about!
((hugs))
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Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 13,560
Many, many people stay with their qualifiers because they are afraid of being alone. Time to start knowing YOU, and becoming happy with who you are. Alone is better than miserable, I promise.
And learning about yourself will ensure that your next relationship is a happy and healthy one instead of rinse and repeat.
Hugs.
And learning about yourself will ensure that your next relationship is a happy and healthy one instead of rinse and repeat.
Hugs.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2016
Posts: 1,144
Ituvia, I have been reading about what happy people do daily. The article points to 10 things for reflection or action. I have a daily journal that I summarize those 10 points at the end of the day. It helps me maybe it can help you.
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
I'm sorry you're in such a bad place right now. There is ALWAYS a solution. For some people it's medication, in combination with talk therapy and doing things to celebrate yourself.
You have friends, so you're not unlikeable. I get wanting to have that "special someone" but really, there are a lot of things to enjoy about being on one's own, too. I've been in several long term relationships, including two marriages, and I'm happier in my own life now, after being alone for over ten years, than I ever was in a relationship. I had to get to know myself after the last breakup because I had spent so much time and energy trying to be what other people wanted me to be, I'd forgotten who I was and what gave me joy. It's out there, you just have to find it. And the fact that you haven't yet, after this short period of time, isn't a predictor that you won't.
Don't project the way you are feeling right now to the rest of your life. Work on contemplating the possibility of happiness, not whether you feel it right this minute.
You have friends, so you're not unlikeable. I get wanting to have that "special someone" but really, there are a lot of things to enjoy about being on one's own, too. I've been in several long term relationships, including two marriages, and I'm happier in my own life now, after being alone for over ten years, than I ever was in a relationship. I had to get to know myself after the last breakup because I had spent so much time and energy trying to be what other people wanted me to be, I'd forgotten who I was and what gave me joy. It's out there, you just have to find it. And the fact that you haven't yet, after this short period of time, isn't a predictor that you won't.
Don't project the way you are feeling right now to the rest of your life. Work on contemplating the possibility of happiness, not whether you feel it right this minute.
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Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 5,103
It’s going to feel overwhelming when changing ourselves. Much like what dandylion said about “how can you want for yourself what you have never seen”. Same with how can we change ourselves when we don’t fully understand who or how we really want to be yet. I know for me I wanted to make healthier choices for myself in life with the people I picked to be around. And in order for me to do that I had to let go of all the un-healthy people and the people who just seemed to drag me down. I started really watching the people I admired and how they handled themselves. And then I began to learn new ways of approaching life just by watching them and listening to them and witnessing how they handled things.
What I found about fear is………………... Fear can be your best friend or your worst enemy. It’s like fire. If you can control it, it can cook for you, it can heat your house. If you can’t control it, it will burn everything around you and destroy you.
Its’ like telling ourselves there is a monster under the bed only to discover there really isn’t. We often intensify our fear with the things we tell ourselves that are mostly not true.
And anger can be a real good motivator for change.
What I found about fear is………………... Fear can be your best friend or your worst enemy. It’s like fire. If you can control it, it can cook for you, it can heat your house. If you can’t control it, it will burn everything around you and destroy you.
Its’ like telling ourselves there is a monster under the bed only to discover there really isn’t. We often intensify our fear with the things we tell ourselves that are mostly not true.
And anger can be a real good motivator for change.
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Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: USA
Posts: 2,393
(((((Ituvia))))) I, for one, am so happy you have your loving dogs whose whole world is YOU. I know mine got me through my darkest hour when another human (xhusband) let me down so hard in my life. And we all here care about you very much!
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Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 16,246
Ituvia......you have mentioned having anger a lot....I am curious---do you have any insight into the reasons that you are so angry with yourself? Do any of the reasons predate this particular relationship?
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Join Date: Feb 2017
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I have always been angry. With the world and with everyone. My T says I react immediately and don't think. He also said it's because I am angry at myself that I project it on others. I have a fragile ego he says. When that ego gets hurt, I want to hurt that person's ego. I think I am Donald Trump :/
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Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
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oh i don't think so.....we LIKE you!!!
it's good that you have a good relationship with your T. if the anger has always been there, you'll have to "go back" and try to find where it started, the when, why and how of it all. but i suggest you so WITH your counselor. normally i'd wave the 12 step flag, but i'm very concerned about your state of mind.
please please know that you are worthy just be breathing. just by being. this one relationship and break up does not DEFINE you. you are SEPARATE from him AND from the relationship.
if you feel at all in any danger of self-harm please call the Crisis Line or your T's after hours number immediately.
it's good that you have a good relationship with your T. if the anger has always been there, you'll have to "go back" and try to find where it started, the when, why and how of it all. but i suggest you so WITH your counselor. normally i'd wave the 12 step flag, but i'm very concerned about your state of mind.
please please know that you are worthy just be breathing. just by being. this one relationship and break up does not DEFINE you. you are SEPARATE from him AND from the relationship.
if you feel at all in any danger of self-harm please call the Crisis Line or your T's after hours number immediately.
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Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Western US
Posts: 8,999
Originally Posted by Ituvia 
I have always been angry. With the world and with everyone. My T says I react immediately and don't think. He also said it's because I am angry at myself that I project it on others. I have a fragile ego he says. When that ego gets hurt, I want to hurt that person's ego. I think I am Donald Trump :/
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Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 16,246
Ituvia....so, you know that you are angry and feel that you have been for a long time.....but, what about the "why"....when did it start?
No infant is born "angry"....
There is such a thing as temperament ....but that is not the same as ego...One is there at birth (temperament) and the other is a a result of psychological development which begins after birth.....
Did you ever suffer trauma, growing up? (you don't have to answer that one unless you feel comfortable doing so...but, it is one thing to ask yourself and to bring up with the psychiatrist....
No infant is born "angry"....
There is such a thing as temperament ....but that is not the same as ego...One is there at birth (temperament) and the other is a a result of psychological development which begins after birth.....
Did you ever suffer trauma, growing up? (you don't have to answer that one unless you feel comfortable doing so...but, it is one thing to ask yourself and to bring up with the psychiatrist....
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