amy55

I also recommend the book "Why Does He Do That?"

I spent so many years trying to figure out why he did what he did, and I was giving him all the excuses that I could think of. I think I was still giving him excuses even after I finally left.

The truth is, there are no excuses, no reason. After I left, I looked back at many of the things that were said to me. Things that just left me shocked....like I can't believe you just said that........ thinking he was trying to mess with my head, so I just shook it off...........what I realized was that was how he was actually thinking and actually meant.

I know that whole paragraph made no sense. I'll give an example.

I once said to him, I don't know why we need to fight about things like opinions. (Opinions that really meant nothing, like a tv show). I asked him if he could just understand that we both have different views and opinions, and I would love to hear his, and I may or may not agree with them, but I would respect them. I then asked if he could also just respect my views and opinions whether he agreed with them or not. (I mean come on here, we were talking about a tv show that I wasn't forcing him to watch, he had his own tv). His response to that was, well, that's no fun, then we wouldn't have things to fight about. I said, well, that's the point.

When I look at that transaction now, I realize, he just wanted to fight. He was already fighting inside his own head, he just needed someone else involved in the fight, and it didn't matter what it was about.

The thing with you "just getting over it already, look I already apologized". Well that has no meaning whatsoever. You felt like your life and childrens lives were being threatened, but that didn't matter to him. YOU SHOULD JUST GET OVER IT, AND GET OFF HIS BACK AND LET HIM BE HIM. Sorry about the caps, that is what I was use to, the screaming of that statement.

I would also hear, I didn't just say that or just do that (it may have been something from 5 minutes ago, or the previous day), but in his mind, it didn't matter, he didn't just yell at me, he didn't just threaten me, he didn't just hit me, he did that awhile ago, and I should have been "over it already".

You know sometimes I would wonder why we "minimize" things, perhaps it's because of this, what we get use to.

I remember my ex telling me that I should just let him be him, and I should just go back to the way I was. See, the thing here is, he wanted me to accept him and his escalating abuse, and he wanted me to go back to someone who wasn't questioning him.

Truth is, he can be who he wants to be. This is where you have the choice as to whether or not you want to be with the person who he is.

((((((((((hugs)))))))))))

please don't let his deflecting round and round and round we go arguments affect you. Please do not JADE (justify, argue, defend, explain), that gives him more ammunition.

amy

MAYA1

Omg, he sounds scary and si intimidating. I don't have any experience with such abuse but I think you should slowly start preparing a plan. The advice you got here seem accurate. Very sorry you have to go through this. Take care

elissa1962

My husband also started taking those hormone replacement therapies too and became very, very aggressive too. Just saying. I know there is more to this than that but it definitely plays into it. Be safe. Elissa

cr995

Hi SeekingClarity1, I have not been on this board for a while and I just thought I'd have a look today to see where I used to be.

It really helps to speak to people who have been where you are and and have come out the other side.I just want to say to you I am so sorry you are going through this - Listen to Lexie Cat - I didn't used to want to - but it is from a purely practical point of view what needs done. The longer you and children are in such a horrible situation the longer it takes to heal. It's a bit like a warped door - the longer it stays warped the more difficult it will be to straighten it out.

I think the bottom line is we have a partner who is unlikely ever to be okay, when all we want is for everything to be okay. That wanting - is our downfall. So I say if it helps to move on think that you will get out out of the situation until he shows himself to be healed if thats what it takes for you to make changes.

It has been 4 years since I left my xAH and I am still not okay. But I now feel it is alright that I am not okay - I have been through hell. But it is better for my children and me that I left, and at least there is some hope that I will be okay one day where as if I had stayed the only thing that I could have been sure of was that it was going to keep getting worse.

dandylion

seekingclarity....while his behavior certainly does sound like that of a person who is a typical entitled abuser, at baseline.....Steroids do contribute quite a bit to aggression.
I have seen this many times. I would caution you to go easy on the confrontation about this to him. In fact, I wouldn't do it any more.....
Otherwise, try to behave as you normally would....
I am soo glad that you are in touch and following up on the dv referral!
Don't hesitate to get yourself and kids to safety, if you need to.
I suggest to keep your cell phone within easy reach and keep your car keys where you have quick easy access.
Please continue to keep us informed as to how you are doing...
Can you try to keep yourself busy to keep your anxiety level down?

SeekingClarity1

Yes, his e-mail left little room for doubt that he is not going to change. So it really leaves me only one option.

But I'm having a hard day today. I feel like I'm softening and it worries me.

Last night after the kids were in bed, he tried to talk to me about things. He mentioned his "heartfelt" e-mail (hahaha) and said he was disappointed I didn't respond. I said, "Well, I just disagree, but that's okay." I know I was coming across as very distant and detached, but I didn't want to engage him in any kind of argument. He kept going on and on about how I've been stressed out, and how I still seem that way (I wonder why). I said I was okay, that I just hadn't slept well the night before. He said, "See, you were probably laying awake being angry at me, or confused about me or something, and then you were thinking about the kids and worrying about money,and one thing leads to another and you can't get your mind to stop. You need to learn techniques to relax. I've been working on that myself..." Blah blah blah. I was astonished that it wouldn't occur to him I was laying awake all night thinking about how terrified he had made me feel, and wondering how I was going to get away from him. How could he not realize that was the ONLY thing on my mind?!?!

He referenced "losing his temper" the other day a couple of times, how he was sorry he did, but "hey, everyone loses their temper sometimes." He said even I do, that I was yelling at the kids the other day and throwing things in the recycling bin in the garage. For one thing, if I was yelling at the kids I was probably just trying to be heard over all the noise they were making and I can guarantee they weren't at all scared of me. And I always throw things in the recycling bin because I'm too lazy to walk down the stairs so I can place them there more carefully. He said something about how I was "remembering things wrong" about the argument, that it wasn't as bad as I made it out to be.

He brought up the supplement issue and seemed to get unreasonably upset about it, saying how he's done "countless hours of research" on supplements. I said I didn't understand why he was so offended about it, that it was just something I was looking into. I said I didn't see the harm in him stopping the supplements for a week or so and seeing if he felt any different. He laughed and said, "But I don't feel angry on them! I'm not angry!" He brought up how I gave up gluten a couple of years ago, and he t hinks I've been more withdrawn since then, so by the same logic I might as well try eating gluten again and see if I become less withdrawn. (Hmm, the introversion couldn't have anything to do with his severe alcoholism and abusive behavior, could it?) I said, "It's not the same" but I didn't press the issue.

Ordinarily I would have been much more argumentative with him. I would have put my foot down like I did last year, insisted he make some kind of change, told him I refuse to be scared like that ever again. But I can't do that anymore because he's so volatile and unpredictable. So I just sat there, nodding politely, saying a few words here and there, not putting up much of a fight about anything. I could tell my lack of reaction was making him nervous. He kept chattering on and on in a weird way, like he was struggilng to gauge my feelings. At one point he said, "You need to stop being in your own head so much." He tried to get me to go have sex with him. I know from past experience that that's his barometer for how our relationship is doing. As long as I will have sex with him, everything must be okay.

But I'm just so repulsed by him right now so I said I was too tired, and that I can't just switch my feelings on and off so quickly after we had such a bad argument, that I need some more time to process my feelings. That was the best I could come up with. He kept pressuring me, over and over again (not in a threatening way but just in an annoying way), but he finally gave up and went to bed.

This morning he seemed hyper-vigilant about my feelings again, asking how I slept, asking what's going on in my head, saying how beautiful I am, blah blah. He seems anxious, probably because he can tell that his attempts to normalize everything aren't working.

I'm going to have to give in very soon and have sex with him, because otherwise there will be a big argument like there always is. I'm going to have to somehow do a better job of pretending everything is okay.

I'm starting to question my own feelings....Is he right that I'm just overly dramatic and overly sensitive, and I overreacted about the way he acted the other day? Should I believe him that he would never actually hit me, that he just momentarily "lost his temper" but it really wasn't a big deal? That it's completely normal for people to do that occasionally? He mentioned that his coworker "went through a rough patch" of throwing things around the house a couple of years ago.

Was I unreasonably scared of him the other day because he happens to be 6'3", 220 pounds and muscular? Would I have been as afraid if he were smaller? Am I just a scaredy cat or something?

But I saw the look in his eyes, both that time and on a few other occasions over the past year--that look of someone who is puffing himself up to seem larger than life, who is readying for a physical fight and is out of control, and he was headed toward me. Is that normal behavior?! I never, ever saw my dad act that way growing up.

Part of me wants desperately to brush all this under the rug, go back to trying to be a happy family, struggle along as usual. But then in my heart I know I can't. My world exploded the moment I became terrified of my SOBER husband. We might have been able to work through any other issue--cheating, lying, something like that. It would have been hard, maybe impossible in the end, but there at least would have been a little glimmer of hope. I just don't see how there's any way to work through this.

ladyscribbler

Was I unreasonably scared of him the other day because he happens to be 6'3", 220 pounds and muscular? Would I have been as afraid if he were smaller? Am I just a scaredy cat or something?

No, you are having a normal reaction to someone who you are supposed to be able to trust terrorizing you in your own home. The minimizing, denial and gaslighting he is doing are very common techniques by abusers to keep their partners off-balance and second guessing themselves and their reality. There's almost a "script" these guys use, a "playbook." I heard all that stuff about how I was overreacting, how I wasn't perfect and I did blah, blah, blah, how I "seemed tired" (yeah because you kept me up all night raging).

Things weren't ever as bad as I thought they were, they were worse. I was just so used to his controlling abusive behavior that only the most extreme, over the top displays of rage and violence actually registered after awhile. I didn't feel how much I'd been impacted until I was away from it for awhile.

I'm going to have to give in very soon and have sex with him, because otherwise there will be a big argument like there always is. I'm going to have to somehow do a better job of pretending everything is okay.

This was my experience as well. If I didn't sleep with him, if I didn't "get over" his abusive behavior fast enough and on his timeline, then it led to a whole new cycle. These men are not capable of the type of insight that would lead them to understand that their abusive behavior is the root cause of the problems in the relationship. And trying to get them to see is not only a waste of time, but can actually put you in danger.

I'm sorry you're going through this. We are here for you. You don't have to live this way. You deserve peace and safety in your home.

qtpi

Keep talking to the people at the Domestic Violence Hotline. This sounds like the Cycle of Abuse. Someone recommended a good book- Joanna Hunter, Maybe He'll Change. There are also books at the library- just don't keep them in the house. Maybe you can keep some books or papers at the local domestic abuse shelter. I wish you could get to the counselor TODAY! Maybe you could just go over there during the day to feel a bit safe- I used to go to Starbucks or McDonalds just to get a safe happy feeling. I am on my own now, but I still have a hard time feeling safe and secure. It is such a relief not to have to hide a diary or a book. It is strange but wonderful that I am not dancing to his tune- I am making my own life and don't have to think of him at all! People are smiling and kind to me and I am opening up like a flower! I am rooting for you!
(((((A BIG HUG))))))

LexieCat

No, you weren't being overdramatic or unreasonably scared the other day. Be careful, because it is a natural human tendency to want to "normalize" your world, however bad things get.

I think you see that that is what's happening, so I won't belabor it, just reinforce that that is exactly what's going on.

And that's what he WANTS you to do, and he's actively attempting to manipulate you so that you will.

As far as having sex with him goes, I never suggest anyone engage in any sexual activity they don't want. OTOH, you are in the best position to judge how to stay safe. So it's your call--no criticisms either way, from here.

I'd just encourage you to not sweep this incident--and the others--under the rug. He is NOT behaving in a normal way--the way a non-abusive person would behave. And there is no comparison to normal anger or frustration of the kind we all express from time to time--nothing like raising your voice to the kids or even throwing something in anger (Bill W's wife, Lois, famously threw a shoe at him AFTER he got sober--she's one of the co-founders of Al-Anon, and her husband was co-founder of AA).

Abusers love to use these tactics. Just keep recognizing them for what they are.

You're doing great--I hope you can talk with the counselor soon.

AnvilheadII

Cycle of Abuse:

The Abusive Cycle

This is the name for the ongoing rotation between destructive and constructive behavior which is typical of many dysfunctional relationships and families.

The Abuse Cycle is a repeating pattern where both the perpetrator and the victim of abuse contribute to the conditions which perpetuate the cycle. There are four distinct phases:

Flashpoint Phase

This is the point where the one person perpetrates an act of verbal, physical or emotional abuse on another. The perpetrator has maximum power in this phase and the victim has minimal power. The emotional energy level in the relationship shoots upward as adrenaline kicks in and both parties adopt the classic “fight or flight” responses.

Retribution Phase

This phase immediately follows the flashpoint. The perpetrator stops the offensive behavior and may begin to regret the consequences of their actions, as the victim typically pulls away emotionally or physically. The perpetrator often attempts to reach out or ‘hoover’ their victim with offers of affection, favors, gifts or promises to change. The victim is at maximum power in this phase and the perpetrator at minimum power.

Most victims will be emboldened by the moment and many will roll out demands and conditions which the perpetrator must meet in order to be allowed back in from the cold. The perpetrator is often willing to comply with these and may be reassured to know that demands of change indicate that the relationship is not over. The emotional energy level in the relationship stays high as the victim stays on high alert and the perpetrator works to clear the debt.

The victim’s morale may reach a high at this stage as they receive a lot of positive signs from the perpetrator, including constructive words, actions and some of the items on their “list” being addressed.

Distraction & Resignation Phase

This is the phase when things begin to quiet down, and the emotional energy of both parties begins to drop. The victim becomes less vigilant and the perpetrator less worried about losing the relationship. Both parties tend to drift back towards their initial or default state. They become less analytical about the relationship and turn their attention to other things. Promises of change and demands of change tend to erode away as the perpetrator spends less attention to the relationship and the victim is less vigilant in policing their boundaries. Both parties become increasingly resigned to their default roles in the relationship.

And the cycle is set to repeat again...

Lilro

I am going to say this as calmly as I can but I'm pissed!!

SNAP OUT OF IT!! Do you read me?? WAKE UP GIRL!!

I'm starting to question my own feelings....Is he right that I'm just overly dramatic and overly sensitive, and I overreacted about the way he acted the other day? No!

Should I believe him that he would never actually hit me, that he just momentarily "lost his temper" but it really wasn't a big deal? NO!

That it's completely normal for people to do that occasionally? UMMMMM WHAT PEOPLE?

He mentioned that his coworker "went through a rough patch" of throwing things around the house a couple of years ago. IS HIS CO- WORKER A 12 YEAR OLD?

Was I unreasonably scared of him the other day because he happens to be 6'3", 220 pounds and muscular? NO!

Would I have been as afraid if he were smaller? YES, HE'S A BULLY!

Am I just a scaredy cat or something? NO! YOU ARE A WOMAN THAT HAS GIVEN HIM TOO MANY CHANCES.

Please , see this for what it is. Your husband is a loose cannon. It is just a matter of time before he takes his bullying to the next level. Take your kids and get the hell away from him.

AnvilheadII

Fast forward to today....We've been arguing a little over the past few days. I've been extremely stressed out about a lot of things (money, kid stuff, etc.). He's been very pushy and in my face about trying to get me to not be so stressed out (which has been having the opposite effect). I was feeling better yesterday until he came home. He was in a bad mood. He tried to argue with me when we were in bed about to go to sleep, but I was so tired and told him I wanted to go to sleep.

So then this morning, after our oldest 3 kids left for school, he suddenly got really confrontational and aggressive with me. He thought I was "pushing him away" or something because I wasn't being affectionate enough with him. Out of the blue, he picked up a few things--I don't even know what--and threw them across the room, and started yelling and cussing. Then he started stomping toward me. I grabbed the phone, thinking in the back of my head I could call for help if I had to. He said, "Oh, you're going to call the police? I'm not going to let you"--or something like that. I can't remember his exact words now, but I put down the phone and felt VERY scared. Our 3-year-old had come into the room by then and I was trying to process what to do to protect both him and myself.

I kept pleading with my husband to calm down. He was yelling at me, calling me a b*tch and a c*nt. He eventually calmed down a little, but then he sat down at the kitchen table and announced that neither of us were going anywhere until we worked this out. I told him he needed to go to work so we could both calm down, and we could talk about it later. He refused and said he wasn't going anywhere. He said he was going to take the whole day off from work if he had to.


^^^ this is NOT NORMAL. this isn't a tiff or a spat. this is NOT ACCEPTABLE. this IS abuse. there isn't a rug big enough to sweep this under.

firebolt

This is really, really startling to me, and you feeling this way alone should wash away any doubts that you are over reacting. It is your body, you don't have to have sex with someone that repulses you, does not respect you, intimidates you, scares you, threatens you, belittles you, or tries to control you. Everything is NOT ok. I see why you may have to pretend, just please , PLEASE do not convince yourself that it is. I know how easy that is to do...i did it for years. My heart goes out to you.

You are right- you can't be honest with yourself AND go back to how things were. You are in the Matrix, and you took the red pill. This is real, and you're going to have to take it one day at a time....sometimes one minute at a time.

I really, really recommend seeing an attorney to get an understanding of your rights. You don't have to make a move - just get some awareness. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.

SeekingClarity1

You guys are all so right. I start crying every time I think about how kind all of you are being to help a total stranger. I hope someday I can pay it forward.

Dang it, my oldest son just came up to me to ask me something and said, "Are you crying?" And I said, "No, I'm fine" and shooed him away, but now I feel bad because he looked worried and I don't want him to be. This is so exhausting trying to pretend things are okay.

The kids had a half-day of school today and brought home a couple of friends to play with. They're all playing so well together and I keep thinking about how sad they would be to suddenly leave their friends. My daughter just started middle school and has adjusted so well, so much better than I thought she would. My youngest started preschool and loves it. I keep thinking how if/when we leave, it will be traumatic for them. I keep picturing the 5 of us living in a one-room apartment in a bad part of town, struggling to find enough crumbs to eat.

My husband has said in the past, when he thought I was going to leave him (not because I actually said I would, but he just often brings it up on his own), that if I did leave, I wouldn't get a cent from him. He would just disappear and never see the kids again. I don't know if he would really do that. I do think he loves the kids, but we have a lot of debt and I could see him just wanting to run away from his financial responsibility with them. So that worries me. I have a college degree but I've been out of work for so long and it would still be a huge struggle for me to singlehandedly support 4 kids.

But of course, I know in my heart this is all just a part of the tornado that's whirling around in my head right now. I know in my heart that none of this matters--losing friends, living in poverty or whatever--because it's all secondary to safety. I'm no good to my kids if I'm dead. They'll adjust to living in a new place but they would never adjust to seeing my husband hit me, or being afraid he's going to hurt them, or God forbid, if they were actually hurt by him.

I keep thinking back to a horrific story my husband told me about his own childhood, how his father was yelling at his mom and had either hit her or was going to hit her, and my husband's older brother (who might have been a young teenager at the time) ran into the kitchen and grabbed a knife to try to defend his mother. Fortunately the situation somehow resolved after that, but I can't even begin to imagine how scarred all of those kids, including my husband, were by that (not to mention his mom). And look at what's happening to my husband now. He's repeating the cycle himself. And the worst part is that he doesn't even realize it. No, I cannot allow this to happen to my kids. I cannot allow them to witness anything like that, to be a part of anything like that, because it would just devastate their lives like it has devastated the lives of my husband's entire family.

My primary job as a mother is to protect my children. Setting up nice playdates, giving them fun toys, taking them to fun places, that's all nice but it's not my primary job. My primary job is to keep them safe at ALL costs. Whatever we have to give up, whatever we have to change, it doesn't matter.

God, I'm just so overwhelmed.

While I was typing all this, the local shelter place called me back. I had talked to them yesterday and set up an appointment for next Friday, but then I changed my mind and called back and asked if we could switch it to this coming Monday, both because I'm still scared and because I'm also scared I need to talk to someone before I change my mind. Anyway, they had to call me back to confirm they were available, and they just did. I'm going there Monday morning. THANK GOD, my neighbor just texted me that she can watch my 3-year-old for me (I told her I have a doctor's appointment). It makes me feel a lot better to know I'm going to talk to someone.

LexieCat

Good job!! And don't get carried away with all the what-ifs. Courts don't like to see fathers run away from their responsibilities, and will enforce support orders. Yes, chances are there will be a certain amount of disruption, but as you said, it's a matter of priorities.

I think you will feel reassured after your appointment on Monday. Having even the beginnings of a plan often makes me feel more in control of a situation.

Hugs,

Wisconsin

Oh my dear, I am so very sorry for what you are going through. I had so many of the same issues. Many of my reasons were different, but the end result was the same. I didn't want to leave because I didn't want to disrupt lives. I was afraid of managing financially.

My situation had its differences--I was working. I had two children from a prior marriage. But so many similarities--the gradual creep of abuse that culminated in near-threats of physical abuse. The way the line of what he would do and what I would accept moved ever so slowly over a period of years. Just like the frog placed in a pot of slowly heating water, after many years I was a frog dying in boiling water when it seemed like only yesterday everything was fine.

I agree completely that you shouldn't let your fear of ending up destitute in a one room shack in a slum keep you from moving forward. Lexie is right--rare is the man who ACTUALLY disappears and is never forced to support his children. Your DV advocate will tell you about supportive programs, too. You and your children will not go hungry. You will not be homeless. I promise you.

What you will be is safe. Happy. When we left, my daughters (my STBXAH's stepdaughters) could not stop talking about how happy everyone was even though we were four people in a tiny two-bedroom apartment with no money to do anything except eat, watch television, and sit around and talk. Even the dog was happier. My son (STBXAH's son) spent those first few months acting out very violently and angrily. Today, 13 months later, he is 6 years old and happier and better adjusted than he has ever been. I have resurrected my relationships with my daughters, who are 16 and 13. They are learning about healthy boundaries with people in their lives.

Please do not underestimate the damage that your AH's behavior is doing to your children. No matter how much you think you have shielded them, they know. They know far more than you think they know. And they are learning from it every single day. My single biggest regret is that I did not leave sooner.

SeekingClarity1

Wow, this is so appropriate right now because just a few minutes ago I had a heartbreaking conversation with my 3-year-old, who was there during this last incident, but I had thought/hoped he didn't see a whole lot of my husband's aggression since he was out of the room for part of it. Earlier today he mentioned something about a "table that Daddy broke." I didn't know what he was talking about and I said, "How did Daddy break it?" but he just kind of looked at me and frowned.

Then a few minutes ago, I happened to notice that one of our folding TV tray tables, which is heavy and made out of real wood, had electrical tape around the edges. I looked closer and realized it looks like the legs have been taped back on. My 3-year-old was standing there and I said, "Is this the table Daddy broke?" He just frowned again and looked at me. I asked, "When did Daddy break it?" He paused and then said, "When you were crying." I said, "How did that make you feel?" He suddenly looked like he was going to cry and he said, "Sad." I gave him a hug.

He's been acting a lot more whiny and fussy ever since my husband's outburst. So obviously he saw a lot more and understood a lot more than I realized. It breaks my heart. I didn't even realize that the table had been one of the things my husband threw that day. He must have tried to tape the legs back on at some point after that.

Wisconsin, thank you so much for sharing your story. It really gives me hope.

Wisconsin

SC, let me tell you with one million percent certainty, YOU CAN DO IT. You can do it. You will be OK. The kids will be OK. In fact, you will all be more than OK. There are so many success stories in this forum. Here is mine, written only a few days after the kids and I left.

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ess-story.html

shockozulu

Hi, thank you for sharing all this with us. I have been in a similar situation. Leaving scared me so much that I stayed much longer than I should have. I went to the hospital once just to record my bruising and then eventually went back home. It wasn't until two good friends of mine said "no more" that I got out of my home. That was four years ago and let me tell you life isn't always easy but it's so much better.

Here is a short list of things I never thought I would do in my life before I left home. It is not all good or bad, just showing you that there is life outside this home.

I never thought I would:

Spend a night in a homeless shelter, much less several months. And miracle of miracles I actually gained weight once there as I wasn't worrying my weight off anymore.

Have two friends who cared enough about me to show up at my door saying I had 15 minutes to get my bags together with my most important items on top as I'm leaving my abusive home. I had lived with my abuser for twenty years. She was my roommate, best sister and best friend. Somewhere a drug got hold of her. The sweet girl turned into a physical and psychological abuser. I started over at 40.

Have a dog much less enough self esteem to train him myself with help from a professional trainer (I was a cat person)

Buy so much makeup I have multiple blue eyeshadows to choose from.

Dye my hair purple

Wear (and afford) contacts.

Earn certificates in various terrorism courses from Europe

Consider going back to school to be a paralegal

Go to the beach several times a week to study

Sleep well more than once a week without fear or anxiety wake me up or keeping me from sleep in the first place.

Own Dodgers shoes, hat and shirt.

Go to therapy weekly

Have a new set of friends to go out and do things with.

SeekingClarity, I'm looking forward to being here for your new start. You CAN do this.

AnvilheadII

had electrical tape around the edges. I looked closer and realized it looks like the legs have been taped back on.

shakes head.....yeah NO ONE will see that!?

maybe get that tv table out of there, huh? your little one now associates that with BAD things......maybe mentally it can be YOUR ********..........

ok, strange.....synonyms....amulet, touch stone....