wanttobehealthy

Thank you all for your comfort and feedback. I've not been worried by or about what xAH has done for some time and have been enjoying life with the kids and this whole matter has thrown me for a MAJOR loop...

I threw my back out over xmas and am unable to run right now which is unfortunate because what I need is a long reflective run to think this all through, make a decision and be at peace that whatever I decide, is what is meant to be...

Thank you again.

Hawkeye13

given what the lawyer said, and his past actions,
I'd let it default--

I'd rather it over than more money

wanttobehealthy

Me too... sadly the attorney who's helped me along the process has said there is no guarantee either way... Both settling and court have risks...

The judge could decide to hold it 30 days (judges can do whatever they want) or could finalize it on the spot...

I think I will go to the hearing, and bring the settlement with me and see what happens...

Keeping all options open...

NYCDoglvr

Yes, you are. Your resentment is certainly understandable, at least I relate. But you don't want to shoot yourself in the foot to make a point, even though AH isn't going to get it anyway. I suggest sitting down and talking it out with a therapist or close friend ... it's a terrific way of diluting the anger. Take out a pad and pen, write him a letter -- which you'll never send -- and let it rip. Congratulations on hanging in there, it's almost over. A big hug.

Liveitwell

Wanttobehealthy-I SO relate to your post. Almost word for word. I'd say whatever gets him gone and you some peace, regardless of whether he sees consequences now, that is the best option. God has a way of taking care of things-and in my experience ALWAYS takes care of them the best way-without us trying to be prideful and get in His way. I feel your pain-you are doing the best you can in a really crappy situation-kudos to you for taking care of yourself and your kids. Him? He's got the rest of his life to continue living with his demons-which will only get worse for him. Rooting for you, whatever you decide. I'll say a prayer tonight that you get sone peace about a decision; please keep us updated on how things go. Peace to you tonight.

AnonWife

If it was my decision - Id pray about it then take a few days to let my thoughts settle as I examinned what was best for me, and not worry about how it affects him since your attorney advised either option. Maybe dont overthink it.

wanttobehealthy

Well, I guess as a 3rd time around the final divorce wagon parting gift he decided to screw with me again...

I filed the settlement, and he apparently showed up TODAY (the moron thought today was the hearing, not tomorrow) intending to go to the hearing and disagree with the settlement HE proposed and signed.

So now there is a hearing tomorrow which I will be at given his NPD psycho drunk BS antics today and he's STILL trying to bully ME into not going as if he has a leg to stand on.

I'm seriously about to lose my god damn mind... Right to the bitter end he's finding ways to be himself...

Frankly if I had not filed the settlement he STILL would have been at the hearing that he thought was today and STILL would be bullying me.

I guess my motives were to try and find a way to not have him act this way and that is impossible...

He asked the court in a motion I objected to, to allow him to appear by phone because he has to be at work tomorrow and it's inconvenient for him to have to make another trip to our state from where he lives.

I swear to god if it gets granted, I might end up in jail for strangling the judge.

This needs to end.

And yes I am a goddamn fool as I've always been, to believe anything from him.

Liveitwell

NPDers are famous for the games they play. So are alkies but your guy takes the cake. It's just a game to screw with you, so either way you lose (in his mind) bc he's screwed with you. Sick stuff, eh? My ex tried to do the same thing-only what his actions have shown says everything about him...and thankfully a lot of other people have had their eyes opened to his lies, manipulations and bulying. Let him keep hanging himself and you sleep peacefully (I know, I know you're angry-that's what he wants). Peace and many hugs to you.

wanttobehealthy

Im just exhausted... Even when this is over, it's never over... and I keep choosing the path of least resistance with him since I think that if I go balls to the wall legally, it'll ramp up his crazy-- and even with the non resistant path, he still screws with me.

I now have to take time off of work to deal with his crazy and am just FED up

Liveitwell

Invest in a punching bag. I'm being totally serious! Does wonders for your body and mental state-releases a lot of anger!

PuzzledHeart

Just caught up with your thread and it jogged something in my mind.

http://well.blogs.nytimes.com/2015/0...rcissist/?_r=0

The link connects to an interview with a family therapist who wrote a guide book about divorcing narcissists. I have never read the book, so I can't tell you if it's any good. But it's telling that somebody felt the need for this book to be written in the first place.

hopeful4

I so understand. There are things I have wanted my X to have to face up to, face the consequences. Ultimately, that is just getting in your way. Look at the long term, look at how it benefits YOU from each side, and make your decision that way.

Hugs to you.