Difficult Situations
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
I agree with red. These things can happen very suddenly--an esophageal hemorrhage can cause death in minutes. OTOH, my second husband is, somehow, still alive almost 20 years later. He must be in truly awful shape, but he's alive. So pass along the info from the doctors and let your sister make the call. No matter what happens, neither of you have anything to feel guilty about. You can't hover over her for the rest of her life--however short/long that may be--to be sure you are there for her final moments.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 1,452
Spalding, take care, and know that you have done and are doing everything humanly possible to help your mother. And it is okay not to risk your life with organ donation for someone who is most likely not medically stable enough to have the surgery and recover.
It is a measure of your love and compassion that you would consider this, but it is not necessary. As a parent myself, I saw my job as helping my children grow into healthy, happy and functioning adults which they have done. Their independence and capacity for living full and giving lives is my measure of my success as a parent.
I know your mother can't get there now, but I would imagine, if she were in her right mind, that is what she would want for you. She has had her life; it is time for you to have yours.
ShootingStar1
It is a measure of your love and compassion that you would consider this, but it is not necessary. As a parent myself, I saw my job as helping my children grow into healthy, happy and functioning adults which they have done. Their independence and capacity for living full and giving lives is my measure of my success as a parent.
I know your mother can't get there now, but I would imagine, if she were in her right mind, that is what she would want for you. She has had her life; it is time for you to have yours.
ShootingStar1
Forum Leader
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 10,944
Hello Spalding,
At one point, my stepson's doctors thought he might need a liver transplant. The only problem--they would never approve him for one unless and until he had about 8 months of continuous sobriety. I only say this because I don't want you or your sister to get your hopes up about transplant surgery just now.
I'm so sorry you are all going through this. Please try to take care of yourself, too.
At one point, my stepson's doctors thought he might need a liver transplant. The only problem--they would never approve him for one unless and until he had about 8 months of continuous sobriety. I only say this because I don't want you or your sister to get your hopes up about transplant surgery just now.
I'm so sorry you are all going through this. Please try to take care of yourself, too.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Posts: 845
Oh, Spalding, I'm so very sorry to hear this. I've lost both of my parents to their drinking, so I have some idea of the anguish involved. Please keep coming back here for support. Many of us here have lost loved ones to drinking and can understand what you're going through. Know that you have been a loving daughter and made such a difference in your Mom's life.
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
Yes, please don't think that you don't belong here anymore now that your mom has passed. You will continue to be affected by all of this for some time--the effects her drinking had on you, as well as your grief at the loss of a much-loved parent. Please stay and keep posting!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Posts: 302
Oh, I'm so sorry to hear.
And please, please, do not beat yourself about trying to do more. You have done so much for her, and she made her decisions; you did the best you could given the circumstances.
Hugs, and you will always get support here if you need it.
D
And please, please, do not beat yourself about trying to do more. You have done so much for her, and she made her decisions; you did the best you could given the circumstances.
Hugs, and you will always get support here if you need it.
D
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