He chose alcohol and another woman over his family
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 73
Thank you all. This is all so hard. Moving on my own. No siblings, alcoholic parents.... No help at all . Doing it all on my own. Never thought I was strong enough to do this. Love house in country that I have viewed with lots of land and pure countryside for kids . Surrounded by countryside. Land is huge with a pond and separate land with chickens and turkeys. I worry though as there are no buses. I worry that as my kids get older they will want to see their friends but there are no buses. What do you all think ? Alternatively there is another house but not as much land for kids to play but it's in a town with buses. Am I isolating my kids if I move to country house? Sorry no family to seek advice from.
Yeah to alcoholics together. Cocky arrogant low life non remorseful evil pig. God it's hard xx
Yeah to alcoholics together. Cocky arrogant low life non remorseful evil pig. God it's hard xx
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2014
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Hi it's in my budget .... Top end which is ok. I worry though if I go for country when kids grow into teenagers because it is so remote with houses being miles apart, they won't be able to see any if their school friends. When they are young the land, ponds and poultry is fun . As teenagers they will want to socialise and there are no buses at all within a 3 mile radius for then to do that. I never want to move home again. My friend who grew up in country resented living that life when he was a teenager. He could never go any where. Also I work so can't drive them around everywhere. I am so stuck on what is best
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Join Date: Aug 2011
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Originally Posted by Lifeishard 
I am really upset . How dare he!!! The moms at the school already know she is an alcoholic and he is bringing her to the school.
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Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: The Bright Side of the Moon
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I can't say much about the country vs. town concern, though I do see your point. What I want to point out to you is how awesome I think it is that you are concerned about the details of your children's lives, not just now, but in the future too. You understand their needs.
Do you think an A can make choices while thinking like that? Probably not. They have a hard time thinking of the future and consequences. They have a hard time thinking of how things affect others.
I realize that I might be self righteous here. Those characteristics of my X were quite frustrating to me.
I applaud you for thinking of your children's needs (present and future).
Do you think an A can make choices while thinking like that? Probably not. They have a hard time thinking of the future and consequences. They have a hard time thinking of how things affect others.
I realize that I might be self righteous here. Those characteristics of my X were quite frustrating to me.
I applaud you for thinking of your children's needs (present and future).
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Join Date: May 2010
Posts: 1,057
I faced a similar situation when I became a single parent and my kids were very young. Every property I looked at was out of town with the exception of the one I bought. It only took a few days to understand why God planted us here. We live just a few blocks from school and my workplace in a neighborhood where the best neighbors on the planet live.
They have become family and have come to our rescue more than once over the years.
They've been here for emergency day care when I've been sick, rides for the kids when I was held up somewhere, watched over the house and pets and mowed the lawn while we've been out of town, called me while we were out of state to let me know about severe property damage during a summer storm and made sure things were secure until we got home, been over numerous times to repair things in the house that I never would have known how to fix, been there to jump start a vehicle with a dead battery, shoveled the long driveway numerous times after snowstorms, and the list goes on.
My girls have loved having neighborhood kids to grow up with. Now they are old enough to help out with the younger neighborhood kids and do a lot of babysitting and playing with the little ones outside.
Living so close to the school eliminated a lot of stress related to transportation. Especially as they got older and became more involved in school activities.
I certainly can't say what you should do, but just wanted to offer my experience as a single parent. Single parenting is a lot of work, overwhelming at times, and living in town with nearby support has been a huge blessing to us.
They have become family and have come to our rescue more than once over the years.
They've been here for emergency day care when I've been sick, rides for the kids when I was held up somewhere, watched over the house and pets and mowed the lawn while we've been out of town, called me while we were out of state to let me know about severe property damage during a summer storm and made sure things were secure until we got home, been over numerous times to repair things in the house that I never would have known how to fix, been there to jump start a vehicle with a dead battery, shoveled the long driveway numerous times after snowstorms, and the list goes on.
My girls have loved having neighborhood kids to grow up with. Now they are old enough to help out with the younger neighborhood kids and do a lot of babysitting and playing with the little ones outside.
Living so close to the school eliminated a lot of stress related to transportation. Especially as they got older and became more involved in school activities.
I certainly can't say what you should do, but just wanted to offer my experience as a single parent. Single parenting is a lot of work, overwhelming at times, and living in town with nearby support has been a huge blessing to us.
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Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 11,431
If it is your house for life, I think the deciding vote should go to you.
You haven't said which kids prefer?
There are good reasons for both.
I longed for a farm growing up and now I finally have one, so I'm on the country side
but HWC makes a solid case for town also.
Good luck on a happy choice!
You haven't said which kids prefer?
There are good reasons for both.
I longed for a farm growing up and now I finally have one, so I'm on the country side
but HWC makes a solid case for town also.
Good luck on a happy choice!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 73
Hi all put an offer in for the house with a massive back garden in a village with shops and a school and bus services . Thought about kids being too isolated when they grow into teenagers so decided against house in the country with no buses. Promised to buy kids a massive trampoline to go in back garden. They like house I have chosen .
Update on ex..... He contacted his mate the one who told me about the other woman and had a go at him for telling me . Also had a go at him for still visiting me with his kids. Ex told his mate quote 'not to defy him'. His friend said to him your the alcoholic, your the one that lost a good thing. Ex then threatened his mate unless he stopped visiting me he would get a car full of people to batter him! His friend laughed and said you are slurring your words so you are obviously drunk. Ex then said that his life was s**t. Friend said it's your own fault at ex agreed he lost a good thing.
So ex isn't as happy as what I thought and is obviously bothered at losing me. Ex won't be able to contact me ever again as number blocked. I want nothing to do with my ex ever again and obviously his drinking will get worse and he has lost his wife and kids. I would never have him back. Not now especially after knowing he chose an ex hooker and alcoholic rather than getting help with alcoholism to win his family bAck.
His loss my gain. New life for me and kids in a new home in an estimated 10 weeks when the legal stuff goes through. He will regret what he did one day
Update on ex..... He contacted his mate the one who told me about the other woman and had a go at him for telling me . Also had a go at him for still visiting me with his kids. Ex told his mate quote 'not to defy him'. His friend said to him your the alcoholic, your the one that lost a good thing. Ex then threatened his mate unless he stopped visiting me he would get a car full of people to batter him! His friend laughed and said you are slurring your words so you are obviously drunk. Ex then said that his life was s**t. Friend said it's your own fault at ex agreed he lost a good thing.
So ex isn't as happy as what I thought and is obviously bothered at losing me. Ex won't be able to contact me ever again as number blocked. I want nothing to do with my ex ever again and obviously his drinking will get worse and he has lost his wife and kids. I would never have him back. Not now especially after knowing he chose an ex hooker and alcoholic rather than getting help with alcoholism to win his family bAck.
His loss my gain. New life for me and kids in a new home in an estimated 10 weeks when the legal stuff goes through. He will regret what he did one day
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Join Date: Mar 2014
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Sounds like you are on such a great path.
I'm sure the kids will be happy there. My parents moved us to the country with no bus routes for 10 miles when I was 8. I was ok there until about 16 then I moved into the city with my aunt. It was hard being so isolated as a teen. I loved it as a child though.
Good for you for all the healthy choices you are making.
I'm sure the kids will be happy there. My parents moved us to the country with no bus routes for 10 miles when I was 8. I was ok there until about 16 then I moved into the city with my aunt. It was hard being so isolated as a teen. I loved it as a child though.
Good for you for all the healthy choices you are making.
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Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
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Good for you!
We got a trampoline last fall, the kids absolutely love it! It has been so fun for them.
Life is alot of times not what it appears when we are on the outside looking in.
You keep taking care of you and your kids. Enjoy your new home and move forward in a positive and loving way!
We got a trampoline last fall, the kids absolutely love it! It has been so fun for them.
Life is alot of times not what it appears when we are on the outside looking in.
You keep taking care of you and your kids. Enjoy your new home and move forward in a positive and loving way!
Fabulous.
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Join Date: May 2010
Posts: 1,057
Originally Posted by Lifeishard
So ex isn't as happy as what I thought and is obviously bothered at losing me. Ex won't be able to contact me ever again as number blocked. I want nothing to do with my ex ever again and obviously his drinking will get worse and he has lost his wife and kids. I would never have him back. Not now especially after knowing he chose an ex hooker and alcoholic rather than getting help with alcoholism to win his family bAck.
His loss my gain. New life for me and kids in a new home in an estimated 10 weeks when the legal stuff goes through. He will regret what he did one day
His loss my gain. New life for me and kids in a new home in an estimated 10 weeks when the legal stuff goes through. He will regret what he did one day
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Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 73
Hi all sorry to post but I have no one to talk to and am feeling low today. Just got kids from school after ex having them the weekend and daughter tells me that his gf was telling her about mommy losing her husband so I am upset. Gf said this as my daughter said to her that she smells of alcohol everyday like daddy does and that mommy is worried about them both drinking. Gf saying mommy not happy as daddy has her now and that he loves her. I have just burst into tears in front of my kids, something I didn't want to do. Daughter telling me daddy loves her. I am so distraught . Rather chose an alcoholic on welfare who drinks with him rather than try to get better . I am imaging their life to be do perfect while I am so lonely. I cry through loneliness. Yes I am moving and having a fresh new start with kids but I still love him and do not understand how he does not love me. What's wrong with me? Why does he get to be happy.
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Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
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and you really think they are HAPPY? maybe you need to sit for a bit and think about what happy means to YOU. does drinking every day and stinking of booze fit that criteria? being on welfare? bailing on your responsibilities?
in AA they talk about the "easier, softer way" - taking the easy way out, instead of facing life, ducking and hiding from it. walking away from obligations. or to sum it up, being a CHICKEN SH!T. like being on welfare and drinking all the time, rather than sober up and get a job. stuff like that. he bailed cuz he din't have the heart and the spine to MAN UP. really quite pathetic when you think about it.
i'm sorry it all made you sad. you're entitled to be sad. but believe me, you are in a far better place, even if you can't see it yet. love yourself, love your kids, love your life.
in AA they talk about the "easier, softer way" - taking the easy way out, instead of facing life, ducking and hiding from it. walking away from obligations. or to sum it up, being a CHICKEN SH!T. like being on welfare and drinking all the time, rather than sober up and get a job. stuff like that. he bailed cuz he din't have the heart and the spine to MAN UP. really quite pathetic when you think about it.
i'm sorry it all made you sad. you're entitled to be sad. but believe me, you are in a far better place, even if you can't see it yet. love yourself, love your kids, love your life.
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Join Date: Nov 2008
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I agree with Anvil.
He is a cowardly selfish pathetic loser. Failures run away from responsibility and their families. He couldn't hack it. Alcohol was more important to him than you and your kids. it isn't about her, it is about the fact that she enables his alcoholism. She sounds messed up too. Again, it isn't about him, it is about his ability to PAY for her and drink with her. He provides financially and they get drunk. It works for now for them because they are sick people. You cannot look to sick people to have good judgement or make sane decisions. They just don't, it is a result of being sick/having a mental illness.
Please don't allow yourself to take her or their words at face value. They are ******** artists and BS is what they do.
He is a cowardly selfish pathetic loser. Failures run away from responsibility and their families. He couldn't hack it. Alcohol was more important to him than you and your kids. it isn't about her, it is about the fact that she enables his alcoholism. She sounds messed up too. Again, it isn't about him, it is about his ability to PAY for her and drink with her. He provides financially and they get drunk. It works for now for them because they are sick people. You cannot look to sick people to have good judgement or make sane decisions. They just don't, it is a result of being sick/having a mental illness.
Please don't allow yourself to take her or their words at face value. They are ******** artists and BS is what they do.
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Join Date: Mar 2014
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Thanks anvil head . It's just sooo hard and at the moment I don't see a future. I isolate myself for a reason. Kids are now saying his gf has checked me out on Facebook and she told our daughter who said yes mommy is very pretty isn't she in which gf ignored her . Yeah I have the looks, good job but I am desperately lonely. You are all right as he couldn't man up for his family . But in that I feel I wasn't worth trying for . Counselling and al-anon is not helping my self esteem as I feel so worthless. Can't ever see myself being in a relationship again either . I see years ahead of me being lonely and trying to heal .
I was there for him 100%. Drove him around for 3 years when he lost his licence . His new gf has no licence , and kids say she drinks his beer , smokes his fags, eats his food and she pays for nothing. He is keeping her and yet I went back to work within weeks of having our kids as he would never keep me! I am jealous over her as she has the man I love. I hate being jealous over her when she has nothing to offer most men . I can't stand this pain. When will it ever end ?
I was there for him 100%. Drove him around for 3 years when he lost his licence . His new gf has no licence , and kids say she drinks his beer , smokes his fags, eats his food and she pays for nothing. He is keeping her and yet I went back to work within weeks of having our kids as he would never keep me! I am jealous over her as she has the man I love. I hate being jealous over her when she has nothing to offer most men . I can't stand this pain. When will it ever end ?
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Join Date: Mar 2013
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Originally Posted by Lifeishard
I can't stand this pain. When will it ever end ?
Can I also suggest you read here, as much as you can? There are so many stories like yours, and you can see how others have dealt with the same feelings you're having.
For inspiration, here's one of my favorite threads: http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...s-stories.html
Here's another one: http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...thank-you.html
You'll make it--so many here have done it, and so can you. Just keep putting one foot in front of the other, and keep reaching out for help.
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Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: The Bright Side of the Moon
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Your kids are easy targets for their manipulation. If that "woman" felt secure in herself and her place in this world, she would not be talking about ANY of this with your daughter. What a creep! All the recommendations that any expert would make would be to not draw the kids into the adult drama, but that's what she's doing. X is either to drunk to notice or he is allowing it. They do not have the best interests of the kids in mind. They are too immature. This makes me mad for you.
Please don't believe that if your husband or this woman took (sober) appraisals of their lives right now that they would say,"Oh, yeah. Everything's great! We're happy!" Happy people don't have to manipulate children.
Let this roll off your shoulders like water off a duck's back. I'm feeling the need to make some sort of joke about a duck's quack here, but nothing coming to mind. Hold your head high. You are the healthiest you can be right now and you are moving toward even more health.
I know pain very much like yours. I wanted to die. I even wanted to hurt myself. I made it past the worst of it. I'm still sad and angry, but I know I'll be okay, because it's better than it was. I know I'll be okay, because I choose to be around and listen to people who have made it through pain like ours. Don't forget this. It sucks. It's hard. It hurts. It is Not forever. It will lead you to a better place.
Much love for you and your children.
Please don't believe that if your husband or this woman took (sober) appraisals of their lives right now that they would say,"Oh, yeah. Everything's great! We're happy!" Happy people don't have to manipulate children.
Let this roll off your shoulders like water off a duck's back. I'm feeling the need to make some sort of joke about a duck's quack here, but nothing coming to mind. Hold your head high. You are the healthiest you can be right now and you are moving toward even more health.
I know pain very much like yours. I wanted to die. I even wanted to hurt myself. I made it past the worst of it. I'm still sad and angry, but I know I'll be okay, because it's better than it was. I know I'll be okay, because I choose to be around and listen to people who have made it through pain like ours. Don't forget this. It sucks. It's hard. It hurts. It is Not forever. It will lead you to a better place.
Much love for you and your children.
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