wicked

Okay CV, I would like to tell you how I felt when I read those statements from your SIL.
(I heard the same sort of things from my MIL when my ex, her son, and I separated.)
I feel passive aggressive controlling BS. Yes, that is tough, but why does she feel the need to pressure you to return her calls? Does she think you fell off the end of the world? I am one of those people who does not like to be poked, over and over, just to assuage someone else's anxieties about what I am doing.
I needed space and time from my ex (and he was very annoying and belligerent), I needed a break from my MIL. As much as she said she knew her son had a problem, she was still looking for someone else to take responsibility. I could not do it.
She called, daily and left messages. Finally she called and screamed at the voice mail that S and I needed to communicate!
I called and kindly but firmly told her I do not want to talk to S about anything. Turns out he was telling her that I would drop the kids off (at her house) at a certain time, and when I did not answer the phone she was upset, thinking I was keeping the grandchildren from her.
So, I said, I love you MIL! The kids love you! You can see them anytime you want!
I also explained as nicely as I could that S was arriving at my house too drunk to drive the kids to her house. Well, when she found out that he was doing that, she said, Can I call you when I want to visit the kids? Of course she could, and our relationship was great from that point on until her death years later.
This long story, I am trying to say, it was very very hard for me to tell my MIL that her son was making arrangements without talking to me. I also explained to her that the daily calls made me uncomfortable and I did not want to answer them. Later, it became an "in joke" between the two of us.
I miss her.
What are your boundaries with your SIL?
I would have deployed the cheese after the third attempt to get a reply from me.
Maybe you could ask her for time to respond? A specific amount of time?
Or, ask her why she needs your response so quickly?
She might think she is being helpful and that you want her to check in on you, then you could tell her she is codependent and she has some reading to do before she calls you again? bwahahahahahaha!

Just some crazy things I have been thinking about.

Beth

CeciliaV

thanks, wicked, I needed to hear that. I really haven't set any boundaries with my in-laws. I accept responsibility for being way too "informative" with them earlier - calling, sending text messages, etc. I have set a precedent for always being available and always informing them of what's going on. I do love them - they're great people and good friends. But I'm having a hard time with figuring out where that boundary is. Their viewpoint of my AH is different. They haven't lived with it. They sound like they want to help him get help, help him out of his depression, and I can understand that. I don't think they see his depression/anxiety and his addiction as two separate things, and I understand that, too. I'm no expert, but I've been doing all I can to educate myself. What makes it all the more confusing for everyone involved is that there's no one right way to be when you're a loved one of an A. I see conflicting advice. I see conflicting viewpoints on addiction and bottoms and how to "help" an A reach his/her bottom (and whether that's even a good thing). So I get that it's hard to understand and know what is "right" to do. I have to accept that I cannot change them or their viewpoints or their approach. I've voiced my approach - I have to let him succeed or fail on his own; I have to let him decide what he wants to do on his own.

I really don't know how that conversation between my husband and his sister went the other day. I don't know what he's told her, and I don't know what she said to him, and it's none of my business. I don't know what my SIL is telling the rest of the family. Part of me suspects that she's upset with me for not being more communicative.

I did email her back yesterday. I just let her know I'm having a hard time and working through this all the best I can, one day at a time. I didn't acknowledge her statement about how their grandmother would love to hear from me - I know she would, but I just can't do it...I can't call her and deal with that conversation right now, and I'm not sure if/when I will be able to make that call. I may send a message to the in-laws later today after I see husband, but I know I'm not obligated to. I have to remember that his recovery is his path and his story to tell, not mine. It makes me feel a little cold to pull back, especially when SIL is asking me if I visited him and how he's doing/looking, etc. In all honesty, she probably wouldn't feel so great if I were to be honest and tell her that he looked like crap when I saw him last weekend - it was one freaking day after he got in there, and neither one of us was in a good place emotionally either. In a way, I think she's looking to me for comfort, and I just can't give her that - not in a mean way, but in the "I don't have it to give" way. Gotta remember to be a little selfish - I care for my in-laws, but I have to care about me first and foremost.

Oy, I'm all over the place in this post - focus, girl, focus! I guess what I'm trying to say is that I know that others' feelings are not my burden to carry, and that I'm still trying to figure out how to let them carry their own while I carry mine and still be able to have a healthy/positive discourse between us. Wicked, I envy your ability to be able to have had that frank discussion with your MIL! I gotta remember that and channel that for inspiration when I'm having a hard time.

CeciliaV

Oh, and I have some "stuff I'm reading" updates. I finished "Everything Changes" and I'm more than halfway through "Getting Them Sober Vol 1." My response so far? Hrm.

"Everything Changes" would be great for someone who is new to this whole thing - someone who is a bit earlier in the process, needs an intro to addiction, etc. I felt like there wasn't too much in there that I haven't heard or didn't know already. It was odd. For being a book that is marketed towards helping families of addicts, it spent a lot of time focusing on the addict. There was a lot of the usual: take care of yourself, don't set unreasonable expectations, get educated, don't keep alcohol in the house, don't buy alcohol for the A, set boundaries. There were also recommendations to cultivate hope & forgiveness - I understand letting go and not holding on to anger and not being pessimistic all the time...but I also have to refocus my hope for myself and maybe focus less on forgiveness and more on acknowledging my pain for what's been going on. I'm not at the forgiveness stage!

I was also intrigued by the discussions of relapse. It's referenced as normal part of the recovery process. That relapse can be seen as an opportunity for the A to learn and grow rather than as a failure. The book also talks about after-relapse plans, how the reaction to a relapse can depend on the severity, etc., so it's not like it's saying, "Hey, just hang around, if he relapses enough times and has enough of those growth opportunities, he'll be a-okay!"

For all the "hrm" feelings I have about this book, there WERE a few things that I did like and that hit me. One was the discussion of dysfunctional family roles - caretaker (hiya, that's me!), hero (overachiever trying to keep up the family's good image), lost child (having no needs of their own so as to reduce overall family stress...I see some of me here), clown (some of me here too - the one that goes to humor to bring some levity), and the scapegoat (the addict...and the one that is the focus/source of unhappiness and problems). VERY interesting. Also interesting that I see myself in multiple roles in my relationship with my A and with my own family.

I also found the drama triangle discussion intriguing. Until I read through some sample conversations/scenarios, I hadn't realized how I'm flipping between victim, rescuer, and persecutor...all in one conversation! Wow. Gotta work on that.

There was also one part that I just have to share. The author (Beverly Conyers) tells how she was discussing with a friend her frustrations regarding her own daughter and how she wanted to try to do things to help her get better. The response from her friend was, BAM. That one hit me right between the eyes.

So as for "Getting Them Sober?" I dunno, I feel like it's just not speaking to me. I feel like I'm not the target audience for most of the stories, scenarios, and situations discussed so far. My husband never threatened to leave me, wasn't verbally or physically abusive (although I acknowledge the emotional abuse & insanity of living with an A), never was a go-to-the-bar every night drinker (always hiding it around the house & drinking alone instead), never talked about finding support from another woman if I didn't do xyz, etc. I realize it was written over 30 years ago and gender roles have changed in that time, so there's some stuff in there that seems a bit dated. I'm going to keep reading though and I should be able to finish it today. As the saying goes, I'll take what I like, and leave the rest.

Bluegalangal

I just finished getting them sober vol. 1 and yeah it's very dated. There were some things in there that I found validating: this is how they act, yeah, 30 years ago - I'm not imagining it,I'm not "crazy." But then I am just starting to find out about all this, so a lot is new to me.

CeciliaV

It's a bookalicious week - got my Smart Recovery F&F Handbook today! It came RIGHT before I left to go to the rehab family-of session & to see husband, so I didn't get a chance to look through it, but I brought it with me. I actually lent it to the family counselor while I was visiting with my husband, since he had expressed interest and curiosity in the program. Other than the different viewpoint on admitting powerlessness, he really liked it - he said a lot of what he's been doing for years as a therapist & counselor is in there.

Anywho, other than getting the handbook, lots more has happened today. My mom was calling somewhat obsessively. She called the house twice today, not leaving messages either time - once as I was showering & getting ready, and then once again right when i was coming in the door from a dog walk right before trying to get out the door again to go to the rehab center for the family session & visit...so I missed both the calls. I also missed a call earlier this week...okay, so I purposely missed it because I was just tired and not in the mood to talk, but hey, who's to blame me?! So I've got my stuff packed, coat on, about to head out the door, and she calls my cell - WORRIED as hell. "OH MY GOD I've been trying to call you for DAYS." I told her that I've both been busy and trying to keep myself busy and that I was on my way out again and would call her later. More questions - are you working today? (Because that's the only other place I'd be if I wasn't home?!) Where's the husband, how is he, is he at work or home? I told her I wasn't working, just busy, have stuff to do today, husband's not home, and he's doing okay. Again told her that I have to run but would call her later, and she doesn't need to freak out and automatically worry that I'm dead if I'm not there to answer a call. I got a very flat response. Hrm. I've talked with her before about the calling & not leaving messages & freaking out when I don't call her when she doesn't actually leave a message, so I didn't bother having that conversation again.

Between traffic & getting wrapped up in that call with my mom, I ended up being pretty late for the family session today, but even though it was short, it was pretty good. Same other two wives from last weekend were there again today, so it was nice to see some familiar faces and catch up a little. I was encouraged by one of the other wives & by the counselor to talk to my parents and set boundaries with them rather than not telling them about husband's "re-rehab." I was asked whether it's a bigger burden for me to not tell them or to have that uncomfortable conversation. I'm on the fence. I spoke about it with my husband - he knows my mom well and he knows my struggles with her all too well, and he actually had some good ideas on how to talk to her in a healthy way if I choose to. Believe it or not, we busted out pen & paper and worked on a little script outline, lol! I still don't know if I'm going to tell my parents. It is a burden to not tell them and to be "creative" when we speak, but there is the potential for a very high burden on me for telling them and having them not respecting my boundaries and being all up in my business. It's hard to read my dad sometimes, and I can't really gauge him on this - he seems like he doesn't get it, even though he's had his own struggles with alcohol. (Short summary for those who haven't been following my whole saga - dad was hiding vodka in water bottles & mom said IT'S OVER unless it stopped...then it was like it never happened.) Mom's history of being supportive and understanding and respectful is sporadic to non-existent. Hell, when she TRIED to be supportive with the last go around of rehab, she said/wrote some very nice words once the initial shock wore off, but it didn't last very long and it devolved quickly into overbearing checking-in to make HER feel better and probing questions that I wasn't comfortable with. I'm going to have to stew on this one for a bit and just see what feels right - I'll probably make the final decision on what to say & how to say it when i'm actually on the phone with them later today. Or I may just chicken out entirely or just send them a letter. More to follow on that.

The visit with husband was pretty good. He expressed how he's feeling. Sounds like he's doing good work with his counselor - very focused on relapse prevention and getting over the "I did rehab, I GOT THIS" feeling he had after his first go around. We also spoke about him going to a transitional/sober/half-way house after rehab, and he's waffling on it - he actually (seriously) suggested that we just rearrange the furniture at home so it's not the same as it was. Wait, WHAT? How do you go from "yes sober living facility would be good for transition when I get out of here" to "let's rearrange the furniture?" He said he may stay longer than the 4 weeks at rehab and that he really wants to come home afterwards rather than go somewhere else. I asked if he had considered what my feelings were on this & whether I would want him to come home after rehab, and his answer was that he hadn't gotten that far yet...and then he asked how I felt. I was honest - I'm not sure how I feel, but it would be a good idea for him to look into other options in case I don't give him the option of coming right home. I also told him that I'm glad that he's focusing on doing the work he needs to do even if it means a longer stay, but in all honesty, it will be logistically difficult for me if he's in rehab longer than the originally planned month-long stay. I haven't worked out dog care past the one month mark. It's just been a week, and already I'm tired from having to take care of everything on my own. I realize that a sober living house won't allow him tons of freedom, but given that he has a job to go to, he would be allowed to leave and he may be able to help pick up the dog once a week so I don't have to get a dog walker or prolong the favor extended to me by that fabulous doggie day care worker. Sigh. It's hard to balance taking care of the homefront & dog & myself & work when the person who is supposed to be there to help out physically isn't there at all. I know...he wasn't really there before either, but he did at least pick up the dog once or twice a week, so that was something I could count on.

Again, I feel like I'm all over the place in this post. Just being honest and putting it all out there. In a way, it's cathartic to let it all out, but it also makes me feel a bit bonkers when I look back and read through the details of my ups & downs. I'm starting to feel the effects of all those ups & downs. I described it today in the family session like this: I'm a buoy in the water; I've been held down & below the surface for a while by these heavy weights; I drop the weights (i.e., the A is in rehab and I'm working on me) and I bounce up and out of the water, "WHEEEEEE! Look at me, this is awesome!" But gravity (i.e., reality) inevitably kicks in & I drop back down & below the surface...I bob up & down. At some point, I am hopeful that my buoy finds a balance - that I don't feel like I'm bobbing back down below the surface all the time under the weight of all this, and that I have reasonable highs rather than the semi-manic ones that leave me crashing back down below the surface afterwards. I realize that I've been attaching my buoy to my husband's sobriety and that it is only exacerbating this cycle of bouncing up & splashing down to glug glug under the water's surface. I'm working to cut those ties in a healthy way without cutting him out entirely (as I'm just not at that point).

So there you have it. Another novella of happenings & of my feelings brain-dumped out into an uber-long post. Next on my list? See if I can find the cajones to talk to my parents and set some boundaries there. Channeling my inner strengths, trying to let go of what burdens others place on me, and trying to just focus on carrying my own...

CeciliaV

OMG OMG OMG, I FOUND MY CAJONES! And I didn't even have to deploy the cheese! I'm seriously so proud of myself. I just talked with my parents. It was hard. VERY hard at times. But I told them he's back in rehab and that he's working on his recovery and that I'm working on mine. Did lots of explaining (again) about how it's not just about him not picking up a drink, it's a disease, that him going back to rehab is a good thing, that he's working on his recovery and that it's a very personal journey for him so I'm not going to go into details, but that it's good for him to do what he needs to do to get himself healthier, and that he needs to do that work himself and I need to do my own work.

When I started to tell my mom that I was doing okay and would be focusing on taking care of me, she brought out the clouds of doom and despair - how can you DO all that, someone else is taking care of him, you have to take care of everything and you arranged everything for him and you have to work and take care of the house and the dog and the bills and you can't take good care of yourself with all that and [insert more doom and gloom and terrible awful things here]. I stopped my mom mid-sentence. Told her that I did not arrange rehab; he made the decision on his own and called himself (granted he did whine for me to help him, but I didn't mention that part!). I did channel my inner strength somehow and I told my mom that I do not need the doom and gloom. I told her that what I need now and all I'm asking for is support. The "oh my god how can you do it all, you can't do it all, it's too much for you!" is just pushing me down while I'm working so hard to try to pick myself up, and I do not need that, I cannot hear that right now...and that to hear it hurts. Sometimes, I just need for them to be there for me - to chat. I don't want to talk about all the bad crap all the time - it's not what I need to focus on to be healthy. I need to focus on GOOD things and making myself a better, more whole me.

I opened up a lot. I talked with them about where I'm at emotionally, mentally...about how I know I have issues that have been there my whole life and that it's just like a spotlight was shone on them recently with all this added stress. And I'm looking at this as a GOOD THING. It's an opportunity for me to get better, to get healthier. Oh, it would be so easy to turn off that spotlight and go back into the dark and ignore all this stuff. But I don't want to. And that in and of itself is good. Deciding I want to be healthy both physically and mentally is so, so good. I even opened up about my tendencies & behaviors (counting my steps; doing things in even numbers; always having to set my alarm clock to odd numbers...but not multiples of 5!). Turns out that mom is a counter too! (Golly, is this stuff genetic?!) But for me, knowing that I use these behaviors to calm myself leads me to dig deeper and acknowledge that I should find healthier ways to deal. And that's what I want to work on. That, and my anxieties, my codie behaviors, and the rest of the general wackiness.

I also told them that they don't need to check in on me every day to make sure that I'm eating, sleeping, breathing, etc. It's not what I need. That I need time and room to grow and to work on me. And I just need them to be supportive and be there.

I was more honest and open with my parents than I ever have been. I could hear my mom change over the course of the conversation. I swear, I could hear that CLICK when she just got it. And I could hear the change in myself, too. By the end of the conversation, we were laughing and joking. I felt so much better for talking with them so openly and honestly, but it was so so hard to do - and I told them as much...and that it wasn't like I could just call them up and say, "Hey, so he's in rehab, and I'm kinda crazy; what's new with you?" We actually had a good hard laugh about it.

All I can say is WOW. I'm not going to kid myself and think that my parents won't call me more often, but I'm pretty sure they won't be calling every day. I'm not going to hold my breath for them to stay positive and supportive all the time, but I've communicated what I need and it's up to them to decide whether they can do that. That was the hardest conversation I've ever had with them (even harder than they "hey your son in law is an alcoholic and is in rehab" convo earlier this year). But it was probably the best conversation we've ever had. And dammit, I feel very strong and brave for having gone through with it in a way that I feel good about. I declare this day a win.

redatlanta

So glad the conversation went sooo well!

I know its hard to take care of everything - but Cecelia if he is wiling to stay longer or wants to .......you are just going to have to find a way. As long as he is working his recovery isn't he heading where you want him to be?

It seems terribly unfair to be burdened with it all but it sure is better that taking care of a drunk.

LexieCat

Good for you, C!

Now, having explained all that, and knowing that they will probably still call with worried-sounding voices, next time it happens, you can use the abbreviated version: "Mom, remember what I told you about that, I'm fine, I'm dealing, I really don't feel like going into detail right now." And if she persists, you can just say you have to go.

It may take doing that over and over, but you should not have to keep re-explaining everything the way you did today.

Good job.

CeciliaV

Thanks, me too, lol!

And yes, I know, I DO want him to be heading towards recovery. I'm not knocking that at all. Just trying to be better about being honest with my feelings. I know I'll get through it. I know I'll find a way. But learning more about self-care is teaching me to also acknowledge my own feelings and get them out there in a healthy way.

Thanks! You're right - I'm sure they will call with their worried voices, and I will kindly remind them I've told them what I need and what I don't need. I do have a dog, and I am well-versed in having to pull out a "feeding time" or "walkies time" for a quick exit in uncomfortable phone situations! I just have to keep in mind LeSigh's story of the fly going BUMP BUMP BUMP against the glass until he gets out the window...

wicked

Ah, I had a feeling we were kindred spirits. (Besides the Catholic communion names!)
I am a counter too! I am always doing simple math in my head, and a trip to the grocery store can get drawn out from working math. It's a good way to keep the brain in good working order.
Wow! What a great conversation with your parents. It sounds like you had a breakthrough, even if they keep bouncing on the glass.
CV, you seem to grow with every post. Thank you for being so open and honest with your recovery journey.
You are a reminder to me of better days in my recovery. I am still moving forward, and your posts are a part of that. They make me think. And smile. And laugh. And check my supply of deploy-able cheese.
Keep up the good work. You are doing it.

Beth

CeciliaV

Thanks, Beth! We have something else in common - I love blue-footed booby birds, too! Back in the day, when I was a young pup in college, I had a photo collage up on my dorm room wall and a pic of a blue-footed booby had a place of honor in that collage. I'm not sure if it's the blue feet or the fact that they have "booby" in their name or if it's the cute waddle they have...but they have a special place in my heart. And I do giggle every time I see your avatar!

wanttobehealthy

Cecilia,
I came to this thread late and just spent a while reading it all and just wanted to tell you that I am so impressed with you putting YOUR well being as a priority and set limits and stuck to them etc...

Some of your early posts I thought were me writing about my xAH a year or so ago. I was SO convinced that despite his actions not showing it that he was devoted to recovery and that relapse was a slip etc...

The difference is that I didn't get myself out or get him out until long after that and things got so so so much worse.

I won't relay the whole sordid story but reading yours gave me hope and I am impressed with how well you've been able to take care of you.

Just wanted to share that.

wicked

Yes! I do love these animals. I found it on another forum, they were talking about taking a trip to the Galapagos Islands. (James Randi Educational Foundation forum)
The original booby (teehee) was an animated avatar. He was doing the mating dance, rocking back and forth on each foot. I do love him.
Dancing for his lady, on his beautiful blue feet. Just adorable.

Beth

CeciliaV

Well, I went for my checkup today. I felt like I had quite the laundry list of things to review with the 3rd yr med resident that took my history! Talked about all the stress, anxiety, OCD tendencies. I got a referral for behavioral health center - same place that AH went to initially for his therapy & first shots at IOP. I went in for a general checkup, but the doc was worried about/mostly focused on how the stress & anxiety & whatnots have affected me physically - weight loss, stress headaches, my little mini-panic attack last week, etc. She's not pushing me to go on meds, but she's given me the option. She gave me a script for zoloft, and I'm considering filling it. She said it takes a while to kick in, and it may be good to help me through the stress as well as calm the anxiety and OCD behaviors while I work to get in to see a therapist/counselor. It may also help me to put on a few pounds - apparently weight gain is a common side effect. I was actually a little shocked at how little I weigh right now. Even with shoes on, I came in at 108 lbs, which would be fine if I was 5' tall...but I'm almost 5'7". And that's after making a concerted effort at eating more. Yikes.

I'm also getting a referral for a dermatologist, as I'm riddled with what I'll call "beauty marks" - sounds so much nicer than "moles!" - and I have already had to get two suspicious "atypical" ones removed in the past...and with as many as I have (TOO many to count), I need to see someone to get 'em all checked out, documented, and rechecked on a regular basis.

Blood got drawn, but it will take up to two weeks to get results back, ugh. I'm mostly concerned about cholesterol levels (traditionally in the high range, thanks mom!) and also curious about my auto-immune/lupus antibody levels - I had a scare with a high titre of ANAs a few years back and want to see where I'm at now that I'm a little older and a little more creaky!

Really unsure what to do with that Rx for zoloft. Considering I'm still pretty damn scrawny even with the weeks on end of omnomnomming all I can, I kinda like the possible side effect of weight gain with zoloft, but I'm going to do some more research and think about it before I make a decision.

wicked

It's so good to hear you are taking care of yourself.
I agree about checking out the zoloft. I have seen it work well for my youngest son, but my daughter did not like it. <shrug> Who knows about these things?
I really hope you find something to help you with the anxiety and OCD.
I am grateful for medication. Depression sucks.
Gaining weight? Sigh, I got nothing. My medication usually adds weight to me. I think it is time for a change though. Yep, I am going to make an appointment in the morning.
Ack! time to switch the laundry! Be right back.

Beth

CeciliaV

I forgot to mention...AH, his counselor, and I were supposed to talk this morning, but he called me shortly before the scheduled time to tell me she was running late. I had already communicated that I would not be available after 9:30am - I was prioritizing my doc's appointment & myself - so since she couldn't start on time and since I didn't want to run over & be late, the talk was off for today. I just spoke with AH and he asked if I could do a lunch talk this week, and I kinda shocked myself by saying no - it's next to impossible for me to find a private place for a private conversation while at work. That, and I don't want to give up break for this. So we left it at him going back to talk to his counselor to see what he can work out. At this rate, he'll be out of rehab before I ever even talk to her to get an "update!"

Focusing on the positives here. Like the fact that I'm having an easier time saying no.

Marshmallow

I love your thread. I am going to try to be at the smart meeting tonight. I am back home with husband, and I have not told him about this forum, or about my interest in smart so im not sure how to handle it if he asks what im doing. I dont have my books yet but I did order them. Glad you got your checkup. I hate going to the doctor too, but necessary evil.

wicked

Oh yes, yes indeed.
This counselor needs a check up. She wants you to bend to her banker's hours and then she runs late? No.
I think you were absolutely right to say no to lunchtime sessions.

Maybe the counselor is used to codies who have not had that moment of clarity yet. That is not all about the addict and I have a life and obligations I have to meet. You are busy with your life and your recovery.

I know you love your husband, and you are more than willing to have sessions with the counselor. But there must be some respect for you as a working person with a household and a beautiful dog.
Can you tell I am living a little vicariously through you? <snicker>
I am also proud of you saying no. I am working on my no, I cannot change the past, but I can change what happens from now on.
This is great stuff! Happy Blue booby dance!

Beth

CeciliaV

Thanks, Beth!
^^^^^and omg, this had me SNORTING and chortling with laughter...so loudly that my nearly deaf dog lifted his head from his nap and gave me a strange look, lol! Happy blue-booby dance right back at ya!!

@Marshmallow, hope to "see" you tonight at the meeting! My guy was often all "hey, whatchya doin?!" and following me around when sloshy, and the answer of "stuff for me" just never seemed to appease him, so I hear ya. If you're worried about your husband...maybe grab some headphones/earbuds and use those to listen in? It's up to you whether you disclose what you're doing - and not that I'm suggesting being sneaky, but you can always have another "safe" browser window or another application open and then do a quick ALT+TAB (I think it's command+tab on Macs) to switch over if you don't want to explain what you're doing if he comes over to check out your computer-doings. Again, I'm not advocating being sneaky, but we all need a little privacy too, so I'm not above sharing some quick-switch tips.

wicked

Oh! That is good to hear. Love a good snorting chortle!

Beth