Am I dating an alcoholic?

Old 02-25-2013, 04:23 PM
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My kids loved my second husband, the one who never recovered. He was mostly a lot of fun and kind to them.

I explained to them why I left, when I did. They were 10 and 12 at the time. Now that they are adults they still speak of him fondly, even though they haven't seen him since I left. That's OK, I'm glad they have nice memories of him. He wasn't a bad man, just another sick alcoholic. I'm afraid if I HAD stayed, their memories of him might not have been so sweet.
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Old 06-06-2013, 04:55 PM
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Hello again. It's been 3 months since I've been on here.
I have been successful in letting go of controlling anything to do with her drinking.

I've seen her go from drinking 750 ml bottle of wine to drinking 1.5 liters of wine. At least 3 nights a week, sometimes 6. I've let her live how she wants.

Still, not good enough. She finds excuses why I'm not doing the right thing, or accuses me of belittling, judging or being passive aggressive. None of which I do.
She put her deposit it down and signed the lease on a new place to move for July 1 today. I just found out her intentions yesterday, and after not helping but 100-200 on total bills and buying groceries 1/2 time, she's managed to come up with a deposit and pay rent monthly. I feel used. I feel sad and angry. Although, I know this is for the best. Just thought I'd update.
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Old 06-06-2013, 05:24 PM
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"Am I over reacting?"
Nah... Enabling a little bit IMHO.

I did the same sort of thing with my GF. She would go to the casino, gamble, drink and call me for a ride. Told her I was no longer her taxi service especially on weekdays and that I loved her. She still drinks and gambles occasionally, but has the casino courtesy drive her home and knows to get a cab in the morning. Sooo I'm no longer enabling and I feel a little better, but as mentioned above the only thing we can actually control is ourselves. An active addict will find a way to self-enable.

Oh Wow! Just realized that your original post was from Feb. and read your last post today just after the bump. Sounds progressive and hope your doing OK.

I Know it sucks. It WILL get better and you deserve someone better. Onward and upward.
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Old 06-07-2013, 02:08 AM
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She's doubled her wine intake in 3 months, and it will continue to progress.

She's moving out as of July 1st. She's given you a gift....take it. Get to an AlAnon meeting, and find the support to move on.
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Old 06-07-2013, 09:09 PM
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Originally Posted by Recovering2 View Post
She's doubled her wine intake in 3 months, and it will continue to progress.

She's moving out as of July 1st. She's given you a gift....take it. Get to an AlAnon meeting, and find the support to move on.
I've been to alanon meetings. Just hard to let go of the dreams I had with this person before it went downhill.
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Old 06-07-2013, 09:18 PM
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Originally Posted by Manmust View Post

Still, not good enough. She finds excuses why I'm not doing the right thing, or accuses me of belittling, judging or being passive aggressive. None of which I do.
As you probably know, that is typical projection.

She put her deposit it down and signed the lease on a new place to move for July 1 today. I just found out her intentions yesterday, and after not helping but 100-200 on total bills and buying groceries 1/2 time, she's managed to come up with a deposit and pay rent monthly. I feel used.
That is a normal and likely correct measure of your emotion(s). Good job on that.

Feel used.

Because you have been dealing with . . . a User. Alcoholics, Addicts, etc., are users. It is what they do. They USE their drug of choice and they USE people.

I feel sad and angry. Although, I know this is for the best. Just thought I'd update.
ALL things work together for good . . . .

Consider that you would have never likely tossed her out on your accord.

Blessings, such as they are.
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Old 06-08-2013, 10:25 AM
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Manmust - I relate a lot to the counting beers part. I did that for years, thinking I knew exactly what I was dealing with. I didn't. At all. He was hiding drinks the whole time. He also would be late without texting and then turn it back on me for overreacting. I also would spend time with him b/c he seemed to do poorly when I left him alone for too long. Normal people can be left alone just fine. It doesn't change the situation for him or for you to be able minimize the drinking in any one moment. It sucks and it is hard and I hate it but that is where we are. I'm using this site, and al anon to try to recover myself from this craziness. Thanks for sharing. It is helpful to read you try to face this as I do.
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