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26 reasons to forgive

Old 05-31-2011, 01:20 PM
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26 reasons to forgive

Reasons to forgive others or ourselves.

1. Forgiveness does not mean that you condone the action.

2. Forgiveness means regaining a sense of wholeness and peace.

3. To withhold Forgiveness, means you continue to remain the victim.

4. When you Forgive, you do it for yourself, not for the other person.

5. Forgiveness means focusing your energy on the healing, not the hurtful action.

6. Compassion leads us to Forgiveness.

7. Healthy relationships need Forgiveness.

8. To be present and available, you need to heal the hurt from the past, and Forgive.

9. Forgiveness allows you to move on with your life.

10. Forgiveness lifts anxiety and depression.

11. Forgiveness means restoring yourself to basic goodness and health.

12. Forgiveness can enhance your self-esteem and give you hope.

13. Forgiveness allows us to restore faith in yourself.

14. Forgiveness is a journey and does mean that you will forget, but you can still forgive.

15. Forgiveness means we give up resentment, revenge and obsession.

16. Forgiveness allows us the freedom to begin many new and healthy life choices.

17. Forgiveness allows us to let go of the past hurts, as well as confusion.

18. Forgiveness does not mean you must continue a relationship with someone causing you harm.

19. Forgiveness allows us to let go and detach with love.

20. Forgiveness keeps ourselves in the flow of good.

21. No one benefits more from Forgiveness that the one who Forgives.

22. Forgiveness is the key to our happiness.

23. Forgiveness helps us make peace with the past.

24. Forgiveness helps us create a new future.

25. Forgiveness is a gift that one gives another.

26. Forgiveness helps us on our path to serenity.

“…ultimately, forgiveness is a gift you give yourself. Bitterness and anger imprison you emotionally. Forgiveness sets you free”~ Victor Parachin



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Old 05-31-2011, 11:50 PM
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Thank you for sharing this, TC. I was incredibly reluctant to read it, so I guess I really need it.
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Old 06-01-2011, 12:04 AM
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I LOVE this! Thanks TC
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Old 06-01-2011, 05:27 AM
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Yes me too uncertainty, its like "forgiveness?BLAHH! "

But as tallulah says, we can do it for entirely selfish reasons, to set us free and it does NOT mean anything that the other person did is OK

Forgiving myself for the bad people I have chosen is the most difficult one...
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Old 06-01-2011, 07:08 AM
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Thanks great words

Thank you!

Originally Posted by TakingCharge999 View Post
Reasons to forgive others or ourselves.

1. Forgiveness does not mean that you condone the action.

2. Forgiveness means regaining a sense of wholeness and peace.

3. To withhold Forgiveness, means you continue to remain the victim.

4. When you Forgive, you do it for yourself, not for the other person.

5. Forgiveness means focusing your energy on the healing, not the hurtful action.

6. Compassion leads us to Forgiveness.

7. Healthy relationships need Forgiveness.

8. To be present and available, you need to heal the hurt from the past, and Forgive.

9. Forgiveness allows you to move on with your life.

10. Forgiveness lifts anxiety and depression.

11. Forgiveness means restoring yourself to basic goodness and health.

12. Forgiveness can enhance your self-esteem and give you hope.

13. Forgiveness allows us to restore faith in yourself.

14. Forgiveness is a journey and does mean that you will forget, but you can still forgive.

15. Forgiveness means we give up resentment, revenge and obsession.

16. Forgiveness allows us the freedom to begin many new and healthy life choices.

17. Forgiveness allows us to let go of the past hurts, as well as confusion.

18. Forgiveness does not mean you must continue a relationship with someone causing you harm.

19. Forgiveness allows us to let go and detach with love.

20. Forgiveness keeps ourselves in the flow of good.

21. No one benefits more from Forgiveness that the one who Forgives.

22. Forgiveness is the key to our happiness.

23. Forgiveness helps us make peace with the past.

24. Forgiveness helps us create a new future.

25. Forgiveness is a gift that one gives another.

26. Forgiveness helps us on our path to serenity.

“…ultimately, forgiveness is a gift you give yourself. Bitterness and anger imprison you emotionally. Forgiveness sets you free”~ Victor Parachin



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Old 06-01-2011, 09:06 AM
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I especially like #18, "Forgiveness does not mean you must continue a relationship with someone causing you harm."

I grew up hearing "forgive and forget" and it seemed to mean just forget whatever the abuser did--just play like it didn't happen. And of course they did it again.

Thanks for posting this.
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Old 06-01-2011, 09:26 AM
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I read this yesterday and again today - so fitting as it is where I am in my recovery. Intellectually I know things, but having trouble getting my mind and my heart to accept. I find myself thinking I can forgive "if"...

The "if" is what gets me in trouble. Forgiveness is not something you give in return for some action...it is a state of mind. See...I know this...I just don't feel it yet. *SIGH*

Something to pray and meditate over, I suppose!
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Old 06-01-2011, 01:50 PM
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But never, never, never forget. Never forget.
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Old 06-01-2011, 02:26 PM
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There's forgiveness when forgiveness is appropriate. There's acceptance of the fact that bad things happen to good people when it's not. Pain is a part of life, wallowing in the suffering and self pity is an option.
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Old 06-01-2011, 03:12 PM
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Originally Posted by Darklight View Post
I hope that wasn't directed at me.
Don't know what you mean Darklight, very bad, tragic things do happen to good people. We can't always control what enters into our thought process but we can control how much importance we give those thoughts.
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Old 06-01-2011, 07:18 PM
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Originally Posted by BackToSquareOne View Post
There's forgiveness when forgiveness is appropriate. There's acceptance of the fact that bad things happen to good people when it's not. Pain is a part of life, wallowing in the suffering and self pity is an option.
You are making an assumption here.

That darklight is wallowing.

I read the same statement and did not take from it the wallowing aspect.

We should ask questions instead of make assumptions especially on a forum where all you know about a person is some thoughts they haved posted.

I personally can't seem to find forgiveness for my AH. However, I don't by any means wallow in hatred for him on a daily basis.

I find myself angry at times, then not, then grieving at times, then nothing.

This is a normal response any person would go through after riding through some of the junctures most of us here have endured.

To go through a healing process is normal. Using cognitive recognition to understand our emotions and attempt to deal with them is moving forward and in the end success, I think.
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Old 06-01-2011, 07:41 PM
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My post was not directed at anyone, I don't know why you assume that. I was making a point that we can't control what enters into our thought process but we can control how much importance we give those thoughts. I hadn't even read darklights post when I posted that. Your both drawing inferrences where none exist.
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Old 06-01-2011, 08:18 PM
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I think sometimes we get the idea that forgiving someone means absolving them. I know I could not forgive until I let go of that notion.

Also, I wanted to say that the best tool I found for forgiveness was journaling. Putting all the things I was angry about down on paper took away the power they had over me. As I worked through all of it in black and white, forgiveness came naturally as part of the process.

L
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Old 06-01-2011, 08:29 PM
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Thanks for sharing! I am working on this towards my rah and it is very hard.
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Old 06-02-2011, 03:19 PM
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Originally Posted by BackToSquareOne View Post
My post was not directed at anyone, I don't know why you assume that. I was making a point that we can't control what enters into our thought process but we can control how much importance we give those thoughts. I hadn't even read darklights post when I posted that. Your both drawing inferrences where none exist.

Thanks for clarifying that.
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Old 06-02-2011, 08:13 PM
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I'll ramble a bit...




I had a session with a healer and she said similar things DarkLight. That rationally, we can understand the why's.


But the emotional pain is the same and no amount of mental energy will change it or remove it. In fact it can lead to mental stress and obsession. And frustration. That has been so true for me...

She also said therapy, reiki, and other healing systems come from the outside to the inside. Where yoga, meditation, Bach flowers work in an emotional level and the healing comes from our own heart, from ourselves. Its not that the pain will be removed; its just that we are no longer identifying too much with it and forgetting we are more than our "body of pain".



To me that list is a starting point... this is only theory.... and no its not enough to know why its good for it to happen magically... BUT it helps to know what forgiveness really is. If its for ME and if still makes events NOT OK, then I can do it and feel less resistance.





For me its not so much making an effort to forgive someone, its more about focusing more in worthwhile things... or things under my control.... for knowing I am more than those events or those people, that what others have done don't define me.



The main message to me in this article I found is that forgiveness is in my hands and its about my peace. And realizing I am more than my pain and sad experiences... finding more balance in my life and the way I see it... so I can also see the great moments, the love, the joy, the happiness, the miracles... all those things I ignore when I am stuck thinking about what others did to me.

When I met an Auschwitz survivor in University it struck me how the man had gone through hell and his eyes were peaceful. He said he had forgiven the perpetrators. I will never forget how transparent he was. He could have remained a bitter victim. But he didn't. He chose to live his life in a different way. He still cried describing the horrors he witnessed. But he was no longer enslaved by them.
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Old 06-02-2011, 08:26 PM
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In my case my dad has been my main source of pain, and is still ongoing. So I guess its slightly easier when events are in the past, than when the same actions are ongoing and you still have exposure to the toxicity. That is why many here move out, or limit contact, or go No contact all the way.... or no longer expect anything different than what has been, anymore, and dettach....

I agree its difficult!! struggling with that at the moment...
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Old 06-03-2011, 05:47 AM
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Forgive but NEVER forget. Some A folks seem to think their partners and family have the attention span of a goldfish. That if they do something nasty, then apologise for it, that they are forgiven and it is erased from everyone's memories.....so they keep on doing whatever.

I may forgive, but my 3rd eye is looking out in case of a repeat performance.
If it recurs, that is it for me....darn the 3 strikes rule, kiddo. This ain't baseball.
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Old 06-04-2011, 01:39 AM
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Thank you so much posting this! I really really really needed to hear it :]
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Old 06-04-2011, 11:25 PM
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#27

#27. Forgiveness is a gift we give ourselves.


I read that somewhere.

Early in my recovery, I realized that part of what needed fixing in my life was a resentment I'd held against my abusive parents for 30 years. All those years, when I let myself think about it at all, I told myself "All I want is an apology."

At some point, I realized that I was probably never going to get an apology, my resentment was costing me an immense amount of psychic energy, and someday my Dad was going to die...and I'd still need to forgive.

So, after 30 years of "no contact," forgiveness was offered and a faltering apology was returned back to me. But at that point...an apology was really no longer needed. Good thing too, because it really wasn't much of an apology!

But the awesome part was: I really felt better! A weight was lifted off my soul.

Our resentments hurt no one but ourselves.
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