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I am still a little crazy...

Old 05-11-2011, 12:10 PM
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I am still a little crazy...

I am still laughing at myself so I thought what a perfect opportunity to share how crazy the alcoholic life can make a person...

I took my daughter to school this morning, and as I came down the street to my house, I noticed a cop parked haphazardly across the street from my house. The cop was in the car as I crept by and turned into my driveway. He immediately swung into my driveway right behind me, kind of at an angle like he was blocking me from backing out.

My stomach did a flip-flop and my first thought was "oh crap - the RAH filed charges against me for something!"

He got out of his car as I got out of mine and he says...drumroll here...

"Have you seen your next door neighbors in the last 24 hours? Their garage door has been up all night and we got the call this morning to close it. No one is answering the door."

For a fraction of a second, I was speechless. And then reality kicked in and we had a conversation about the neighbors. He was very nice and very concerned (there has been a few weird things I've noticed next door since moving in a few weeks ago - its a little disconcerting) and of course, he was good looking and I was in my pajamas!

It took a good 30 minutes for my heart to stop racing and the adrenaline to leave my system.

And now I am chagrined at the immediate reaction I had that I had done something wrong and it was related to the RAH. I am still amazed that none of our neighbors ever called the cops on some of our blow-outs during his drunken rages. I know they heard us.

I have now found my sense of humor again and can laugh at myself over this, but also realize how much of that craziness is still just under the surface...

Happy Wednesday, all!
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Old 05-11-2011, 12:16 PM
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For some reason all I can think of is bears, headlights and dogfood.

Seriously, my pulse went up a bit for the same reasons.
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Old 05-11-2011, 05:35 PM
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Of course you immediately went "there." We've become conditioned to not only expect the craziness but to waiting for it as it will eventually rear it's ugly, misshapen little head. Glad it was the neighbors and NOT RAH causing trouble. Are they (the neighbors) OK btw?
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Old 05-11-2011, 06:50 PM
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I still can't believe that was my first thought. Not "someone's hurt" or "my daughter's been in an accident".

I don't know about the neighbors...its a little strange next door...and obviously I am not in the right frame of mind to make judgment calls on some strange family. The cop shut the garage door and left; nothing else he can do.

Shell - dog food? I get bears and headlights...
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Old 05-11-2011, 07:00 PM
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LOL

I'd have pooped a live chicken.
I'm a child of the seventies.
Where we ALL were watching for cops all the time...

I'm over fifty
have insurance
drive like an old woman
ALWAYS wear my seatbelt....

and let a cop get behind me
and it's shawshank redemption.
I have to actually CHANT to myself

"They're not after an old woman" ... LOL

that'd have freaked anyone out.
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Old 05-11-2011, 07:00 PM
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I can believe that was your first thought bc when I started reading your post, I thought that it was headed precisely where you thought it was when you saw the cop car.

What did you do in your AH's mind that he called the police about.

Unreal how similarly we think.

I've read/heard that for as sick as the alcoholic is, we non's are sometimes sicker. I think for me that is absolutely true. My anxiety, worry, fear that I've constantly done something wrong is with me 24:7 some days. Less so now, but it will be a long long time before it is gone, if it ever is.

Progress though is that you recognized that that was not normal thinking and then could laugh at yourself-- that is progress!
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Old 05-11-2011, 10:43 PM
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Of course you immediately went "there."
Hell yeah. That's what I thought, too. That's what I think every time I see a cop.

I hadn't even thought of it as being crazy, so you're ahead of me!!!
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Old 05-12-2011, 12:25 AM
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Originally Posted by wanttobehealthy View Post
What did you do in your AH's mind that he called the police about. Unreal how similarly we think.
I haven't done anything short of breathing and sharing the earth. He is still really pissed off that I bought my own house and refuse to move back in and "be a wife" - whatever that means in his head. But you know the crazy a$$ stuff they can make up...sober or not...and you know "guilty until proven innocent"! He says he's been sober 6 months now. But I doubt I will ever truly believe again. My first thought watching the cop drive off is I have PTSD!

And yeah - unreal how all of us end up thinking after the crazy train ride of addiction. Yeesh - what a ride this has been! I have not been afraid of a cop for many years...since high school when I had good reason to be afraid of cops.

Unreal. My thinking, I mean. I need a meeting...
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Old 05-12-2011, 11:41 AM
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Originally Posted by wanttobehealthy View Post
Progress though is that you recognized that that was not normal thinking and then could laugh at yourself-- that is progress!
Yeah. Sure makes a point that we need to trust in ourselves and see the funny stuff in life.

Dogfood. Actually maybe you can help me. Aren't the Bears constantly breaking into people's homes/garages because they can smell the bag of dogfood in the garage? Just more silly Alaskan myths.
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Old 05-12-2011, 11:57 AM
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I think the whole PTSD thing could be valid.......I think I may have it!
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Old 05-12-2011, 01:37 PM
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Originally Posted by Shellcrusher View Post
Yeah. Sure makes a point that we need to trust in ourselves and see the funny stuff in life.

Dogfood. Actually maybe you can help me. Aren't the Bears constantly breaking into people's homes/garages because they can smell the bag of dogfood in the garage? Just more silly Alaskan myths.
Oh ha ha - well that is sometimes an issue but rarely in the urban areas. For us here in the big town...its garbage. A black bear was shot recently for getting into garbage, and the folks who get caught violating the garbage rules get a hefty fine - like $300 or higher. Bears easily get used to eating garbage and will come back time and time again once they realize there's a free meal around. And there have been instances where they will break down a door or bust out a window to get inside a house where they were once "fed".

I grew up on a side of a mountain with lots of bears around...we had one in particular who got into our garbage and this bear came back each day for about two weeks straight. Pulled a screen off the window and made a mess of things he got into. My Dad finally shot at him, and we heard gunfire about 30 minutes later from neighbors down the street, and never saw the bear again.

Funny that growing up here - its not the bears that concern me but the moose. Not that they will eat you, but they are HUGE animals and they do kick and trample and if you hit one with your car, they end up in your lap. I've been charged before and it was damn scary!
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Old 05-12-2011, 01:45 PM
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My first thought watching the cop drive off is I have PTSD!
2 of my 3 kids have been diagnosed with this; the third one just hasn't cooperated enough with a counselor to get a diagnosis... apparently, it's quite common in especially kids who have lived with As. I might have a mild version (because you know I have to take care of everyone else LOL).

And ditto Tuffgirl on the moose. I swear, the moose here are like gangstas. Normal wildlife runs when it sees humans. The Alaska moose just wave their gang signs and challenge you to a scrape-your-hooves-in-the-dirt-off.
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Old 05-12-2011, 02:40 PM
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Originally Posted by lillamy View Post
And ditto Tuffgirl on the moose. I swear, the moose here are like gangstas. Normal wildlife runs when it sees humans. The Alaska moose just wave their gang signs and challenge you to a scrape-your-hooves-in-the-dirt-off.
I know, right! Bears, meh....Moose...YIKES! I once sat in my car on my driveway honking my horn for a solid 15 minutes trying to get one to get out of the way so I could get in my house. It was standing on the front porch eating my flower basket.
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Old 05-12-2011, 03:06 PM
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Totally forgot about Moose. I was fishing way up north in Canada once and a Moose decided to swim after our boat. He was like a football field away and decided he didn't like us there.
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Old 05-12-2011, 05:10 PM
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cure for the moose thing -
carry a wal mart type bag.

all animals (even a 2000# bull)
will move AWAY from that noise.

when I worked horses
I carried one wadded up in my pocket.

it truly works.

ps
my sponsor was house bound this semester
because a moose decided she liked the front porch.

Here in MT a bear WILL come right in the house
but only if they can't get into the garbage.
it just happened this winter over more eastern mt.
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Old 05-12-2011, 05:12 PM
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cure for the moose thing -
carry a wal mart type bag.

all animals (even a 2000# bull)
will move AWAY from that noise.

when I worked horses
I carried one wadded up in my pocket.

it truly works.

ps
my sponsor was house bound one morning this semester
because a moose decided she liked the front porch.
I told her about the wal mart bag thing
and she opened the window and waved it
and the moose ran away.

it came back
repeatedly
(covered porch)
but the bag worked and she got to class.

Here in MT a bear WILL come right in the house
but only if they can't get into the garbage.
it just happened this winter over more eastern mt.
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Old 05-12-2011, 05:20 PM
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I once sat in my car on my driveway honking my horn for a solid 15 minutes trying to get one to get out of the way so I could get in my house. It was standing on the front porch eating my flower basket.
I sat on the road to Kincaid one evening waiting while four yearlings were hanging out in the roadway playing and fake-charging stopped cars. They were seriously like teenagers. I could have driven up and poked them with my bumper and they would just have looked at me like, "What up, b**ch? You dissin' me?" LOL
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