Blogs


Notices

I think my ex has moved on

Old 02-16-2011, 07:01 PM
  # 1 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Florida
Posts: 375
I think my ex has moved on

I know I should be happy and I was so miserable that I don't really miss my ex, but a part of me is sad that I think he has moved on FINALLY in some way.

I have not heard from him since January 10 and that is unusual for him to not harrass me to death. (We used to break up a lot.) I know through the help of my counselor I did things differently this time and maybe that had a big effect on his behavior...but at the same time it's just weird and has me wondering if he is dating someone. And if he is, I know it won't last long, it never does. He has either finally gotten "it" after my ignoring and not angrily reacting to his manipulation attempts or has started seeing someone.

I guess it's just hard not to take it personally for the thousandth time that he just would rather have moved on and party like a 20-year-old rockstar when he's almost 50 years old instead of being with me and just having a "fun" life...apparently that wasn't fun enough.

So wah wah wahhhh.
goldengirl3 is offline  
The Following 5 Users Say Thank You to goldengirl3 For This Useful Post:
Carol Star (02-17-2011), celticghirl (02-17-2011), Live (02-16-2011), NTurn (02-18-2011), wholelottarosie (09-30-2014)
Old 02-16-2011, 07:04 PM
  # 2 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 344
Doesnt' matter if he has or not...she's not YOU, right?

She can never be YOU.
brokenheartfool is offline  
The Following 6 Users Say Thank You to brokenheartfool For This Useful Post:
celticghirl (02-17-2011), goldengirl3 (02-16-2011), Live (02-16-2011), NTurn (02-18-2011), Verbena (02-17-2011), wholelottarosie (09-30-2014)
Old 02-16-2011, 07:20 PM
  # 3 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Florida
Posts: 375
Originally Posted by brokenheartfool View Post
Doesnt' matter if he has or not...she's not YOU, right?

She can never be YOU.
True. I think that idiot is so drowned in booze he probably doesn't even remember the ME he used to love. He hated me so much at the end. I still don't understand the whole self-hate turned on you concept.
goldengirl3 is offline  
The Following 7 Users Say Thank You to goldengirl3 For This Useful Post:
Carol Star (02-17-2011), celticghirl (02-17-2011), Live (02-16-2011), Maybeoneday (06-15-2013), NTurn (02-18-2011), TakingCharge999 (02-17-2011), Tuffgirl (02-16-2011)
Old 02-16-2011, 07:21 PM
  # 4 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Alabama
Posts: 58
I know how you feel. The moving on part has been the hardest part for me to get over.

I've been married 18 yrs. I told my AH I wanted a divorce if he didn't go get help for his drinking. He had no qulams and chose drinking.

He's also never shown any sign of love, affection or wanting me back since that day (a month ago). Not that I want him back, but it would be good for the bruised ego to know he still cared.

My therapist said A's often move on quickly. They need someone to take care of them. Don't take it personally.
Chelle3 is offline  
The Following 9 Users Say Thank You to Chelle3 For This Useful Post:
Carol Star (02-17-2011), celticghirl (02-17-2011), Ladybug0130 (02-17-2011), Live (02-16-2011), Maybeoneday (06-15-2013), Soph (02-16-2011), StarCat (02-17-2011), TakingCharge999 (02-17-2011), wholelottarosie (09-30-2014)
Old 02-16-2011, 07:30 PM
  # 5 (permalink)  
Member
 
zrx1200R's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Del Rio, TX
Posts: 380
I agree, don't take it personally. Think of him as an old pair of jeans that have far out lived their usefulness. You get used to wearing the jeans. You are comfortable in them. But over the years you have slowly stopped paying attention to how worn out and ratty they are. In your mind, they are still those perfect fitting favorite jeans, brand new.

Over time, you have simply become accustomed to this man. He is simply a habit and has conditioned you to accept some amount of behavior. And you know it wasn't all that good. But still it was there. As a social creature you are simply missing the interaction.

You need to find something else to do a few hours a day: gym, long walk in the park, volunteer at animal shelter or church, or shelter. What ever. And soon you will see those old worn out jeans need to be tossed out and you will find a new pair.
zrx1200R is offline  
The Following 9 Users Say Thank You to zrx1200R For This Useful Post:
celticghirl (02-17-2011), jackien41 (02-21-2011), LexieCat (02-16-2011), Live (02-16-2011), MsCooterBrown (02-16-2011), StarCat (02-17-2011), TakingCharge999 (02-17-2011), wholelottarosie (09-30-2014), wicked (02-17-2011)
Old 02-16-2011, 07:35 PM
  # 6 (permalink)  
A work in progress
 
LexieCat's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
I think it's pretty much par for the course to still feel a twinge when someone we don't want, ourselves, anymore finds someone else. Just recognize it for what it is--it will pass.

Ask anyone who's ever been stalked or harassed by an ex whether they would have preferred that the ex move on!
LexieCat is offline  
The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to LexieCat For This Useful Post:
celticghirl (02-17-2011), Live (02-17-2011), Maybeoneday (06-15-2013), wicked (02-17-2011)
Old 02-16-2011, 09:42 PM
  # 7 (permalink)  
Member
 
MsCooterBrown's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: The Great Outdoors
Posts: 1,992
Blog Entries: 2
Originally Posted by zrx1200R View Post
I agree, don't take it personally. Think of him as an old pair of jeans that have far out lived their usefulness. You get used to wearing the jeans. You are comfortable in them. But over the years you have slowly stopped paying attention to how worn out and ratty they are. In your mind, they are still those perfect fitting favorite jeans, brand new.

Over time, you have simply become accustomed to this man. He is simply a habit and has conditioned you to accept some amount of behavior. And you know it wasn't all that good. But still it was there. As a social creature you are simply missing the interaction.

You need to find something else to do a few hours a day: gym, long walk in the park, volunteer at animal shelter or church, or shelter. What ever. And soon you will see those old worn out jeans need to be tossed out and you will find a new pair.
Perfect analogy...
MsCooterBrown is offline  
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to MsCooterBrown For This Useful Post:
Live (02-17-2011), TakingCharge999 (02-18-2011)
Old 02-17-2011, 05:45 AM
  # 8 (permalink)  
Member
 
celticghirl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: england
Posts: 162
I totally get you with this goldengirl,and even though he treated me rotten it still hurts to think they have moved on so quickly,however we dont trully know this and deep down we both know that whatever relationship he participates in (or not) will always end in tears whilst he is still drinking and for some time after that.

Still bloody hard though,i know xx

Ghirl xx
celticghirl is offline  
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to celticghirl For This Useful Post:
Maybeoneday (06-15-2013), TakingCharge999 (02-18-2011)
Old 02-17-2011, 06:55 AM
  # 9 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Chicago, IL
Posts: 204
I hate to generalize and of course this is not always true, but in my experience men tend to move on quickly, especially alcoholics I am sure because they can't stand to be alone. I just left my AH and although he proclaims his love to me often I am preparing myself because I KNOW him and he will have a girlfriend within two months, I guarantee it. He is handsome, puts on a good show at first and is incredibly needy. It will hurt when he does it, but I know it will happen. I on the other hand, can't imagine wanting to be in a relationship ever again right now, but I am sure in YEARS that opinion will change too.
Ladybug0130 is offline  
The Following 5 Users Say Thank You to Ladybug0130 For This Useful Post:
celticghirl (02-17-2011), craven (02-18-2011), StarCat (02-17-2011), TakingCharge999 (02-18-2011), wholelottarosie (09-30-2014)
Old 02-17-2011, 07:06 AM
  # 10 (permalink)  
Member
 
Carol Star's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2009
Posts: 1,334
Blog Entries: 2
She will have to endure the hard stuff you did......feel sorry for her.....
Carol Star is offline  
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to Carol Star For This Useful Post:
TakingCharge999 (02-18-2011), wholelottarosie (09-30-2014)
Old 02-17-2011, 09:12 AM
  # 11 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 287
A's are master manipulators as we all know. My ex use to tell me "I can fool anyone". Meaning he could charm any woman into thinking anything he wanted. And i'm sure it works. He forgot to mention how long it works. That's the key-I'm sure he can fool someone into thinking he's a great guy at first but he has to try really hard to put on that show but its only for a month or two TOPS. When the ficade ends, the sh*t will hit the fan and the true him comes out. Get ready for fighting, tears, and a whole lot of drama. Aren't you glad it will be her head spinning and not yours anymore??
duqld1717 is offline  
The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to duqld1717 For This Useful Post:
celticghirl (02-17-2011), Maybeoneday (06-15-2013), TakingCharge999 (02-18-2011), wholelottarosie (09-30-2014)
Old 02-17-2011, 03:32 PM
  # 12 (permalink)  
Lord Have Mercy
 
djayr's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Upper Midwest
Posts: 242
My AW moved out one month ago. I wonder what she's doing. I am trying to communicate with her regularly to keep the lines open, so we can (hopefully) proceed to a friendly divorce.

What is strange is that I feel "neglected" when she doesn't call me. I do wonder if she's moving on. Wierd, but it does bother me to some degree.
djayr is offline  
The Following User Says Thank You to djayr For This Useful Post:
celticghirl (02-17-2011)
Old 02-17-2011, 03:57 PM
  # 13 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Harrisburg, PA
Posts: 46
I started seeing someone shortly after they were out of a relationship and I now know of his alcohol addiction. I never thought he was manipulating me. Do they always lie about their feelings? I'm just confused if it is something worth fighting for or not. I've been through a lot lately with him and he always assures me that I am the love of his life and that if he loses me now he will spend the rest of his life looking for me. Is this all just BS?
Shirt423 is offline  
Old 02-17-2011, 04:39 PM
  # 14 (permalink)  
Member
 
celticghirl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: england
Posts: 162
Originally Posted by Shirt423 View Post
I started seeing someone shortly after they were out of a relationship and I now know of his alcohol addiction. I never thought he was manipulating me. Do they always lie about their feelings? I'm just confused if it is something worth fighting for or not. I've been through a lot lately with him and he always assures me that I am the love of his life and that if he loses me now he will spend the rest of his life looking for me. Is this all just BS?
Nobody can really say if he means it or not,how long have you been with him?
My ex used to say the same kind of things and that was after a couple of weeks! I found it a bit too intense and it worried me at the time,although it didnt stop me continuing for another 2yrs. But then your guy might be different and really mean it!But do you want that kind of intense love/neediness?

Ghirl xx
celticghirl is offline  
Old 02-17-2011, 05:23 PM
  # 15 (permalink)  
Member
 
Eddiebuckle's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Greensboro, NC
Posts: 1,638
Originally Posted by Shirt423 View Post
Is this all just BS?
You mean his professed feelings? Probably not, but if he's actively drinking his feelings are probably inconsistent. I met my gf 3 months prior to going to rehab (she had no clue how much I drank, thought the wine at dinner was all I was drinking when we went on dates) and although I was head over heels for her, my emotions and thinking were anything but clear and consistent. I'm humbled by the fact that she was there for me throughout. The sad truth is that the odds are not good if your BF is an alcoholic but doesn't see himself as such.
Eddiebuckle is offline  
Old 02-17-2011, 07:12 PM
  # 16 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Harrisburg, PA
Posts: 46
I have been with for about six months. And he did the same thing, telling me very intense things very early on. He said he loved me before I was sure we were at that level. Things are complicated because his x gf and mother of his child wants him back. He recently got a DUI and called her to bail him out. I am just trying to figure out if he is with me because he needed someone, or because it is real. Being that he could have gone back with her for months I'd like to think it is real. The situation is so complicated and devistating at this point I would have to write a book.

Oh, and Eddie, he did the same things since he didn't tell me about his problem in the begining. We would share a bottle of wine and everything seemed fine. He knows he is an alcoholic, has been trying to be sober for years. He has been sober for extended periods of time but obviously always relapses. He is not good at dealing with stress.
Shirt423 is offline  
The Following User Says Thank You to Shirt423 For This Useful Post:
wicked (02-18-2011)
Old 02-17-2011, 08:17 PM
  # 17 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Temecula CA
Posts: 81
Hi, Goldengirl. Yes, it's sad when someone who was a big part of our lives moves on. But, the thing you have to remember is he [I]chose[I] to continue his dysfunctional ways rather then to change so that he could be with you. It was his decision, so it's for the best. It's gonna hurt awhile, but it really is true that time, but above all prayer to God heals all wounds.
dogluvah is offline  
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to dogluvah For This Useful Post:
TakingCharge999 (02-18-2011), wholelottarosie (09-30-2014)
Old 02-18-2011, 11:34 AM
  # 18 (permalink)  
A jug fills drop by drop
 
TakingCharge999's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 6,783
Remembering the bad moments and remembering they haven't changed a bit, helps put the fantasy "he is happy and I am not" to an end.

I also see males move on quickly. I believe men can't be alone for some reason. I think being alone is their greatest fear. Then I know a few of them that can be alone. Those are the ones who are emotionally healthy. Just my personal experience.
TakingCharge999 is offline  
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to TakingCharge999 For This Useful Post:
duqld1717 (02-18-2011), westbank (02-18-2011)

Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off




All times are GMT -7. The time now is 04:54 PM.