Death of my sister
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Placerville, CA
Posts: 4
Death of my sister
Is there anyone out there who has lost a sister or brother to alcoholism? My little sister died just before Christmas. She had just turned 45. How does one begin to deal with the mixed emotions of sadness, relief, guilt and anger? How to start believing that I couldn't have done any more?
We Do Recover
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Texas
Posts: 2,619
You are not to blame. Sorry to hear about your loss. I don't have any experience with losing a sibling to addiction, but there are others here that have. Just wanted to say Welcome to SR. You are not alone. This is a great place to find support. 
peaceful seabird
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: floating
Posts: 4,822
Welcome to the SR family
I am sorry about your sister. I hope you will make yourself at home by reading and posting as much as needed. We are here to support you.
I have not lost a sibling to alcoholism, but I have lost friends.
I have benefited from reading self-improvement books on grieving, from Alanon meetings (admitting I was powerless over alcohol), SR and sharing my feelings with a social worker/friend.
Let us know how we can help you during your time of grief.
I am sorry about your sister. I hope you will make yourself at home by reading and posting as much as needed. We are here to support you.
I have not lost a sibling to alcoholism, but I have lost friends.
I have benefited from reading self-improvement books on grieving, from Alanon meetings (admitting I was powerless over alcohol), SR and sharing my feelings with a social worker/friend.
Let us know how we can help you during your time of grief.
Forum Leader
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: In my little piece of heaven
Posts: 2,870
I am sorry for your loss. There are many here who have lost loved ones to the disease of alcoholism or drug abuse, and others who have lost someone to other tragic things.
There is much good information here on the forums. You might want to visit the grief forum and read some of the stickies there.
I'm so very sorry, but glad you've found us.
There is much good information here on the forums. You might want to visit the grief forum and read some of the stickies there.
I'm so very sorry, but glad you've found us.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Manchester UK
Posts: 1,017
Hi,
It'll be two years at the end of February since my younger brother died from his alcoholism.
I think I've gone through all the emotions possible since, and I probably will do again!
The first, just after he died and I saw him were forgivness, love and sadness and an immense feeling of emptiness (I think now that was because even though I thought I'd got out of his drama I was still in it and once he'd gone I had to find other things to fill my own life)
Then there was guilt, could I have done any more? (No, I couldn't have!)
Shock came in somewhere too, I knew he was going to die and soon, and I thought I'd sort of prepared myself for it, but when it happened I still wasn't ready.
Anger was/is a big one for me. I can still get angry at him. How could he leave his son without parents? How could he leave his parents? lots of silly things too, and the biggest - Why? Just Why!
I think I stopped myself from feeling anything after a while. I think sometimes people didn't understand the same because he was my brother. I didn't go out unless I had to and I didn't keep in touch with my friends like I should have, that was one of my mistakes.
Two years on and still I can cry at the mention of his name or a memory, but I'm getting my life back on track.
I 'know' he would never have 'got better'. He would have hated a life of 'recovery' that's who he was, simple as for him!
Now, I comfort myself in thinking he's at peace at last, a peace he never would have found in life.
And now I'm working on my own peaceful life.
I still love him and miss him everyday, but he made his own choice fully aware of where he was going.
It'll be two years at the end of February since my younger brother died from his alcoholism.
I think I've gone through all the emotions possible since, and I probably will do again!
The first, just after he died and I saw him were forgivness, love and sadness and an immense feeling of emptiness (I think now that was because even though I thought I'd got out of his drama I was still in it and once he'd gone I had to find other things to fill my own life)
Then there was guilt, could I have done any more? (No, I couldn't have!)
Shock came in somewhere too, I knew he was going to die and soon, and I thought I'd sort of prepared myself for it, but when it happened I still wasn't ready.
Anger was/is a big one for me. I can still get angry at him. How could he leave his son without parents? How could he leave his parents? lots of silly things too, and the biggest - Why? Just Why!
I think I stopped myself from feeling anything after a while. I think sometimes people didn't understand the same because he was my brother. I didn't go out unless I had to and I didn't keep in touch with my friends like I should have, that was one of my mistakes.
Two years on and still I can cry at the mention of his name or a memory, but I'm getting my life back on track.
I 'know' he would never have 'got better'. He would have hated a life of 'recovery' that's who he was, simple as for him!
Now, I comfort myself in thinking he's at peace at last, a peace he never would have found in life.
And now I'm working on my own peaceful life.
I still love him and miss him everyday, but he made his own choice fully aware of where he was going.
Rising from the Ashes
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Republic of Texas
Posts: 451
evolabob99, to tell you the truth, I was avoiding posting on your thread because to respond to you, honestly, I'm going to have to go to a place that I don't really want to go. There are no earthly words that will provide you comfort or release you from your "mixed" emotions of grief or relief you of your thoughts that you could have done any more!
On May 16th 1995, my only beloved 23 year old daughter completed suicide. It took me ten years, and two hospitalization for my grief, and subsequent, major depression before I was able to accept my daughter's completed suicide. I was prescribed anti-depressants and sleeping pills. However, it wasn't the hospitalization or the medication that helped me to reach acceptance of my daughter's death. It was by the grace of God!
One Sunday morning during church I went forward and had the minister pray with me for my acceptance. I actually felt my grief being released from my body during that prayer. I now can accept the fact my daughter is in heaven with our Heavenly Father.
In fact, our Heavenly Father answered my prayers and gave me exactly what I was asking for. I kept asking God to keep my daughter safe and out of harm's way. She is at peace, in the arms of our Loving Savior Jesus, and away from all the evil here on earth; and if I had an option, I wouldn't ask her to come back to earth and away from the joys of heaven.
There are many posts here on SR that can help you through your grief process. Here's just a few:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ml#post2814017
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...alone-now.html
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ay-prayer.html
Please feel free to PM me. I"m here for you!
"Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God. For just as the sufferings of Christ flow over into our lives, so also through Christ our comfort overflows." 2 Corinthians 1:3-5
Love and Peace,
Phoenix
On May 16th 1995, my only beloved 23 year old daughter completed suicide. It took me ten years, and two hospitalization for my grief, and subsequent, major depression before I was able to accept my daughter's completed suicide. I was prescribed anti-depressants and sleeping pills. However, it wasn't the hospitalization or the medication that helped me to reach acceptance of my daughter's death. It was by the grace of God!
One Sunday morning during church I went forward and had the minister pray with me for my acceptance. I actually felt my grief being released from my body during that prayer. I now can accept the fact my daughter is in heaven with our Heavenly Father.
In fact, our Heavenly Father answered my prayers and gave me exactly what I was asking for. I kept asking God to keep my daughter safe and out of harm's way. She is at peace, in the arms of our Loving Savior Jesus, and away from all the evil here on earth; and if I had an option, I wouldn't ask her to come back to earth and away from the joys of heaven.
There are many posts here on SR that can help you through your grief process. Here's just a few:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ml#post2814017
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...alone-now.html
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ay-prayer.html
Please feel free to PM me. I"m here for you!
"Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God. For just as the sufferings of Christ flow over into our lives, so also through Christ our comfort overflows." 2 Corinthians 1:3-5
Love and Peace,
Phoenix
Member
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Waterford MI
Posts: 4,202
evolabob99,
I am deeply sorry for your loss.
my father died from cirrhosis of the liver.
the only person who could have done more was.....him.
phoenixbird,
thank you for that inspirational post about the loss of your daughter.
your honesty and strength are shining through.
Beth
I am deeply sorry for your loss.
my father died from cirrhosis of the liver.
the only person who could have done more was.....him.
phoenixbird,
thank you for that inspirational post about the loss of your daughter.
your honesty and strength are shining through.
Beth
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
(((Evolabob))) - I'm so sorry for your loss. I also agree with checking on the grief forum. I have a dear friend, there, who lost her sister and is raising her neice, and there are others.
I know the feelings are coming at you from everywhere, but this is normal. We're here for you. If we haven't lost a loved one, it is one of our greatest fears. You are not alone.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
I know the feelings are coming at you from everywhere, but this is normal. We're here for you. If we haven't lost a loved one, it is one of our greatest fears. You are not alone.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Placerville, CA
Posts: 4
Thank you all for the support and wise words! I'm glad I found this forum and the great people on it. I am so sorry for all of us who have lost someone and for those who fear a loss may be just around the corner...
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