my alcoholic husband divorcing me????
Member
Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 447
My RAH has sang the same song. Now a month later he's thinking he wants to stay and work on things.
Keep in mind I think he's lost his mind.
As if I want someone who doesn't want me? uh no.
You be strong.
Do the Alnon.
You will be okay.
Keep in mind I think he's lost his mind.
As if I want someone who doesn't want me? uh no.
You be strong.
Do the Alnon.
You will be okay.
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
It really doesn't matter what his reasons are, or how he did it. The divorce is happening, and someday you may see it for the freeing gift that it is.
I also suggest Al-Anon, because it's pretty clear to me that living with an alcoholic has screwed up your thinking. That is NOT a criticism--I've never met anyone who has lived long-term with an active alcoholic who didn't learn some messed-up thinking as a coping mechanism.
Hugs, stick around here, too--you will learn a LOT.
I also suggest Al-Anon, because it's pretty clear to me that living with an alcoholic has screwed up your thinking. That is NOT a criticism--I've never met anyone who has lived long-term with an active alcoholic who didn't learn some messed-up thinking as a coping mechanism.
Hugs, stick around here, too--you will learn a LOT.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: Northern KY
Posts: 168
My AH told me many times that he wanted me out of his house, and he's wonderful at "talking" about how we're doing (when in reality he's talking about how well he's changed himself and how I'm unaccepting and holding onto the past).
The truth of the matter, I should have found this board about 15 years ago when it first started and I should of let him have his way and left like he told me to do. I know the heart is a powerful thing and we become so emersed in the life of our significant other (alcohol and all) that we lose the lines of what we find normal and acceptable.
I suggest you listen to what he's said and instead of taking offense that he's not fighting for you, take comfort in him being honest. He is doing you a favor, whether he realizes it or not. Perhaps instead of being offended, instead you should look at it as to how much the alcohol has poisoned his mind and re-evaluate what is and is not acceptable to you. Before you met him would you have found this acceptable in a spouse?
The truth of the matter, I should have found this board about 15 years ago when it first started and I should of let him have his way and left like he told me to do. I know the heart is a powerful thing and we become so emersed in the life of our significant other (alcohol and all) that we lose the lines of what we find normal and acceptable.
I suggest you listen to what he's said and instead of taking offense that he's not fighting for you, take comfort in him being honest. He is doing you a favor, whether he realizes it or not. Perhaps instead of being offended, instead you should look at it as to how much the alcohol has poisoned his mind and re-evaluate what is and is not acceptable to you. Before you met him would you have found this acceptable in a spouse?
Guest
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: kokomo
Posts: 73
I also suggest Al-Anon, because it's pretty clear to me that living with an alcoholic has screwed up your thinking. That is NOT a criticism--I've never met anyone who has lived long-term with an active alcoholic who didn't learn some messed-up thinking as a coping mechanism.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Texas
Posts: 283
He has blindsided you. Period.
Everyone on here is telling you to be grateful. And they are right.
That does not, however, relieve the angst you are currently in.
He has blindsided you. Period.
You are currently in a state of chaos, simply because you have lived through his blame, lies, and ugly.
So you are confused and unsure of your place in this mess.
You have to find your way out.
First, go to alanon. It won't be long before the dust settles and you will begin to see clearly. You will begin also to trust yourself with the alanon support.
You will then be better equipped to make the decisions you need to in order to take care of yourself.
You will learn techniques to help quell the pain, though it is a slow process.
Progress is your goal.
We are here to listen. We are here to love. We are here.
That does not, however, relieve the angst you are currently in.
He has blindsided you. Period.
You are currently in a state of chaos, simply because you have lived through his blame, lies, and ugly.
So you are confused and unsure of your place in this mess.
You have to find your way out.
First, go to alanon. It won't be long before the dust settles and you will begin to see clearly. You will begin also to trust yourself with the alanon support.
You will then be better equipped to make the decisions you need to in order to take care of yourself.
You will learn techniques to help quell the pain, though it is a slow process.
Progress is your goal.
We are here to listen. We are here to love. We are here.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 338
So much of what I read reminds me of ME.
I understand the hurt and the anger of being rejected. You'd think we'd be used to it by now but it still is a kick in the gut. When my AH said he did not think he wanted to be married anymore my first reaction was "I put up with your drunk a** all these years and you don't know if you want to be married to ME?" WTF????
And then when we separated he went no contact -MIA for quite a while. It was so hard for me to have had this person in my life for 30 years and then -nothing.
But Al ANon helped and I now see how it was a blessing because had I had contact I would have been less able to detach and see things clearly.
So he filed for divorce. Maybe he is waiting for you to call his bluff. Maybe its his way of manipulating you. Maybe, maybe, maybe...
Bottom line is that he wont stop drinking-you can't make him. So unless you want to continue being married to an alcoholic, this is a get out of jail free card.
It sucks, it hurts like hell. But it gets better and as my therapist reminds me-few decisions we make in life are not reversible. If and when his circumstances change, you can decide if you want to have any kind of relationship with him.
Keep coming back. I'd be interested to hear if he follows through with this.
I understand the hurt and the anger of being rejected. You'd think we'd be used to it by now but it still is a kick in the gut. When my AH said he did not think he wanted to be married anymore my first reaction was "I put up with your drunk a** all these years and you don't know if you want to be married to ME?" WTF????
And then when we separated he went no contact -MIA for quite a while. It was so hard for me to have had this person in my life for 30 years and then -nothing.
But Al ANon helped and I now see how it was a blessing because had I had contact I would have been less able to detach and see things clearly.
So he filed for divorce. Maybe he is waiting for you to call his bluff. Maybe its his way of manipulating you. Maybe, maybe, maybe...
Bottom line is that he wont stop drinking-you can't make him. So unless you want to continue being married to an alcoholic, this is a get out of jail free card.
It sucks, it hurts like hell. But it gets better and as my therapist reminds me-few decisions we make in life are not reversible. If and when his circumstances change, you can decide if you want to have any kind of relationship with him.
Keep coming back. I'd be interested to hear if he follows through with this.
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