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Miracles Do They Ever Happen??

Old 03-10-2011, 06:01 PM
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Miracles Do They Ever Happen??

I wrote some of this letter in the section of WHAT IS RECOVERY, for this reason:

Yes, I am in Alanon and it has helped me tremendously! Over the past 2 weeks, Ive had alot of internal healing, serenity and beginning to think more clearly (coming out of the fog).

But I would say, what has helped me alot also, is understanding the alcoholic.
Example: What makes them tick, Why do they do or say those things, What is recovery for them, Why do they run, etc..

Kind of like "Hands On Learning"

I guess thats why I asked those questions, because I dont understand why he felt he needed to move or why relapse was no big deal or why he cant find time for AA classes.
It has helped me, not buy all of his excuses....

For me learning the behaviors of an alcoholic, has helped me detach and has helped me lay down some of my anger, with the understanding his behaviors and ways of thinking are not rational. It has also helped me undertand, that Im not going crazy (ANYMORE)

He is working 16 hour days, and I realize those are long days, but it has helped me understand from your post on how important those things are to his recovery.
Which in turn, has helped me understand my feelings & has helped me set some pretty big boundaries for myself, if he decides to move home tomorrow.

Never being raised in that enviroment, I was clueless to what was going on in my life/marriage. Maybe, If I would have been educated on the diesase & the damage that it does to people, familys and myself, I would have had some type of warnings signs and would of had time to run earlier in the game.

I guess I had the dumb blonde syndrome, and thought it was just too many simple cocktails or he had a bad day...

*** TODAYS UPDATE ***
A phone call tonight from RAH that didnt go too well.
I havent asked him in weeks if has drank. So tonight I did.
BOOM! Wrong- Question to ask, I guess.

RAH Reply:
"I WORK ALL THE TIME, WHEN DO I HAVE TIME TO DRINK" There you go again, your never gonna let it drop are you??? I only have 1 day off and Im very tired and dont need to hear your negative comments!!! If I had time I would go to AA, but I work all the time and only have 1 day off, so when do you think I should go???? Tell me that one.........

Me..Ugggg

Next sentance: If I send you money, would you fly here and visit me? I miss you.

Me..Ugggg

Me....Mixed Feelings after tonight, and Im sad, I was doing so good...
Guess, I was hoping for another miracle, his recovery....
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Old 03-10-2011, 06:06 PM
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Yup, they do happen. I consider my own sobriety a miracle, and I've seen lots of them.

Miracles don't happen just because we hope or pray for one, though. We can still make our own miracles in our own lives.
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Old 03-10-2011, 06:18 PM
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Two steps forward, one back, BobbyJ. It's ok - we all fall off the wagon sometimes.

After a week of acrimony and more threats of divorce, I had the most amazing conversation with my RAH last night. It was kind of like a mutual surrender, putting down the weapons, and being honest for the first time in a long time. I can't point to one particular thing that sparked that - it just happened. I consider that a miracle.

I also consider his sobriety - going on 120 days now - as the biggest miracle of all. Second to that is the loss of my desire to ask him if he's drinking. I just quit doing that and quit caring. It is what it is.
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Old 03-10-2011, 09:26 PM
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For me, the miracle has been MY recovery..I was WAYYYY more screwed up than I thought..you can work on your own miracle instead of hoping for one for someone else..
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Old 03-11-2011, 06:18 AM
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Miracle for me = my baby girl.

She's the one who made me realize that I could not continue to live with an alcoholic, no matter how much I "loved" him. The repercussions on my child were too great.
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Old 03-11-2011, 06:56 AM
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For me... the miracles haven't been what I wished/begged/pleaded for... but when I open my eyes and put on my attitude of gratitude...

I'm surrounded by miracles big and small.
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Old 03-11-2011, 11:14 AM
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Originally Posted by GettingBy View Post
For me... the miracles haven't been what I wished/begged/pleaded for... but when I open my eyes and put on my attitude of gratitude...

I'm surrounded by miracles big and small.
I couldn't agree more with this statement! It's wonderful to let go of the wishing, pleading, and begging and start noticing everything else good around you.
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Old 03-11-2011, 11:22 AM
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Originally Posted by BobbyJ View Post
...Guess, I was hoping for another miracle, his recovery....
From the rest of your post it sounds like you're doing some pretty good work on you. How about hoping for a few miracles for yourself?
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Old 03-11-2011, 11:47 AM
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Originally Posted by BobbyJ View Post
But I would say, what has helped me alot also, is understanding the alcoholic.
Example: What makes them tick, Why do they do or say those things, What is recovery for them, Why do they run, etc.....For me learning the behaviors of an alcoholic, has helped me detach and has helped me lay down some of my anger, with the understanding his behaviors and ways of thinking are not rational. It has also helped me understand, that Im not going crazy (ANYMORE)
I agree. Learning about alcoholism has been the best thing I have done for myself. It freed me to to put myself first.

As for those miracles, I believe they do happen. I'm sure you've heard the expression "Sh---t Happens." Well, it certainly does. But not everything that happens out of the blue is a downer. Sometimes surprises are good!

I really get it that while my AH and I are married, we aren't partners anymore. I've accepted that and have quit grieving over the way things used to be. I'm learning to live in the present and plan for the future.
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Old 03-11-2011, 12:27 PM
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Miracles Do They Ever Happen??

From my perspective ~ I am a walking, talking, breathing, PINK Loving Miracle!!!

If you saw a photo of me from 10 yrs ago and saw me now - you wouldn't think it was the same person!

Is my life perfect? No far from it - but my inner soul is Happy, Joyous and PINKFULLY Free due to the God of my understanding, my recovery program (al-anon) and the help of my recovery family!

Yes, my new friend - there are miracles just waiting for you - regardless of what choices the alcoholics/addicts in our lives make - we truly enjoy this life and BE a Miracle to ourselves and others!

Don't give up before the miracle happens in YOU -

YOU deserve it!!!

Pink HUGS, (Hope, Unity, Gratitude & Serenity)
Rita
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Old 03-11-2011, 12:32 PM
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Is my life perfect? No far from it - but my inner soul is Happy, Joyous and PINKFULLY Free due to the God of my understanding, my recovery program (al-anon) and the help of my recovery family!

Yes, my new friend - there are miracles just waiting for you - regardless of what choices the alcoholics/addicts in our lives make - we truly enjoy this life and BE a Miracle to ourselves and others!
Rita,

thank you so much for your pinkfully perfect posts.
this really made my day.
miracles are all around, we must be open to them.


Beth
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Old 03-11-2011, 02:58 PM
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BobbyJ - You have written my life! I had to go back and make sure it was not a post I had written! Scary! My AH works 12-14 hr shifts, doesn't always have time for meetings, etc etc...

I feel my H is in "fix it" mode. He wants everything to go back to normal, move home (made him leave 2 weeks ago), start over. His mouth is flappling but his feet aren't moving - or at least the speed I want them to be moving!

Gonna give Al-Anon another shot tonight. Don't really want to go, but I know it can only help.

I just pray for clarity..
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Old 03-11-2011, 07:52 PM
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Well...A miracle did happen!!!

It just didnt include my RAH...Ha Ha Ha Ha

Wanted to take a minute & share this story: I have an male friend who I have had general conversations with over the past 2 years.

( NOW YOU HAVE TO GET A CLEAR VISUAL OF THIS GUY IN YOUR HEAD to enjoy the rest of the story) ha ha - A BIG HA HA!!!

He looks like a caveman (wild 60's hippy type) but probably is about 47 years old.
He has the most sweetest & outgoing personality I have ever met in a person. I often wondered if he even knew what a church was or even a barber shop...

We got talking the other night and he tells me he is moving next week also. I asked him why and he told me it was Gods plan...I about fell off my chair..I was like, WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY??? I think my husband just said the same thing...Up chuck!

He said, Yep, thats why you havent seen me alot, I have been in a recovery program at the church for the last year.

Im tired of living like this, Im getting clean shaved, moving, taking a managers position, and following "HIS PLAN" (meaning God).

He said, I dont buy that crap about diesase or Im sick, it's all about MY CHOICES...I have walked on the dark side long enough and Im moving on with the Boss!
And in between his conversation, there was alot of words like: Dudes, Chillin...
And all about God....

** I dont know about you, but I call that some AWESOME recovery ***
He doesnt attend AA class, he attends a program called Recovery and follows
the steps...

Hope you enjoyed hearing a story of a great recovery. (1 Year Sober)

It opened my eyes up: To see what a happy recovering person looks/sounds like...

Big Difference than what Im use to hearing from my RAH....
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Old 03-11-2011, 08:30 PM
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Originally Posted by BobbyJ View Post
It opened my eyes up: To see what a happy recovering person looks/sounds like...

Big Difference than what Im use to hearing from my RAH....
Yeah - it makes a big difference to hear someone who is really in recovery versus someone who is quacking their way through it, huh? That's how I know when my RAH is being sincere vs. quacking (or talking the talk and hoping his feet catch up with his mouth).
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Old 03-11-2011, 09:58 PM
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Sometimes the miracle is we finally realize there is nothing we can do about it anymore. The miracle manifests itself in us, and we no longer let the alcoholic manipulate and control us. Occasionally, the miracle is we are strong enough to pack up our things and leave. And the miracle continues in a new life, without the struggles of living with an alcoholic.
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Old 03-11-2011, 10:40 PM
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I hope they do.
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Old 03-11-2011, 11:08 PM
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The miracle of not waiting for anything else or anyone else to be different than what it is, in order to feel peaceful, THAT is a huge one!!
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Old 03-12-2011, 10:40 AM
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Miracles happen every day. I do the next right thing and release attachment to outcome.
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Old 03-12-2011, 10:50 AM
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Originally Posted by transformyself View Post
Miracles happen every day. I do the next right thing and release attachment to outcome.
Well, sure it sounds so easy when you say it!


i have stickies, and now i have some work to do.
(posting it all over the house.)

You are doing great!

Beth
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