Miracles Do They Ever Happen??
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 696
Miracles Do They Ever Happen??
I wrote some of this letter in the section of WHAT IS RECOVERY, for this reason:
Yes, I am in Alanon and it has helped me tremendously! Over the past 2 weeks, Ive had alot of internal healing, serenity and beginning to think more clearly (coming out of the fog).
But I would say, what has helped me alot also, is understanding the alcoholic.
Example: What makes them tick, Why do they do or say those things, What is recovery for them, Why do they run, etc..
Kind of like "Hands On Learning"
I guess thats why I asked those questions, because I dont understand why he felt he needed to move or why relapse was no big deal or why he cant find time for AA classes.
It has helped me, not buy all of his excuses....
For me learning the behaviors of an alcoholic, has helped me detach and has helped me lay down some of my anger, with the understanding his behaviors and ways of thinking are not rational. It has also helped me undertand, that Im not going crazy (ANYMORE)
He is working 16 hour days, and I realize those are long days, but it has helped me understand from your post on how important those things are to his recovery.
Which in turn, has helped me understand my feelings & has helped me set some pretty big boundaries for myself, if he decides to move home tomorrow.
Never being raised in that enviroment, I was clueless to what was going on in my life/marriage. Maybe, If I would have been educated on the diesase & the damage that it does to people, familys and myself, I would have had some type of warnings signs and would of had time to run earlier in the game.
I guess I had the dumb blonde syndrome, and thought it was just too many simple cocktails or he had a bad day...
*** TODAYS UPDATE ***
A phone call tonight from RAH that didnt go too well.
I havent asked him in weeks if has drank. So tonight I did.
BOOM! Wrong- Question to ask, I guess.
RAH Reply:
"I WORK ALL THE TIME, WHEN DO I HAVE TIME TO DRINK" There you go again, your never gonna let it drop are you??? I only have 1 day off and Im very tired and dont need to hear your negative comments!!! If I had time I would go to AA, but I work all the time and only have 1 day off, so when do you think I should go???? Tell me that one.........
Me..Ugggg
Next sentance: If I send you money, would you fly here and visit me? I miss you.
Me..Ugggg
Me....Mixed Feelings after tonight, and Im sad, I was doing so good...
Guess, I was hoping for another miracle, his recovery....
Yes, I am in Alanon and it has helped me tremendously! Over the past 2 weeks, Ive had alot of internal healing, serenity and beginning to think more clearly (coming out of the fog).
But I would say, what has helped me alot also, is understanding the alcoholic.
Example: What makes them tick, Why do they do or say those things, What is recovery for them, Why do they run, etc..
Kind of like "Hands On Learning"
I guess thats why I asked those questions, because I dont understand why he felt he needed to move or why relapse was no big deal or why he cant find time for AA classes.
It has helped me, not buy all of his excuses....
For me learning the behaviors of an alcoholic, has helped me detach and has helped me lay down some of my anger, with the understanding his behaviors and ways of thinking are not rational. It has also helped me undertand, that Im not going crazy (ANYMORE)
He is working 16 hour days, and I realize those are long days, but it has helped me understand from your post on how important those things are to his recovery.
Which in turn, has helped me understand my feelings & has helped me set some pretty big boundaries for myself, if he decides to move home tomorrow.
Never being raised in that enviroment, I was clueless to what was going on in my life/marriage. Maybe, If I would have been educated on the diesase & the damage that it does to people, familys and myself, I would have had some type of warnings signs and would of had time to run earlier in the game.
I guess I had the dumb blonde syndrome, and thought it was just too many simple cocktails or he had a bad day...
*** TODAYS UPDATE ***
A phone call tonight from RAH that didnt go too well.
I havent asked him in weeks if has drank. So tonight I did.
BOOM! Wrong- Question to ask, I guess.
RAH Reply:
"I WORK ALL THE TIME, WHEN DO I HAVE TIME TO DRINK" There you go again, your never gonna let it drop are you??? I only have 1 day off and Im very tired and dont need to hear your negative comments!!! If I had time I would go to AA, but I work all the time and only have 1 day off, so when do you think I should go???? Tell me that one.........
Me..Ugggg
Next sentance: If I send you money, would you fly here and visit me? I miss you.
Me..Ugggg
Me....Mixed Feelings after tonight, and Im sad, I was doing so good...
Guess, I was hoping for another miracle, his recovery....
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
Yup, they do happen. I consider my own sobriety a miracle, and I've seen lots of them.
Miracles don't happen just because we hope or pray for one, though. We can still make our own miracles in our own lives.
Miracles don't happen just because we hope or pray for one, though. We can still make our own miracles in our own lives.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Anchorage, Alaska
Posts: 4,719
Two steps forward, one back, BobbyJ. It's ok - we all fall off the wagon sometimes.
After a week of acrimony and more threats of divorce, I had the most amazing conversation with my RAH last night. It was kind of like a mutual surrender, putting down the weapons, and being honest for the first time in a long time. I can't point to one particular thing that sparked that - it just happened. I consider that a miracle.
I also consider his sobriety - going on 120 days now - as the biggest miracle of all. Second to that is the loss of my desire to ask him if he's drinking. I just quit doing that and quit caring. It is what it is.
After a week of acrimony and more threats of divorce, I had the most amazing conversation with my RAH last night. It was kind of like a mutual surrender, putting down the weapons, and being honest for the first time in a long time. I can't point to one particular thing that sparked that - it just happened. I consider that a miracle.
I also consider his sobriety - going on 120 days now - as the biggest miracle of all. Second to that is the loss of my desire to ask him if he's drinking. I just quit doing that and quit caring. It is what it is.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Anchorage, Alaska
Posts: 4,719
Originally Posted by GettingBy 
For me... the miracles haven't been what I wished/begged/pleaded for... but when I open my eyes and put on my attitude of gratitude...
I'm surrounded by miracles big and small.
I'm surrounded by miracles big and small.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 821
Originally Posted by BobbyJ
...Guess, I was hoping for another miracle, his recovery....
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Desert Southwest
Posts: 192
Originally Posted by BobbyJ
But I would say, what has helped me alot also, is understanding the alcoholic.
Example: What makes them tick, Why do they do or say those things, What is recovery for them, Why do they run, etc.....For me learning the behaviors of an alcoholic, has helped me detach and has helped me lay down some of my anger, with the understanding his behaviors and ways of thinking are not rational. It has also helped me understand, that Im not going crazy (ANYMORE)
Example: What makes them tick, Why do they do or say those things, What is recovery for them, Why do they run, etc.....For me learning the behaviors of an alcoholic, has helped me detach and has helped me lay down some of my anger, with the understanding his behaviors and ways of thinking are not rational. It has also helped me understand, that Im not going crazy (ANYMORE)
As for those miracles, I believe they do happen. I'm sure you've heard the expression "Sh---t Happens." Well, it certainly does. But not everything that happens out of the blue is a downer. Sometimes surprises are good!
I really get it that while my AH and I are married, we aren't partners anymore. I've accepted that and have quit grieving over the way things used to be. I'm learning to live in the present and plan for the future.
Living in a Pinkful Place
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Louisiana
Posts: 7,545
Miracles Do They Ever Happen??
From my perspective ~ I am a walking, talking, breathing, PINK Loving Miracle!!!
If you saw a photo of me from 10 yrs ago and saw me now - you wouldn't think it was the same person!
Is my life perfect? No far from it - but my inner soul is Happy, Joyous and PINKFULLY Free due to the God of my understanding, my recovery program (al-anon) and the help of my recovery family!
Yes, my new friend - there are miracles just waiting for you - regardless of what choices the alcoholics/addicts in our lives make - we truly enjoy this life and BE a Miracle to ourselves and others!
Don't give up before the miracle happens in YOU -
YOU deserve it!!!
Pink HUGS, (Hope, Unity, Gratitude & Serenity)
Rita
From my perspective ~ I am a walking, talking, breathing, PINK Loving Miracle!!!
If you saw a photo of me from 10 yrs ago and saw me now - you wouldn't think it was the same person!
Is my life perfect? No far from it - but my inner soul is Happy, Joyous and PINKFULLY Free due to the God of my understanding, my recovery program (al-anon) and the help of my recovery family!
Yes, my new friend - there are miracles just waiting for you - regardless of what choices the alcoholics/addicts in our lives make - we truly enjoy this life and BE a Miracle to ourselves and others!
Don't give up before the miracle happens in YOU -
YOU deserve it!!!
Pink HUGS, (Hope, Unity, Gratitude & Serenity)
Rita
Member
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Waterford MI
Posts: 4,202
Is my life perfect? No far from it - but my inner soul is Happy, Joyous and PINKFULLY Free due to the God of my understanding, my recovery program (al-anon) and the help of my recovery family!
Yes, my new friend - there are miracles just waiting for you - regardless of what choices the alcoholics/addicts in our lives make - we truly enjoy this life and BE a Miracle to ourselves and others!
Yes, my new friend - there are miracles just waiting for you - regardless of what choices the alcoholics/addicts in our lives make - we truly enjoy this life and BE a Miracle to ourselves and others!
thank you so much for your pinkfully perfect posts.
this really made my day.
miracles are all around, we must be open to them.
Beth
Member
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: KY
Posts: 38
BobbyJ - You have written my life! I had to go back and make sure it was not a post I had written! Scary! My AH works 12-14 hr shifts, doesn't always have time for meetings, etc etc...
I feel my H is in "fix it" mode. He wants everything to go back to normal, move home (made him leave 2 weeks ago), start over. His mouth is flappling but his feet aren't moving - or at least the speed I want them to be moving!
Gonna give Al-Anon another shot tonight. Don't really want to go, but I know it can only help.
I just pray for clarity..
I feel my H is in "fix it" mode. He wants everything to go back to normal, move home (made him leave 2 weeks ago), start over. His mouth is flappling but his feet aren't moving - or at least the speed I want them to be moving!
Gonna give Al-Anon another shot tonight. Don't really want to go, but I know it can only help.
I just pray for clarity..
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 696
Well...A miracle did happen!!!
It just didnt include my RAH...Ha Ha Ha Ha
Wanted to take a minute & share this story: I have an male friend who I have had general conversations with over the past 2 years.
( NOW YOU HAVE TO GET A CLEAR VISUAL OF THIS GUY IN YOUR HEAD to enjoy the rest of the story) ha ha - A BIG HA HA!!!
He looks like a caveman (wild 60's hippy type) but probably is about 47 years old.
He has the most sweetest & outgoing personality I have ever met in a person. I often wondered if he even knew what a church was or even a barber shop...
We got talking the other night and he tells me he is moving next week also. I asked him why and he told me it was Gods plan...I about fell off my chair..I was like, WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY??? I think my husband just said the same thing...Up chuck!
He said, Yep, thats why you havent seen me alot, I have been in a recovery program at the church for the last year.
Im tired of living like this, Im getting clean shaved, moving, taking a managers position, and following "HIS PLAN" (meaning God).
He said, I dont buy that crap about diesase or Im sick, it's all about MY CHOICES...I have walked on the dark side long enough and Im moving on with the Boss!
And in between his conversation, there was alot of words like: Dudes, Chillin...
And all about God....
** I dont know about you, but I call that some AWESOME recovery ***
He doesnt attend AA class, he attends a program called Recovery and follows
the steps...
Hope you enjoyed hearing a story of a great recovery. (1 Year Sober)
It opened my eyes up: To see what a happy recovering person looks/sounds like...
Big Difference than what Im use to hearing from my RAH....
It just didnt include my RAH...Ha Ha Ha Ha
Wanted to take a minute & share this story: I have an male friend who I have had general conversations with over the past 2 years.
( NOW YOU HAVE TO GET A CLEAR VISUAL OF THIS GUY IN YOUR HEAD to enjoy the rest of the story) ha ha - A BIG HA HA!!!
He looks like a caveman (wild 60's hippy type) but probably is about 47 years old.
He has the most sweetest & outgoing personality I have ever met in a person. I often wondered if he even knew what a church was or even a barber shop...
We got talking the other night and he tells me he is moving next week also. I asked him why and he told me it was Gods plan...I about fell off my chair..I was like, WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY??? I think my husband just said the same thing...Up chuck!
He said, Yep, thats why you havent seen me alot, I have been in a recovery program at the church for the last year.
Im tired of living like this, Im getting clean shaved, moving, taking a managers position, and following "HIS PLAN" (meaning God).
He said, I dont buy that crap about diesase or Im sick, it's all about MY CHOICES...I have walked on the dark side long enough and Im moving on with the Boss!
And in between his conversation, there was alot of words like: Dudes, Chillin...
And all about God....
** I dont know about you, but I call that some AWESOME recovery ***
He doesnt attend AA class, he attends a program called Recovery and follows
the steps...
Hope you enjoyed hearing a story of a great recovery. (1 Year Sober)
It opened my eyes up: To see what a happy recovering person looks/sounds like...
Big Difference than what Im use to hearing from my RAH....
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Anchorage, Alaska
Posts: 4,719
Originally Posted by BobbyJ
It opened my eyes up: To see what a happy recovering person looks/sounds like...
Big Difference than what Im use to hearing from my RAH....
Big Difference than what Im use to hearing from my RAH....
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Del Rio, TX
Posts: 380
Sometimes the miracle is we finally realize there is nothing we can do about it anymore. The miracle manifests itself in us, and we no longer let the alcoholic manipulate and control us. Occasionally, the miracle is we are strong enough to pack up our things and leave. And the miracle continues in a new life, without the struggles of living with an alcoholic.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Waterford MI
Posts: 4,202
Originally Posted by transformyself
Miracles happen every day. I do the next right thing and release attachment to outcome.
i have stickies, and now i have some work to do.
(posting it all over the house.)
You are doing great!
Beth
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