He has blindsided you. Period.
Everyone on here is telling you to be grateful. And they are right.
That does not, however, relieve the angst you are currently in.
He has blindsided you. Period.
You are currently in a state of chaos, simply because you have lived through his blame, lies, and ugly.
So you are confused and unsure of your place in this mess.
You have to find your way out.
First, go to alanon. It won't be long before the dust settles and you will begin to see clearly. You will begin also to trust yourself with the alanon support.
You will then be better equipped to make the decisions you need to in order to take care of yourself.
You will learn techniques to help quell the pain, though it is a slow process.
Progress is your goal.
We are here to listen. We are here to love. We are here.