My son

Old 08-12-2010, 11:18 AM
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My son

It is my son. He is 39yrs old and lived with me for the past year and was sober for 11 1/2 months. He had found an apartment and was going to move out into his own place, then he went to see his father and had that first drink again. He has been on a 2 month binge! He moved and has not paid rent for this month ( his landlord called me). He wrote a distressing post on Facebook in the late late night, saying he was so tired but afraid to fall asleep because he did not know if he would wake up. I called police to do a well being check that next morning. They called me back and said he had been sleeping what looked to be a drinking night before, but they did not believe he was a threat to himself or to others... Of course he called me and started ranting and raving at me why did I send the cops over to his house! I starting screaming back at him. He told me to delete him from my facebook. I did !!! I am trying to Let go and Let God ! I have lost two other sons, one 16 yrs ago from suicide, and one 4 yrs ago from complications of his diabetes. I too would like to make sure I am doing the right thing.

Thank-You for any feedback you experienced journeyman may have
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Old 08-12-2010, 02:15 PM
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Being Silent so I can Hear
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Ack. Not fun stuff.

Let go and let God is about all I have to offer. He's an adult, allow him to be one.

And, take care of YOU today!
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Angelic17 (08-12-2010)
Old 08-12-2010, 02:40 PM
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Welcome to the SR family!

You will find loads of information and support here. Please make yourself at home by reading and posting as much as needed.

Some of our stories are in the permanent (sticky) posts at the top of this forum. I always find wisdom that someone has shared in those threads.

This is a link that shares some steps that have helped us while dealing with an active alcoholic:
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Old 08-12-2010, 02:43 PM
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Yeah, I gotta agree with Still Waters. At 39 years old, he is way past old enough to take care of his own issues. It's hard to sit back and watch them make bad choices, but we cannot live their lives for them.
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Angelic17 (08-12-2010)
Old 08-12-2010, 02:49 PM
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It's a mothers heart. You want to protect and save your children no matter how old they are. It's just impossible to save him from himself. You have to let your son go, and grow on his own. I'm sorry about the loss of your other 2 children. Life isn't easy. If your son loses his own place, it would be best that you don't take him in again. He has to learn how to be a man, and pay his own bills. Sorry, but it's the truth. I had to tell my 29year old son that he couldn't live with me. Otherwise he will never grow up.
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Nextright (08-13-2010)
Old 08-12-2010, 03:09 PM
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It was important for me to do the right thing, too. The only way I was able to determine what was best for me, and in a round-about way, my late alcoholic boyfriend was to try a number of things and determine what yielded me the best results.

I did a lot of reading about codependency and alcoholism and participated on this forum every day. Some people find attending Alanon and counseling to be quite helpful, too, but I personally did not pursue those routes.

Did I make a lot of mistakes and a lot of poor choices along the way? You bet. But ultimately I found a path to a better life despite the choices that my boyfriend made.

The best way I found to let go was to focus on what I wanted out of life, how I wanted to live it, and what I was willing and not willing to tolerate from my loved ones.

Welcome to SR.
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Angelic17 (08-12-2010)
Old 08-12-2010, 04:06 PM
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To thine own self be true.
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I am so sorry NextRight, that your son has relapsed. It is very difficult to sit back and watch this happen to your loved one. I am sure you had such hope during the 11 and a half months he was sober and now probably feel no hope. But please remember that life is a journey and, like all the rest of us, your son is on HIS journey. It may not be the journey we would choose for him, but it is his to take whatever way he chooses. Everyone's life has ups and downs and right now looks like it is a down time for him. But it does not have to be a down time for you. Right now is a good time for you to practice detaching with love. Unfriending your son on Facebook is a really good way to practice detaching. When I practice detachment from a loved one who is relapsing, I try to avoid learning ANYTHING that is going on in their life. Have you gone to any Al-Anon meetings? At Al-Anon you learn the tools we need to deal with the alcoholics in our lives and we get such valuable support in our community. I hope you are feeling better soon.
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