Weary to the bone

Old 07-30-2003, 09:03 AM
  # 1 (permalink)  
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Weary to the bone

Hello, all. I'm completely new to this thing. I don't even really know what Al-Anon is, except that it's the support side for the spouses/family members of alcoholics. He hasn't even really admitted it outloud that he's an addict.

My question is this: at what point can you say that enough is enough? When does the cost outweigh the reward? I know I can't save him; know I can't make him feel/think/do anything (can you tell I've had just enough therapy to get into trouble?) and am still struggling. I am weary of the fight and so want to quit but, at the same time, remember the great love for this man that I married. I wonder if it is possible to get that back. Were it not for our 11-month old daughter, I could very easily wash my hands of the entire headache and be done with it.

I have been a Christian most of my life and I have always believed in the power of prayer - I've seen it. This feels like God has turned His back on me. For two years now I have been reading, studying, searching, praying, begging and pleading for God to help/change/heal/love/soften/strengthen/protect... All to, seemingly, no avail. I feel abandoned. It doesn't feel like He's even listening.

Sometimes I feel so full of anger at my husband - I don't care if he ever comes home or not. THen, I am shocked at how far we've come from where we began and I am overwhelmed by sadness. I know this drinking comes from within him and has really nothing to do with me. He is carrying enough emotional baggage to put Samsonite out of business. I know this and yet I cannot stop rationalizing his behavior, internalizing the problem until I turn it into my fault, trying to overcorrect MY behavior to somehow appease him.

I know this is probably just rambling and doesn't make sense, but I'm (like the title says) weary to the bone.

Does this make any sense? What do I do now?

THanks for reading,
Old 07-30-2003, 10:27 AM
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CurlyQ23's Avatar
Join Date: Jun 2003
Location: Baltimore, MD
Posts: 15
((((((((((((((((HUG)))))))))))))))))) What do you do now? You just did it. You reached out for help, support. You took a leap of faith to work on you. what do you do now? you keep on with that full steam ahead. Go for a walk with your beautiful baby girl. Sit in your room with her and take a nap while she sleeps. Mommy's need their rest too.

Honey it is easy to sit and blame ourselves for this mess. But you have to not do that. All you can do is say God Grant me the Serenity to accept the things I can not change, Courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference.

You know what, God has not given up on you yet. He has not forsaken you. All those times you were too weary to go on he carried you. He picked you up and cradled you in his loving arms and say child...I love you. All those times even now when you feel so alone he is there. Right now I think your standing in his way. You busy trying to figure out why Hubby does what he does and this has to be your fault mode. God is standing behind you saying...Let go. Let me. If you let go and start working on your recovery...Then and only then will you see things happen for you. Right now God is behind you. Your blocking his way honey. Who is standing between God and your Hubby? I think you are. I think you are because your still trying to figure out why and how is he doing this. You gotta let go and let god deal with hubby. YOu gotta let go and deal with comewhtmay. You gotta. You started. You came here. You took the first step. now continue. We are all standing with you. Keep posting. Keep talking. There are plenty of free hugs for you here.

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Old 07-30-2003, 10:49 AM
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Location: Raleigh, NC (Jersey Girl transplant)
Posts: 676
Welcome. This site has been a lifesaver for me over the past year or so. These folks really know what is going on in an alcoholic situation. They know the score and they care about you. Keep coming here for support, to vent, to find answers.

I also have an alcoholic husband and I also often wonder where is God in all of this? I have prayed, pleaded, and made bargins with God. I felt I wasn't being heard and this caused me to feel deeply sad. But I agree with Curly, when I started to accept, and let go of my husband I felt more peaceful. I felt God speaking to me not about hubby, but about me. Areas I should work on, things in my life that need attention. Believe me it is not easy and I have to come back to this acceptance again and again. I often get wrapped up in the "situation" and get off center. Then I have to come back to me, what do I need to do for me? Please know that your God would never abandon you, he is right there with gentle words and guidance. COme back here and read the stickies. This is truely a place of healing.
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Old 07-30-2003, 11:04 AM
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Queen of one liners
Daffodil's Avatar
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: walking beside you! Not in front of you.
Posts: 658
((((((((((((HUGS to comewhatmay))))))))

Welcome; I 've been there done that.....I am sending you a poem that I love that has always helped me....

Broken Dreams

As childern bring
their broken toys
with tears for us to mend.
I brought my broken dreams
to God because He was my Friend.

But then instead of leaving Him
In peace to work alone,
I hung around
and tried to help
With ways
that were my own.

At last I snatched them back
and cried,
"How could You be so slow"-
"My child, "He said,
"What could I do?
You never did let go."

Love and prayers from one who cares....
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Old 07-30-2003, 11:59 AM
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Location: Baltimore, MD
Posts: 15
(((((((((((((((((Daffoldil)))))))))))))) Touching...

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Old 07-30-2003, 01:33 PM
  # 6 (permalink)  
hopeful50's Avatar
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: Ohio
Posts: 12
>Does this make any sense?

Yes, it does. Just like you, I felt that God had turned his back on me. Now I believe that when we pray for God to change someone else, we are asking for something that we have no right to ask; that person must go to God himself and ask for the power to change. The only person I have the power to change is myself.

>What do I do now?

I can only answer you with what seems to be working for me. Find an Alanon meeting. Meet some people who have been there and worked through the pain, who have learned the skills of setting boundaries and detachment. Pray the Serenity prayer. Read the daily meditations. Take care of yourself.

There is hope. God has not turned his back on you.
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