Starsabove32

I had been 3 months alcohol and cigarette free and feeling better. But yesterday I decided I wanted a night out. That I was fed up of "being good." So I smoked and I drank. I don't really remember walking home. I had been so proud of myself being alcohol free. But I definitely haven't accepted that alcohol needs to be eliminated from my life yet. And I didn't realise that.

I spent today being sick and suffering with a headache. It wasn't very nice :'( Although I'm not totally convinced that it has put me off alcohol for life.... I really wish it had of because my life was improving without it

biminiblue

I wouldn't call that a "slip up."

You planned to drink and you did.

That's just drinking.

Every time you go back after these sessions you risk increased kindling...have you researched that?

Here:

Kindling - NIH

I hope you'll quit before you have irreversible consequences.

Starsabove32

No I had never heard of that. Thank you.

While it was my choice to drink, I would still refer to it as a slip up as I gave in to a moment of weakness that I would normally be able to fight. But this week I have unavoidably been surrounded by people drinking, Christmas day at the house, and even at work. Also, attending the funeral of a friend. And a lot of anniversaries of people who have passed away in December.

But I can start afresh and hopefully manage next December better, with the knowledge that I can manage my emotions in more healthy ways. 💪💪 I am determined 💪

Purplrks3647

Good job coming right back and posting! I deal with the same issues....haven't gotten past the 4-5 month point yet, but that's why we're here ~ not giving up

hellrzr

No, you had a full blown relapse. Calling it anything else is just sugar coating it and trying to minimize what happened as if it wasn't a big deal. So far what you've written are validations for drinking and how it wasn't your fault. That thought process will do nothing but keep you sick and make future relapses easier and easier.

Are you working a program like AA? If not I would highly suggest you find some meetings and start working with a sponsor if you are serious about long term success.

Outonthetiles

What's even worse, and I didn't know this until recently, is that after a relapse, planned or otherwise, it gets harder and harder to stay alcohol-free the next time. In other words, you only get so many get out of jail free cards.

2muchpain

I would also call it a slip. If I read your OP correctly, you drank a lot for one night than stopped. If you had continued to drink after that, than I would call it a relapse. But all of this is just words. What matters is what you think and that you go back to being sober. 3 months is a big accompolishment. Take credit for that. You said you drank and didn't blame it on anything or anybody else. Good for you for taking responsibility for the choice you made. John

Stronger2017

That’s tough starsabove. The sober time isn’t wasted but if it was me I’d be in a pretty dodgy spot right now. It would be so easy for me to slip back into regular drinking and all the issues that brings. I’d need to have a good think about my priorities and how I was going to achieve them. Joining the December class might be a good start. Best of luck to you🙂

Dee74

Like others have said this is a rough time of year.

I'd really check, recheck and bolster your recovery action plan...be ready and vigilant.

I know it might seem like some people are being pedantic here but they're really not...your inner addict is trying to push the line essentially that it wasn't that bad and it could have been worse.

Even if you have no intent of drinking again right now, it's already priming you up for more brilliant AV ideas.

D

Inchworm

Life continues to improve the longer I don't drink. It will for you, too. I used to relate to the good/bad line but the truth that helps me is remembering that it's more well/sick!

hellrzr

Relapse is a relapse is a relapse. A slip is something you have on the ice and has nothing to do with drinking! Looking at it any other way will just keep a person sick in their addiction.

The poster listed several reasons why they drank and how it wasn't their fault:
- Unavoidably been surrounded by people drinking.
- Christmas day at the house.
- Christmas at work.
- Attending the funeral of a friend.
- Lot of anniversaries of people who have passed away in December.

I'm not trying to be an ass here but clearly someone needs a wake up call and needs some scare put into them. All the things listed above are called life and they happen to everyone everyday. An alcoholic mind doesn't deal well with these things and this poster found the results of that and that is a relapse back to drinking even when they didn't want to. On top of that this one drinking episode resulted in a black out! That is a potential life threatening event in multiple ways.

I'm just trying to emphasize how critical and life and death this journey is. In my experience the most efficient way to learn to deal with these problems in through the program of AA. Hopefully Starsabove uses those 3 months of sobriety and builds on them to get back to 3 months and many years beyond!

JustTony

I'm not going to get into a debate if this should be called a "slip" or a "relapse" and if the semantics are important or not. Neither am I going to comment on the many different ways that people have discovered long term sobriety - AA is only one way - albeit the most famous and arguably the most successful (I don't have any stats to hand or know of any that exist on this point).

What is far more important are the comments I have highlighted within your opening post in red

You have to ask yourself if you are really done with alcohol or not? You have to ask yourself if you are an alcoholic that cannot 'do' moderation or not? You also have to ask yourself how much do you care about this either way?

What is indisputable is that whatever you call your night out - you consciously chose to do it and you have woken up still unsure if you TRULY regret it and/or are done with booze all together? I'm not a judge - I don't know your drinking history. Some would say if you could drink just once every three months that would be 'normal'? My only word of caution on that thinking (should you be predisposed to think about things in this way yourself) is that when you did drink you effectively blacked out - and that means that when you start you probably don't have a stop button...

Whatever you decide to think and do - you have a wonderful community here that will support you should you require it.

Regards,

JT

MindfulMan

Most slip ups, or relapses, or whatever you want to call it end up in a planning stage, unless something happens like you stumble across a bottle hidden in the house that you have forgotten about. But usually it’s more like what happened to you. That’s when you are really at The this-is-your-last-chance-danger phase. I have found this is the time to play the trump card in your back pocket, which is usually a sober friend to call to talk it through. If you are in 12 Step, and have a sponsor, this is the time to pick up that thousand pound phone and call them.

I myself don’t believe that you lose sobriety. I don’t believe in relapse or slippage shaming either, by others or to yourself. I don’t count days, not drinking today is what’s important. Relapse is part of the process for many. You obviously don’t like the consequences of your drinking or you wouldn’t be here. You obviously realize your latest episode wasn’t a positive thing or you wouldn’t bring it up. What’s important isn’t that you drank again, or why. What is important is to acknowledge and take responsibility for what happened and get back on the horse. You can always get back on the horse, but the journey gets easier if you stop falling off.

We can’t change the past, but we can be mindful of it to help us live in the present and not keep making the same mistakes.

Wow, I’ve exhausted THAT metaphor? Or should we say I’ve beaten a dead horse?

Canuckleman45

WOW!!! You've just totally nailed my problem on its stupid head. I can go days weeks without drinking. Doesn't bother me, however then I slip up and drink. Never fails. I haven't ACCEPTED the fact that I need to eliminate alcohol from my life. I crave the day I am done with it. I imagine my life without it. I really want to be done with it. Thank you Stars.

Starsabove32

Thank you all for your responses! Wow! I don't think I was listing those reasons why I drank as excuses to do so. I was trying to engage the thought process that led me to do so. Ending with 2 revelations: (1) I need to learn how to deal with emotions on a healthier level. I have always been very sensitive to my own and other people's feelings, and sometimes it can get very overwhelming. (2) I need to accept alcohol is not for me ever again. I won't ever stop at one or two. I will always end up massively sick and full of anxiety the next day.

My drinking pattern was to binge drink 2-3 times a week. I very rarely drank in the house so it was an expensive bad habit. To avoid... dealing with life's emotional roller coaster and to be around people. But on reflection today, I don't need that it my life. It made me massively anxious and depressed before. Plus it zaps my sleep for days.

I go to a group once a week and see a therapist every 3. But it had stopped for the Christmas break. I look forward to returning.

Everyday is an opportunity to learn and grow.

Glad to hear it Canuckleman! Good luck to you!

D122y

Stars,

I vote you are still doing well on your sober journey. 1 drunk day in 90 is amazing in any addicts book.

If i drank and blacked out, my brain is reprimand for a long while. But, I believe it recovers quickly to where i was. As long as i stop now.

Stringing a bunch of drunk days together would certainly cause more brain damage. The sleep damage is huge.

I never relapsed or slipped at 90 days, but I did at 3 to 30 days, 8 months, 13, and 14 months.

I got the same feedback. Good and bad.

The good feedback was nice and i needed it.

The bad feedback sucked, but it helped to slam the door shut on booze for me.

Yesterday, i almost bought an Odouls beer. Extreme low alky %. Right?

But, then I thought.... I will have to tell folks here..... I knew it was a bad idea.

Since i expected negative feedback...I did not do it. That is the power of this site for me.

I am staying clean.

SR is keeping me accountable.

We all néed that.

Thanks.

Gabe1980

That's me too. In a nutshell. That's exactly it. Thank you Stars and Canuckleman.

I say no more! I have had enough and am educating my way out of this insanity.

Thank you also Mindful Man. Your post was inspiring! Gabe x

biminiblue

I think it's good to get feedback of all kinds. I never really know which I need ahead of time, but I need both tenderness and I need my butt kicked. They both irritated me in early days.

Starsabove, I was super sensitive too. I thought it was my makeup but with some sober time I've learned it was the fault of alcohol. It takes a few months to grow the skin back over all those raw nerve endings (that's a metaphor, it doesn't actually work like that.) I thought I was too empathic, thought I had to be in charge of other peoples' feeling and all kinds of stuff that didn't serve me, and wasn't, "mine."

Well done on the reflection in post #15. It gets better and the over-sensitivity recedes with continuous sober time. It does take time, though.

Clouddancer

I just want to say, all those issues in December that "made" you drink.... did they go away because you drank? Or are the issues still there, for you to deal with?
You ended your comment with "my life was improving without it"
Don't say it WAS improving.... keep moving forward, so it still IS improving! You've experienced a taste of life sober. How was that?
You have to figure out how to COPE with everyday (normal) life situations, while sober.
One day at a time. Don't give up!

Starsabove32

Did the issues go away? Well.... I do feel better acknowledging that December will always be a difficult month, and that next year I will put more of an action plan in place 💪I constantly felt sad throughout and ignored it. Accept it and deal with it and move on.

Time is too precious, and to waste a day hungover is not for me anymore.

New year. New start.

Sobriety for me has been a learning curve. Gaining more confidence and accepting the bad with the good. It's been full of new and exciting experiences.

Onwards and upwards