Raider

Yes. Relaspe. I went from not thinking about it to BAM doing it. I've had two a night for the past week. I've been in this exact spot a few times. I know if I do not drink tonight, I'll have night sweats for the next two weeks. Since both you and I are seasoned SR folks, I'll spare the bs about the small quantity of liquor that is. Because when I fall off, I do it slowly but surely. And I care because I'm here. But im so devastwd over Debbies passing, I don't want to deal with it. I am going out of my mind. I don't want to deal with anything. I just can't believe this has happened. My heart hurts.

least

I'm sorry you're feeling so sad. You know drinking won't help.

soberbrah

cunning baffling and powerful

Nuudawn

Have you looked into Grief counselling or any sort of therapeutic support Pam? Have you sought out any new ideas regarding additional coping mechanisms? You will continue to return to old structures and ways of coping unless you seek out new answers.

Were you not at one time involved in a face to face Christian recovery support group? Have you spoken with your spiritual leader? Is that perhaps another option to add to the mix?

In order to change...you need to actually...change Pam. You're making this harder on yourself..then bootin' yourself bout it.

PurpleKnight

SR is in your corner Pam!!

Verte

So sorry that your heart hurts, Pam.

gypsytears

I'm sorry for your loss. I hope you can find a way to ease the pain that doesn't involve drinking. It never helps.

FreeOwl

Drop it now, before it drags you further down.

Thepatman

Hang in there Pam.

ArtFriend

Pam, I think I told you my sister's death resulted in 13 years of boozing for me. You don't want that to happen to you...

Soberwolf

Hi Raider drinking isnt going to help how your feeling

you should always reach out get that 2nd opinion pls dont continue drinking im pretty sure your sister wouldnt want you like this

you got all the support in the world here i hope you stop drinking today the choice is yours

were all here for you now ...but you can lean on us for support before you drink for advice & support which would really help

good luck pam

Kaneda8888

Hey Raider

I'm agree with Nuudawn. Have you thought of seeing a counsellor. Grief is important to express fully and not keeping inside. I became an alcoholic after my father died. Wasted 6 years of my life. I would really urge that you do try that (the counselling !). No comments on your relapse. That would be much too hypocritical of me !

Hang in there Raider...please have compassion for yourself as we have for you

ScottFromWI

You have many, many places you could turn to help deal with this tragedy Raider...SR being one of them. The ONE place that will absolutely make everything worse is back to the bottle.

You have to deal with this....death is a very real thing and it happens to us all. A bottle won't change that. Seek help in places that will help.

Leshar

Dear Pam,

My heart aches for you and the awful pain you are going through.
Thinking of you.

andyroo72

Hey there Raider,

I'm really sorry things feel like they're too much for you. Don't beat yourself up if you can help it. I'm praying for you.

Soberpotamus

I understand the not wanting to accept it, really, I do. I didn't want to face it with my mom's death either. It was shocking. It was the worse experience of my life.

Drinking for three years after her death ran me straight into the ground mentally. It was the worst thing I could've done.

Put it down now, and you will have the chance to process the grief sooner.

Anna

Hi Pam,

I'm glad you're back and that you're stopping drinking.

You have to find a way to deal with your sister's passing without drinking. She would want you to be sober and have a good life. As others have suggested, grief counselling could be helpful, and maybe you could find a way to celebrate your sister's life.

Dee74

Hi Pam

I've suggested this before but I'm going to suggest it again - find a counsellor to help you with your grief. Like others have said there are many other avenues of help for you to reach out to without involving a bottle.

I don't feel I'm being over dramatic when I say this, cos you're on the lip of an abyss Pam - and you've been there for some time.

It's a tragedy when parents have to bury one daughter...it would be a thousand times worse if they had to bury two.

D

2muchpain

Raider
I'm so sorry for your lose. I can't imagine the pain your going through. I know this past year has been really tough for you, and now this.

I know you're an independent person and used to taking care of yourself, but this situation might be the one where you really need to reach out and get help.

I hope you decide to get the support of a good therapist. You deserve it!! John

Hevyn

Prayers for you are going up Pam. I'm glad you didn't stay away from us. Debbie would never want to be the cause of your misery & relapse. Please keep talking to us and get the help that many have suggested. You can rise above this.