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11-27-2014, 12:20 PM
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#1 (permalink)
| | Member
Join Date: Aug 2013 Location: North salt lake
Posts: 3,328
| You won't be surprised... I'm not.
Yes. Relaspe. I went from not thinking about it to BAM doing it. I've had two a night for the past week. I've been in this exact spot a few times. I know if I do not drink tonight, I'll have night sweats for the next two weeks. Since both you and I are seasoned SR folks, I'll spare the bs about the small quantity of liquor that is. Because when I fall off, I do it slowly but surely. And I care because I'm here. But im so devastwd over Debbies passing, I don't want to deal with it. I am going out of my mind. I don't want to deal with anything. I just can't believe this has happened. My heart hurts.
__________________
Grace: when you get what you don't deserve  | 
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11-27-2014, 12:22 PM
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#2 (permalink)
| | bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: eastern USA
Posts: 80,639
|
I'm sorry you're feeling so sad.  You know drinking won't help.
__________________
I'd rather live in my car with my dogs than live in a castle without them.
Dogs may not be our whole lives, but they make our lives whole.
Don't wait for the Last Judgement. It takes place every day. -Albert Camus
Find the good and praise it. - Alex Haley  | 
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11-27-2014, 12:31 PM
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#3 (permalink)
| | Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 181
|
cunning baffling and powerful  | |
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11-27-2014, 12:38 PM
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#4 (permalink)
| | Guest
Join Date: Dec 2006 Location: Canada
Posts: 4,583
|
Have you looked into Grief counselling or any sort of therapeutic support Pam? Have you sought out any new ideas regarding additional coping mechanisms? You will continue to return to old structures and ways of coping unless you seek out new answers.
Were you not at one time involved in a face to face Christian recovery support group? Have you spoken with your spiritual leader? Is that perhaps another option to add to the mix?
In order to change...you need to actually...change Pam. You're making this harder on yourself..then bootin' yourself bout it.
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11-27-2014, 12:50 PM
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#5 (permalink)
| | Member
Join Date: Sep 2012 Location: Ireland
Posts: 25,837
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SR is in your corner Pam!! | |
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11-27-2014, 12:52 PM
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#6 (permalink)
| | pray for strength
Join Date: Apr 2014 Location: New England
Posts: 2,420
|
So sorry that your heart hurts, Pam.
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'i know but one freedom, and that is the freedom of the mind' - antoine de saint éxupery | |
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11-27-2014, 12:57 PM
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#7 (permalink)
| | not a greeter
Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: padmasana
Posts: 13,697
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I'm sorry for your loss. I hope you can find a way to ease the pain that doesn't involve drinking. It never helps.
__________________  Yoga teaches us to cure what need not be endured and endure what cannot be cured. ~B.K.S. Iyengar  | |
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11-27-2014, 01:08 PM
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#8 (permalink)
| | Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 7,418
|
Drop it now, before it drags you further down.
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~ Life!! It's WAY too good to drink to! ~
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11-27-2014, 01:10 PM
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#9 (permalink)
| | Member
Join Date: Jun 2012 Location: Gatineau, QC, CA
Posts: 5,110
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Hang in there Pam.
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11-27-2014, 01:11 PM
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#10 (permalink)
| | Member
Join Date: Aug 2014 Location: Dallas, Texas
Posts: 2,459
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Pam, I think I told you my sister's death resulted in 13 years of boozing for me. You don't want that to happen to you...
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11-27-2014, 01:29 PM
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#11 (permalink)
| | Almost 107 years sober
Join Date: Aug 2014 Location: I think I see a very small pale blue dot in the distance
Posts: 66,548
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Hi Raider drinking isnt going to help how your feeling
you should always reach out get that 2nd opinion pls dont continue drinking im pretty sure your sister wouldnt want you like this
you got all the support in the world here i hope you stop drinking today the choice is yours
were all here for you now ...but you can lean on us for support before you drink for advice & support which would really help
good luck pam
__________________
Every soul is like a raindrop that falls from the sky into one vast ocean of consciousness. Most raindrops hit the surface and make a small ripple that fades away ... but some ripples become waves.
Unknown.
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11-27-2014, 01:40 PM
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#12 (permalink)
| | Member
Join Date: Sep 2013 Location: Strailya
Posts: 4,864
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Hey Raider
I'm agree with Nuudawn. Have you thought of seeing a counsellor. Grief is important to express fully and not keeping inside. I became an alcoholic after my father died. Wasted 6 years of my life. I would really urge that you do try that (the counselling !). No comments on your relapse. That would be much too hypocritical of me !
Hang in there Raider...please have compassion for yourself as we have for you
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11-27-2014, 01:51 PM
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#13 (permalink)
| | Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012 Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 15,964
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You have many, many places you could turn to help deal with this tragedy Raider...SR being one of them. The ONE place that will absolutely make everything worse is back to the bottle.
You have to deal with this....death is a very real thing and it happens to us all. A bottle won't change that. Seek help in places that will help.
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11-27-2014, 01:51 PM
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#14 (permalink)
| | Member
Join Date: Apr 2013 Location: Canada
Posts: 2,993
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Dear Pam,
My heart aches for you and the awful pain you are going through.
Thinking of you.
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11-27-2014, 01:54 PM
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#15 (permalink)
| | Member
Join Date: Jul 2014 Location: Wellington, NZ
Posts: 250
|
Hey there Raider,
I'm really sorry things feel like they're too much for you. Don't beat yourself up if you can help it. I'm praying for you.
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11-27-2014, 02:16 PM
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#16 (permalink)
| | Guest
Join Date: Jun 2011 Location: The Deep South
Posts: 14,642
|
I understand the not wanting to accept it, really, I do. I didn't want to face it with my mom's death either. It was shocking. It was the worse experience of my life.
Drinking for three years after her death ran me straight into the ground mentally. It was the worst thing I could've done.
Put it down now, and you will have the chance to process the grief sooner.
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11-27-2014, 02:23 PM
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#17 (permalink)
| | Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003 Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 52,058
|
Hi Pam,
I'm glad you're back and that you're stopping drinking.
You have to find a way to deal with your sister's passing without drinking. She would want you to be sober and have a good life. As others have suggested, grief counselling could be helpful, and maybe you could find a way to celebrate your sister's life.
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Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.
Marianne Williamson | |
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11-27-2014, 02:51 PM
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#18 (permalink)
| | Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: Australia
Posts: 179,220
|
Hi Pam 
I've suggested this before but I'm going to suggest it again - find a counsellor to help you with your grief. Like others have said there are many other avenues of help for you to reach out to without involving a bottle.
I don't feel I'm being over dramatic when I say this, cos you're on the lip of an abyss Pam - and you've been there for some time.
It's a tragedy when parents have to bury one daughter...it would be a thousand times worse if they had to bury two.
D
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11-27-2014, 04:22 PM
|
#19 (permalink)
| | Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 2,780
|
Raider
I'm so sorry for your lose. I can't imagine the pain your going through. I know this past year has been really tough for you, and now this.
I know you're an independent person and used to taking care of yourself, but this situation might be the one where you really need to reach out and get help.
I hope you decide to get the support of a good therapist. You deserve it!! John
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11-27-2014, 04:27 PM
|
#20 (permalink)
| | Learning to live again
Join Date: Aug 2007 Location: New York - Catskill Mtns.
Posts: 38,751
|
Prayers for you are going up Pam. I'm glad you didn't stay away from us. Debbie would never want to be the cause of your misery & relapse. Please keep talking to us and get the help that many have suggested. You can rise above this.
__________________
You are so much more than the worst thing you've ever done. Fr. Greg Boyle
A little voice deep inside me said, "Hello, I am here." It was a small voice, & sounded as if it were buried underneath the cushions of my couch. It was my soul...I had forgotten it.  | |
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