jwbm

I have posted about this a couple of times, sometimes under different screen names.

I am at the end of my tether and i dont know what to do, I really hope someone can help me.

My situation is that I am a year sober, I have smoked pot in that time but my problem was alcohol. Like I say I haven't had a drink in a year, so thats a positive. I am now working towards getting off the weed which I can't see being a problem since I am down to one or two in the evening, and i did use it for a legitimate reason (it was the only thing that actually got me off the drink in the end - i was one of these chronic relapsers no matter how bad it was).

My problem is a strange one - I definitely suffer from low self esteem and low confidence, and definitely social anxiety. The strange thing however is that the social anxiety is ten fold around females, to the point i literally can no longer even LOOK at a girl, let alone talk to one.

This is doing my head in. I'm 26 years old, and recently started university to become qualified in my chosen subject - I'm single, and im surrounded by people and a large percentage of those are girls obviously. I just feel like all of my teenage years were wasted by being drunk or ****** out of my head on whatever drugs, now even at 26, this time is getting wasted because im a total loner. I talk to a few (guys) in uni, thats it.

I cant take this any more, train journeys, walking through crowds of people - even in uni today, we were in the "computer lab", and there are female helpers in from the second year, and I know for a fact i come across as totally ignorant because as soon as i "feel" one of them come my direction i shut myself off as if to say do not approach - i am in total conflict with myself because i WANT to be able to just ******* talk to people like a normal person, but the fear is so intense that its causing me to come across as ill mannered and ignorant or that im too good to talk to anyone, which lets face it is probably the polar opposite of whats happening inside my head.

The bottom line is i nearly drank over this 2 days ago, i need some answers before i go crazy

alphaomega

I'm not trying to be condescending but marijuana always made my anxiety so very much worse.

It would alleviate the symptoms for a short duration, then the day after I would have heart palps, and anxiety that almost made me homebound.

The pot is chemically altering your brain. You cant really believe that "its not a problem".

I would suggest trying to really be "clean" and see how that helps.

Also, daily meditation is a must do for me.

jdooner

Um - your not a year sober. You might not have had a drink in a year, which is commendable but smoking weed is not sober.

Also trading addictions is NOT a legitimate reason. Cancer is and a cancer patient smoking weed is not sober either.

It sounds like you need help and as you can see even with a year you did not get better by traditing addictions.

Sorry if my comments seem obtuse or pithy but you sound like me an addict. I am addicted to lots of things and those things and substances are not the reason for my addiction. When they were removed I was not cured either - recovery starts with sobriety but is much much more.

Redmayne

I don't for one minute profess to be medically qualified to say this...

I do profess to have myself been an alcoholic for 30 years, and in recovery and therefore considered by others and myself, not only to be safe, sane and sober, along with the fact that I've gained a lot of knowledge on both alcoholism, and related addictions in the process...including the fact that on the odd occasion, whilst drinking. I've smoked the odd 'spliff' myself.

For example, I know for a fact that long term use of marijuana, cannabis or 'weed' whatever you want to call it, induces feelings or paranoia...similar to the effects you're describing..

As to it's proper diagnosis and treatment, for that you'll need professional medical help, which is way above my pay grade, sorry.

Just a suggestion, hope it helps...

brogart

I'm no expert on anything. Just a guy who's screwed up a lot in life and wants to get clean and sober. I don't know if its the pot or not that's making you anxious. I know campuses can be lonely places, lonely crowds. Pot does mess with the mind though, especially long term. I can't imagine its helping your social skills. Its a retreat into the isolation of intoxication, like all highs or drunks. We're sensitive people, mostly. Hope you weather it. Drinking won't do any good.

Shining~Again

I generally take posts at face value, hence my replies.

- you aren't high around people, only smoking at night.
- haven't drank in almost a year
- definitely and directly say you have issues with social anxiety/cofidence/esteem

My experience has been, as having social anxiety start in early 20's, the social part was me needing help from a therapist/the anxiety was helped by seeing my family doctor.
For me they were 2 separate issues. For some people, it's ONE issue. You know you best.

Therapists seen for what you're talking about have a 'plan of action' that I'd think
you would find really helpful.

cheers! will send ya a pm- wanted to keep this short

SevenNuts

Hey, I'm struggling with sobriety, but my anxiety was reduced A LOT by the right therapy. I found a guy who specializes in PTSD. I got a lot of suppressed anger and sadness out. I didn't realize how emotionally numb I was. So I went from being very nervous around the ladies, socially incompetent, to being relaxed enough that I can smile and carry on a conversation. Feel so much better.

KateL

Have you thought about counselling? Keep at your educating and don't throw it away by worrying every day. I don't know much about weed, but perhaps you could have a go at kicking that habit too. Best of luck xxxxxx

toddle118

I had this problem during my teens and 20's, and drank to overcome it, hence got into lots of unsuitable situations and relationships, so dont do that!
I agree with the other posts, you need to cut out the weed. Have you tried any self help books? CBT I found useful, retraining your thoughts and stuff, but you have to do it with a sober head. Its not impossible, and I wish you the best of luck x

jwbm

Hi all,

thanks for the replies. I went to my doctor about this and he has prescribed me 10mg lexapro/cipralex alongside the beta blocker - the weed is the next thing to go - i dont think il have a problem ditching it at all in comparison to the hell it was getting off alcohol - this is wee buns compared to that

had a full blown panic attack in a lecture earlier but was warned anxiety and depression can be heightened at the start - its been nearly 2 weeks and strangely after the panic attack ceased, my mood totaly changed and i found myself walking with my head facing up for once in my life, so im hoping they will start to take full effect soon.

the doc also referred me back to an integrated councellor ive seen before so hopefully these 3 things will help me get over this - im starting to see that this is probably why i ended up a drunk in the first place, this is the real issue

toddle118

Thats excellent news, am really glad you sought out support and got it. Im also on cipralex (you were lucky to get that, its one of the most expensive lol), and yes the first few weeks I was a bit out of sorts, everyone is different, for some it takes effect immediately. What I found was it just gave my brain some time off to breathe, not to become a zombie, but it helped me in the acute stage until I could sort things out. Good luck with cutting out weed, but please do that to! Good luck x

littlefish

I'll echo the others about pot: I developed intense paranoia on weed. I could not handle social situations and was absolutely convinced people talked about me and schemed to do me harm.
I think you should consider seriously that the weed is causing your social phobia problems. The notion that weed makes us mellow and relaxed NEVER was the case with me: I became totally wound up and intensely introverted with it.

Doctorwho737

Late to the party here but this is the exact same way I am feeling now...and have felt through most of my life.

I don't have answers but can relate and also can point to things like possible past abuse, co-dependency and battered self esteem to be probable causes.

Reason I am writing is get help NOW!!

Go to a counselor, you are 11 years ahead of my curve and trust me, it gets harder not easier, please try and get it cleared now if you can.

Cheers!

FeenixxRising

Weed increased my social anxiety 10 fold. I stopped using it in my early 20's, but my social anxiety still continued; although, not to the degree when I was smoking.

Therapy didn't help me much, but I started taking Paxil (it's an SSRI class of anti-depressant, just like Lexapro) for situational depression in 1995. I only expected to take it for a few months, but after a month or so on Paxil, I found that my social anxiety went away almost completely, so I kept taking it until I recently switched to Lexapro. Frankly, it was a Godsend.

Did your Dr. tell you that SSRI drugs like Lexapro take time to work? Feel free to PM me if you have any questions.

sugarbear1

I gave up pot and alcohol. I worked the 12 steps and most of the anxiety was relieved and over time, the rest was able to go, too.

anything that got me out of my head treated my alcoholism. my alcoholism was but a symptom....not the real problem. it worked to alleviate my anxiety until it turned on me and then it created more, same with the weed.....

stay stopped!!! then work on self!

Bombadil

I feel where you're coming from, jwbm. I turned 22 yesterday, and I feel like I've wasted the last 6-7 years putting as many intoxicants into my body as possible rather than actually maturing as a person and evolving socially. For me, marijuana did nothing but make my anxiety worse. At least when I drank I'd talk to people (talk rubbish, mind you, but at least it was something). When I smoke pot, I tend to lie on my bed watching South Park and eating cereal. It got so bad for a while that I never answered my door when it rang because of the paranoia. The pros and cons of marijuana can be debated, but in my experience, it's a bad idea if you have social issues.

Bom.

Aiko

Dear jwbm

I used to be very shy but with years passing by I lost my shyness.
I thought I was ugly and was ashamed to talk in public.
but now I know that I am special and I am not shy any more.

Join some club or something so you meet people.
What is the worst that can happen if you talk to someone and ignores you.???
try another one and will accept you as a friend.

What you think of yourself is what people see from outside.
So realize you are special and they will see you in that way.
It works, if you show confidence they will see that and you will attract others.

Join a web page for meetings
Practice and try to talk to girls on the web.
You will get some replies and you can acquaintance some girl and once you are comfortable you can chat with her in person.
Love is a game, you like some they will not like you, some will like you and you will not like them, until you find someone that you and and they love you.
It is not easy but it happens.

Drinks will not help you to overcome shyness!
But will make you worse!!!
Is in your head that causes you to block.
Maybe go to a shrink if that is persistent and can not overcome it.

If you go out of your comfort zone you will find life is amazing!

zjw

I have simlier issues. Tho my issues have changed as I gained more self confidence I had less issues with the social anxiety per say. But I've noticed others become less comfortable around me.

People simply laughed at me for years. I swear it has stupid idiot on my forehead. People mistake my kindness for stupidity etc.. As I've gained more confidence the tables have turned more people are less comfortable around me it seems now.

Overtime I've become more with drawn not so much because of the anxiety aspect but I just didnt feel like pealing back the layers on people anymore to find out who the decent person was inside. I find that too troublesome anymore and just dont bother. I guess I've been screwed to many times.

I'm at least less anxious but I dont do social gatherings. I dont like family get togethers or parties or crowded places. I find it to be a pain. I dont like socializing with people in that setting discussing nothing more then the weather etc.. I got better things to do with my time.

Maybe I'm just a Pr*ck I dunno.

But my 2 cents is it could be a confidence issue. I'm not sure how much of a role weed plays into it. I guess it affects everyone differently but I smoked it for years daily never really had an issue as a result of it. I already had issues. when I quit weed not much ever changed. Honestly not much ever really changed till I gained some confidence and decided to quit allowing everyone to put me down and make me feel bad about myself etc..

Mountainmanbob

smoking pot and or drinking will not help us get closer to the ladies

I never would have found my wife if I was still smoking pot
school teachers just do not hang out with potheads

dSober

I smoked weed every day for around 25 years (~16-40). I didn't have a serious drinking problem back then (I'm 57 now) and at the time, I didn't see weed as a problem either. I started in HS in CA where/when weed was $10/oz. I moved back east a few years later and was struck by how much more it was here but kept smoking. Later, as the price kept going up, I got annoyed paying for it and grew it in my backyard a couple years. I finally quit when I felt my daughter might be getting old enough to recognize it. It really wasn't that big a deal to stop.

Looking back, I do remember paranoia and laziness. I feel I'd have accomplished more, possibly much more, if I hadn't been a pothead for so long.

I was also anxious/nervous around girls. This might have been, at least in part, due to paranoia from weed but I don't know. I found that it mostly faded through my 20s but after a few girl friends and a wife, I still feel less comfortable with women than I think I should.

You've kicked the most important substance. When I began abusing alcohol it tore me up... damn near killed me. It caused MUCH more damage to me than my other past and current substance addictions: weed and cigarettes. I still smoke cigarettes, they seem to be the hardest to quit, but at least they're only killing me slowly :-)