Using the dog as a reason to keep from drinking?
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Using the dog as a reason to keep from drinking?
My dear 15 year old shepherd dog took a turn for the worse the other night. The vet believes she has a brain tumor. AH came home from his Vegas trip yesterday and met with the traveling vet. She gave the dog a bag of fluids as the dog was dehydrated and then gave her some meds for pain. My AH decided we should have the dog put down at home. I am on board with all of this until he tells me that he wants to wait until next Wednesday to put her down. WHAT???
The dog can barely move. She doesn't respond when you pet her, and she just lays there. Sometimes she cries or whimpers. It's so sad and I am ready to put her down TODAY. AH wants to keep her comfortable this weekend, as my son and I will be gone for a tennis tournament that we're departing for today. What I'm thinking is that AH needs the distraction of the dog to keep from drinking or just to give himself something to do to fend off the loneliness. I told AH that I want him to put the dog down Friday(even though ds and I will be gone) and he came back with, "You want the dog killed? Fine, I'll have the dog killed for you then." UGH! He made it sound like I was a murderer looking to shoot an innocent puppy or something.
I got ticked off and told him, "Well, you obviously think you can care for her this weekend but please promise me that you will have her put down if she is in pain or suffers anymore seizures." I also sent him an email at 3 AM when I was the one up with the dog while she cried. I fed the dog by hand, dribbled water in her mouth while everyone else in the house slept. And, I sat there and cried because I am so ready to let her go and I think she's ready to go, as well. The email basically just re-stated my opinion and that I took offense to his comment about 'killing the dog' and how I just want to be merciful to the dog. I probably shouldn't have sent it, but I was tired and it was in the middle of the night and I was in tears. Sigh....
The dog can barely move. She doesn't respond when you pet her, and she just lays there. Sometimes she cries or whimpers. It's so sad and I am ready to put her down TODAY. AH wants to keep her comfortable this weekend, as my son and I will be gone for a tennis tournament that we're departing for today. What I'm thinking is that AH needs the distraction of the dog to keep from drinking or just to give himself something to do to fend off the loneliness. I told AH that I want him to put the dog down Friday(even though ds and I will be gone) and he came back with, "You want the dog killed? Fine, I'll have the dog killed for you then." UGH! He made it sound like I was a murderer looking to shoot an innocent puppy or something.
I got ticked off and told him, "Well, you obviously think you can care for her this weekend but please promise me that you will have her put down if she is in pain or suffers anymore seizures." I also sent him an email at 3 AM when I was the one up with the dog while she cried. I fed the dog by hand, dribbled water in her mouth while everyone else in the house slept. And, I sat there and cried because I am so ready to let her go and I think she's ready to go, as well. The email basically just re-stated my opinion and that I took offense to his comment about 'killing the dog' and how I just want to be merciful to the dog. I probably shouldn't have sent it, but I was tired and it was in the middle of the night and I was in tears. Sigh....
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Join Date: May 2012
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Well I'm going to look at this problem solely from the view of keeping the dog from experiencing unnecessary pain.
It's not about him, it's not about your marriage, it's simply about the dog being in pain.
Just put it down and alleviate the suffering, the quicker the better for the dog.
Did your H actually say anything about that keeping the dog alive had anything to do with his sobriety? If not, why are you putting words in his mouth and head?
That your H said he would "kill the dog for you" ...very accusatory and immature...and a guilt trip too.
You could call him up today and tell him you are putting the dog down. At least he would have notice of what you are going to do.
It's not about him, it's not about your marriage, it's simply about the dog being in pain.
Just put it down and alleviate the suffering, the quicker the better for the dog.
Did your H actually say anything about that keeping the dog alive had anything to do with his sobriety? If not, why are you putting words in his mouth and head?
That your H said he would "kill the dog for you" ...very accusatory and immature...and a guilt trip too.
You could call him up today and tell him you are putting the dog down. At least he would have notice of what you are going to do.
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Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Midwest, USA
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Why argue with him? Why listen to him? Why negotiate with him? His word is not bond. He is an active alcoholic. Just about everything he says to or at you or in your direction is empty. Totally bankrupt. Quack quack quack.
I know it's too late to change plans and that you're leaving today, but keep this one fresh in your memory -- that your alcoholic husband is so selfish and cruel and sick that he would keep a suffering animal on the verge of death alive for his own benefit. Not yours, not your son's, and certainly not your dear old pet.
The death of a beloved family pet is harsh under any circumstances. I'm sorry you're going through this.
Perhaps it's time to take some of your power back. Let the alcoholic keep his crazy to himself.
I know it's too late to change plans and that you're leaving today, but keep this one fresh in your memory -- that your alcoholic husband is so selfish and cruel and sick that he would keep a suffering animal on the verge of death alive for his own benefit. Not yours, not your son's, and certainly not your dear old pet.
The death of a beloved family pet is harsh under any circumstances. I'm sorry you're going through this.
Perhaps it's time to take some of your power back. Let the alcoholic keep his crazy to himself.
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Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: rural Germany
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I got so angry in reading your post that I had to close my browser and go away a bit to calm down.
You already know what needs to be done TODAY.
The dog can barely move. She doesn't respond when you pet her, and she just lays there. Sometimes she cries or whimpers. It's so sad and I am ready to put her down TODAY.
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Originally Posted by MadeOfGlass 
Well I'm going to look at this problem solely from the view of keeping the dog from experiencing unnecessary pain.
It's not about him, it's not about your marriage, it's simply about the dog being in pain.
Just put it down and alleviate the suffering, the quicker the better for the dog.
Did your H actually say anything about that keeping the dog alive had anything to do with his sobriety? If not, why are you putting words in his mouth and head?
That your H said he would "kill the dog for you" ...very accusatory and immature...and a guilt trip too.
You could call him up today and tell him you are putting the dog down. At least he would have notice of what you are going to do.
It's not about him, it's not about your marriage, it's simply about the dog being in pain.
Just put it down and alleviate the suffering, the quicker the better for the dog.
Did your H actually say anything about that keeping the dog alive had anything to do with his sobriety? If not, why are you putting words in his mouth and head?
That your H said he would "kill the dog for you" ...very accusatory and immature...and a guilt trip too.
You could call him up today and tell him you are putting the dog down. At least he would have notice of what you are going to do.
I can't put the dog down today since I'm leaving in an hour. I have to drive 7 hours today so the care of the dog is in AH's hands. Yes, he was guilt tripping me and I was angry. I told him so in my email to him, too. Maybe that was wrong but I'm too tired to really care about whether I hurt AH's feelings or was mean or whatever to him right now.
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That poor dog has been suffering for a long time. You have mentioned the dog in other posts and several of us strongly suggested she be put down. Forget your trip, or put it off for a few hours and take that poor dog to the vet and put her out of her misery. There is no excuse for allowing her to suffer another day.
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Join Date: Aug 2009
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Some people have a very difficult time stepping outside themselves to do what is right if that thing causes them pain. I'm assuming he'll grieve the dog being gone and this causes him pain and so he isn't going to do it - even though he knows it is the right thing and will happen within days anyway. He will increase the dogs suffering to trya and deny and avoid his own.
Just do the right thing yourself.
Years ago I was in a very very similar situation. The poor dog was suffering and my ex would not take her in. He just couldn't/wouldn't do it. He ran from that responsibility, avoided it, and let the dog suffer. It wasn't my dog, we weren't even married but we were living together. I took her to the vet and put her down. He wasn't even mad at me. He was relieved and the dog was spared another month of misery.
I haven't thought of that in years. It was a very telling moment. He was showing me who he was and I was not paying attention. That basic method of dealing with things has repeated itself over and over and the stakes are much higher now.
Just do the right thing yourself.
Years ago I was in a very very similar situation. The poor dog was suffering and my ex would not take her in. He just couldn't/wouldn't do it. He ran from that responsibility, avoided it, and let the dog suffer. It wasn't my dog, we weren't even married but we were living together. I took her to the vet and put her down. He wasn't even mad at me. He was relieved and the dog was spared another month of misery.
I haven't thought of that in years. It was a very telling moment. He was showing me who he was and I was not paying attention. That basic method of dealing with things has repeated itself over and over and the stakes are much higher now.
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Originally Posted by lizatola
No, that was my guess and you're right about putting those words out there. He did say that he was lonely and that tending to the dog gave him something to do this weekend. And, he had told me the other day that he drank because of his loneliness so I made the connection there. My bad, but it seems pretty obvious as I know his patterns.
I can't put the dog down today since I'm leaving in an hour. I have to drive 7 hours today so the care of the dog is in AH's hands. Yes, he was guilt tripping me and I was angry. I told him so in my email to him, too. Maybe that was wrong but I'm too tired to really care about whether I hurt AH's feelings or was mean or whatever to him right now.
I can't put the dog down today since I'm leaving in an hour. I have to drive 7 hours today so the care of the dog is in AH's hands. Yes, he was guilt tripping me and I was angry. I told him so in my email to him, too. Maybe that was wrong but I'm too tired to really care about whether I hurt AH's feelings or was mean or whatever to him right now.
You have an opportunity here...try convincing your husband that him taking it to the vet to be put down while you are away is a loving thing he can do for the family pet. Give him the viewpoint that he will be coming to the rescue for the dog! Make him feel like a savior for the dog! Make him feel manly for doing something the family needs done while you are away! The MAN OF THE FAMILY IS GOING TO HANDLE IT! Feed his ego...lol
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Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Tennessee
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I don't have any advice, just hugs and sympathies. It would better to take him in now but...your dog sounds like it's doing exactly (symptom wise) what my poor old kitty did the day before he took matters in his own paws and crossed the rainbow bridge, the day before I was going to take him in.
Sounds awful, but hopefully dear pup will do the same and leave Mr. Selfish all by his own miserable self for the weekend. I'm so sorry you are going through this
Sounds awful, but hopefully dear pup will do the same and leave Mr. Selfish all by his own miserable self for the weekend. I'm so sorry you are going through this
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No, that was my guess and you're right about putting those words out there. He did say that he was lonely and that tending to the dog gave him something to do this weekend. And, he had told me the other day that he drank because of his loneliness so I made the connection there. My bad, but it seems pretty obvious as I know his patterns.
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LIZ, in my opinion there is no reason to let an animal suffer needlessly---when you have the power to stop it. Your first responsibility is to the suffering creature---not the whims of a selfish human.
Please listen to your own morality and help that animal NOW. You will have to live with yourself---think about this.
dandylion
Please listen to your own morality and help that animal NOW. You will have to live with yourself---think about this.
dandylion
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Originally Posted by Sungrl
Postpone the trip. Have the dog tended to. I'm sure you received more love and happiness from your pooch then the AH anyway. This isn't about him. Care for your dog before you leave.
I spoke to my AH and he said he will do what is humane if he feels she is suffering. The vet told us that there is no harm in allowing her to live for a few more days so he took that statement and ran with it, so to speak. He was much more compassionate this AM and told me he will consider putting her down later today if he can get the vet up here(and if the dog starts whining and crying again). The vet told us that we shouldn't move her so we're definitely going to have a traveling vet put her down here at the house. Right now, she's resting and is more responsive than she was yesterday. Hopefully the fluids will keep her comfortable until it's time and either AH does it or I do when I get back.
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I won't tell you what to do, but I can say what I would do in your position. I would call the travelling vet and arrange for him to come to the house at his soonest convenience. Then I would tell my husband about the appointment as a done deal with no negotiation or further discussion.
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Personally, I would rather ruffle a whole lot of feathers and lose the cost of fees, hotel, etc. than leave my pet who has been a beloved companion, in her time of need. But I understand how much this means to your son and that's important too.
¨I spoke to my AH and he said he will do what is humane if he feels she is suffering.¨
Can you really trust an A to do the right thing? So if you have to go, and you do for your son's sake, PLEASE make an appt. with the vet to come to the house and take care of your dog as soon as possible. Don't wait until you get back, don't rely on your AH. Do this for your beloved friend.
¨I spoke to my AH and he said he will do what is humane if he feels she is suffering.¨
Can you really trust an A to do the right thing? So if you have to go, and you do for your son's sake, PLEASE make an appt. with the vet to come to the house and take care of your dog as soon as possible. Don't wait until you get back, don't rely on your AH. Do this for your beloved friend.
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