Blogs


Notices

Using the dog as a reason to keep from drinking?

Old 09-28-2012, 08:13 AM
  # 1 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
lizatola's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 2,349
Using the dog as a reason to keep from drinking?

My dear 15 year old shepherd dog took a turn for the worse the other night. The vet believes she has a brain tumor. AH came home from his Vegas trip yesterday and met with the traveling vet. She gave the dog a bag of fluids as the dog was dehydrated and then gave her some meds for pain. My AH decided we should have the dog put down at home. I am on board with all of this until he tells me that he wants to wait until next Wednesday to put her down. WHAT???

The dog can barely move. She doesn't respond when you pet her, and she just lays there. Sometimes she cries or whimpers. It's so sad and I am ready to put her down TODAY. AH wants to keep her comfortable this weekend, as my son and I will be gone for a tennis tournament that we're departing for today. What I'm thinking is that AH needs the distraction of the dog to keep from drinking or just to give himself something to do to fend off the loneliness. I told AH that I want him to put the dog down Friday(even though ds and I will be gone) and he came back with, "You want the dog killed? Fine, I'll have the dog killed for you then." UGH! He made it sound like I was a murderer looking to shoot an innocent puppy or something.

I got ticked off and told him, "Well, you obviously think you can care for her this weekend but please promise me that you will have her put down if she is in pain or suffers anymore seizures." I also sent him an email at 3 AM when I was the one up with the dog while she cried. I fed the dog by hand, dribbled water in her mouth while everyone else in the house slept. And, I sat there and cried because I am so ready to let her go and I think she's ready to go, as well. The email basically just re-stated my opinion and that I took offense to his comment about 'killing the dog' and how I just want to be merciful to the dog. I probably shouldn't have sent it, but I was tired and it was in the middle of the night and I was in tears. Sigh....
lizatola is offline  
Old 09-28-2012, 08:25 AM
  # 2 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 1,295
Well I'm going to look at this problem solely from the view of keeping the dog from experiencing unnecessary pain.
It's not about him, it's not about your marriage, it's simply about the dog being in pain.
Just put it down and alleviate the suffering, the quicker the better for the dog.

Did your H actually say anything about that keeping the dog alive had anything to do with his sobriety? If not, why are you putting words in his mouth and head?

That your H said he would "kill the dog for you" ...very accusatory and immature...and a guilt trip too.
You could call him up today and tell him you are putting the dog down. At least he would have notice of what you are going to do.
BlueSkies1 is offline  
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to BlueSkies1 For This Useful Post:
Justfor1 (09-28-2012), smacked (09-28-2012)
Old 09-28-2012, 08:25 AM
  # 3 (permalink)  
Member
 
Florence's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Midwest, USA
Posts: 2,899
Why argue with him? Why listen to him? Why negotiate with him? His word is not bond. He is an active alcoholic. Just about everything he says to or at you or in your direction is empty. Totally bankrupt. Quack quack quack.

I know it's too late to change plans and that you're leaving today, but keep this one fresh in your memory -- that your alcoholic husband is so selfish and cruel and sick that he would keep a suffering animal on the verge of death alive for his own benefit. Not yours, not your son's, and certainly not your dear old pet.

The death of a beloved family pet is harsh under any circumstances. I'm sorry you're going through this.

Perhaps it's time to take some of your power back. Let the alcoholic keep his crazy to himself.
Florence is offline  
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to Florence For This Useful Post:
kudzujean (09-28-2012), tjp613 (09-28-2012)
Old 09-28-2012, 08:28 AM
  # 4 (permalink)  
Member
 
Hypatia's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: rural Germany
Posts: 311
I got so angry in reading your post that I had to close my browser and go away a bit to calm down.

The dog can barely move. She doesn't respond when you pet her, and she just lays there. Sometimes she cries or whimpers. It's so sad and I am ready to put her down TODAY.
You already know what needs to be done TODAY.
Hypatia is offline  
The Following 11 Users Say Thank You to Hypatia For This Useful Post:
akalacha (09-28-2012), BlueSkies1 (09-28-2012), DoubleBarrel (09-28-2012), fedup3 (09-28-2012), GettingBy (09-28-2012), kudzujean (09-28-2012), lizatola (09-28-2012), smacked (09-28-2012), SoaringSpirits (09-28-2012), suki44883 (09-28-2012), worriedwife2 (09-28-2012)
Old 09-28-2012, 08:33 AM
  # 5 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
lizatola's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 2,349
Originally Posted by MadeOfGlass View Post
Well I'm going to look at this problem solely from the view of keeping the dog from experiencing unnecessary pain.
It's not about him, it's not about your marriage, it's simply about the dog being in pain.
Just put it down and alleviate the suffering, the quicker the better for the dog.

Did your H actually say anything about that keeping the dog alive had anything to do with his sobriety? If not, why are you putting words in his mouth and head?

That your H said he would "kill the dog for you" ...very accusatory and immature...and a guilt trip too.
You could call him up today and tell him you are putting the dog down. At least he would have notice of what you are going to do.
No, that was my guess and you're right about putting those words out there. He did say that he was lonely and that tending to the dog gave him something to do this weekend. And, he had told me the other day that he drank because of his loneliness so I made the connection there. My bad, but it seems pretty obvious as I know his patterns.

I can't put the dog down today since I'm leaving in an hour. I have to drive 7 hours today so the care of the dog is in AH's hands. Yes, he was guilt tripping me and I was angry. I told him so in my email to him, too. Maybe that was wrong but I'm too tired to really care about whether I hurt AH's feelings or was mean or whatever to him right now.
lizatola is offline  
Old 09-28-2012, 08:37 AM
  # 6 (permalink)  
Member
 
akalacha's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2011
Posts: 225
I'm with Hypatia on this. Please, end this animal's suffering. Forget Ah and his nasty words. Do it for this dog that you love! Do it today!
akalacha is offline  
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to akalacha For This Useful Post:
kudzujean (09-28-2012), suki44883 (09-28-2012), worriedwife2 (09-28-2012)
Old 09-28-2012, 08:46 AM
  # 7 (permalink)  
RIP Sweet Suki
 
suki44883's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: In my sanctuary, my home
Posts: 32,368
That poor dog has been suffering for a long time. You have mentioned the dog in other posts and several of us strongly suggested she be put down. Forget your trip, or put it off for a few hours and take that poor dog to the vet and put her out of her misery. There is no excuse for allowing her to suffer another day.
suki44883 is offline  
The Following 9 Users Say Thank You to suki44883 For This Useful Post:
akalacha (09-28-2012), AlcoholicLove (09-28-2012), fedup3 (09-28-2012), GettingBy (09-28-2012), laurie6781 (09-28-2012), LoveMeNow (09-28-2012), smacked (09-28-2012), SoaringSpirits (09-28-2012), worriedwife2 (09-28-2012)
Old 09-28-2012, 08:51 AM
  # 8 (permalink)  
Member
 
Thumper's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 3,444
Some people have a very difficult time stepping outside themselves to do what is right if that thing causes them pain. I'm assuming he'll grieve the dog being gone and this causes him pain and so he isn't going to do it - even though he knows it is the right thing and will happen within days anyway. He will increase the dogs suffering to trya and deny and avoid his own.

Just do the right thing yourself.

Years ago I was in a very very similar situation. The poor dog was suffering and my ex would not take her in. He just couldn't/wouldn't do it. He ran from that responsibility, avoided it, and let the dog suffer. It wasn't my dog, we weren't even married but we were living together. I took her to the vet and put her down. He wasn't even mad at me. He was relieved and the dog was spared another month of misery.

I haven't thought of that in years. It was a very telling moment. He was showing me who he was and I was not paying attention. That basic method of dealing with things has repeated itself over and over and the stakes are much higher now.
Thumper is offline  
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to Thumper For This Useful Post:
GettingBy (09-28-2012), Misguided (09-28-2012)
Old 09-28-2012, 08:55 AM
  # 9 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 1,295
Originally Posted by lizatola View Post
No, that was my guess and you're right about putting those words out there. He did say that he was lonely and that tending to the dog gave him something to do this weekend. And, he had told me the other day that he drank because of his loneliness so I made the connection there. My bad, but it seems pretty obvious as I know his patterns.

I can't put the dog down today since I'm leaving in an hour. I have to drive 7 hours today so the care of the dog is in AH's hands. Yes, he was guilt tripping me and I was angry. I told him so in my email to him, too. Maybe that was wrong but I'm too tired to really care about whether I hurt AH's feelings or was mean or whatever to him right now.
Alright, your connection makes sense. but making an animal suffer so that he isn't alone is just plain wrong. If it takes a dying dog in his presence for the rest of his life not to drink...well you can see where this is going.

You have an opportunity here...try convincing your husband that him taking it to the vet to be put down while you are away is a loving thing he can do for the family pet. Give him the viewpoint that he will be coming to the rescue for the dog! Make him feel like a savior for the dog! Make him feel manly for doing something the family needs done while you are away! The MAN OF THE FAMILY IS GOING TO HANDLE IT! Feed his ego...lol
BlueSkies1 is offline  
Old 09-28-2012, 08:59 AM
  # 10 (permalink)  
Member
 
EnoughEnough's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Tennessee
Posts: 19
I don't have any advice, just hugs and sympathies. It would better to take him in now but...your dog sounds like it's doing exactly (symptom wise) what my poor old kitty did the day before he took matters in his own paws and crossed the rainbow bridge, the day before I was going to take him in.

Sounds awful, but hopefully dear pup will do the same and leave Mr. Selfish all by his own miserable self for the weekend. I'm so sorry you are going through this
EnoughEnough is offline  
Old 09-28-2012, 09:27 AM
  # 11 (permalink)  
Member
 
Florence's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Midwest, USA
Posts: 2,899
No, that was my guess and you're right about putting those words out there. He did say that he was lonely and that tending to the dog gave him something to do this weekend. And, he had told me the other day that he drank because of his loneliness so I made the connection there. My bad, but it seems pretty obvious as I know his patterns.
You're not a mind reader.
Florence is offline  
Old 09-28-2012, 09:32 AM
  # 12 (permalink)  
Member
 
dandylion's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 15,825
LIZ, in my opinion there is no reason to let an animal suffer needlessly---when you have the power to stop it. Your first responsibility is to the suffering creature---not the whims of a selfish human.

Please listen to your own morality and help that animal NOW. You will have to live with yourself---think about this.

dandylion
dandylion is offline  
The Following 6 Users Say Thank You to dandylion For This Useful Post:
akalacha (09-28-2012), boldaslove (09-28-2012), LoveMeNow (09-28-2012), SoaringSpirits (09-28-2012), Sungrl (09-28-2012), worriedwife2 (09-28-2012)
Old 09-28-2012, 09:35 AM
  # 13 (permalink)  
Member
 
dandylion's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 15,825
Dear LIZ---you can call the vet and have him/her go to the house and do it NOW. the vet will do it.

dandylion
dandylion is offline  
The Following User Says Thank You to dandylion For This Useful Post:
ShootingStar1 (09-28-2012)
Old 09-28-2012, 09:37 AM
  # 14 (permalink)  
Heathen
 
smacked's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: La La Land, USA
Posts: 2,567
Blog Entries: 1
I got so angry in reading your post that I had to close my browser and go away a bit to calm down.
Ditto. Actually, I have nothing else to add. I'll pray for the pup.
smacked is offline  
The Following 7 Users Say Thank You to smacked For This Useful Post:
akalacha (09-28-2012), Florence (09-28-2012), Justfor1 (09-28-2012), Katiekate (09-28-2012), LoveMeNow (09-28-2012), SoaringSpirits (09-28-2012), suki44883 (09-28-2012)
Old 09-28-2012, 09:39 AM
  # 15 (permalink)  
Member
 
Sungrl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: My Happy Place
Posts: 700
Postpone the trip. Have the dog tended to. I'm sure you received more love and happiness from your pooch then the AH anyway. This isn't about him. Care for your dog before you leave.
Sungrl is offline  
The Following 6 Users Say Thank You to Sungrl For This Useful Post:
akalacha (09-28-2012), GettingBy (09-28-2012), Katiekate (09-28-2012), LoveMeNow (09-28-2012), smacked (09-28-2012), SoaringSpirits (09-28-2012)
Old 09-28-2012, 09:49 AM
  # 16 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
lizatola's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 2,349
Originally Posted by Sungrl View Post
Postpone the trip. Have the dog tended to. I'm sure you received more love and happiness from your pooch then the AH anyway. This isn't about him. Care for your dog before you leave.
I would love to do this, but I can't pull my son out of this tennis tournament. My son is the number 1 seed in this tournament for the first time in his tennis career. If I pull him out he gets penalized and I am out the entry fee, 1 night of hotel costs, and he'd mess up the draws on the tournament director. Basically, it'd be a nightmare but not impossible and we'd ruffle quite a few feathers in Texas! I was considering calling the vet and scheduling it for later while AH is here.

I spoke to my AH and he said he will do what is humane if he feels she is suffering. The vet told us that there is no harm in allowing her to live for a few more days so he took that statement and ran with it, so to speak. He was much more compassionate this AM and told me he will consider putting her down later today if he can get the vet up here(and if the dog starts whining and crying again). The vet told us that we shouldn't move her so we're definitely going to have a traveling vet put her down here at the house. Right now, she's resting and is more responsive than she was yesterday. Hopefully the fluids will keep her comfortable until it's time and either AH does it or I do when I get back.
lizatola is offline  
Old 09-28-2012, 09:57 AM
  # 17 (permalink)  
Member
 
Hypatia's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: rural Germany
Posts: 311
I won't tell you what to do, but I can say what I would do in your position. I would call the travelling vet and arrange for him to come to the house at his soonest convenience. Then I would tell my husband about the appointment as a done deal with no negotiation or further discussion.
Hypatia is offline  
The Following 9 Users Say Thank You to Hypatia For This Useful Post:
akalacha (09-28-2012), boldaslove (09-28-2012), Florence (09-28-2012), LoveMeNow (09-28-2012), smacked (09-28-2012), SoaringSpirits (09-28-2012), suki44883 (09-28-2012), Sungrl (09-28-2012), Thumper (09-28-2012)
Old 09-28-2012, 10:09 AM
  # 18 (permalink)  
Member
 
akalacha's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2011
Posts: 225
Personally, I would rather ruffle a whole lot of feathers and lose the cost of fees, hotel, etc. than leave my pet who has been a beloved companion, in her time of need. But I understand how much this means to your son and that's important too.
I spoke to my AH and he said he will do what is humane if he feels she is suffering.
Can you really trust an A to do the right thing? So if you have to go, and you do for your son's sake, PLEASE make an appt. with the vet to come to the house and take care of your dog as soon as possible. Don't wait until you get back, don't rely on your AH. Do this for your beloved friend.
akalacha is offline  
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to akalacha For This Useful Post:
Florence (09-28-2012), SoaringSpirits (09-28-2012), Sungrl (09-28-2012)
Old 09-28-2012, 10:20 AM
  # 19 (permalink)  
Member
 
Sungrl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: My Happy Place
Posts: 700
Curious how the son feels. He may be all for taking care of his pup first and foremost. Sorry this is all happening, sad for everyone. (except AH) I have no sympathy for him.
Sungrl is offline  
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to Sungrl For This Useful Post:
Katiekate (09-28-2012), LoveMeNow (09-28-2012)
Old 09-28-2012, 10:21 AM
  # 20 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2010
Posts: 209
Just another example of how SELFISH they are.
I would take care of my beloved dog before I would give a **** about how he felt.
AlcoholicLove is offline  
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to AlcoholicLove For This Useful Post:
LoveMeNow (09-28-2012), Sungrl (09-28-2012)

Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off




All times are GMT -7. The time now is 08:26 AM.