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Tremors - shaking - trembling - shivering

Old 12-31-2019, 09:25 AM
  # 41 (permalink)  
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It is not about withdrawals ... I can get through them. It is about my head, my stupid head which will force me to grab a bottle whenever I can. I am tormented by my psyche and I don't know what to do. It always brings me this false sensation that pouring that monster will make me "happy" or what ever.

I surrender. I don't know what to do. This poison brought me to my knees.

"An old man dies, a young woman lives - fair trade ... BUM!"
(Hartigan, Sin City [2005])

I love you all!
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Old 12-31-2019, 09:36 AM
  # 42 (permalink)  
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Well you are in **** street. Accept that. Then do something. Staying where you are is hopeless.
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Old 12-31-2019, 02:24 PM
  # 43 (permalink)  
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Hi Vino

I use to think that way too.
My head would decide it wanted a drink and nothing could stop it.

That was, untl I nearly died from drinking.

I found another voice, way more powerful that the drinking voice.

It wasn't a good day, or a good week when I quit...it wasn't even a good month - but the first day I beat back the mental imperative to drink and stayed sober was a good day. It meant I could win.

I pretty much lived on SR those first days.
Use all the support you have. Grab back your Power Of Choice

D




Originally Posted by Vino88 View Post
It is not about withdrawals ... I can get through them. It is about my head, my stupid head which will force me to grab a bottle whenever I can. I am tormented by my psyche and I don't know what to do. It always brings me this false sensation that pouring that monster will make me "happy" or what ever.

I surrender. I don't know what to do. This poison brought me to my knees.

"An old man dies, a young woman lives - fair trade ... BUM!"
(Hartigan, Sin City [2005])

I love you all!
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Old 01-06-2020, 08:10 PM
  # 44 (permalink)  
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How are you doing Vin?
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Old 01-07-2020, 08:10 AM
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Hej, kamm!

Thank you for your interes.

Yesterday I went to my local Medical Center to ask for help. I run into a very nice young lady doctor who had a very empatic and long conversation with me. She prescribed me Distraneurin (Clormethiazole) which does wonders for withdrawal symptoms and is especially prescribed for alcohol withdrawal and delirum tremens.
She also referred me to a Psych Clinic and blood tests.

With help od Distraneurin, Seroquel and Weed I slept almost 14 hours.

I had about 32 hours under my belt.

Today my mother asked me to go into the grocery. She gave me 50Ä and said to keep what's left. Of course I bought myself Wine. At first it was disgusting and I almost puked, but then I liked the buzz and I am drunk, still drinking untill I call it night.

Shame on me.
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Old 01-07-2020, 10:52 AM
  # 46 (permalink)  
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Sorry to hear that. I know it feels impossible to stop this vicious cycle you are in.

If you are drinking the wine, I hope you stop. I know, seems a huge "waste" from where you are (and I was) but when you can put down and leave alone the alcohol (and weed, if I'm frank) then you can start to change.
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Old 01-15-2020, 10:44 AM
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Tomorrow I'll go again to the PD. She was my friend and I've known her since we were in elementary school. This will be my first visit with her.

Sadly, I've consumed all my meds. I got about 4 sober days last week, but I failed every time. I wanted to get through WD today, after 2 days binge, but it was too much. When you get seriously addicted to alcohol, you need some time to readjust. And sadly I can't do it without medication. Distraneurin contains 25 pills. I should go like ... 8 first day, 7 second day, 5 third day, 3 forth day, then slowly finish. I couldn't do it. Shame on me.

I signed up for threatment. My first appointment is on 03.03.

So, tomorrow first thing in the morning will be going to my PDoc.
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Old 01-15-2020, 12:18 PM
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I just got out of 7 days in detox a few days ago. In spite of major medical problems and the utter insanity, I could not stop at home. I needed to be in a setting where I could not change my mind. I am now home, and am so happy and relieved to be past the physical withdrawal, which can be life threatening. Wishing you best of luck in finding your way to whatever help you can find.
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Old 01-16-2020, 04:48 AM
  # 49 (permalink)  
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:*

Today was the first day that I really felt like an addict. I have never been treated like this before. Tough Love, I guess.

My friend the Doctor clearly told me that I won't be able to go through this alone. She immediately called the Rehab Facility and booked me an appointment on 12.02. She was unwilling to prescribe me another bottle of Distraneurin and Seroquel, but she luckily did. I was told to go pick up the meds and come back. The nurse then gave me only 10 Distraneurin and 20 Seroquel capsules. She told me to come back on Tuesday and pick up what is left. I also have an appointment with my Doctor that day.

I was looking at the nurse when she was counting the pills, thinking to myself:"What the ...?" She kindly explained that this was just because "they cared for me".

So, I got my meds now. I have some days under my belt from the past few weeks. I have knowledge and power. Let's do this!!!

Oh, my Doctor strictly said that she will report me if she found out that I was driving. Tough Love, once again, I guess.

(sorry for I, I, I sentences ... hope it does not sound too egocentric)
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Old 01-16-2020, 06:30 AM
  # 50 (permalink)  
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Sounds like a positive step towards getting better to me. I hope you do follow the doctors recommendations and the appointment with the rehab.

There is nothing inherently bad about having an addiction. It is not a reflection of you as a person, just a condition/affliction you suffer from. And there is no shame in getting help or being accountable to someone to help you get better. In fact, getting sober Is a sign of strength that you are willing to improve your life.
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Old 01-16-2020, 06:46 AM
  # 51 (permalink)  
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I can't agree with Scott more, Vino. It does feel shameful getting this stuff out in the open, having other people see it plain as day. But then... then there is GREAT relief when you allow yourself to let it go and let people help you. I can't even begin to tell you how amazing that feels.

This is a time you get the luxury to be all about yourself - you need that to heal.

Give it a whirl.
Couldn't possibly be any worse than what you've been living, right?

xo
O
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Old 01-16-2020, 07:13 AM
  # 52 (permalink)  
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I love you both. Thank you!*
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Old 01-18-2020, 01:06 AM
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Grrrr ... approaching 48 hours. And I am very scared that I'll relapse. Feeling good today, though ...
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Old 01-18-2020, 01:39 AM
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No won't.

I picture myself walking out of the store with 2 bottles of wine and signle thought about that makes me want to puke.

Take that child inside me!!
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Old 01-18-2020, 07:08 AM
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You've got this Vino. Instead of focusing on "not drinking", why not try and focus on something else. Maybe a project around the house you've been wanting to do for a long time, a trip to the library or a museum, a walk through the park, cooking something you haven't cooked in a long time? Replacing those old default reactions with new healthy ones can go a long way.
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Old 01-18-2020, 07:57 AM
  # 56 (permalink)  
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I feel hyper, So excited, happy and full of energy.

The things I love right now are:
- playing piano
- going to the woods with my dog
- studying law
- playing computer games
- chatting on facebook
- listening to the Big Book audio
- watching Ski Jumping match

I have lots to do. No, I won't relapse. It disgusts me.

Thank you very much! I appreciate it!
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Old 01-18-2020, 08:07 AM
  # 57 (permalink)  
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You can do this Vino. Donít drink today. Iím not going to drink today either. That is my promise to you.
So thatís 2 of us!! Just donít drink today.
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Old 01-18-2020, 12:47 PM
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Going to the woods with your dog sounds like a great one. Sometimes I find that consuming "recovery materials" can be triggering in and of itself. Hope things keep going for you Vino.
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Old 01-18-2020, 04:29 PM
  # 59 (permalink)  
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Keep moving forward Vino - you're doing great

D
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Old 01-19-2020, 12:24 AM
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Thank you my dear friends!!!

Why do I feel so good sober?
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