Oh Well Part 3
All is Change
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Australia
Posts: 1,284
Pardon me for interjecting. What came to mind when reading the ponderings re LOC is habits or ingrained latent tendencies. They all have a cause. Change the cause and change the result. This implies that one trains oneself to be sober. There is no magic or lottery luck with a hit or miss hoping for a result. It comes down to what goes around, comes around. Sobriety breeds sobriety.
After some time 'not drinking' becomes the (generally) dominant habit. I say 'generally' because some of the latent tendencies are deeply buried and may assert themselves after a long period of sobriety and they need to be met with a mind that doesn't take sobriety for granted.
Some external event, like a dear one dying, may set in motion feelings and events whereby some of these deeply buried tendencies are shaken loose. These sort of things can happen at any time. They are outside ones control. What one can do is train oneself to respond to these inevitable external events.
After some time 'not drinking' becomes the (generally) dominant habit. I say 'generally' because some of the latent tendencies are deeply buried and may assert themselves after a long period of sobriety and they need to be met with a mind that doesn't take sobriety for granted.
Some external event, like a dear one dying, may set in motion feelings and events whereby some of these deeply buried tendencies are shaken loose. These sort of things can happen at any time. They are outside ones control. What one can do is train oneself to respond to these inevitable external events.
Life Goes On
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Baltimore, Maryland
Posts: 6,069
Feels good, fini.
This is like my own little holiday week:
- 90 days yesterday
- 14 weeks today
- 3 months tomorrow
I'm learning to truly disregard that "wanna drink" tension. Instead of surprising me at unexpected times like a sneaky ghoul, it's just my companion now. Not unlike my least favorite cat; it's neither here nor there that he's forever hanging out in the chair across from where I sit. He can be obnoxious for sure when he springs up and tries to steal my food, but i understand he simply can't help himself. Due to his dumpster origins or eldest's indulgence (he's her cat, really) or maybe just his God-given temperament, it's likely that he's always going to try to scavenge. I've just always got to keep that somewhere in my consciousness to live in peace.
There it is - your daily dose of AVRT in an analogy or parable or something.
This is like my own little holiday week:
- 90 days yesterday
- 14 weeks today
- 3 months tomorrow
I'm learning to truly disregard that "wanna drink" tension. Instead of surprising me at unexpected times like a sneaky ghoul, it's just my companion now. Not unlike my least favorite cat; it's neither here nor there that he's forever hanging out in the chair across from where I sit. He can be obnoxious for sure when he springs up and tries to steal my food, but i understand he simply can't help himself. Due to his dumpster origins or eldest's indulgence (he's her cat, really) or maybe just his God-given temperament, it's likely that he's always going to try to scavenge. I've just always got to keep that somewhere in my consciousness to live in peace.
There it is - your daily dose of AVRT in an analogy or parable or something.
Life Goes On
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Baltimore, Maryland
Posts: 6,069
Grymt, I think that training oneself can be motivating in and of itself for sure. Indeed, that's often been my experience. But the matter of how I arrive at that place of intrinsic oomph is a mystery to me. Wouldn't it be wonderful if I could!
Life Goes On
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Baltimore, Maryland
Posts: 6,069
Originally Posted by Obladi 
Grymt, I think that training oneself can be motivating in and of itself for sure. Indeed, that's often been my experience. But the matter of how I arrive at that place of intrinsic oomph is a mystery to me. Wouldn't it be wonderful if I could!
That was an extremely academic-sounding post, wasn't it? Good lord, what's happening to me? I might be able to go back and read some of my college essays now and actually understand them.
What I meant was that I agree 100% that one can train oneself to do (or not do) any habit. And I find that once I realize that I'm successfully developing a habit, that realization is reinforcing in and of itself. Like lately, I wake up in the morning and see my "Please and Thank You" note that I posted three months ago and I get a little thrill of happiness because I'm doing it. I'm sober.
But for me to begin to develop a new habit, I need something that spurs me into action. Some piece of "oomph," if you will, that hits the "start" button. I don't know what that thing is, but I'm mighty glad when it comes along.
I've no idea how that relates to LOC or motivation or intro/extroversion. It might? For today, I'm just grateful for where I am.
p.s. I am so bad at math! Yesterday was 13 weeks, not 14.
But today is, for certain, 3 months.
Good on ya, O, good on ya! 
Hi all y'all! All is Change
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Australia
Posts: 1,284
Ok, well I think the same principle applies. You train yourself to be different. The 'oomph' is a result of a cause. Oomph breeds oomph. iow: to get oomph do oomph. The more oomphy you are the more oomph you get. No magic.
It doesn't pay off straight away. Initially the reasons for not being oomphy will assert themselves. Continue to be oomphy in spite of that, patient, persistent, patient. I think a similar principle applies to many things. It's perhaps a bit like 'fake it till you make it'. Except there is no deceit involved. It's perhaps more like choosing to be the positive in oneself rather than the negative or nothing, neutral, just waiting, hoping it'll come good. Peace.
It doesn't pay off straight away. Initially the reasons for not being oomphy will assert themselves. Continue to be oomphy in spite of that, patient, persistent, patient. I think a similar principle applies to many things. It's perhaps a bit like 'fake it till you make it'. Except there is no deceit involved. It's perhaps more like choosing to be the positive in oneself rather than the negative or nothing, neutral, just waiting, hoping it'll come good. Peace.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2017
Posts: 3,027
Originally Posted by Grymt
Pardon me for interjecting. What came to mind when reading the ponderings re LOC is habits or ingrained latent tendencies. They all have a cause. Change the cause and change the result. This implies that one trains oneself to be sober. There is no magic or lottery luck with a hit or miss hoping for a result. It comes down to what goes around, comes around. Sobriety breeds sobriety.
After some time 'not drinking' becomes the (generally) dominant habit. I say 'generally' because some of the latent tendencies are deeply buried and may assert themselves after a long period of sobriety and they need to be met with a mind that doesn't take sobriety for granted.
Some external event, like a dear one dying, may set in motion feelings and events whereby some of these deeply buried tendencies are shaken loose. These sort of things can happen at any time. They are outside ones control. What one can do is train oneself to respond to these inevitable external events.
After some time 'not drinking' becomes the (generally) dominant habit. I say 'generally' because some of the latent tendencies are deeply buried and may assert themselves after a long period of sobriety and they need to be met with a mind that doesn't take sobriety for granted.
Some external event, like a dear one dying, may set in motion feelings and events whereby some of these deeply buried tendencies are shaken loose. These sort of things can happen at any time. They are outside ones control. What one can do is train oneself to respond to these inevitable external events.
This is exactly why I haven’t returned to drinking. Sometimes I even wish I was still drinking: but I just can’t go back to it. I think I miss the obliviousness of it all.
Even when my dad died and turned my world upside down, I just didn’t have drinking as a release any more. It was already gone.
Most people sort of continue doing what they’re already doing, change feels bizarre, and hard, and like a lot of mental work. Get to the point where it exhausts you to consider the mental gymnastics involved in going back to drinking: there’s a lot of truth that has to be suppressed and a lot of denial that needs to be cultivated. It’s not possible for me any more.
Life Goes On
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Baltimore, Maryland
Posts: 6,069
Originally Posted by Grymt
The 'oomph' is a result of a cause. The more oomphy you are the more oomph you get. No magic.
It occurs to me that what I'm trying to describe is a precursor to the state of oomphiness.
I could probably write about that for a couple of hours, weave an elegant tapestry of wherefores and whatnots full of loci and motivations and perhaps serendipity. But for the moment, I choose to simply revel in your coining of the term "oomphy" and the contentment I feel residing in the State of Oomphiness.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2016
Posts: 2,654
Oomph for me, was definitely an internal locus of control, because it was anger. Anger against the habituated addicted neural pathways in my brain, that fired back up to previous daily drinking levels of all day/daily drinking; after I drank again. Albeit the intention was a couple of nights to ‘take the edge off’ following a two year and a half year sobriety.
I was bloody oomphing impetused into anger fuelled action (actually inaction, stop drinking) that I’d fallen for the AVs lies. I’m now sure as anyone can be, that I’ll never drink now. And now, and now, ad infinitum.
I was bloody oomphing impetused into anger fuelled action (actually inaction, stop drinking) that I’d fallen for the AVs lies. I’m now sure as anyone can be, that I’ll never drink now. And now, and now, ad infinitum.
quat
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: terra (mostly)firma
Posts: 4,823
Tatsy , yep me too , I know I won't drink now, or this now or this... 
But I do say 'I will never drink again and never change my mind' , for one because never is going to be all the nows I live through added up. And for two when I say or think it, I can still hear/ feel an inner ' .. yeah right' , hearing it after I say it , is how I know IT is still there and that in and of itself reassures Me as to who/what is large and in charge
But I do say 'I will never drink again and never change my mind' , for one because never is going to be all the nows I live through added up. And for two when I say or think it, I can still hear/ feel an inner ' .. yeah right' , hearing it after I say it , is how I know IT is still there and that in and of itself reassures Me as to who/what is large and in charge
Member
Join Date: Feb 2016
Posts: 2,654
I understand dwtbd, how powerful the “I will never drink again, and I’ll never change my mind”, phrase is, because it acts as filter to send the AV thoughts down the ‘computer says no ‘garbage/nonsense chute.
But, I’ve replaced that phrase with “I’ve drawn a line in the wet concrete (now dried) and I’m never stepping back over it again, ever”. Reason being, I used the first phrase, the first quit. So if I said it again, my AV would have too much airtime, Different phrases, same meaning.
Plus, my old Beast (the desire to drink hardwired in my brain) I used to call theI now call Parasite. The latter to me sounds insignificant and puny.
The previous Beast led me astray with its AV. The Parasite won’t ever achieve its’ parasitic aims. The new phrase and renaming of the Beast, sits better with me after I drank again.
But, I’ve replaced that phrase with “I’ve drawn a line in the wet concrete (now dried) and I’m never stepping back over it again, ever”. Reason being, I used the first phrase, the first quit. So if I said it again, my AV would have too much airtime, Different phrases, same meaning.
Plus, my old Beast (the desire to drink hardwired in my brain) I used to call theI now call Parasite. The latter to me sounds insignificant and puny.
The previous Beast led me astray with its AV. The Parasite won’t ever achieve its’ parasitic aims. The new phrase and renaming of the Beast, sits better with me after I drank again.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2015
Posts: 3,163
Hey Cow; waas up -- what brings you round these parts? How is things in the pasture?
Tats and Grymt- I remember when I first stopped that "I will ever drink again" felt comfortable, but the "and I will never change my mind" less so. Which is of course the parasite at work.
What I say is "I dont drink and I will never quit the decision (NQTD)". And if someone asks me if I want a drink, which happens all the time given my job, a simple, no thanks, I don't drink, but I would love an Ice Tea works just fine.
Ommph
Tats and Grymt- I remember when I first stopped that "I will ever drink again" felt comfortable, but the "and I will never change my mind" less so. Which is of course the parasite at work.
What I say is "I dont drink and I will never quit the decision (NQTD)". And if someone asks me if I want a drink, which happens all the time given my job, a simple, no thanks, I don't drink, but I would love an Ice Tea works just fine.
Ommph
Woe is Moo.
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 2,746
Hi Drops, just checking up on all you chuckleheads. Life is not easy but very simple these days. I've got a deep change in the works. Might say more in my thread after I get further in (might not). Don't want to disrupt conversation here, but had to pop in and give props to O.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Colorado
Posts: 3,474
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MesaMate is a retired High School Teacher. Over the Decades, she dealt with hundreds of Girls on Self-Image as an aside to teaching P.E.; coaching Volleyball; and teaching Sex Ed. Girls think they're too fat. Not curvy enough. Not tall enough. Bad Skin. You Folks know the Fire Drill.
In some cases, Girls and Women come around to chucking the idea of not being 'good enough', and finally get comfortable with who they are. That fundamental transformation is typically an Inside Job. An internally-driven Mindset changes, and Acceptance filters down through the Soul. For both Genders.
IMO, Sobriety is much the same. We quit caring about who thinks what re: us Sober types. Our Internal Metric sees and discards Alcohol-infused Social 'Norms' on what we 'have' to drink at FACs or while watching Sports, or what to drink at Wedding Receptions. Or, what apologetic gyrations we believe we have to go through to explain why we're not drinking Ethanol.
It seems to me The Oomph Moment is also an Inside Job. Rather than waiting for some external nudge to be 'enough' to bump us into that moment, I think we can transition our own Mental State into simply declaring when that moment has occurred. Just as when a Woman can decide she is who she is, and hop off the relentless Hamster Wheel of external Social Standards circulated by Media.
At the end of the Day, each of us is solely responsible for judging Internal vs. External Factors that induce change, and how we view where those Factors originate from. I'm a steady Practitioner of backing into good situations. That practice has served this Introvert well for Decades.
MesaMate is a retired High School Teacher. Over the Decades, she dealt with hundreds of Girls on Self-Image as an aside to teaching P.E.; coaching Volleyball; and teaching Sex Ed. Girls think they're too fat. Not curvy enough. Not tall enough. Bad Skin. You Folks know the Fire Drill.
In some cases, Girls and Women come around to chucking the idea of not being 'good enough', and finally get comfortable with who they are. That fundamental transformation is typically an Inside Job. An internally-driven Mindset changes, and Acceptance filters down through the Soul. For both Genders.
IMO, Sobriety is much the same. We quit caring about who thinks what re: us Sober types. Our Internal Metric sees and discards Alcohol-infused Social 'Norms' on what we 'have' to drink at FACs or while watching Sports, or what to drink at Wedding Receptions. Or, what apologetic gyrations we believe we have to go through to explain why we're not drinking Ethanol.
It seems to me The Oomph Moment is also an Inside Job. Rather than waiting for some external nudge to be 'enough' to bump us into that moment, I think we can transition our own Mental State into simply declaring when that moment has occurred. Just as when a Woman can decide she is who she is, and hop off the relentless Hamster Wheel of external Social Standards circulated by Media.
At the end of the Day, each of us is solely responsible for judging Internal vs. External Factors that induce change, and how we view where those Factors originate from. I'm a steady Practitioner of backing into good situations. That practice has served this Introvert well for Decades.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2017
Posts: 3,027
Originally Posted by MesaMan
.
MesaMate is a retired High School Teacher. Over the Decades, she dealt with hundreds of Girls on Self-Image as an aside to teaching P.E.; coaching Volleyball; and teaching Sex Ed. Girls think they're too fat. Not curvy enough. Not tall enough. Bad Skin. You Folks know the Fire Drill.
In some cases, Girls and Women come around to chucking the idea of not being 'good enough', and finally get comfortable with who they are. That fundamental transformation is typically an Inside Job. An internally-driven Mindset changes, and Acceptance filters down through the Soul. For both Genders.
IMO, Sobriety is much the same. We quit caring about who thinks what re: us Sober types. Our Internal Metric sees and discards Alcohol-infused Social 'Norms' on what we 'have' to drink at FACs or while watching Sports, or what to drink at Wedding Receptions. Or, what apologetic gyrations we believe we have to go through to explain why we're not drinking Ethanol.
It seems to me The Oomph Moment is also an Inside Job. Rather than waiting for some external nudge to be 'enough' to bump us into that moment, I think we can transition our own Mental State into simply declaring when that moment has occurred. Just as when a Woman can decide she is who she is, and hop off the relentless Hamster Wheel of external Social Standards circulated by Media.
At the end of the Day, each of us is solely responsible for judging Internal vs. External Factors that induce change, and how we view where those Factors originate from. I'm a steady Practitioner of backing into good situations. That practice has served this Introvert well for Decades.
MesaMate is a retired High School Teacher. Over the Decades, she dealt with hundreds of Girls on Self-Image as an aside to teaching P.E.; coaching Volleyball; and teaching Sex Ed. Girls think they're too fat. Not curvy enough. Not tall enough. Bad Skin. You Folks know the Fire Drill.
In some cases, Girls and Women come around to chucking the idea of not being 'good enough', and finally get comfortable with who they are. That fundamental transformation is typically an Inside Job. An internally-driven Mindset changes, and Acceptance filters down through the Soul. For both Genders.
IMO, Sobriety is much the same. We quit caring about who thinks what re: us Sober types. Our Internal Metric sees and discards Alcohol-infused Social 'Norms' on what we 'have' to drink at FACs or while watching Sports, or what to drink at Wedding Receptions. Or, what apologetic gyrations we believe we have to go through to explain why we're not drinking Ethanol.
It seems to me The Oomph Moment is also an Inside Job. Rather than waiting for some external nudge to be 'enough' to bump us into that moment, I think we can transition our own Mental State into simply declaring when that moment has occurred. Just as when a Woman can decide she is who she is, and hop off the relentless Hamster Wheel of external Social Standards circulated by Media.
At the end of the Day, each of us is solely responsible for judging Internal vs. External Factors that induce change, and how we view where those Factors originate from. I'm a steady Practitioner of backing into good situations. That practice has served this Introvert well for Decades.
Growing up, my mother placed value on my beauty and how thin I could get. The thinner I was, the more value I had. Even now, at 76 years old she attended my singing gig and I was fangirling hard over an awesome female singer who just happens to be probably 350+ pounds, this woman has a booming, beautiful voice and an incredible stage presence, I was super excited to be able to see her sing. All my mom could say was, “oh no, she’s so terribly heavy, she’s going to die because she’s so big.” I said mom....quiet. Let me enjoy this lady killing it onstage please.
She still places these value judgments on me and everyone, and my weight is not in an unhealthy range: I am just not as petite as she is. It’s taken sobriety to finally take charge of my body image, to go through the long and arduous process of using food to enjoy and live instead of as a tool to manipulate for my self esteem. I have deeply ingrained issues from my upbringing and I am NOT alone in this, I know.
Too few women have stepped forward to empower girls to own and respect their own bodies. I’m doing this work now with my 13 year old girl, it’s very refreshing to take all focus off her physical form, so that her self can emerge. It’s new and not something I had as an example of parenting to emulate. I’m not good at it but I am working hard on this.
Your significant other is clearly a beautiful soul. The messages she gave to young women will reverberate through their lives in positive ways. Thank her for me.
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