Lpg

Hey sk, welcome back.
Well good for you for coming, it's not easy to come back. Remember alcohol is not your friend, nor anyone's here. I loved to get high too that's the whole point I'm here, until love turned to hate and i ended up despising myself for it, I couldn't even bare to look at myself in the mirror and when I did I usually looked fried crying my eyes out over what a miserable life I was living. Im early days myself so don't have much wisdom to pass on apart from support and to say you can do this. There is some amazing replys here alot of great advice. I'm 7mo sober and some days my AV pulls the rug from under my feet but I have to keep fighting forward. I hope you find your way sending support stay strong and get yourself a plan, I'm on holiday right now but when I'm home I'm going to hopefully start the steps ASAP hoping to find some understanding to all this.

Bulldog
I think what is a little bit confusing to people about the first step is the enormity of the wording ...by this time they know they are powerless and their life has become unmanageable....but that was a bit too broad and ok for me.

For me... it needed to be worded stronger....I was ok with unmanageable most of the time. What it needed to stay was I was powerless and I was dying and it would never get better until I stayed sober. That s#it made perfect sense to me

Thanks for this, this made perfect sense to me also, I needed that so thank you. The first part of step one the word unmanageable to me means alot of things but this really hits the nail on the head.

Hevyn

I'm so glad you wanted to talk about what happened, SK.

I was 3 yrs. sober & picked up again. It was just going to be 'a nice glass of wine'. Off I went, for years. When I found SR I got back on track - it helped so much to open up about it with people who understood. I now have over 10 yrs., so I know you can do this! Do let us know how it goes.

Lpg

You do realise this is a support page right? Sorry if this seems like an odd reply and I'm not trying to be rude maybe I'm reading it in the wrong context so complete apologies if I am. I just think that it could happen to anyone no one is cured and magicly stops thinking about drinking especially in early days, and if I was faced with a reply like this I would feel very reluctant to ask for help again.

Again apologies if I'm missing something. Jmho

SolidKarma

Thank you everyone for the support.

Just quickly I wanted to elaborate. I've been to a 7 day detox end of 2016, and the doctors there gave me a list of the medications I was given during the detox.

Well, I relapsed several months later, and my PC doctor, the same that I saw today, prescribed me the same set of medications. I AM IN NO WAY PROMOTING THIS!

I am well aware of the addictive risks of these medications, and my doctor and I have a good relationship. I'll be seeing him Monday to check in.

I'm not a doctor, but I feel like this can work, but if it doesn't or I feel like I need, i'll either go to the ER or get into a detox.

I'm happy to announce that so far I haven't drank today, and I am about to take the first dose of medications. I am going to a meeting tonight, or tomorrow morning which will start my 30 in 30.

I'll keep you guys updated, and thanks again for the warm welcome back.

SolidKarma

more like chapter 7 , but hey, I do feel lucky I have this chance.

Grungehead

Lpg,

Russell Brand has a new book out with his own version of the 12 steps. I'll link to them but I will warn you or anyone else that clicks the link, his version uses an explicit word several times throughout the steps. But if you're looking for a stronger worded version of the steps (including step 1) you'll find it here (scroll down a bit on the page).

https://www.thefix.com/russell-brand...-book-recovery

BullDog777

What Sassy asked was a fair question.

this is life and death for most of us.

don't mistake the way Sassy wrote it as being not supportive. When people have gotten as close to death as they ever wanna come, sometimes being blunt is often the way to get the most honest response.

Lpg

As I said maybe I'm reading out of context. My apologies in advance don't want to offend ✌️ sometimes online is hard for me to grab the jist. Sorry!

Lpg

Thanks for the recommendation grunge head, I actually just downloaded this book for my holiday. Iv found it helpful so far on holiday as I'm really struggling right now. Hoping to find some insight. Also I love Russel brand I find him rather amusing.

Lof

Ihadmyfill

Just want to say ….Best Wishes!! Take the meds as directed please. You can do this...life is better without all the drama drinking brings!!

andyh

glad your Doctor was understanding & that you were able to get some help SK. take the meds as prescribed & you'll be fine - hope the detox goes well for you

SolidKarma

Well to be honest, in my experience everyone is different. That's why some sponsors and some treatments works for some people, and not for others. I did find some offense form what Sassy wrote, however I knew they said it with good intentions. Thus I tried not to react.

But I am not the type to respond well to blunt statements and assuming statements, that to me feel like lecturing.

Like I said, for me personally it wasn't a warm welcoming but that's okay. Many others here provided me with some extremely kind and warm messages that are helping me through.

SolidKarma

No, that's how I read it too!

SolidKarma

UPDATE:

So far the first dose of meds are working incredibly. I will report here as I continue this journey, and i'll be honest with how i'm taking them. I intend to fully follow the prescribed dose.

Best,

BullDog777

Understanding that you may not like the way she asked the question, the answer probably wasn't for you. It was for her.

Glad the meds are working for you.

Dee74

FWIW try reading sassys post as someone who's really scared for you, and is a bit unsettled that someone with the more or less the same amount of sober time she has drank again.

not trying to put words into Sassys mouth but thats how I read it - and her apology.

I don't think it would do anyone any good to have this thread stall in some kind of side issue cul de sac.

D

Stayingsassy

Dee and bulldog are right. Just another reminder that I'm never out of the woods.

SolidKarma

Since I haven't been honest with anyone in a while, i'll start now. I was working close with a sponsor, had about 6 months sober. But I wasn't happy at all. I didn't have motivation to work hard in school, and just wan't happy. My sponsor told me his story, he was three year 'sober' but at the time was using something called 'poppers', also known as alkyl nitrites. Anywa, he didn't drink or do any other drugs during that time. In the back of my mind, I had the idea that maybe there was 'some' substance that I could use and not drink or ruin my life with.

Anyway, I actually started to smoke cigarettes. I never did before, but I knew it was the ONE thing I could do that wouldn't make me change my date. I know, so stupid. But I so desperately wanted to get 'high' that I started craving cigarettes. Even the short-lived and pretty non-interesting buzz you get form smoking was EXTREMELY appealing to me.

I was honest with people about this, but in the AA community tobacco and caffeine are accepted. However, deep down I was miserable that I was smoking. My father committed suicide two years ago, and he was in advanced stages of COPD, caused by a lifetime of smoking.

Anyway, soon, like within a month, the buzz just wasn't doing it for me. So I had the idea of trying Kava Kava, again as I did in the past. I reasoned to myself that it was no different than my sponsor using poppers. The first time I tried kava kava again, was about 6 months into my sobriety. I loved it! Of course I abused the hell out of it! I became physically dependent on it quick. But it's a nasty thing if you take in excess, so I stopped...sort of. I would go back to it a few times a month. And I wasn't telling anyone.

Lastly was the cannabis. I was very worried that when I went back to CO I would get some. I even told my sponsor. But one day, I just went in an did it. I felt so wrong. But as soon as I got high as a kite from a cartridge vaporize, I was off to the races. My original plan was to just use it there. But when I came back to CA, they legalize weed! So I go out and buy some.

This lasted several weeks/months, until the end of january. That's when I was hired by heineken to design some adds for them. And I got drunk.

To answer this question, I didn't think it would be okay. I knew I would go back to my alcoholic ways, I knew I would have to start over with the program, and I even knew there was a possibility I would die.


Well, in my experience, 'knowlege' (i.e. you knowing that you'll be back if you drink) is not enough to stop me, and maybe other alcoholics from drinking. I am well aware of the consequences.

I didn't stop, like I said I knew it all along. But that 'knowing it' wasn't enough to stop me.


Ok fam, after some of your responses I wanted to go back to this post and answer it as honest as possible.

I hope this helps and will allow this thread to continue helping myself, and others!

waynetheking

I'm just glad your back solid. AS you know some if not most will never quit again after a relasap. This disease is unrelenting. It will stop at nothing until it kills you.
Here's my advice, go to any meeting you want to. It's your program. It's your life. It's up to you and your higher power to survive this. Do what it takes to back on track. That's all that matters.
God has his ways, perhaps relasap was a wake-up call for you. Learn from it, grow, move on and don't drink. It's a miracle your back here. Trust me, it is.

Stayingsassy

Thanks, karma for thinking about it and giving us that timeline. It was helpful. probably for you also, to backtrack and try to pinpoint what might have gone wrong, as hard as that is, which is what gives me the anxiety as well. sometimes we work really hard and sh;t happens anyway, and here I am wanting guarantees in life. Ha.

You getting back to sobriety is what matters for you, today.

There was another one before you who relapsed at a year (schitzu?) And then you showed up relapsing at a year, so here I am coming up on a year and I'm just thinking STOP IT ALL OF YOU, JUST STOP IT even though I know it's going to happen sometimes to some of us. Even though I still say today, not me, my God please not me.