Worse but still better
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2016
Posts: 39
Worse but still better
I'm 515 days sober, I dont count them although I do sometimes check my quit drinking app to see how far I've come. It's my most proudest achievement really, I feel like it's the one thing I possess no one else does and it's the only thing I have going for me.
Through getting sober I've cut off all my old friends, I've kept two old friends that I was friends with before I was a heavy drinker. This has led to me feeling isolated and I feel like I've lost all sense of myself as alcohol was a key component of who I was. I would rely on it to be socialble, it gave the confidence I needed. I quit my job and have become self employed so now I have far too much time on my hands so I'm getting quite depressed and existential.
I'm turning 30 in two weeks and will be sober then. I sometimes think about going back to drinking, to see if I can do it in moderation but I know it's impossible, I'm just one of those people who can't drink like a "normal person". My life sober is a lot worse than when I was a wreckheqd, at least then I actually socialised and had alcohol to look forward to. However, I'm no longer in pain, I have clarity of thought and a ton of other decent reasons that are good that I have given up. I suppose you can't have everything.
Thanks for reading my rant.
Through getting sober I've cut off all my old friends, I've kept two old friends that I was friends with before I was a heavy drinker. This has led to me feeling isolated and I feel like I've lost all sense of myself as alcohol was a key component of who I was. I would rely on it to be socialble, it gave the confidence I needed. I quit my job and have become self employed so now I have far too much time on my hands so I'm getting quite depressed and existential.
I'm turning 30 in two weeks and will be sober then. I sometimes think about going back to drinking, to see if I can do it in moderation but I know it's impossible, I'm just one of those people who can't drink like a "normal person". My life sober is a lot worse than when I was a wreckheqd, at least then I actually socialised and had alcohol to look forward to. However, I'm no longer in pain, I have clarity of thought and a ton of other decent reasons that are good that I have given up. I suppose you can't have everything.
Thanks for reading my rant.
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: East Coast
Posts: 1,906
What I really get out of your post is that you're asking for help on how to be more social in sobriety. I also think you might feel a bit lonely too.
The last part of your post that I got is you telling yourself that booze will not fix this even though at one time you felt more social doing it.
I can tell you that your sober reasoning is correct and needs to win the day.
The other part of that is to be more social; you have to put yourself out there. Be it hobbies or AA or other support groups. That will only improve with effort.
I found a lot of friends on social media that have made "groups" from shared hobbies. I belong to at least a dozen different groups.
I'm a big car guy. I love muscle cars, exotic cars, drifting, drag racing, sprint, anything with 4 wheels. I meet up with a bunch of people in my area and we talk shop or go to races or even help work on each other's rides at times.
I'm a biker...I belong to a..."club".
I also paint, draw, and write(although i have horrible grammar)...i was a successful artist most of my life so I met a bunch of people there too. We meet up locally...I've even taught a few classes .
The people who know me best are from my group therapy and AA. I love them like family. Even outside meetings, sometimes we get together and talk or grab a bite or just chat.
The first year I was sober, i hated everyone.
Times change...there is a saying that growth become necessary when the constant becomes painful. So change for the right reasons is good...and healthy.
I think this shows a lot of growth on your part.
The last part of your post that I got is you telling yourself that booze will not fix this even though at one time you felt more social doing it.
I can tell you that your sober reasoning is correct and needs to win the day.
The other part of that is to be more social; you have to put yourself out there. Be it hobbies or AA or other support groups. That will only improve with effort.
I found a lot of friends on social media that have made "groups" from shared hobbies. I belong to at least a dozen different groups.
I'm a big car guy. I love muscle cars, exotic cars, drifting, drag racing, sprint, anything with 4 wheels. I meet up with a bunch of people in my area and we talk shop or go to races or even help work on each other's rides at times.
I'm a biker...I belong to a..."club".
I also paint, draw, and write(although i have horrible grammar)...i was a successful artist most of my life so I met a bunch of people there too. We meet up locally...I've even taught a few classes .
The people who know me best are from my group therapy and AA. I love them like family. Even outside meetings, sometimes we get together and talk or grab a bite or just chat.
The first year I was sober, i hated everyone.
Times change...there is a saying that growth become necessary when the constant becomes painful. So change for the right reasons is good...and healthy.
I think this shows a lot of growth on your part.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,442
Hi slmngking 
when I walked away from my old life I needed to build a new life I loved to replace it.
If you're not loving your new life, whats holding you back from making it what you'd like it to be?
D
when I walked away from my old life I needed to build a new life I loved to replace it.
If you're not loving your new life, whats holding you back from making it what you'd like it to be?
D
Grateful
Join Date: May 2013
Location: NC
Posts: 1,763
slangking,
what are you actively doing for your recovery? One of the biggest mistakes I see people make (including myself in the past) is to expect some miracle recovery from alcoholism by just removing the alcohol. As a matter of fact alcohol was the solution to all of my problems, and from what you say in your post it sounds like alcohol may have been your solution as well.
The issue is that once alcohol is removed the problem(s) are still there, so finding a better solution than alcohol to solve them is key. That's where a plan of recovery comes into play. For me that has been the 12 steps, but there are other successful methods out there as well. My experience has been that once alcohol became my solution to external problems, simply removing alcohol from the equation was never enough. My underlying problems would eventually send me running back to the one solution that gave me immediate relief...alcohol...and the vicious circle would start again.
what are you actively doing for your recovery? One of the biggest mistakes I see people make (including myself in the past) is to expect some miracle recovery from alcoholism by just removing the alcohol. As a matter of fact alcohol was the solution to all of my problems, and from what you say in your post it sounds like alcohol may have been your solution as well.
The issue is that once alcohol is removed the problem(s) are still there, so finding a better solution than alcohol to solve them is key. That's where a plan of recovery comes into play. For me that has been the 12 steps, but there are other successful methods out there as well. My experience has been that once alcohol became my solution to external problems, simply removing alcohol from the equation was never enough. My underlying problems would eventually send me running back to the one solution that gave me immediate relief...alcohol...and the vicious circle would start again.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2016
Posts: 39
In terms of changes, well I don't hang out with the same people, which isn't great as it means I'm quite socially isolated. I went to a therapy for a couple of months, which was emotionall irragation, i cried about things that i hadnt really thought about for years.
So, I live with my mum, i'm going to turn thirty this week and I don't even have a full time job. I got diagnosed with ADHD in December which has made me think about going to Uni. Hopefully i'll be going to study art in September and go onto univeristy the following year, this will change my situation. I'm unsure whether to do psychology/social sciences, but thats another story I guess.
I've been sober for a year and half so I'm unsure about going into AA, but it can't hurt can it. Just to meet like minded folk. I really don't like socialising and i can get very shy really which puts me off.
So, I live with my mum, i'm going to turn thirty this week and I don't even have a full time job. I got diagnosed with ADHD in December which has made me think about going to Uni. Hopefully i'll be going to study art in September and go onto univeristy the following year, this will change my situation. I'm unsure whether to do psychology/social sciences, but thats another story I guess.
I've been sober for a year and half so I'm unsure about going into AA, but it can't hurt can it. Just to meet like minded folk. I really don't like socialising and i can get very shy really which puts me off.
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