Obladi

It's mighty nice to be with middlest and not have the fear of detection. It makes things low key, comfortable, casual. Eldest continues to drink and I wonder if she might want to talk it over sometime. In a collaborative sort of way. I'll put the feelers out there when I figure out how to approach that.

Physically: Rested, headache-free
Mentally: Calm
Spiritually: Lazy, maybe?

Day 3

Tynesider22

It is difficult sometimes, I'm okay in the mornings, but as the day goes on I do get the temptation to drink. I still visit local pubs, but I enjoy having a coke and doing the crossword, which I've mentioned before. The urge to drink is actually when I'm in the house, but when in a pub, not so much, if at all.

Nah, you should cheer. Everyone should cheer!

BullDog777

thanks for asking, O. Chronic insomnia and back pain. It stinks getting older sometimes. I'm sorry about you recent relapse. I hope you are back stronger than ever. You can do this. If I can, anyone can.

Obladi

Tyne, I think I could do the pub thing as well, if I were so inclined. I was also a home drinker so the danger zone for me is when I am commuting in the evening. When I have cravings, they tend to be at work. So as long as I don't stop on my way home, I'm good.

Bulldog, I'm sorry about your afflictions - what a nasty combo! How do you feel about medication? I understand you might avoid anything for your back because that tends to get into opiateland, but there are good options for sleep. I take Zoloft for depression and anxiety, at night as my doctor prescribed because it helps diminish the constant "processing." As well as trazodone which helps me to stay sleeping for at least four hours straight. But perhaps you've been over all that.

Nothing at all in the realm of what you're experiencing, but I've developed ankle pains that appear after any time at rest. I think I contributed to this problems by wearing shoes with no support. Yes, getting older has its tribulations.

Hope you're sleeping as I type!

Obladi

Having a nice visit with middlest. She's mostly sleeping or off Doing Things while I'm around, but made sure to find some time for me yesterday evening. She's a good kid, that one. I have a slight feeling that she's keeping her eye on me for signs of trouble/illness, but could be making that up.

For the first time, I understand posts from people who write about feeling like drinking doesn't take away from sober time gained prior. I do - finally - feel like this is a journey and I'm actually making progress in recovery. That recovery feels so closely bound to my wish to be a better person in general is also new (or maybe renewed, don't remember). It's good and I thank you guys for being here with me providing support.

Day 4

Physically: Feeling well, not quite enough sleep today
Mentally: Stable in the moment
Spiritually: Reminded that meditation is in order

Obladi

Ok, spirituality delivered to my doorstep.

There is no reason for me to be awake at 430am today. No reason to check facebook - I just decided to scroll through a bit after checking the weather. For the first time, I liked a post from a guy I went to rehab with last year.

He messaged me and after minimal chit chat we got to talking about our current struggles. He is in that desperate place of wanting to stop but not being able to do it. Says he will call me later today and was receptive to meeting up this weekend to talk.

Man if I can help someone else through helping myself to stay sober, that's quite the win-win situation. We'll see how it pans out, but I'm grateful for this particular moment. Good lesson in Living in the Now.

Obladi

I did not hear from my friend this evening, though I did message him to ask if he is ok. I thought that might happen and while it's not ok, it's ok. Lord knows I understand the cycle of addiction and that portion where it seems the booze just keeps pulling you under.

I also did not think at all today about drinking. Aside from posting here, of course. Middlest picked me up from work and is now off at a concert and I am safely and contentedly ensconsed in my home devoid of alcohol.

Since my mess-up at work, I've found myself stopping to think for a second before hitting send on that email and lingering a little bit at my colleagues' desks and just in general paying more attention to people as people. It feels good, right. I need to think of a strategy to force that to become my habit. For too long I've used my introversion as an excuse to not provide extroverts with the kind of interaction they prefer. I don't think that's the point of knowing who you are and who others are. I think the point is to learn how to communicate with people As They Are.

All in all a good day. No fireworks, no drama. Steady is good.

Tynesider22

Glad things are heading in the right direction Ob.

Obladi

Feeling a little hungover from the long discussion last night on the Relapse thread. That plus interrupted sleep.

Good to see you as always, Tyne. Hope you are doing well and enjoying your weekend.

Day 5

Physically: Groggy, hungry
Mentally: Not sure
Spiritually: Open

Tynesider22

Hi Ob. Glad to see you still here, hope you are good as well.

I'm more than fine, my beloved Gateshead FC won again!

Obladi

Awesome! When is the next match so I can fit for them?

Tynesider22

Tuesday, away to Boreham Wood. Kick off 7.45pm (UK Time)

Obladi

Alright, you got it. That would be around 11am my time.

Eldest called yesterday afternoon in tears because she's so tired and frustrated with work. I feel for her. She's working a start-up restaurant and it's exhausting. It was good to be there for her to vent.

Middlest spent the night out as expected. I'm glad I didn't need to go pick her up in the city at midnight. It would have been really unpleasant with all of the revelers in the street; drunk/high people can be mighty unpredictable. Heard from her this morning as she wants me to pick her up from her friend's place tonight, which is fine. She wanted to also make sure that I wasn't bored. When I assured her I wasn't, she said, "But you still miss me, right?"

I'm pleased to announce that I seem to have pretty much reached my fill of Netflix and Amazon streaming! It served it's purpose, but I sure am glad to now want to do other things. Nothing earth-shattering. Laundry, lawn-mowing, tidying, writing. Still better than an entire weekend in bed doing nothing.

I'm expecting cat litter today from Amazon - how exciting! I do love it when I place the order and get a message from them, "Your order of Dr Elsey's Cat Litter has shipped!!" Makes me giggle every time.

Day 6

Tynesider22

I'm in London today. Spur of the moment thing.

Tynesider22

This thread has not been posted in in 2 days. No, no, no. Not having that

Dropsie

Hey Tyne. How was London? I spent the weekend in Rye and had a blast. Had never been there, cool place.

Obladi

Hi you guys.

Tyne how did your team do?
What day are you on and how's it fitting?

(((Dropsie)))
I thought maybe you were upset with me. Were you?

Shipped middlest home yesterday morning *sniff.* I love that she comes to visit 3-4 times/year. She cuts my hair while here, so that's a bonus too!

Busy at work and that is a welcome thing. Keep wanting to ask my boss if I'm doing ok even though I know I am. Occurred to me today that evaluations are coming up so that's probably rattling around in the back of my mind.

Got stuff from Amazon yesterday that needs to be set up and situated. If I could just order from them everyday, I'd never run out of fun tasks to do. But I guess at some point, someone would have to take stuff away or I'd end up a hoarding cat lady.

Boss and I decided we're going to do "Whole 30" (it's a paleo-like diet) starting after our trip to Wisconsin which is next week. I'm kind of psyched and kind of dreading-ish. Also dreading-ish Wisconsin because my habit has been to always drink there. I can't do it. If I start, I'll go overboard alone in my hotel room and then I'll show up to do my presentation sweaty and shaky. Can't do it. Won't do it. It's simply not an option.

Day 9

Tynesider22

Never been to Rye myself. London was great. It was just a spur of the moment thing though, I want to go back, but this time with a bit more forward planning.

Drew 1-1, so our winning run is over but still unbeaten.

I'm on Thursday afternoons, fits in really well.

Saw your post before, congrats on Day 9.

dwtbd

hmm weird, with all that cheese money you'd think they would lay down some fiber optic and get some interwebs in Wisc

dwtbd

nothing for cheese money? tough room