Three Days In

Old 02-10-2017, 02:21 AM
  # 21 (permalink)  
heartcore's Avatar
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: New Orleans, LA
Posts: 985
I have hidden relapses from people I love & then hidden the attempts at recovery that followed "until I got a little time clean/sober," so I couldnt fail at quitting.

I'm a proud one.

By not telling people what was up, I definitely held the door open for continued relapse. I have no question about that correlation (for me).

The only times I've gotten & maintained full & healthy sobriety have been when I have allowed myself to wear the identity of a person in recovery - at meetings, with friends - discretely, mind you, because I am very professional with work, & cautious - but I can be honest and state that - for sure - the only times I do "early recovery in secret" are times I don't get past early recovery.

Will she maybe roll her eyes, because she's been down this road with you before?

Maybe. But more likely, a part of her heart will be hopeful, because she loves you & nobody wants to watch their beloved skulking around, hiding things, & maybe dying the dark death of alcoholism.

I suspect that you are reluctant to see that hope, then over-ride it by "failing" at sobriety. But that hope from another can also strengthen us!

Early detox is physically & emotionally exhausting! It is a lot of extra energy to hide your experience from those closest to you...they can actually help take care of you in the begining & also watch/be alert that nothing dangerous happens while detoxing (seizure, etc.)

Sending good wishes! Don't worry so much about telling her; I'm sure she notices far more than you know! Just put all of yourself into getting sober - the rest is just noise...
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Old 02-10-2017, 03:33 AM
  # 22 (permalink)  
Sober-T- Dragon
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Join Date: Oct 2016
Location: Manitoba
Posts: 8,546
"hid my drinking" - Yea. My wife always knew. She just never said anything so I thought I was good at it. I was the fool all along.....
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Old 02-15-2017, 05:41 PM
  # 23 (permalink)  
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2017
Location: Pacific Northwest
Posts: 5
So I am 10 days into no drinking now and am actually feeling quite good about it. I still haven't explicitly told my wife that I'm make a serious effort to stop yet and can't quite figure out why. She mentioned this weekend how the 22's of my favorite IPA have been sitting in the garage untouched for a long time, which you'd think would be my time to actually level with her but for some odd reason I didn't. Last night, she opened a bottle of wine, offered me a glass to which I turned down. Again a prime opportunity to say something other than "nah not tonight" but alas, I didn't.

The biggest struggle has been trying to find a way to deal with stress. My old method was to pour a small glass of whiskey or crack open a beer once I was home and settled but obviously that hasn't been the case. My other preferred method is working out but with a 2 year old and both my wife and I working full time, that is proving difficult. I am normally a super laid back, easy going guy and I can feel myself a being a little high strung the past few days. I did acupuncture some years ago during a particularly stressful time of my life (not alcohol related) which worked out amazingly so debating going down that path again.

Anyone got any at home tips and tricks that helped them cope?
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Old 02-15-2017, 06:51 PM
  # 24 (permalink)  
Quit 4/17/15
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Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Pa
Posts: 13,702
I had lived with my wife and drank daily for twenty years when I decided to quit. It was around day eight when she made a cocktail one night and insisted that I try it that I came out and told her that I had quit drinking. She never realized the depths of my problem and has been supportive, but very hands off with my recovery, trusting me to figure things out for myself. It worked for us.
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Old 02-15-2017, 06:56 PM
  # 25 (permalink)  
Sober-T- Dragon
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Join Date: Oct 2016
Location: Manitoba
Posts: 8,546
All I could manage for the first while was to just sleep. My wife knew what was up and so left me to recover. I also spent a lot of time here on SR. I have my regular threads that I post to every morning and evening. You should drop by and say hello on the weekenders thread, a new one starts every Thursday, it's full of people with great advice.

My children are grown too, so I don't have the stress of a new family like you.
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Old 02-15-2017, 08:12 PM
  # 26 (permalink)  
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 205,664
I've found a few paths to stress relief - all of them take a little effort or practice but they work
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