Three Days In

Old 02-09-2017, 01:04 AM
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Join Date: Feb 2017
Location: Pacific Northwest
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Three Days In

Hello Everyone,

Somewhat shocked I actually took the step to create an account and post but after a bunch of "I'm going to stop drinking" epiphanies and eventual falling back into old habits, decided to try something new.

A bit about me:

I'm in my early 30's, married with one son, live a wonderful suburban lifestyle in the Pacific Northwest. I am not the drink every day type of alcoholic but more of the, when I start, I just can't stop, especially in social settings. My problems with alcohol ebb and flow. I can go weeks and months with my drinking under control, having a few, being responsible, not being a hungover mess etc. Then there are weekends like this past weekend where from Friday night to Sunday night, I couldn't control it.

I come from a family of alcoholics. My Mother is/has been the drink every day type since I was a teenager and the little I know about my father was that he had issues as well. My grandma on my Mom's side was a drunk and my grandpa is just a functional one in my opinion. Numerous aunts, uncles and cousins on my Mom's side fit in the functional category as well. Because of that family history, I have always known in the back of my head that one day, I would likely need to stop completely unless I want to follow down a similar path of my mother.

The turning point for me was being hungover Monday afternoon, throwing up in my toilet from the night before at a Super Bowl (hence the screen name...I'm not creative) with my two year old son laughing and making the retching sounds behind me. The hangovers I get should by themselves be enough to make me quit but hadn't been for the last 8 years or so. I guess I realized that my son isn't some dumb kid who won't remember this type of thing. He mimics everything I do and I want to curtail this now before I make his first real memory me acting like an idiot or being a hungover mess.

I haven't told anyone I am trying to stop, not even my wife, because anyone I would tell has heard it before. I guess I want to get further along than 72 hours out from my last drink before making such a proclamation. I have been perusing the board, reading about how to deal with drinking buddies and have basically decided that I'm going to become a hermit for the next 6 weeks or so I can fully wrap my head around this whole process.

Friends are one thing but my wife is another. Luckily she isn't a big drinker at all and probably only drinks now because I have it in the house. She likes a glass of wine every now and again but that's really it. My question is, when do I tell her? I haven't said anything yet because, as referenced above, I have said this before and made it quite some time without drinking but eventually fell back into it. I guess I'm more afraid of telling her I'm stopping and falling back into my old habits more than sharing with her that I'm trying. She will be ecstatic if I'm serious about this, which I am, as she is sick of me being a dumbass around her and our friends and being a hungover mess when I get into one of my uncontrolled spirals.

I know this is a one day at a time thing and I keep trying to remind myself of that but my mind inevitably drifts off into a "how am I going to not drink during this or this?" and it's daunting. But it's time for me to do this before I seriously hurt myself, my wife or son in any capacity.

Thanks in advance to anyone who takes the time to read/reply to this and any other conversations I am involved in.
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Old 02-09-2017, 02:01 AM
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Superbowl- I kind of worked out the name b4 even reading your narrative. Welcome. I tried extremely hard by myself to stop drinking. Similar in the beginning to you. I would rationalise I was not an alcoholic, that I need to gain credibility in sobriety before declaring myself to the world. In my case- that was a lie. It actually meant I was not ready to give up drinking. If I get X many weeks sober- then I will look genuine. To declare myself to the world- well at the end of the day - I would just do it. Or at least put a hell of a lot of extra effort into it. This for me means not relying on my 'inner strength'. Like you I had my sons watch me throw up. They are adults now and want nothing to do with me. They remember everything. Commitment means accepting help- to work out why I drank, strategies to cope with cravings- what to do every day for every day crap. If that lady in the supermarket is in the '7 items or less' isle in front of me- am I so stressed out I have to count all of her items. Then if they have more- get angry and feel like a martyr because I do not say anything? Jeez- what a cow she was- I need a drink. Traffic was heavy, a drink will relax me. One drink tonight and I will stop tomorrow.
They are the traps for me. So every day face-face support. AA meetings, SMART, an addiction counsellor, doctor checkups, health, sleep. The drinking became the planet my life-moon orbited around.
In a nutshell- I NEVER say anything unless I mean it. I will not say good luck- because that will not happen. Luck has nought to do with it.
The question is- how difficult are you prepared to allow your life to become before the damage is done? I can talk- because I asked questions are you are- back then and chose to lie to myself. Do something about it. I would tell my wife (if I knew then what I know now) exactly the extent of my drinking, work out a plan to do something about it- mark it on a calendar and do the hard work. I do not have a wife, sons, family, house, car, job or money anymore. I'had it all'. Food for thought. I do wish you well.
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Old 02-09-2017, 05:10 AM
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Welcome Superbowl lots of help and support here.
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Old 02-09-2017, 05:14 AM
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PJ, a wonderful, thought provoking post. Thanks. X
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Old 02-09-2017, 05:49 AM
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Hey Superbowl

Great time to quit....before you have to because you son hates you, your wife leaves you, you lose your job, you health, your sanity. Everything. Alcoholism is progressive so if you can use the stories you see here and elsewhere as the 'things to come if I keep drinking' stories, you're ahead of me! I haven't lost all but I started quitting when my daughter was about 3, she's 16 now. And I have hurt her....a parent's worst nightmare.

Have you thought about a program of support? Being a hermit is fine for the first few months, but might be lacking for long term sobriety. Quitting is one thing. Living sober another. I know from personal experience that I can get very caught up in my head, obsessively thinking etc.

Post here a lot. Good luck.

Oh yeah, as far as telling the wife. Many recommend here, or share, that telling early on isn't a great idea. I dunno. But I'm pretty sure they will notice. I guess if the wife isn't beating you up for getting hammered this weekend you don't really need to share with her. But I do think involving those close to us in our recovery holds us accountable and can help the commitment 'stick'.
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Old 02-09-2017, 06:06 AM
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Welcome to SR, superbowl; very glad that you joined us.
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Old 02-09-2017, 06:16 AM
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Originally Posted by SoberLeigh View Post
Welcome to SR, superbowl; very glad that you joined us.
P.S. - this is a beautiful time in your life to stop drinking - a truly fantastic and beautiful thing to do for YOURSELF and, thus, your family. There is so much alcoholism in my family - you can break the cycle of exposure (and perceptions that it is normal) for your son - may be the best gift you ever give him.
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Old 02-09-2017, 06:25 AM
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Welcome, Superbowl.
You are at an age and stage where getting this fixed now is going to have a huge positive effect on your family. -you also could save your life and avoid years of regret.
The problem you describe is common, and its all about commitment. Commitment to others is hard if commitment to self includes reservations. Those reservations are based in doubt. Doubt that you can pull it off. Doubt that it'll be worth it. Doubt that sober life will be any fun, etc...

Research recovery techniques and support systems (there are several), and know that the first couple of months take a little faith. Please have the faith that you absolutely CAN do this. Have faith that it absolutely IS worth it. And, sober life is better in every way. Honest.

You're off to a great start, man.
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Old 02-09-2017, 08:31 AM
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Hi Superbowl. I am in my isolation stage but it is no different than before I stopped drinking. Before I stayed home and drank due to the fear of a DUI. Now I stay home to avoid contact with "drinking buddies" and that is who I surrounded myself with. That is all I know.
I stayed home from the Superbowl parties for the same reason. They don't mess around here. Superbowl means HUGE open bars at private parties. Crowds at actual bars due to all the football pools. I am using this time to come up with a plan. Lots of wind and snow here but good weather will be here in about a month or two. I plan on doing a LOT of walking in the park. I plan on heading to Wisconsin to see my daughter and her family. I will spend more time in Manatou Springs. They have unique shops there...very nice laid back artsy community. And you haven't lived until you see Garden of the Gods. I think my point is we have to find things to do to take up the drunken time. Things that make you happy. I hope you keep looking forward. Post often. SR has been a lifesaver. Never think is not in our blood! I wish you the best. Glad you found us.
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Old 02-09-2017, 08:41 AM
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Welcome aboard Superbowl! There are some fantastic responses to your post so far. Great advice. I hope you fare well!
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Old 02-09-2017, 12:06 PM
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Location: Dublin, Ireland.
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Sometimes, I wish I hadn't told people about my decision to quit.
That would make it easier for me to drink.
But I realise that's just the monster talking.
Of course, the last thing I need is for drinking to be easy.
I have somehow managed to hold on to my family, job and health.
But it's been touch and go on occasion.

You should give it everything to preserve the good things you have.
You'll find both wisdom and support here in abundance.
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Old 02-09-2017, 12:16 PM
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I could see peace instead of this
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Welcome, superbowl!
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Old 02-09-2017, 12:31 PM
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Welcome to the family SB. I'm glad you joined us. Now is a good time to get sober before your child starts to think that behavior is normal. I hope our support can help you stay sober for good.
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Old 02-09-2017, 05:52 PM
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Thanks all for the thoughtful words of advice and support, I very much appreciate it.

I am still undecided on when I will tell my wife. I am leaning towards this weekend, when we have a chance to unwind from the work week. I would actually be surprised if she doesn't make a comment tonight as I watch a big basketball game featuring our alma mater, which is normally when I'd crack open a couple of 22's or pour a few glasses of whiskey while watching the game.

In terms of my longer term plans, once the 'hermit' phase is over, I haven't thought that far ahead to be honest. I just want to get through a month or two and can find excuses to avoid situations where I would normally be drinking (work, kid, time w/ my wife etc) and figure it out from there. I have an uncle who stopped drinking a few years back who would be a good resource. From what I know, he didn't do any specific program or anything like that but then again, I have never asked.

Thanks again to everyone for the support, kind words and advice. Not to sound too tacky or cliche but I really did feel a sense of relief after typing my initial post out last night and that carried throughout the day. Hopefully it continues on.
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Old 02-09-2017, 06:11 PM
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Welcome suoperbowl

I think we need to have some caution about who we confide in...but for me that wouldn't include my wife would need to know.

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Old 02-09-2017, 06:14 PM
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Glad to meet you, superbowl. I wish I'd seen the light in my 30's. You'll never have the regrets so many of us have. I felt very relieved after posting here for the first time. I knew I was among people who truly understood what I was going through. You will do this!
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Old 02-09-2017, 06:58 PM
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Location: fort worth tx
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We're here for ya buddy. Just remember, alcoholism only gets worse. And if you're an alcoholic and continue drinking, it will get bad for you. The years will pass, the loved ones will leave, eventually the disease will do you in. It's grim I know but it's how the disease consumes us. The good news is there's a way to stop it. Just don't drink. It's that simple. Life is better without it. You have to trust us here. Life is better without it.

Hi, I'm wayne.
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Old 02-09-2017, 07:14 PM
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Sober-T- Dragon
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Didn't tell my wife until the 7th day. But I hid my drinking so, even tho she knew, it was like I had to confess first. I try hard not to think too much into the future, I had to accept that I'll never drink again and that's easier if you keep it in the now. Of course there are always those events you can't avoid and will have to have a plan for. But there's nothing to gain from worrying about something happening months or even weeks from now.

It a great decision you've made. I wish I had the same sensibility at your age.
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Old 02-09-2017, 09:52 PM
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Sounds like you see the problem before it becomes a much worse. If you don't quit you may upset your wife and end up like one of them men who lose their wives from indulging.

Actions speak louder than words. Don't say anything to her because you will then have to live up to an image you yourself haven't obtained. Just don't drink, and in this simple cure your problems will be solved. Over think it or over talk it and you risk having to live up to an expectation and feel uncomfortable around your wife especially if you fail. But you won't fail if you just stop drinking because the drink does not have arms to lift to your mouth.
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Old 02-10-2017, 12:50 AM
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I always giggle when I read/hear the term "hid my drinking".
I suspect we never successfully hid our drinking.
One time I was parked at my mother's house, puking out the car window trying to tell my brother "I'm fine, honestly".
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