Ken33xx

Because I've never forgotten where I was just before getting sober and don't want to go back there.

Very early in my sobriety I asked a fellow with 36 year what was the secret to staying sober?

He told me those who stay sober are those who appreciate their sobriety.

And over the years I've found what he said to be quite accurate.

fini

keeping the desperation would lead me back to drinking.
desperation was part of the problem, to which drinking again seemed like a great solution.
no, I got sober to get rid of desperation.
i have the truth of my alcoholism, the knowing I had no control when I wanted it, and that truth sits solid deep down.
knowing that, I first joined a peer support group and forum, and after a few years found myself in a different desperation, which I have addressed by doing the suggested stuff in AA.
desperation was an initial motivator, and a great one, but it would ultimately turn into defeatist unmotivation.

FBL

Daily gratitude and a very good long term memory help keep me grounded. Visiting SR also keeps my recovery "fresh" and top of mind, in a good way.

Centered3

First, welcome back! That must've taken a lot of courage to return.

My answer to your questions is from my 12-step experience.

I don't keep my desperation from when I was new, so to speak. I was told early on I had a choice: to live a spiritual life or die an alcoholic death. I chose the first one.

Whenever I have thoughts that pop up in my mind that tell me it wasn't that bad, I pause and ask myself, "Was that a thought from ego/my mind or was that a thought from God/higher power?"

Alcoholism is a disease that centers in the mind. It's a disease that tells you that you don't have it.

If I listened to my mind during my recovery, I would not be here. I needed to learn how to trust and rely on God/Higher Power.

I am so sorry to hear you've been in this pattern for so many years. I hope you can find someway to separate your mind from your true self.

It's not something I have to consciously remind myself of. I rarely think about the insanity of my alcoholism/addiction unless I am sharing on steps 1, 2, or 3. I just try to turn my life over to the care of God every morning, ask Him to guide me and tell me what His will is for me, and ask for help when I need it.

I know God's will is for me to not drink. If I discipline myself to connect with God (or your Higher Power within, whatever you feel more comfortable with my writing here), then I am okay. If I listen to my mind that tells me that I really wasn't that bad, then I will relapse.

EndGameNYC

The whole endeavor is about letting go of the desperation that some require in order to get sober. Otherwise, what's the point?

Aellyce

Don't think I qualify for old timer but here is my thought. The very definition of addiction involves "compulsive engagement in the behavior despite adverse consequences". So, based on this, focusing on the bad things and keeping them fresh are unlikely to work reliably.

I think making new, constructive, healthy goals and envisioning positive outcomes of sobriety and making a plan for dealing with urges and challenges are a better way to go. For me in the early days it was often most helpful to focus on how to get through my cravings for alcohol, which should not be complicated. There are many great tips for dealing with urges and recovery plans on this forum.

Algorithm

Centered3, I realize that you are in AA, so the terminology is different, but your post struck me because the mechanics you describe are nevertheless similar.

I filter any thoughts that support the addiction, and attribute them to one entity. All the other, non-addiction-supporting thoughts belong to another entity.

You apparently use God/HP vs Ego/Mind, whereas I prefer to use It vs Me, or I vs IT. I have not run across many in AA who will describe this sorting process, but you are not the first, either.

Beyond stubbornly not drinking, I've always suspected there may not necessarily be "many ways" to abstain, as is often claimed. It is possible that there is a common thread.

MelindaFlowers

I used to not be able to go a day without alcohol to now 2.5 years without any alcohol.

What do I do? I check in here daily. Reading people's stories who are just starting to quit helps keep it fresh that good lord I do not want to ever have to quit again.

A warning from my doctor that I had to stop drinking or die. I was only 31 when this happened. (My health is great now).

I've always wondered what made somebody stop drinking on the exact day that they did. Mine was a hangover. It was the worst hangover I had ever had. I was so so so so so so sick of being hungover every day. If I close my eyes right now I can picture exactly what those hangovers felt like. That also keeps me sober.

Fly N Buy

Your thread prompted the thought in me of insidious insanity. One definition in our fellowship of insanity is when a sober alcoholic picks up that first drink. That graudual, awaiting a chance to entrap (insidious ) insanity returns.

10 11 12
It's all we have - a daily reprieve based on the maintainence of our spiritual condition.

Only a few lines in the big book have ever been changed since then first edition. One such change was the phrase about membership and omission of them word honest; .... ........Only requirement is an honest desire to quite drinking.

I think of this at times when walking into a meeting and talking to others in the program. Do I contiune to have an honest desire ??? That mirror sometimes is foggy..........

Ringo123

Very glad that you were able to try sobriety again. Not everyone gets to come back to AA; I've been to too many funerals of AAs that went out.

I bet it's a safe assumption that you haven't worked all the steps.
Those of us who many 24 hours have worked them many times.

Do you have a home group that you attend regularly and at which you have a commitment? That helps me stay connected.

Having and using a sponsor is key.

Going to meetings to listen to both the oldtimers and the newly sober folks helps me a lot to stay grateful.

I get bored easily. Over the years I have sought out new or different meetings to attend. I used to move a lot because of my occupation, I 'm settled now. To help with the perceived boredom of life, I change up my exercise routine and try to make new friends.

I've written a lot. Oops!
Good luck and God bless.

Db1105

I went to AA, got involved, and worked the 12 Steps to get rid of my desperation, and it has worked fine. It wasn't easy, but it worked and has been for 39 years.

Not matter how you do it, not drinking has to involve more than not drinking.

Centered3

Just wanted to add that the insanity is in that strange mental blank spot--in our thinking or lack thereof-right before picking up that first drink. ;-) ir

Centered3

Yes I see that too on SR. :-)

That is very cool. What recovery program do you use? AVRT? It sounds so similar.

Same concept, different wording! :-) The AA program I follow is an entity within AA with only ~100 programs in the US.

I'm going to remember what you wrote here in case I get a sponsee who is atheist. The program I follow teaches us how to see the "lies" our mind ("It") tells us. Now you got me curious about AVRT. :-)

If I'm not mistaken, Eckart Tolle teaches a similar technique--separating the "I" (authentic self) from "myself" (lies in the mind).

Stubbornly not drinking made me sicker.

I'm so happy there is a common thread because I dislike all the separation I see between those with different addictions and those with different recovery methods.

PS - Now that I think about it, about 20 years ago (before I joined 12-step) I remember reading online about recovering from anorexia and people would separate the "true self" thoughts from the "disease" thoughts. It's powerful.

NYCDoglvr

Good question. In 25 years of recovery I've had plenty of bleak moments, desperation as you call it. What I do is increase meetings, call my sponsor and ask newcomers if they need help. It always works, through a cancer diagnosis, the death of my dog, loss of a job and even the last election. Without the support of other addicts I wouldn't be sober or alive.

fini

Mel, you hanging in here? how are things with you?

Mklove

Mine was the Dr. warning to me, and the passing of a friend who didn't heed the warning, same day.

August252015

I believe in the maxim "we do not forget the past, nor shut the door on it."

HOWEVER. I focus on how brilliant my life is sober. It is real- it is full- it is just....everything better than anything I had when drinking.

I do not dwell in the past or have a pugilistic or punitive mind about what happened. When memories come up- and they do- I put them back in their compartment, after talking to my sponsor or (in recovery) boyfriend or such, and dealing with what they might connect to in the present. That is plenty of "heeding the past for me." Writing everything down or making reminders to pull out later- no way. That's what step 4 was for. This is just how it works for me- I find that focusing on hope, frequent prayer, thinking of others and what I can do for them (BB paraphrase) and working my program is where my energy is best spent. Sometimes the emotions and regret and pain have (and I am sure will) hit, and I have to feel them and get through them. They then belong in the past, mentally. Ongoing amends is my focus; ruing the day, so to speak, is counter-productive.

The simple thought of losing everything I have worked for and am blessed to have now is enough for me to keep in mind- as I work daily to stay in fit spiritual condition.